fbpx

Blog

Posted on

In Memory of Sonji

Last month my ex-wife, Sonji Delicia Nicholls (nee Daniel), passed away. It was the end of a five-year battle with cancer. Today’s blog is my small way of honouring her life but first a bit of back-story…

Sonji’s death and a couple other issues in my life have had me immobilized for a few weeks now. I struggled to write anything. I felt overwhelmed and when I get emotionally overwhelmed, I shut down. I retreated into my cave. In any case, what would I write about? I did not have any inspiration about anything, and I did not have the strength to tackle the landmine of sensitivities surrounding writing about one’s ex-wife (or any of the other issues for that matter). I mean, what would I say? How would our son, Isaac, feel about it? How would her family feel about it? How would my wife feel about it?

As I slowly emerged from my emotional coma, I felt a growing desire to write down my thoughts. It’s my therapy. But first I had to talk it over with my life partner. After a few decades of sharing the planet with the female gender, I’ve finally gained enough emotional intelligence to know that after being emotionally unavailable to my current wife for weeks it’s not a good idea for her to read a blog about my ex-wife without any prior discussion. 😊

Why is it so much easier to write about how I feel and post for the world to see than to look the person closest to me in the eye and talk about it? Because I care so much more about what she thinks than anyone else. That’s how vulnerability works. That’s one of the reasons why being a truly Godly husband is far more difficult and laudable than being a great Christian leader. But I digress…

Sonji and I have been divorced for over 15 years and over those years there is one thing that has united us – our mutual desire for the best for our son, Isaac. As to what constituted the best for him, on some things we agreed, and others were a source of continuous conflict. One of the latter was my desire for Isaac to come to live with me during his teenage years. Well, my desire has finally been fulfilled but it’s so bittersweet. For Isaac to lose his mother at eighteen is something no right-thinking father would wish for his son.

That brings me to Saul and David. They had their disagreements too (to put it mildly) and one could easily argue that Saul’s death made David’s life so much easier… but David did not see it that way and I understand how he felt so much better now. David mourned the loss of Saul. So much so that he wrote a song of lament over him. He only remembered the best of him…. And this is how I remember Sonji… And I don’t just mean that I choose to. I mean that, now, literally, all that fills my thoughts are the good things that she embodied. When someone is gone the disagreements seem so insignificant compared with who they were to you.

I remember the girl that loved God passionately. Sonji’s passion for Jesus diverted the path of my life from aimless existence to purposeful pursuit. I will be forever thankful for her for pointing me towards God in a deeper way. I remember the early days when we were just friends, I would travel with her from work and walk her from her house to a prayer meeting in the neighbourhood. All the while she would chatter on and on about the bible and what God was doing in her life. I never had to carry the conversation, but it was just nice to bathe in the light of her passion for God.

I remember Sonji’s grandmother. Sonji loved her dearly and I believe she got her love for God as an inheritance from her granny. She could barely see, her back was severely bent and her feet were worn by years of walking but despite her physical appearance her spirit was not downtrodden in any way. She was a pillar in Sonji’s life. I am positive that right now she and Sonji are enjoying a very joyful heavenly reunion!

Sonji was the consummate mother. She was the product of two generations of matriarchal homes and I only understood later how that shaped her in ways that were not even conscious on her part. She was a matriarch long before Isaac was born. I remember the motherly role she played in her little brother’s life. She would worry about him constantly and always took care of him. Yes, the mother instinct in Sonji was strong. I remember her forcing Isaac to eat as a toddler. He was always a big boy and I would point out to her that he was in no way malnourished and that he would surely eat when he was ready. She was not deterred. She was going to make sure her son was well fed.  Even when Isaac was a hard-back teenager, she would still call me when he was with me to check whether I had given him breakfast. It was a running joke between us. She couldn’t help it. Everything she did was with Isaac in mind.

I remember her strength. She was not loud and did not like confusion or conflict but do not think for a second that that meant that she lacked strength of conviction. She made her way quietly but indomitably. This was evident in her illness. She was upbeat and smiling throughout every second of her fight with cancer. She didn’t even look ill. If you did not know that she was fighting for her life you couldn’t tell.

