Category: Christian Living

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Living Horizontally

I have been on the receiving end of leaders abusing their power a few times in my life. I came away from these experiences with serious questions about whether the models that I saw in the church were Biblical kingdom models. How would Christ lead a local church? In fact, He is building His church right now, so a better question is – How is He leading His church right now? A cursory look at the church leads me to the undeniable conclusion that Jesus is not demanding our obedience. Jesus has an unwavering commitment to respecting our free will, to non-punitive leadership, and to leading with love instead of fear.

This path of sacred respect for people’s free will is not a popular way to live in the business world and especially not in the church world, ironically. And it is not just the clergy; it is not popular with the laity either. In fact, most times I find the members of a local church are very much part of protecting the authoritarian leadership culture in the church. It seems that people do not want the shared responsibility or ambiguity of more distributed power systems. We like the simplicity and clarity of being able to put all the responsibility (and blame) for what happens in our community on someone else in exchange for our unquestioning obedience.

The doctrine of ‘divine rights of kings’ asserts that a monarch is not accountable to any man because their right to rule is derived from divine authority. While this governance model is rightly a relic of the past, the same value system very much informs our church leadership models today.

In the church, our frames of reference for understanding power in interpersonal relationships are all hierarchical, based on a very Old Testament model of judges, prophets and kings where there is one man assigned by God at the top of the pyramid. We seem to interpret our New Testament texts through this lens. We interpret ‘wives should submit to their husbands’ to mean that the wife is accountable to her husband, and the husband is only accountable to God. We interpret ‘obey your leaders and submit to them’ to mean that the congregation is accountable to the pastor and the pastor is only accountable to God. Any checks and balances we institute involve adding more layers to the hierarchy. The husband submits to a pastor. The pastor submits to an apostle. And so on.

However, I do not see this hierarchical model in the Trinity or in Christ. What I see is mutuality. I don’t see pyramids. I see circles. I see a power model that is less vertical and more horizontal. Where the husband and wife are mutually accountable to each other and to God, and likewise the pastor and the congregation.

Despite the unlimited power at Jesus’ disposal and the legitimate and divine right to rule over us, He gave up His divine privileges and took on the humble position of a human being (a baby at that). Consider that Jesus (God) was subject to His earthly parents.

I rather think that this is the mark of a mature Christian – that he or she is able to submit to those in a lower position. Really, it is submitting to the Christ in people, regardless of rank.

Ephesians 5:21 (ESV)
submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

What would it look like if husbands could also defer their will to the will of their wives or children in reverence for Christ? What would it look like if church leaders could also submit their will to congregation members in reverence for Christ? I think it will look like true love, humility and leadership.

I believe mutuality is the way forward for true followers of Christ. What virtue is there in following orders because someone has a position? The heathens do that. But can we perceive Christ in the suggestions, counsel or correction of a peer or a junior and receive it? That is true virtue.

Of late, I have had my fill of spaces where the conversation is all vertical and one-way. I have had my fill of conferences, services, and webinars. Instead, I have been pressing more into the mutuality of groups and meet-ups where everyone has a voice, and it has been so refreshing! Whether it is a date with my wife, a moment of connection with my children, a meet-up with a friend, a family visit or an online discussion group, it has been like a balm to my soul. It feels like health. It feels like really living in connection with others. The steady stream of invites to attend this or that keep coming, but saying, “No thank you,” has become easier and easier (at this point it is a joy to say no frankly) and I have been becoming more and more enjoyable to be with.

Recently, my wife has remarked on the transformation she has been seeing in my life. I could not name what was happening until now. I am enjoying people more. She has been experiencing me as a more pleasant servant to our family. I have just been enjoying my family more. The two go together, apparently.

This way of being of vulnerability and openness to the gift of each person in front of you and real meaningful connection with real people is revolutionary. Make no mistake about it. It is counter-cultural both to the media onslaught of disembodied voices clamoring for our attention and to the value system that gives more weight to positions and titles than hearty souls. But it is BETTER. There is a richness of life in it that your soul needs. It is slower, less contentious, more restful, less frenzied, deeper, fuller, richer.

