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Make Room For Intimacy

I recently read this verse from the NLT translation of the bible and it resonated deep in my soul:

I want you to know me more than I want burnt offerings. (Hosea 6:6b emphasis mine)

God’s heart cry is to be known by us. Stop and let that verse sink in for a while. Seriously. Take a minute.

God wants intimacy more than service. Put another way, He wants sons and daughters, not slaves. Consider all the way back to the newborn creation when God walked and talked with man in the cool of the garden. God’s original intent, distinct from His intent toward all other created beings, was to walk in fellowship with man. Often, we are busy busy busy doing things for God instead of being with God. God does not just want our prayers, our fasting, our tithes, our church attendance, or our bible reading. He wants our fellowship. He wants us to seek a real heart-to-heart relationship with Him. Getting to know the Eternal One is the most necessary and serious endeavour of our Christian life.

The unfortunate reality is that our culture is more rational than relational. Consider the first 20 years of your life. What was the emphasis of all those years of preparation for adulthood? In our early years, we were taught how to talk, walk, read and write. Then we went on to more difficult things such as Algebra, Geography, football, playing the guitar, and driving a car. Then we graduated to real challenging subjects such as plumbing, performing surgery, or doing a theatrical performance. But how much did we learn about listening, processing our emotions, vulnerability, empathy, or handling conflict well? Not nearly as much.

This academic, task-oriented, performance-driven culture has fully saturated our religious lives as well. We measure our Christianity by things like bible knowledge, church attendance, ministry engagements, missionary work, and doctrinal understanding. How far have we drifted from “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:35). Or what about, “The most important commandment is this: ‘Listen, O Israel! The Lord our God is the one and only Lord. And you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength.’ The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” (Mark 12:29-31). The central issue of being like Christ is relational – loving God and others like Christ did. And all relationships begin with the desire to know and be known by the other.

I do not think we are even aware of how plutonic our relationship with our Heavenly Father has become. Consider how universally the bible has come to be considered the Word of God. It used to be (in biblical days) that the Word of God included a personal encounter with the Divine. There was no separation of God’s voice from His Presence. The Speaker was inseparable from His words. When the Word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision, God personally spoke to him and said, “Fear not, Abram, I am your shield; your reward shall be very great.”. When Balaam announced what the Lord had spoken to him, he said, “This is the message of Balaam son of Beor, the message of the man whose eyes see clearly, the message of one who hears the words of God, who has knowledge from the Most High, who sees a vision from the Almighty, who bows down with eyes wide open”. Can you hear the echoes of someone who has been in the presence of the Voice of Many Waters?! In New Testament times the people gathered around Jesus to hear the living Word of God speak to them!

Nowadays, we casually read from the bible and believe it is synonymous with hearing God’s voice. This is a deception. Without a doubt, He can speak to us as we read, but hear me well, it is not the act of reading that brings connection with the divine. No no no. Many souls have read the good book (and some have memorized it as did the Pharisees) without any interaction with God whatsoever. I myself have come away from the book at times remaining empty of the Bread of Life. Hearing from God is a far more relational endeavour in the same way as reading someone’s biography is very different from spending time with them. Hearing from God requires a pure heart and an undistracted mind turned with burning desire and rapt attention toward the only One who has the words of eternal life. “Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life.” (John 6:68)

The Holy Spirit lives in us. The whispers of God echo in our hearts if we hearken to His quiet voice. I implore you. Take a step back from doctrinal debates and endless studies and make room in your hectic schedule of good deeds to seek God. Intimacy is nurtured in SLOW time. Awake before the dawn and set your affections toward God in hushed silence. Take long slow walks in nature and soak in the wonder and the beauty of His handiwork. Linger in heart-to-heart journaled conversations with your Eternal Lover. Instead of approaching the bible like a manual for life to be studied, approach it like a love letter that fills us with an inexorable desire to turn from the pages toward the Author of such amazing love. Instead of approaching times of prayer with a list of petitions, approach it with a curiosity to discover what Your Heavenly Father might want to speak to you today.