I firmly believe that Sonji is now her best self. Complete, whole, beholding Jesus with clear sight and no doubt ringside in the cloud of witnesses cheering us on (especially Isaac of course). I will do my best Sonji, to walk with Isaac on the next leg of his journey. You certainly did your best in bringing him to adulthood. I honour you.

Copyright 2020, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

Posted on

Intimacy with God

Intimacy. What does this word mean to you? Intimacy. What are the emotions that it evokes? Intimacy. It’s a word that should only be spoken tenderly, preferably whispered. Intimacy. It captures close relationship, mutual vulnerability and tangible love. Intimacy. It’s a word for lovers.

I just started a book, that a very good friend shared with me. The book is ‘Seen. Known. Loved.’ by Gary Chapman (author of The 5 Love Languages) & R. York Moore and this is the quote from the introduction that my friend hooked me with:

“Why then are so many religious people rude, harsh, and condemning of others? Where is Christian love? While just over 70 percent of the US population identifies as Christian, many of them are merely cultural Christians. They call themselves Christian because they grew up in a Christian culture. More importantly, many of them have not personally and deeply responded to the love of God. They are, in fact, still searching for love. As are so many of us, whatever our spiritual beliefs. And until our deep need for love is met, we are not likely to become lovers ourselves.”

I don’t know what the rest of the book holds but this quote has been reverberating and resonating with other strains of thought and longings of my heart in this season. It has been like another clue that God has given me on my journey with Him.

As I suppose is natural in life, I have been coming into contact with people with a wider and wider variety of Christian upbringings, who have been part of different Christian traditions and cultures. But what I have noticed is that there is one thing that, for me, makes the faith of some individuals overwhelmingly more attractive than others. I can define that thing as ‘intimacy with God’. There is something about a person whose Christianity is centered on a relationship with the person of God. There is something different about a man or woman who is passionately in love with Jesus.

One would think that a personal relationship with Jesus is a no-brainer, par for the course for all Christians, but… (re-read the quote above). Many are still searching for God. You can hear it in the way they pray, their choice of words, what flows from the abundance of their heart. Many have fallen in love with the idea of God. Most have fallen in love with the idea of being biblically righteous. Some love being dominion enforcing heaven warriors. The list could go on and on, and none of these are bad things, but they are not THE thing.

The whole point of Jesus’ death was so that we could be intimate with God. This is what He died for! He rent the veil that separated us from His Presence! By the blood of Jesus, the Father threw our sins into the sea of forgetfulness that they would no longer separate us from His touch! Jesus left the earth so that He could send the loving Spirit to dwell in our very hearts. The entire death and resurrection of Jesus and the coming of the Holy Spirit was our God leaping across the mountains to draw His betrothed to Himself and shadow us under the wings of His loving embrace.

We are His beloved betrothed bride, but we are yet to taste of the final ecstasy of union in marriage with our Lover. Revelations 21:2-4 (ESV):

2 I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

God’s choice of words in Revelations is not by accident. He uses the picture of a bride and her husband very deliberately. It is the most intimate relationship that we can experience on this earth. Our King wants to share Himself with us and for us to share ourselves with Him. This is the center of the heart of God toward us. Every Word of God has this heart desire for intimacy with us at the very core. All creation whispers, “I know you. I love You. Come to ME.” Jesus’ final prayer on the earth was that we be one as He is one with the Father. He desired that the love fellowship of intimate and eternal communion that He shared with the Father be extended to envelop us. Wow!

This is why the answer to every single issue that we face is, ‘Draw closer to God’. Lost? Lonely? Purposeless? Draw closer to God. Problems in your marriage, in your church? Draw closer to God. Want to walk in greater anointing, gifting, supernatural power? Draw closer to God.

Intimacy with my God is my raison d’etre. This is the purpose of my existence. This is my why and my how. Many sincere souls have tried to sell me ‘accurate doctrine’ or ‘cutting edge truth’ or ‘biblical exactitude’ or ‘the kingdom prototype’ or ‘missions’ or ‘the apostolic’ or ‘house churches’ or any number of a million things as THE key and it has distracted me in years gone by… but not any more… Those years are but an insignificant distant vapour to me.