I highly recommend this way of horizontal living. I think you will enjoy it. BTW, I hope you also enjoyed these smiling faces of beautiful humans as much as I did 🙂

Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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Will We Choose Love Or Hate?

In Matthew 5:21-22 (NLT), Jesus says this:

21 “You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ 22 But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell.

In Jesus’ eyes, hate is as heinous a sin as murder. So, I’m asking myself and I’m asking you, my brothers and sisters: Are we who call ourselves followers of Christ guilty of murder?

On September 10th, 2025, Charlie Kirk was fatally shot while speaking at an event in Utah. On the same day, there was another school shooting in Colorado, where 2 students were shot. In the same week, Israeli military operations in Gaza, Yemen, and Qatar killed over 110 people, including some civilians. Also, in the same week, a Russian airstrike killed 24 elderly Ukrainians collecting pensions, and Tommy Robinson’s “Unite the Kingdom” rally, attended by over 110,000 people, saw 26 police officers injured. (Sources: CPR News, Al Jazeera, MSN, Democracy Now, The Telegraph)

In the face of all of this death, I find myself becoming alarmingly numb to the loss of life. I’m also observing the surge of emotions going through my heart as I see the comments on social media in response to Charlie Kirk’s death, and I’m asking myself: Am I guilty of murder? I may not have killed anyone, but am I just as guilty of contributing to the violence in this world?

In the same sermon in Matthew 5, Jesus said (NLT):

9 God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.

And:

43 “You have heard the law that says, ‘Love your neighbor’ and hate your enemy. 44 But I say, love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! 45 In that way, you will be acting as true children of your Father in heaven.

Our very identity as children of God is not that of a warrior fighting for Christian values through political power or social media influence. The image of the Christian hero battling a human enemy is absent from Jesus’ teachings and example. Jesus taught and modelled not an earthly power struggle but a love that sacrificially persists in the face of hatred, persecution, and even violence.

We have become embroiled in an unholy battle. Whether we fight through social media tirades, in-person debates, political rallies, or online watch lists, we must disentangle ourselves, repent, and get back to the foundation of Christianity – love.

The very first step in loving one another is listening. We need to really listen with our hearts to those with whom we disagree and put ourselves in their shoes. We don’t have to agree with them, but if we are to be peacemakers, we must be willing to empathize with them.

It doesn’t matter where we most naturally lean toward on the political spectrum; the people on the other side are human just like us. They are human beings looking for love, acceptance, and respect.

I firmly believe that the key to de-escalating most of the social conflict in the world today is the eradication of shaming. Nobody likes to be told that they are bad people. Nobody. The activism of the LGBTQ+ community and pro-choice activists is, I believe, at the root, a response to decades of shame. They have been told repeatedly in many different ways that they are bad. That is not how God sees them, and as Christians, it was our job to love them, and in the main, we failed. We failed, and Satan stepped into the void to create bitterness, resentment, anger, and hatred.

It is the same with people of colour in America. We have been told for decades that we are less than the white man. Again, the Christians of European heritage who were supposed to love their brothers and sisters of African heritage have largely failed.  Sometimes their silence in the face of our suffering has been deafening. Again, Satan has stepped into the void to the point that there is now a pervasive layer of anger in the heart of much of the black community toward white people.

However, more recently, the pendulum has swung the other way. The shame finger has been pointed at males, particularly the white male, and those who hold to conservative values. I wonder if, at the heart of white nationalism, is a desperate cry to stop being told that everything about the Western white man is bad. Maybe the whitewashing of the museums and educational system is just a cry to be told something good and noble about their heritage. We, the black Christian community, have also failed to love the white man. And again, Satan is stepping into the void as we speak.

