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Month: July 2018

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Book Launch!

My new book is out!

This novel sprung forth from the dark earth of my failure and despair. I gave my life to Christ at age twenty but only found a truly joy-filled life in Christ twenty years later. The difficulties that I faced in those two decades in between – the tireless grappling with my hedonistic tendencies, the vanity of religion, my failures in one marriage after another, the sin that beset me, the deep desire for fulfilment that remained unmet, the people that God used to shape my character and reveal my mission – all provided the resource material that inspired Authentic Joy.

However, that is not the subject of this book. The subject is God. It is a fictional tale that reveals the non-fictional character of an incomprehensibly wise, astoundingly merciful and absolutely sovereign God who transforms darkness and rancour into light and joy!

In my deepest destitution and despair, I found the joy that I was looking for in the presence of God Himself, or I should say, He brought me to the end of myself so that I could experience Him as He really is; my greatest treasure and highest joy! I wrote this novel simply to share with you the obstacles that kept me from this deeply satisfying intimacy with Christ and the nature of the Life that I found on the other side of those obstacles. My hope is that you too will see Him more clearly, treasure Him more deeply and experience authentic joy in Christ more fully than ever before!

Get your paperback copy now:

https://xulonpress.com/bookstore/bookdetail.php?PB_ISBN=9781545638477&HC_ISBN=

https://www.amazon.com/Authentic-Joy-Matik-Nicholls/dp/1545638470/

Kindle version coming next month!

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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Live counterintuitive!

 

Confession: I am a bit of a rebel. Just a bit (grin). What’s my cause? I’m against the status quo; the norm; the standard; the rule; the cookie cutter life. My objective is to shake up and break up the paradigm that ‘things must be done only this way’ or ‘certain kinds of people must look a certain way or dress a certain way’. When preachers started wearing jeans and t-shirts, I rejoiced. When anointed and passionate worship leaders started appearing covered in tattoos, I was ecstatic. When a government minister abandoned his jacket and tie in parliament for a Nehru-styled shirt, I celebrated emancipation from our colonial masters.

There is something deceptively malevolent about a culture that seeks to define your identity and limit your contribution based on external appearances.

I recently re-discovered a poem from J.R.R. Tolkien. The first two lines:

“All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;”

I love those two lines! It speaks to the folly of inferring intrinsic value and motives based solely on external attributes and behavior. Why is the jacket and tie business attire and preaching attire (especially in a hot Caribbean island)? Does wearing a tie make you smarter… or holier? One of my favourite business travel habits is wearing jeans, a sweater and a beanie when I fly business class. It’s my little way of saying, “The suit does not make the man.”

I believe that variety is a necessity for life. We are in fact depriving ourselves when we force others to fit into our societal molds. Our lives are made better, richer when we are able to experience a wide variety of viewpoints and expressions of life. That’s why I am one of those parents who let my children wear almost anything they want. I’ve been to the mall with a cow, a fairy (complete with wings), a ballerina and a power ranger at various points in my life and I had almost as much fun as the children did.

Sometimes the path of progress is counterintuitive. The gawky college dropout sometimes becomes the industry titan. The drug dealer with the gold teeth could be the one to save your life in a dark alley one night. The tattooed school teacher with the unorthodox teaching style might be the one to bring out the potential in your child that no one else saw. The carpenter who hangs out with prostitutes and drinks wine everyday could be the Son of God.

Look for gold in unlikely people and go where others don’t dare to tread!

Joyfully,

Copyright Matik Nicholls, 2018. All rights reserved.

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The Fire Series: Christianity – The ‘Both And’ Religion

So many squabbles and schisms in the church occur because we think that Christianity is an ‘either or’ religion when, in fact, it’s more of an ‘both and’ religion. If you have read the bible to any significant degree, there are inescapable tensions between seemingly contradictory concepts. I have seen people deal with these paradoxical concepts in two ways:

  1. You ignore the concepts that you don’t like or that doesn’t mesh with your existing inclinations and mentalities and hold on to the ones that do. This is the ‘either or’ way.
  2. You embrace the paradox and strive to practice both realities in your Christian walk. This is the ‘both and’ way.