Some months ago, God said to me, “You have learned the part of the student, now understand what it means to be a worshipper.” With it He gave a clue – the woman who anointed Jesus with the alabaster jar of perfume. I am beginning to understand… worship is about intimacy. There is only ONE THING, one burning, indomitable pursuit – deeper and deeper intimacy with my Maker… now and forevermore. Amen.

Copyright 2020, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
Posted on

Dear Church Family

This moment in time in America is God-ordained. Not only is the ‘coming to a head’ of race relations God-ordained, but also the fact that it happened when the world is at home and paying attention is God-ordained. The fact that blacks and whites have taken to the streets regardless of the very real danger presented by Covid-19 tells us that for many this issue is so important that it is literally worth dying for…

I sit here in the island of Trinidad where brown people are the majority. While I share not only ancestry with African Americans but also a history stained by slavery, I cannot pretend to fully understand what it means to live in America. Yet… I feel the pain of my blood brothers. I cannot ignore it and I refuse to be silent about it.

I am a Christian. That means something to me. It means that I see myself especially connected to my brothers and sisters in Christ of all races. So, in the flesh I am connected with African Americans through our shared heritage and experience, AND at the same time, in the Spirit, I am one family with my sisters and brothers of faith in America. This means that I have loved ones on both sides of this divide. In the body, in the church, there is hate… there is division and worst of all there is silence… and it hurts. It is not only the pain that one part of the body feels when the other is wounded but also the add-insult-to-injury-pain that comes when one part of the body dismisses and devalues the pain of the other.

So, I have a few things to get off my chest today.

To my white church family:

DO NOT TURN AWAY. STOP AND LISTEN. As I said, this time is God-ordained. Today, there is an opportunity presented to you. Do not miss it. The parable of the good Samaritan was Jesus’ response to a question. The question was, “Who is my neighbour?” It was asked by a Jewish lawyer who wanted to argue himself out of the requirement to love your neighbour as yourself. I see the same attitude in my white church family today.

The history of the church and race relations in America is riddled with an attempt to define black people as some ‘thing’ other than our neighbour. First, they were sub-human. Then they were 3/5 human. Now they are criminals. That is one argument I hear in the church to deflect the commandment to love: “George Floyd was high.” “George Floyd was less than an upstanding citizen.” The other argument is that our outcry is rooted in a demonic or non-Christ agenda. “Have you seen the BLM agenda?” they say. So, we are either criminals or demonic. Neither worthy of compassion it seems.

Jesus gave no such qualifications to the definition of neighbour. In fact, the focus of the parable was not the worthiness of the wounded man to receive help (that was taken as fact). The focus was on who was ACTING like a neighbour to the wounded man. We too have to choose whether to keep walking like the priest and the Levite, or to stop and tend to the wounds of our black brothers and sisters like the Samaritan. Choose. Silence is not an option that Jesus gave. The church has been silent far too long. The reason Jesus scripted the Samaritan as the ‘hero’ in this parable was an indictment to the religious leaders. It was an indictment to the ones who should have taken care of their brother but didn’t. Let’s be different.

Listen, I get it. I have visited the USA on more than 10 occasions, and I have never felt victimized. Policemen have been helpful, and for the most part I have felt safe. For many years my personal experience caused me to be ambivalent to the cries of my black brothers and sisters. Over the years, I have had to have several conversations with my family and friends who either live in the USA or studied there, to truly understand their experience. It changed me. This is not about statistics. There is no answer in statistics. Talk to people on the other side. Listen to them. This is about listening to a family member that is suffering. Uncle John may be a wonderful man to me but if my daughter said that he was abusing her you better believe that I would take her seriously (even if the statistics said that most uncles do not abuse their nieces). My experience does not give me the right to ignore and invalidate someone else’s experience. And the love of Jesus compels me to stop and tend to the wounds of my family; to show compassion.