‘You are bad’ is not a message anyone of any race, gender, or sexual orientation wants to hear pounded into them over and over again. And more importantly, it is not a Godly message. It is, however, exactly what the evil one wants to pound into our hearts. It is a tactic with one goal in mind – death and destruction.

But THIS is the battle, my brothers and sisters, that we must fight – the battle to love every person no matter who they are, what they believe, the values they have, or the background that they come from, with unconditional love. Can we tell people about their goodness? I’m not saying to hide the truth, but can we also remind people of the best of themselves?

Can we arise with such radical love as this for our enemies? We are the only ones who can! Jesus Christ – Love – lives in us! We can say to the women and men, blacks and whites, immigrants and nationals, straight and gay, cisgender and transgender, conservatives and liberals that maybe we don’t see eye to eye on some issues, but we want to understand your perspective… and even if we have to agree to disagree, we still LOVE YOU unconditionally as a precious human being made in God’s image!

So, as I watch my social media feeds fill with an escalation of hatred in the aftermath of Charlie Kirk’s death… as the keyboard warriors double down on their positions… I want to leave you with this: The choice my brothers and sisters, for us… (not for the world) …but for us as ambassadors of Christ… is not between liberal or conservative but between hatred or love of our enemies. That is the only choice that is important; the only choice that has the power to overcome the real enemy of our souls and change the world.

There is hope, and that Hope resides in us!

Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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Reflections on Christian Leadership with Henri Nouwen Part 1

I recently picked up one of my favourite books to read AGAIN – In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership by Henri Nouwen. It is one of those books where the impact of the truths contained in it is not diminished with repetition. This time, particular parts of it collided with my current experience with such eye-widening relevance that my impulse to process and memorialize in writing was aroused.

I will start this mini-series with the first quote that struck me from the book:

“But when we are securely rooted in personal intimacy with the source of life, it will be possible to remain flexible without being relavistic, convinced without being rigid, willing to confront without being offensive, gentle and forgiving without being soft, and true witnesses without being manipulative.”

“Willing to confront without being offensive”. This phrase aptly describes the crux of my current struggle at work. I’m pretty good at the confront part (and there was a time I did not know how to confront people), but I am not as good at the not being offensive part.

If I’m honest, I have been bad at this for a very long time. But I feel like there comes a time when God says, “OK, you cannot take this malformation any further. You need to work on this now.” Or maybe there comes a time when one has the maturity and tools to deal with the problem. Either way, I know I have to deal with this in this season.

Actually, and this just came to me: Nouwen points to intimacy with God as the enablement to walk this line of confrontation without offense, and it is quite probable that I did not have the level of intimacy with Christ that I now have to be able to cross this hurdle. (Ahh, the therapeutic gift of writing.)

The way I see it, the challenge is to be able to authentically say to someone, “I think what you are doing is bad,” without saying, “I think you are bad.” This is not easy, at least not for me. I never shout or curse or demean people, but my wife says, “Just because you say something in a soft voice doesn’t mean that you are not being harsh.”

Honestly, I thought it did mean that I wasn’t being harsh! I mean, c’mon… I don’t curse… I don’t raise my voice… I’m always polite, even when people are impolite and raise their voice at me. What more do you want? Well… as it turns out, what God wants is nothing less than loving my ‘enemies’ even while confronting them. That goes heart deep, below actions, below words, below tone… deeper.

That kind of love can only come from intimacy with Love. Love must dwell in me. Overflow from me. It must be felt. Holy Spirit, help me. I write today not as one having mastered love but as one in the throes of struggle to become more like Jesus and often getting it wrong. I have no advice to offer.

I offer only the consolation of knowing that if you struggle too, you are not alone. Pray for me as I pray for you: Jesus, for every one of your disciples who reads this, give them the gift of a deeper encounter with your ferocious, unrelenting, cleansing, healing, breathtaking love. As they wrestle in their souls, may all malice, bitterness, envy, and unforgiveness die by the power of the cross! May love win the day! May their hearts burn for you and may your love emanate from their lives, from the very centre of their Jesus-enflamed hearts.