In this season of advent let us make room in the inn of our lives for the Saviour. Let us make room for intimacy.

Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

If you haven’t yet, check out our FREE Spiritual Growth Foundation Course in which we cover the four foundational principles for spiritual growth and much more! In addition to on-demand videos which you can watch at your leisure, there are downloadable handouts for those who prefer written content.

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An Emotional Christian?

God has been speaking to my wife, Tricia, and me for months now about our emotional wholeness. The picture that I had in my head of a mature Christian is a stoic guy, resolutely following God and not being swayed or distracted by his emotions.  Moreover, he always has his ‘negative’ emotions under control. He never shows anger. He is never fearful, and he’s definitely never depressed. But I’ve been asking myself, “Is this picture an accurate one?”

To begin with, the bible captures God displaying a variety of emotions. Here’s a small sample:

Genesis 6:6 (ESV)

And the Lord regretted that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him to his heart.

Zephaniah 3:17 (ESV)

The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

Matthew 14:14 (ESV)

When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick.

John 11:35 (ESV)

Jesus wept.

Hmmm God seems so… emotional. Doesn’t that reconfigure your framework for how we, human beings created in His image, are supposed to function? God created our emotions. In fact, on the sixth day, God looked at all that He had made (including mankind, fresh from the dirt, with emotions and all) and said that it was very good!

As I mentioned, Tricia and I seem to be in an emotional masterclass at the moment. My knowledge gap is huge, but I’ve been learning.  After attending emotional intelligence training and a LOT of reading, I thought I would share some of what we’ve learned.

First of all, emotions serve a purpose. Emotions are messages. We can choose to process the messages and act on the information, or we can choose to ignore them at our own peril. It’s analogous to sensory information that goes from our senses to our brain. If we push a pin into our skin, our brain gets a pain message that tells us that if we continue pushing that pin, we will be injured. If we are touched affectionately, our brain gets a pleasure message that tells us that this is good for us. Similarly, fear, for example, protects us from danger even before it gets close enough to harm us. If we ignored our fear emotion, we would soon be dead. The interesting thing is that emotions make no distinction between physical dangers/pleasures and things that threaten or benefit our soul. The pain of loneliness can be as strong as a physical pain. It is a warning that we are too isolated from others and damaging our soul. While the joy of seeing a friend encourages us to socialize and connect with others which increases the well-being of our soul.

Secondly, every emotion is an opportunity for self-discovery or connection (or both). The message contains information about what really matters to us. The messages tell us about our heart and processing those messages with God and those close to us creates intimacy because sharing our heart is one of the most relationship-building things we can do. Here’s an example: Tasha comes home after a really stressful day at work. She is looking forward to spending time with her husband, Rico. However, she gets home to a note that says that Rico has gone golfing. She is disappointed. When Rico does get home, he notices that Tasha is a bit cold and begins to get angry assuming that Tasha is angry because he went golfing. This is the moment of opportunity. Any married couple knows that this could easily lead to a bitter argument and disconnection if both Rico and Tasha ignore ‘the signals’ that their emotions are sending them. Let’s assume they get it right: Rico processes his anger and realizes that he is jumping to conclusions and asks Tasha if anything is wrong. Tasha processes her disappointment and tells Rico how much she needed his love and comfort and her disappointment on realizing that he was not home in such an impersonal way. Rico responds by moving closer to her and empathizing with her pain. He apologizes for not calling instead of leaving a note and suggests a movie in bed. The couple ends the night with their relationship significantly strengthened because Tasha allowed Rico to see how much he means to her and Rico reciprocated his value for her by being tender with her vulnerability and prioritizing her needs. (If only I was as emotionally intelligent as Rico!)

Emotions have gotten a bad rep in the modern Christian life. We are so concerned about not being controlled by our emotions that we have completely ignored a necessary aspect of what it means to be a healthy and Godly human. While it is true that emotions should not control us, we are not meant to be left-brained, rational machines. By sheer neglect of our souls, we have become half-hearted creatures trying to love God and people with our minds and a seriously malnourished heart. Not to mention we foolishly think we can love through an act of our will only.