To my black church family:

DO NOT LOSE FOCUS. STAY THE COURSE. I know you are hurting. I know you are tired. I want to remind you that we (and I say we because of the trans-Atlantic slave journey that we share) are the people who believed in the Jesus that our slave masters told us about despite the fact that they did not act like Jesus. In fact, we believed it more than them and still do! https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2018/02/07/5-facts-about-the-religious-lives-of-african-americans/

Our faith has been integral to our survival. We have only made it this far because of Jesus. Do not forget that! Speak out. Protest if you feel led too. Take action where you are led to. Engage the issues vigorously. But do not for a second think that your victory will be by your power, not His. I repeat, this is a God-ordained moment. What I mean by that is this: God has brought this issue into world view and by so doing issued a demand on the church to change. God did that. In typical God style He did it through a plague and an oppressor who refused to take his knee off the neck of his victim.

We only come out of this better as a church if we refuse to hate. If we refuse to shame. If we remain committed to relationship with our white brothers and sisters, many of whom have good intentions. Celebrate those who are willing to take a stand, and there are many (this too is from God.) There are many making safe space for black church members to be vulnerable about their experience and we in turn have to make it safe for white church members to be vulnerable about their perceptions. This cannot be done without the active work of the Holy Spirit in our lives. We need Him now more than ever! But I know we can do it… because we have done it… Listen to the prayer of a slave woman in 1816 quoted in the book ‘Conversations with God: Two Centuries of Prayers by African Americans’.

“Oh Lord, bless my master. When he calls upon Thee to damn his soul, do not hear him. Do not hear him but hear me. Save him. Make him know he is wicked and he will pray to Thee. I am afraid, O Lord. I have wished him bad wishes in my heart. Keep me from wishing him bad though he whips me and beats me sore. Tell me of my own sins instead and make me pray more to Thee. Make me more glad for what Thou has done for me a poor slave.”

Only God can so work in the heart of a human to truly live Jesus’ call to bless our enemies. I believe that few have lived this to the degree that African Americans and women have, and that is more precious than freedom. If African Americans were to gain equality and lose this love in our hearts we would have lost all. I say this not to manipulate into submission but to exhort you as a brother in flesh and Spirit to treasure and guard the love of God that lives so richly in your heart.

Finally, to all my church family. Let us come together to heal and be the Body of Christ like we never have before.

Here are three videos that demonstrate those safe spaces that I spoke about:

  1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1P6AXjXnXc
  2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NL83Wqlmffc
  3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HYku4vlwnTQ

Be blessed,

Copyright 2020, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
Posted on

Dissonance

My novel Authentic Joy is now available on Amazon for $0.99 USD on Kindle or $0.00 Kindle Unlimited. Click here to read it now.

Authentic Joy is about dissonance. Dissonance in music theory occurs when there is a clash between two notes or tones. As a Christian, for many years I experienced an internal dissonance. There was the person that I wanted to be and then there was the person I actually was on the inside where nobody could see. I believe many believers have experienced this internal incongruity at one time or another. In a sense, there will always be a gap between what we espouse as Christians and where we are on the journey toward that Christlike ideal. That is normal. What I am talking about is something deeper. It is a deep sense that our internal reality does not accord with who we believe we are supposed to be right now.

I grew up in Trinidad, the home of carnival and bacchanal (drunken revelry and licentiousness). This was the culture that shaped my youth. Added to that, I was naturally a free-spirited person. I was a pleasure-seeker. As far as I knew, the aim of life was to experience and enjoy everything that it had to offer to the fullest.

Then, at the age of twenty, I made the decision to give my life to Jesus and started attending church regularly. I’m sure you can see the impending clash. I changed my external lifestyle rather suddenly but inside I was experiencing increasing levels of torment. Nobody else in my church seemed to be having this issue so I kept up the appearance of ‘normalcy’ for a few years until one day I cracked, and all hell broke loose. I unceremoniously exited my fake Christian life, followed my hedonistic tendencies full throttle and wrecked my life spectacularly.

Authentic Joy, is an autobiographical novel that chronicles twenty years of my life from discord to internal harmony. (Spoiler alert) God found me amidst the wreckage of my life. He pulled me out. I made a few discoveries along the way. I discovered that external behaviour modification is a dead end. I discovered that all men are flawed. I discovered that nothing less than a real encounter with Jesus can change those internal parts of our personality that are as familiar as our skin. I discovered that there is no greater joy than the fellowship of Jesus Christ. I discovered authentic joy in Christ.