Amen.

Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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Training Versus Trying Part 5 – Community

Welcome to the last instalment of our Training Versus Trying series! Today we are talking about Community.

A training approach recognizes that as spiritual athletes, we grow fastest when we train with others. However, it is a particular type of community that we need to grow. One that is not very common. When we think of community in a church setting, we normally think of the brothers and sisters with whom we attend church or maybe those who are a part of a ministry that we serve in.

However, the type of community that I am talking about is a training community – a small circle of people with whom we share our inner lives. It is a community committed to walking together in pursuit of God without trying to fix, or save, or advise each other. Often, as Christians, we try to force our training regimen on everyone else without honoring the unique person that they are and the unique work that God is doing in their lives.

This is something I have with very few people. Most Christians, in my experience, do not have deep conversations about the things that matter, or if they do, it is in the context of giving advice or holding each other accountable. Some even think it is their job to condemn and shame. However, what I have found is that what most people need is actually just a safe space to talk about the deep inner things that truly matter without being judged, reproached, corrected, or Bible-verse-slapped. In a supportive and safe environment such as this, there exists the ideal conditions for God to speak. Or to stick with our analogy, for God to coach us as a group.

I’m not saying that God cannot use another person to correct us or to give us feedback where we may have a blind spot. He does use people in our lives like that. I’m saying that in a training community, that is a small part of why we get together, and it is accomplished more indirectly through vulnerable sharing, asking each other probing questions, and discerning God’s voice together.

In a community of Christians-in-training there is safety and freedom to talk about what new training techniques we are trying, what is not working, and what we are working through with our Coach. In that kind of community, we are celebrated, encouraged, inspired, and supported. In that kind of community, we can give a voice to our soul and hear the heart of others in ways that bring redemption, healing, and transformation.

Well, we have come to the end of this little series. I hope it has been helpful to you.

Train well, my fellow disciples of Christ!

Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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Training Versus Trying Part 4 – Coaching

A training mindset approaches our relationship with the Holy Spirit like a coach who is deeply invested in and committed to our growth. We have a coach who longs to be a partner in our progressive sanctification.


Remember those moments of reflecting on our failure that we mentioned earlier? Well, those moments are also an opportunity to process with God. This is powerful. The Holy Spirit knows you better than you know yourself and knows how to help you to grow like no one else does!


If we can release ourselves from the guilt and shame that often keeps us from approaching God and realize that He sees us through eyes of deep compassion, then we can unlock a level of healing and wisdom that is simply transformative.


Every time I have brought my darkest desires (the ones I would never even voice), my deepest fears, or my most shameful thoughts to God, it has resulted in something transformative. (Even if it has simply been a revelation of just how loving and compassionate God is.)

All champions know that a coach is essential to their success. A coach sees the potential in us that we don’t see in ourselves. A coach also sees the barriers to our progress that we don’t have the wisdom or objectivity to see. He can see when our stride is too long or when our follow-through is an issue. In like manner, the Holy Spirit knows what to target to move us forward and how to encourage and motivate us in a language we can relate to.

Up next, community!

Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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Training Versus Trying Part 3 – Roots Not Shoots

Someone training for a marathon may need to focus on their diet, mindset, and breathing to get to the desired outcome. It is the same with our spiritual growth. To achieve the behavioural outcome we desire, we must address deeper issues like our mindsets, identity, beliefs, and values.

Often, we can become too sin-focused, which results in the very opposite of what we are trying to achieve. Obsessing over not doing something is the worst way to approach our growth. Instead, we need to find the roots of the issue and put a holistic training program in place.

For example, say I have a problem with over-eating. A trying mindset will be all about focusing on controlling how much I eat. However, the roots of my struggle may involve issues with my identity, stress coping mechanisms, and the relationships in my life. Therefore, a trying mindset will be ineffective and frustrating because all the underlying causes (the roots) remain untouched.

Training often seems unrelated to the outcome we desire, like the Karate Kid painting walls to learn karate. However, it is actually addressing the roots that impact the entire tree of your life.