Consider our fictitious couple again. Suppose Rico did everything the same except his face never reflected the pain that Tasha felt. His eyes were cold and his suggestion to watch a movie seemed to be made begrudgingly. He did and said all the right things, but his emotions were not in it. Do you think that would affect the outcome? You bet it would! Love is both will AND emotion. Our love of God and others cannot be decision and duty only. It must also be fully experienced and deeply felt. We have been trying to build relationships with God, marriages, families, and communities of love based on a rational approach that neglects the emotional attributes of our beings. It has not been working.

By neglecting my emotional signals, I have been neglecting my heart. I am dysfunctional (but not uncommon). I am not loving God with my whole heart, my whole mind, and my whole soul and neither am I loving others as God loves me. God pursues me with a jealous love! His love for me is ferocious! Mine is not nearly as hot. I have learned a pattern of behaviour that is not according to design. I have learned to suppress my ‘negative’ emotions and to avoid the vulnerability of intimacy. I have learned to neglect my heart. The process of unlearning is slow and difficult, but Tricia and I are committed to it because we were made to live wholeheartedly! To live passionately! We all are!

Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

If you haven’t yet, check out our FREE Spiritual Growth Foundation Course in which we cover the four foundational principles for spiritual growth and much more! In addition to on-demand videos which you can watch at your leisure, there are downloadable handouts for those who prefer written content.

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Eternal Rest

In the lack,
The fear gnaws at the pit of my stomach.
Have I done enough?
Is tomorrow safe?

In the fragmentation,
The edges of my mind are frayed.
Glitch! Glitch! Glitch!
The maddening itch,
That I can never quite scratch.

In the shallows,
The water churns.
The currents tug and pull. Exhausting!
A thousand vanities of frothy frenzy.

But,
In the silence of the deep,
Eternity rests unchallenged.
She sits; all-knowing Observer.

In the center of my soul,
She dwells; the Spirit of Peace.
Smiling the smile of complete knowing.
The planetary weight of stillness.
Fixed. Immovable. Quietly defiant.

In the stillness,
Silently flows the Eternal Spring.
That infinite supply,
That will never run dry.

No hurry,
No worry,
No need,
No lack.
Come all who labour.
Come all who are burdened.
I will give you rest.

Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

If you haven’t yet, check out our FREE Spiritual Growth Foundation Course in which we cover the four foundational principles for spiritual growth and much more! In addition to on-demand videos which you can watch at your leisure, there are downloadable handouts for those who prefer written content.

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ZOOM EVENT: Spiritual Formation 101

If you are longing for deeper intimacy, greater clarity and more fruitfulness in your walk with God then sign up for Spiritual Formation 101. We take a journey of discovery together for 8 weeks starting October 18th.

We will explore topics such as:

  • What is spiritual maturity?
  • The 3 phases of spiritual maturity.
  • Examining the Christ model of maturity.
  • Principles for spiritual growth.
  • Processes for spiritual growth.
  • Habits for spiritual growth.
  • Barriers and enablers for spiritual growth.

Sessions will be interactive, experiential and Spirit-led.

Click here to register: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1E4P3w2ba4sqomgaTUIuHomcFYt59zNvupYCVOw-H5as/edit?usp=sharing

Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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How To Achieve Spiritual Growth Part 1

My parents brought me up without religion. Their thinking was that we would choose our own religion when my sister and I grew up. We didn’t go to church. We didn’t say any prayers. When I was 17, many of my Roman Catholic friends began attending Confirmation classes. So, following the crowd, I started attending Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults (RCIA) classes in order to convert to Catholicism. It was in these classes that Jesus first attracted me. The fire was ignited but my life did not change much. I carried on like many teenagers of my time. I was a diligent student and an avid party-goer. But my soul longed for more. I began searching for more.