To read more about my story get Authentic Joy now on Amazon for $0.99 USD on Kindle or $0.00 Kindle Unlimited. I promise you won’t be able to put it down 🙂.

Joyfully,

Copyright 2020, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
Posted on

Connection vs. Separation

The issue of connection versus separation continues to resonate with me so much that I decided to continue the topic this week. I have repeatedly had to be coached by the Spirit to build bridges that nurture relationship with friends, co-workers and neighbours rather than say things that destroy the relationship simply because I felt I had a just cause.

We will always have points of disagreement with others. That is just a fact of life. Even (especially?) in the church. Different denominations will have different doctrines. Different churches within the same denomination will have variations in interpretation or practice. Even members within the same congregation can have very distinct beliefs.

How does our Father and the Head of the Church, Jesus Christ, want us to address this reality? Especially when it comes to disagreement on issues of morality or our faith?

I believe the first thing that God wants is humility. We don’t get to decide who is worthy of our love or our relationship. God does. We also do not get to decide who is part of the Body of Christ and we are not the foremost authority on church doctrine. We have to be able to genuinely admit that we may ourselves believe some things that are not accurate. This should be easier for any Christian who has been walking with Christ for some time. Any Christian with a decade or more of growth under his belt I am sure can look back and say, “Boy did I have a wrong view of that particular issue or of life in general.”

The second step is a determination to choose love over fear. Most people choose separation rather than connection because we are afraid of one or both of two things:

  1. Contamination – the other person/church with the ‘bad’ belief system or lifestyle will cause us or our flock to go astray.
  2. Defamation – if other people see us with this ‘bad’ person or at that ‘bad’ church, they will think we believe or condone what they do.

Both paradigms are based on fear and fear is from the enemy. Perfect love casts out all fear. Jesus modelled God’s love when dealing with people with different beliefs or sinful lifestyles. He ate with sinners and talked with Samaritans. We have been given the ministry of reconciliation and peace-making not division.

I am confident that God wants us to connect with others in humility and love because that is what He did. God could have stayed in heaven, separate from our filth, but He didn’t. Instead he chose to become vulnerable, connecting with us in physical form, in our filth. He came and viewed the world from our viewpoint even though we were sinners and heretics.

As sons of God we must choose love. When I see the amount of content posted online by Christians dedicated to discrediting and pulling down other Christians it makes me smad (sad and mad at the same time 😉). It’s perfectly normal to disagree with others. It’s healthy to have dialogue directly with that person to exchange viewpoints. But to cut off relationship with that person is a step that should not be taken lightly (I don’t mean that you have to become friends or partners. Just relate.) And, it is a whole next level to defame/slander that person to others.

James 4:11-12

11 Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. 12 There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?

Let us please change this paradigm of separation. Let us mature in our ability to disagree with others while simultaneously remaining committed to relationship and love. You cannot influence anything that you are not connected to. Believers are described by Jesus as the salt of the world. Do you think that we can live this identity by staying separate, keeping our salt nice and clean in our holy saltshakers?

We also cannot influence anything if we are not willing to be ourselves influenced. We must embrace vulnerability because connecting with people who we disagree with means that we must be open to the possibility that we could actually learn something from them that makes us see a different view of life and adjusts our understanding of reality. I believe this is exactly what God intended. The complexity of God cannot be contained in just one person’s viewpoint. And therefore, we will never mature and come to the fullness of Christ unless we are equipped by that which each part of the body supplies. And this is what I believe is ultimately at stake – the maturity of the church. Let us choose to mature. Let us choose to connect.

Copyright 2020, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
Posted on

The Real Pandemic

The spread of the Covid-19 virus has been described as a pandemic because of the extent of the spread of the disease. Currently, it has affected every major continent and many countries around the world. However, there is a more deadly and pervasive pandemic threatening the church – idolatry. We have been worshiping a god fashioned by our own hands. A god that is primarily concerned with keeping us rich and happy. A god that keeps us from suffering once we are good, obedient children.

Ironically, what is most insidious about the idolatry pandemic is the same factor that makes Covid-19 particularly dangerous – their victims can appear asymptomatic. Hence, the number of ‘believers’ living in idolatry is much greater than we think. We look healthy, but we are not. The good news is that crises like the current Covid-19 pandemic may be exactly what we need to bring to light our true condition and allow us to take the necessary steps to a healthy faith.