Richard Rohr talks a lot about this. He calls it duality thinking versus contemplative thinking. Our Western minds, according to Rohr, are wired in binary. Something is either A or B; it can’t be both. This thinking limits our ability to express the fullness of kingdom realities. An example of this is law versus grace.

In some quarters of the church, legalism (an emphasis on keeping the commandments of God) is what is preached. Antagonists of the law camp may point out that that is Old Testament thinking while we are now in the New Covenant of grace. To which they would rightly respond that Jesus said that not one iota will pass from the law until all is fulfilled and whoever relaxes one of the least of the commandments and teaches others to do so will be called least in the kingdom and whoever does and teaches them will be called great (Mat 5:17-19). Not to mention Jesus also said those who love Him, obey His commands (John 14:15).

The grace camp emphasizes the sovereign grace of God that wiped out the requirement of the law through the sacrifice of Christ. Where sin increased, grace abounded all the more. So no longer are we focused on obeying a set of rules but receiving the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness through Jesus Christ (Ro 5:15-21).

So, which is it? Do we focus on obeying the law or receiving the gift? The answer is both! In Ro 6 Paul addresses the issue… He says, “What then? Are we to sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means!” The ‘both and’ Christian knows that his righteousness is not through obedience but through Christ alone, but the fruit of the free gift of abundant grace is a delight in obedience to Christ!

Another example is free will versus determinism, but I’m not even going to try to get into that one within the limited confines of this blog. I will leave you to ponder that one on your own (check Romans 9).

Suffice to say that God is not as clear cut and logical as we might like. He is after all the Lion and the Lamb who saved us, yet we are still working out our salvation, both by faith and by works. (You catch my drift?) Let’s not try to put His ways into neat little boxes but instead transform our mind and by the Spirit search out the mysteries of His glorious kingdom!

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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When Children Are Our Idols

 

I think that we can love our children too much. Well, actually that’s not true; we can never love too much but we can have a counterfeit love for our children that is more akin to worship. Our whole life is for them. We say things like, “Mommy will do anything for you baby.” Will we really? I hope not. “You are my sun, my heart, the centre of my world.” I really wonder if we understand the ramifications of statements like that? It sounds great; like something a dedicated, loving parent would say but is it really?

According to a Time article by Jennifer Moses, “The problem with all this, aside from how silly it is, is that children who are the center of their parents’ lives become brats. Children whose parents put their kids’ entertainment, social lives, futures, and schedules ahead of their own well-being soon learn that there is only one important person in the room, and that person is the person whose short life has already been captured on endless video clips. This is not good. This is not good at all. Not for the kid. Not for the grownup. Not for the family dog.”

Children who are worshipped, grow up believing they are gods and believe that everyone will bend to their will as their parents have for their entire short lives. These ‘helicopter parents’ swoop in to clean up every mess and comfort every discomfort, robbing their charges of the necessary coping skills and character development that can only come from unmet expectations, disappointments, failures and the sometimes unfair hard-knocks of life. These poor children often suffer from depression and maladjustment as they encounter the real world outside their little personal kingdom.

Many of these parents may actually have co-dependent relationships with their kids; dependent on them for affirmation and love. According to Psychology Today, here are 5 signs that you are in a co-dependent relationship (To look at this from a parental point of view I substituted ‘partner’ with ‘child’):

  1. Does your sense of purpose involve making extreme sacrifices to satisfy your child’s needs?
  2. Is it difficult to say no when your child makes demands on your time and energy?
  3. Do you cover your child’s problems with drugs, alcohol, or the law?
  4. Do you constantly worry about their opinion of you?
  5. Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?

I find this list a bit scary because it is so close to our accepted paradigm of good parenting today. The thing about co-dependency is that (i) it prevents you from taking actions in the best interest of the child, and (ii) it is often a behaviour that the child repeats in his/her relationships. It is a very unhealthy behaviour that is not easily changed.