My search eventually led me to a non-denominational Pentecostal-type church where I made a commitment to serve Jesus more fully. I became a born-again Christian at age 21. My life changed dramatically as I conformed to the values and performance culture of my new tribe. I read the bible from cover to cover. I stopped partying, stopped listening to secular music and initiated a demanding schedule of church activities. Things progressed as expected. I got married. We had a son. I progressed in my career. I taught Sunday School. I looked successful on the outside but on the inside, my soul was screaming, “Is this all there was to life?” And then there was the issue of a growing dichotomy between my external religiosity and my internal depravity. Then one day the water surged over the dam of my artificial life, and I pressed the eject button. I turned my back on church and religion and plowed headlong into hedonism.

Many years later, after the sweetness of sin had long turned sour, I cried out to God for help. He answered with a loving community of believers who loved me in my mess (and what a mess it was). I began the long road to recovery.  By this time, I had wreaked much havoc and there were many repairs and reparations to be made. But, slowly my life became better as Jesus changed me from the inside out.

A critical moment came one morning as I stood praying in my living room. Suddenly, I felt the tangible love of God surround me. I felt wave after wave of unbelievable mercy, life-giving forgiveness and unconditional love, wash over my body and cleanse my soul completely. I stood there weeping. I do not know how long it lasted but that morning changed my life forever. The transformation that took place and is still taking place since that day is real and exponential. As I encountered Jesus daily, I began to experience all the fruits of the Spirit like never before. Authentic joy is found in the face of Jesus Christ my friends!

The point of my story is to illustrate two foundational principles for spiritual growth:

  1. Only Jesus transforms. Not religion. Only a real face to face relationship with Jesus. Sure, anyone can change their behaviour and manage their sin but only Jesus can change our desires – change us from the inside out. John 15:4-6 (ESV) says:  “4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. 5 I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” It is the abiding connection with Jesus that transforms us.
  2. We change more through relationships than through information. We have been fooled into a left-brained approach to spiritual formation. We have been told that if we study our bibles and attend to our church sermons we will grow. These are helpful, but what really transforms us is loving relationships and strong bonds with people and with God. Paul said in 1 Corinthians 11:1 (ESV) “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.”

Do you know how old I was when I had that encounter with Jesus? Thirty-nine! I spent a heck of a lot of time and energy trying to achieve spiritual growth through methods that just cannot deliver. In this series on spiritual growth, I’m going to share everything that I’ve learned over the years so you don’t have to go down any of the dead-ends that I did. Stay tuned!

Joyfully,

Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

If you haven’t yet, check out our FREE Spiritual Growth Foundation Course in which we cover the four foundational principles for spiritual growth and much more! In addition to on-demand videos which you can watch at your leisure, there are downloadable handouts for those who prefer written content.

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Finally, It’s Here! Authentic Joy Online Courses!

Have you ever asked yourself any of these questions:

How do I achieve spiritual growth?

How do I measure spiritual growth?

How do I maintain spiritual growth?

How do I increase spiritual growth?

How do I become spiritually mature?

How do I know if I am spiritually mature?

How do I grow in spiritual maturity?

Well, we have been working feverishly behind the scenes to provide these answers to you in the most affordable and succinct way possible.

Over the past few months, we have spent some time clarifying our mission and improving our value-offering to you.

What’s our mission you ask?

To promote, accelerate and support your spiritual growth.

This is what gets us out of bed in the morning! Sooooo, I am super excited to launch a new Authentic Joy offering – online courses to support your spiritual growth!

We have two tiers of courses available at the moment:

I really hope these courses are a catalyst for your growth in Christ. I have put what I’ve learned from my life successes and my life failures into these online resources. I pray that it blesses you.

Joyfully,

Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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ANNOUNCING Transformation + Coaching Institute

Announcing the launch of Transformation + Coaching Institute (pronounced Transformation Plus)!

My amazing wife, Tricia Celestin-Nicholls, is now a professional coach y’all! Tricia has been coaching people for eighteen years now, but I have watched her grow to a whole new level as she refined her craft over the last four years while pursuing certification.

While Tricia has a lot of experience and is well equipped with the tools and techniques of her profession, what I personally think is the best thing about what she offers is that she coaches in partnership with Jesus. The Holy Spirit is the ultimate Helper and that’s what coaching is all about – helping you on your journey of spiritual growth!