What do I mean? To explain, let’s turn to one of the oldest books in the bible – Job. The bible, especially the books of Numbers and Deuteronomy, contains many instances of plagues that decimate the population of Israel. Typically, these have been sent by God in response to disobedience and rebellion. However, Job is the only book that documents in detail an instance of tragedy poured out on an upright and blameless man.

Job faces the death of his children, loss of his wealth and serious illness, all at the same time. So, it’s not surprising that bubbling up from his heart we near this cry, “I am a righteous man before God so this should not have happened to me!” This same cry is being heard in many quarters today as Corona touches the lives of Christians around the globe. The faith of many are being shaken as more and more bad things are happening to good people. Why is God allowing this? Why did God allow Corona in the first place?

Job’s friends reacted in the same way many Christians are tempted to react today. They call for repentance as this virus must have been sent by God because of something bad that we did. In contrast, there is a popular sentiment right now that God does not judge like this anymore and to ascribe this pandemic to God would be a grave mistake. Frankly, I stay away from any statements that claim to know exactly what God would and wouldn’t do, and the reason for that is because of what I have learned from Job.

As a younger man studying Job and Romans 9 one of the questions I had to wrestle with was, ‘Does God send bad things our way?”. I came down firmly on the side of YES. Some argue the semantics of God doing evil versus allowing evil. I won’t. I think we can agree due to the overwhelming evidence that He at least allows it. The second question I had to wrestle with was, “Does He allow evil as a consequence of free will? Has He given up sovereign control over the affairs of men and thus, our bad choices are the real cause of evil being prevalent on the earth?” After pouring over the evidence in Job and Romans I had to concede that this was not the case. God is still sovereign, and He sovereignly allows evil in our lives. This is clear from the story of Job. Job was righteous not by his standards but by God’s standards; he did nothing to warrant the tribulations that was meted out against him. In addition, satan was clearly operating under the authority of God. Romans 9:14-18 also makes the compelling argument:

14 What shall we say then? Is there injustice on God’s part? By no means! 15 For he says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.” 16 So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy. 17 For the Scripture says to Pharaoh, “For this very purpose I have raised you up, that I might show my power in you, and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.” 18 So then he has mercy on whomever he wills, and he hardens whomever he wills.

The ground-breaking truth here is that God was in control of Pharoah and in fact raised him up for the specific purpose of persecuting Israel so that God could show His might and power as he brought out the Israelites, Wow. If you have never considered this, you may need a moment here to take it all in.

So, there I was having to hold in tension that God is good, yet He allows bad things to befall good people. This was a watershed moment in my faith. I had to let go of the god I wanted and embrace the God who is. I had to destroy my idol. I had to relinquish my definition of what good is and let the One who is good be the standard. This was strangely empowering. The strength of my faith increased exponentially. I could genuinely meet trials knowing that God was in control and would make it all work for good in the end because he was in ultimate control. Further, I had to conclude that bad things, even death, served a higher good that I could not see or comprehend. I had to see things from God’s vantage to accept that suffering and even death were smaller matters than they appeared to me. They were not outside of God’s scope and ability.  In fact, they were part and parcel of the tools of creation that He used to craft a bigger, better picture and bring glory to His name!

Essentially, I learned what Job learned without having to go through the Job experience. For some, who refuse to learn from Job it may take tragedy to wake them up and this is the good news in the Covid-19 pandemic. I know it doesn’t sound good, but it is exceedingly so! The revelation that Job received out of tragic circumstances was, I believe, the treasure that God thought was worth more than all that Job had lost. To be able to stand in the face of horrific tragedy and trust that God has a purpose in that; to elevate His purpose and love as truer and bigger than your pain; is priceless! It is the mountain of faith from which Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were emboldened to say, “Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.” If you think about it, a Christian afraid of dying and meeting Jesus is an absurdity and a Christ-follower who expects to follow Christ in everything except suffering is an oxymoron.

Who is the God that you believe in? Job found out that He was different than who he thought He was:

Job 38:1-7

1 Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind and said:

2 “Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?