However, there is hope. The first step is awareness. Here are some habits that will keep us from co-dependent tendencies:

  1. Set clear boundaries on our time. For example, Sunday is my rest/fun day. I will not be taking you to any regular activity on a Sunday.
  2. Set clear boundaries on what we will and will not do for our children. I will not do your school project for you. I may guide and assist but you are responsible for it, not me. I will not write an excuse for you for not completing your homework unless there was a serious emergency that prevented you from completing your assignment.
  3. Intentionally give them more and more responsibility and autonomy as they get older. For example, as my daughter graduates to secondary school she will be ironing her own school uniform from now on. She is also allowed to be on social media now.
  4. Intentionally nurture interests and hobbies other than our children. For example, no matter how much my children may believe that I am not entitled to go out or play football or take trips (or do anything really) without them, I go anyway.

Our children deserve every opportunity to grow and mature into strong, balanced and healthy adults. Let’s not fail them by loving them to pieces but instead let’s love them to wholeness.

Joyfully.

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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The Fire Series: Culture and Conviction

Christians don’t dance. Christians don’t drink alcohol. Christians don’t curse. Christians don’t get tattoos. Christians don’t wear short skirts. Christians go to church. Christians read the bible. Christians pray. Christians pay tithes. Christianity has a culture. It has evolved over the years. It’s ok to dance now (but only to Christian music of course lol).

In 1980 an American management professor Edgar Schein developed a model for organizational culture. It looked like this:

Using this model, all the examples of what Christians do and don’t do, that I listed above, fall squarely into the category; Artefacts and Behaviour. These, and other things, are what people on the outside observe about us. Then there are the values that Christians espouse; values such as kindness, love, generosity and patience. Finally, at the deepest level are the basic assumptions of Christianity that I prefer to call our convictions. These are the underlying beliefs that are so fundamental that they are assumed. For example, a basic taken-for-granted belief of Christianity is that God is real.

I imagine that things were not always this way. Before Christ, there was no Christian religion (obviously) or ‘Christian culture’. The early church must have spent a lot of time preaching about basic beliefs and values and new believers were converted when they were convicted of the reality of the truths that the apostles and disciples of Christ were preaching. Their behavior flowed from deeply held convictions. Unfortunately, I see a different dynamic at play in the church today.

Today, I see thousands of people who have adopted some of the behavior, maybe a few values but rarely the convictions of Christianity. To illustrate my point let me give some hypothetical examples. Let’s define three Christians:

  • Person A only knows the most visible part of the Christian culture; the behaviour.
  • Person B knows the behaviour and the values.
  • Person C knows the behavior, values and convictions.

So, suppose all three persons lose their jobs and are struggling to gain employment. Here is a hypothetical reaction of each person:

  • Person A falls into a depression. He cannot understand how come this happened to him when he attends church regularly, says the ‘Our Father’ daily and pays his tithes faithfully. Soon he leaves the faith.
  • Person B struggles with depression as well but maintains a brave facade. When asked about her situation she says, “I’m too blessed to be stressed!” She fasts and sticks up scriptures about God providing for her on her mirror. She asks her pastor to pray for her but struggles to understand why this is happening to her.
  • Person C is not worried. She knows that God is faithful. She prays, and God tells her that she needs to forgive her old boss and open the business she has always been dreaming about.

Rare are the person Cs in this world. The sad reality is that many who have grown up in church have no deep convictions of anything; they have just mirrored the behaviours and adopted the catch phrases that they saw/heard around them. We have become adept at emphasizing what Christians should and shouldn’t do. There have been whole sermons dedicated to how women should dress for church. (Can you see my eyes rolling?) Most of us know what we should believe and are oh so quick to tell others what they should believe too. But too few of us actually believe and live the reality that God exists, loves all men unconditionally and wants to be in intimate relationship with us. We are working at the shallowest levels, failing miserably to reach the depths of conviction that can truly transform the church and the world.

We are wasting our time with whether abortion is legal or illegal, whether gay marriage is legal or illegal, why divorced sister so-and-so is receiving communion or leading worship, forcing our disinterested children to attend church and the list goes on. These are all symptoms of a much deeper problem but 90% of our effort is aimed at the symptoms. We are living the delusion that behavior modification is what Christianity is about. Christianity is about a real relationship with the living Christ!  Nothing less will do!

We need to get back to the core of our faith; the deep convictions of our faith. Let’s talk about those! Let’s live those and turn the hearts of men back to God. Then and only then will we see a cultural shift that will overtake the planet and shake the universe!

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.