Behind the scenes, Authentic Joy has been undergoing an overhaul. God has been refining us and focusing us on bringing greater value to our online community. First, we added Bible Study Plans to our offering. Today, we are launching our coaching offering. Next, we will be rolling out a series of online courses. All of this is in line with our core purpose – to support the spiritual growth of our community. We are believing God for exponential growth in your life!

So, check out the Transformation + Coaching Institute or contact Tricia at celestintricia@gmail.com to book a FREE 30-minute exploratory session!

Stay tuned for more resources in the weeks to come!

Joyfully,

Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls.
All rights reserved.

To receive more content like this in your inbox please subscribe to www.authenticjoy.org.

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Father’s Day Musings

Father’s Day has been a bit surreal for me this year. I do not normally pay any heed to Father’s Day. I don’t expect much. But God has been focusing my attention very keenly on my family of late and so I found myself really thinking about my fatherhood and my father a lot today.

I have been realizing how much I need to do with my children to help them to heal from wounds that I have caused. This is the first time that all my children are living with me. They have all experienced at some point in their childhood what it is like to live without their father being in the same house with them. Although in my heart and mind I have never abandoned them (and in fact have always been very present emotionally, financially, and as much as possible physically) I am realizing that their experience is quite different. I am realizing how much just being there for a child every day makes a huge difference. A difference that is difficult to make up with weekend visits.

I am also realizing that they have all been told stories about me abandoning them by their mothers. (If you are a single mom or a single dad, I’m begging you for your children’s sake, don’t tell them that their father/mother left them because they didn’t want them or didn’t love them. The only person you are hurting with that narrative is your child.) Anyway, what’s done is done. My job is to change the narrative. Every day is a new opportunity to change the ending of the story for my family. With God’s guidance and amazing grace, that’s what I’m doing.

As I pondered all of this today, I realized afresh how much my dad did for my sister and I by just staying. My parents were not married when my sister and I were born and neither of us were planned. But, he stayed. We called him Baba and for the first five years of our lives, he was the one at home while mom worked. I cannot remember a single night when either of them went out. They were home every night. They both sacrificed a lot for us to have a home.

I learned a lot from Baba but not from what he said (he is not a talker) but from just being around him. I learned to be myself no matter what and I learned how to navigate the world. I remember when one of my friends got boxing gloves as a present. Every boxing ‘game’ would end up with me beat up and crying. Baba said, “When he’s swinging wide you just punch straight”. I tried it out next time and all it took was one punch to end that game once and for all. I also remember the first time I was allowed to go to cinema by myself. Palladium was walking distance from my house, so off I went to the midday show with Baba’s advice in my head. “Always be alert. Know what is happening in your surroundings.” It was an adventure! Exciting and a bit scary at the same time. As I reached back home, I saw Baba coming up behind me… He had been with me the whole way home but out of sight, making sure I was safe.

Thank you Baba, for always being there for me. (Even up to last week fixing my kitchen sink 😊).

My wife has been a beautiful instrument in God’s hands to help me to learn to receive love. She is the one who insisted that I must be made a big deal of today. She doted over me and got me a wonderful present that I was not expecting. This year I decided to allow myself to be celebrated. It felt good. Thanks hun! Love you!

But what really made today extra special was my daughter. The joy she gave me today is indescribable. First of all, she made macaroons from scratch for me. Then she sent me a Father’s Day video that perfectly captured our relationship. I’ve watched it at least 5 times already and teared up every time. Aaaand she is working on some surprise present that she has not finished yet. But most of all, she just came looking for me throughout the day to spend time with me. I can’t believe that she did so much to show me that she loves me (sniff, sniff).  

It’s been a good day. I’m thankful. I’m thinking that I might just extend Father’s Day into Monday 😊.

Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls.
All rights reserved.

To receive more content like this in your inbox please subscribe to www.authenticjoy.org.