3 Dress for action like a man; I will question you, and you make it known to me.

4 “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding.

5 Who determined its measurements—surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it?

6 On what were its bases sunk, or who laid its cornerstone,

7 when the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy?

“Or who shut in the sea with doors when it burst out from the womb,

9 when I made clouds its garment and thick darkness its swaddling band,

10 and prescribed limits for it and set bars and doors,

11 and said, ‘Thus far shall you come, and no farther, and here shall your proud waves be stayed’?

12 “Have you commanded the morning since your days began, and caused the dawn to know its place,

13 that it might take hold of the skirts of the earth, and the wicked be shaken out of it?

14 It is changed like clay under the seal, and its features stand out like a garment.

15 From the wicked their light is withheld, and their uplifted arm is broken.

16 “Have you entered into the springs of the sea, or walked in the recesses of the deep?

17 Have the gates of death been revealed to you, or have you seen the gates of deep darkness?

18 Have you comprehended the expanse of the earth? Declare, if you know all this.

Job 42:1-6

1 Then Job answered the Lord and said:

2 “I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.

3 ‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’ Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.

4 ‘Hear, and I will speak; I will question you, and you make it known to me.’

5 I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you;

6 therefore I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes.”

Are you serving the true God or an idol of your own design? Have your eyes seen Him?

Copyright 2020, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
Posted on

A Love That Fights

A couple of weeks ago I spent an afternoon at the beach bodyboarding with my eldest son. I have not gone bodyboarding since maybe I was in my twenties and it’s been a while since he and I have done something like that together, without the rest of the family. We had so much fun racing down the waves together. Just the two of us, carefree sea-buddies. I will remember that day forever.

Afterward, I dropped him home. We parted with our usual little goodbye ritual and I started the journey home. It was night by this time and as I cruised along the highway with my thoughts for company a strange feeling came over me that started with a sudden epiphany.

“He’s eighteen now! He’s an adult!”

In my mind I saw the little one-and-a-half-year-old baby the last day that I held him before the events that led to his mom and I getting divorced. I had done it. I had stayed alongside him all the way to adulthood and now here we were; father and son and more than that – buddies. I had stayed true to the commitment I made to that little baby boy to be the best father I could be to him even though I lived in a different house.

Tears ran down my face as the streetlights blurred past. But I could not understand why I was crying… Some emotion filled my soul, but I had no idea what its name was. Was it, relief? No. Was it some sort of pride at my paternal accomplishment? No, it wasn’t that either. Even as I was overcome with emotion, I struggled to understand what I was feeling.

Memories flashed through my head. It had not been easy to be the type of father I wanted to be to my son. Many times, I had to fight tooth and nail to be a part of his life while trying not to fracture the tenuous relationship with his mother which would defeat the very purpose of my effort. In truth it has been a constant battle-dance. Without God I would have failed miserably.

When I left the marriage, I became untrustworthy and when I left her church, I became a bad influence. Those two demon-labels were hell to wrestle against while I was trying to be a significant part of my son’s life. But I fought. Sometimes I lost. I did not get much say in the schools he attended. But I fought. I was not allowed to be there for his baptism. But I fought.

It was in his early teens when he had an assessment with a psychologist, and she unearthed that he had a fear of me leaving him. I was heartbroken. How could he not know that I would never leave him?? I had fought so hard to be there for him in every way I knew how. I learned that day just how insidious the enemy is and how fragile the human heart is. The enemy magnifies every event, thought and conversation that would perpetuate his nasty lies and destabilize our lives with fear. Well I was not going to let the enemy win! At the earliest opportunity I let my baby boy know in no uncertain terms that I would NEVER leave him no matter what. I know it made a difference in his heart. My only regret is not knowing sooner that I needed to say it.

As I write this, it is only now that I understand what I was feeling; what I can feel even now. It’s the feeling that you have after years of hard battle when you look back at the sacrifices, the wounds, the scars and you can say that it was worth it. The prize of the fight was worth the years of hardship on the battlefield. The love I share with my son was worth it all. This was what it was all for. There may still be many a skirmish to come and I won’t be backing down, but I can see the victory.

God spoke to me that night. He said, “I feel the same way about you. I will never leave you nor forsake you all the days of your life. My love is steadfast.” My Father knew that I also needed to hear it.

It was as if the fierce love that I felt for my son suddenly flew up out of my chest, multiplied a hundred-fold in the air and returned to encompass me – the warm embrace of my Heavenly Father. My tears also multiplied, as I understood in a new way that perfect love casts out all fear.

To receive more content like this in your inbox and to receive a free e-copy of my book, The Primacy of The Voice of God – Elevating the Word of God to Its Rightful Position, please subscribe to www.authenticjoy.org.

Copyright 2020, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
Posted on

What I Love About Covid-19

You are probably thinking that I’m an unsympathetic bastard to have such a headline. I did not mean to offend, but I did hope to catch your attention and to highlight a silver lining that you might not have seen before.

People have been dealing with this global outbreak in a variety of ways. Many have succumbed to fear and panic as their souls are being constantly inundated by hundreds of negative messages raging through their media feeds. The result? Paranoia, panic buying, anxiety and stress. Many have been countering this fear narrative by using statistics that compare Covid-19 with other diseases or by highlighting recovery rates. I remain uncommitted to both viewpoints. I don’t think panicking and fearmongering are useful, but I do think that the situation is a very serious one.

I’ve decided to adopt an attitude of cautious optimism. Actually, that’s not entirely true because apocalyptic events do get me a tad excited (hides face). Hear me out… I don’t mean excited in a doomsday prepper kinda way (ok maybe just a little bit) and I’m definitely not one of those judgment day/ end times/ Christ is coming soon kinda Christians. What I mean is that I believe there is an opportunity in every crisis to redefine yourself, to redefine what it means personally for you to be human. There is nothing like a crisis to show you who you really are and what you really value. Let me explain. I love how a crisis will even the playing field. Money can’t buy you an option to opt out of Corona. Your particular race won’t stop it. It isn’t fazed by your degree, pedigree, luxury car or over-priced fur coat. Disaster has the wonderfully scary effect of bursting the bubble of security that we may live in based on our wealth, social status, intelligence etc. In the face of calamity, we have the opportunity to see clearly, if even for an instant, the frailty and vulnerability of the human life. Many squander this opportunity. Don’t you miss it!

Why does this excite me? Because a sense of your own vulnerability often leads to a renewed value for life in general and other human lives in particular. And that is something the world desperately needs more of! It gives me great joy to see when people (solely or in corporations) respond to crises with heightened awareness, thankfulness, generosity, compassion, empathy and love. No posts have gotten me more excited than the ones where people in quarantine describe their renewed appreciation for green spaces, time with loved ones, sharing with community and time with God. Oh sing my soul, in the midst of Corona, how great Thou art!

For all of us, but perhaps more so for the believer, Covid-19 holds yet another test: What have we built our life on? You see, while crises like wildfires, floods, earthquakes and the Covid-19 pandemic reveal our human frailty they simultaneously reveal a dramatic contrast to eternal constancy of God. This verse illustrates:

Matthew 7:24-27

24 “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. 26 And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. 27 And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.”

What is your life built on? This is not an issue of merely saying ‘My trust is in God.’ There is a vast divide between confession of the lips and faith of the heart. At times like these the true state of our heart is revealed. Are we caught in the turmoil of fear? What are we afraid of? Losing our job? Losing our home? Losing our loved ones? Losing our life? That fear reveals something about what we really believe. Will we remain standing at the end of this pandemic if everything we held dear was lost? Essentially, the question, the test of the storm is this: Are we standing on Christ? Is He our ultimate treasure and security?

This may be a test but it’s not the final exam and that is why every disaster that touches us is, in a sense, an act of God’s mercy; it is an opportunity to weigh our life in the scales and make changes now. It’s an opportunity to listen to what God has been saying to us personally and put it into practice… now. An opportunity to build your life (house) by His instructions. That’s why I said at the beginning that every crisis carries with it an opportunity – an opportunity to redefine what it means personally for us to be human.

So, as we walk forward in these uncertain times can you pray a bold prayer with me? “Lord, shake whatever can be shaken so that only that which cannot be shaken will remain.”

Copyright 2020, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.