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How We Treat The Next Generation Determines Our Future

On one occasion Jesus was teaching the people and they kept bringing their children for Him to touch them. The disciples, however, did not think that blessing children was an appropriate use of Jesus’ time. They rebuked them for bothering their Master with such trivial matters. Jesus was indignant. “Do not hinder the children from coming to Me!” he said.

There are two value systems at work here… One says that children are of lesser importance and value than adults. The other says that children are of equal value and importance. Clearly, Jesus is in the latter camp. However, I wonder how seriously we Christians take the call to emulate Jesus in this regard. We much prefer the commandment that children should obey their parents and the proverb, ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’. We love to instill the value of obedience in our children but we’re not so keen on instilling in ourselves the value of treating our children as equally valuable contributors to our families and society.

This emphasis on obedience over value is so widespread that it’s easily missed. For example, do we consult with our children on family decisions that will affect them? Do schools consult with the students when making major changes? Instead, the message is: we adults make the rules and you must follow (without complaint or rudeness of course). This type of thinking is even more pervasive in countries like mine which value compliance over individual expression and empowerment.

Much to the dismay of my wider family and society, I have tried to give my children more of a voice in our family than in most Christian homes. Whereas a ‘good child’ in most Christian homes is one who is courteous and obedient, I have tolerated above-normal levels of push-back in favour of cultivating independent thought, negotiating skills, individual expression and initiative. I also apologize to my children when I lose my temper or do something to hurt them. This is very counter-cultural in traditional Caribbean homes where a wrong look from a child could earn them a beating. I have been told, “Why are you apologizing to a child?!” or “You are the adult and they are the child! You are spoiling them!”.

Admittedly, this is an experiment. Only time will tell if my method has any merit. However, I am 100% committed to living the values that I see in Jesus as best I can. Children were not second-class citizens to Him. I also have to admit that my experiment requires more effort and I’m constantly trying to strike the right balance. There are many times that I wish they would just please please comply without a fuss… (I do have a few years more experience in life than they do after all… sigh, exhale). Recently, my youngest has really been testing me with regards to his online gaming habits and after numerous attempts at a more collaborative approach, I’ve had to make some ‘my way or the highway’ decisions. Sometimes you do have to protect them from themselves.

In general, however, I think we have a value system that gives preference to the needs and desires of adults over children. The adults want it quiet; the children cannot play loudly. The adults want a clean house; the children can’t make mess. The adults don’t think that career will make money; the children must choose different subjects. The child then becomes a compliant automaton, rebels or waits patiently for the day of liberation when he or she has the power to make their own rules. Thus, perpetuating the cycle of using our power to get our way rather than using our power to empower others. And this is the crux of the matter – our attitude to power. Are we willing to give our power away to our children (or to our congregation or to our staff for that matter) or will we covet power to shower ourselves with perks and rewards? Which is the way of Christ?

At the end of the day, I see my job as supporting, nurturing and guiding my children into their own relationship with Jesus and mature adulthood. In neither their faith nor their life, do I want them to come into maturity by passively living through my relationship with God or following my dictates. I want them to find their own relationship and their own way. I’m here to support, coach, encourage, equip and empower.

I am convinced that in Trinidad and Tobago our parenting, schooling, church culture and workplace culture are set up to perpetuate a power-coveting worker mentality; people skilled at towing the line, not thinking for themselves, and seeking power through political maneuvering.  We have mass-produced these non-thinking suck-ups and the result is a generational inheritance of people who vote based on their race, expect the government to look after their tribe when they get into power, and exhibit no entrepreneurial spirit. I refuse to let that be the legacy of my family. I refuse to have that power sickness live in my heart. Our children may be a little more rambunctious, but I like rambunctious 😊.

Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls.
All rights reserved.

To receive more content like this in your inbox and to receive a free e-copy of my book, The Primacy of The Voice of God – Elevating the Word of God to Its Rightful Position, please subscribe to www.authenticjoy.org.

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Kingdom Perspectives on Gender Equality

It’s been a while. I’ve been in a bit of hibernation. God has been reshaping my focus. New things are in the pipeline. Meanwhile, I was inspired to do a vlog on gender equality.

Check it out:

Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls.

All rights reserved.