Next, we discuss how a coach is essential to training.

See you then!

Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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Training Versus Trying Part 2 – Self-Compassion

The first element of a training mindset is self-compassion.

A training mindset recognizes that we are all imperfect beings on a path of sanctification and healing. We are all works in progress. There is no benefit to beating yourself up when you fail. God does not beat us up when we fail. He meets us with mercy and compassion. So, why shouldn’t we do the same?


This is extremely difficult to grasp when in many religious circles we equate a self-compassionate approach as being compromising or soft on sin. But it does not have to be. We can maintain an uncompromising view of sin while being gentle on ourselves. Our aim is progress, not perfection.


When we have a compassionate view of ourselves, it frees us to learn from failure. And this is one of the huge superpowers of a training mindset – every failure becomes an opportunity to learn about ourselves and what is not working in our training programme. This is so critical for real growth. When we give in to a temptation, if we can carefully examine the thoughts and emotions that led us to the sin without turning away in shame, then we gain the insights needed to heal and grow. Without these insights, we will never truly grow. Without these insights, the most we can hope for is to cope, never to overcome.

Self-compassion enables us to move from hiding and repression to exploration and discovery of the root causes of our afflictions. But that’s for the next instalment…

See you then!

Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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Training Versus Trying Part 1

One of the concepts that we teach at Authentic Joy is the idea that in pursuing spiritual growth we need to have a training mindset not a trying mindset. We often use the metaphor of running a marathon to explain. In the metaphor, the ‘marathon’ is that challenge in your life that you are trying to overcome. Some examples are impatience, unforgiveness, pornography, a short temper, anxiety, racial prejudice or over-eating.

A trying mindset would be like waking up on the day of the marathon and saying, “Today I will finish this marathon! God says I’m more than a conqueror!” And so, we set off to try our best to complete the marathon… without training. Our determination and grit may get us halfway there, but without putting in the training, we inevitably end up face down in a puddle of sweat and tears.


A training mindset, on the other hand, would be like waking up every morning and training for the marathon. Training prioritizes consistency and progress over the end result. It embraces learning from failure as a necessary pathway to growth.


One of the most damaging things about a trying mindset is the cycle of guilt and shame that results when we do not achieve our goal. This has been one of the most difficult mindsets to change in my own life. In the areas where I struggle with an ongoing sin issue, every time I fall, my tendency is to beat myself up and wallow in shame. Then, to comfort myself, I end up even deeper in self-destructive behaviours. When I finally muster up the courage to go back to God in repentance (again), it resembles something like this: “This time, this time, I mean it God. This time I will stay the course.” And so, the cycle begins again. With no real plan, change is unlikely.


A training mindset has the potential to break this cycle, but there are several components to the approach that need to be implemented:

  • Self-compassion
  • Roots not shoots
  • Coaching
  • Community

I will unpack each of these facets of the training mindset in this series.

See you for the next instalment!

Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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Navigating A Global Deep Fake Distopia

This week, I went to the movies to see Mission Impossible: The Final Reckoning with my kids (spoiler alert). In the movie, The Entity (an AI entity) takes control of the world’s digital media. No one can know what is true or fake. Frankly, it felt more like a peek into the near future than a work of fiction. I began to wonder if (or when) truth was such an elusive commodity, how would I navigate my world? How would we all?

A phrase came to me:

“If we are not led by the Spirit we will not survive what is coming.”

It hit me like a ton of bricks. For years, I have been advocating the need for the church to be able to hear the voice of God, but I suddenly realized that the time of reckoning was at hand. Those who had not invested in intimacy with God would be hapless victims of the deceptions of this age.

In a reality where you cannot tell fact from fiction by any natural means, only the supernatural voice of God can guide.

If we are honest, we’ve already been infiltrated. For years, we have been conditioned to believe whatever comes across our screen once it jives with what we want to hear. Many Christians have been navigating life by the equation: truth = what I want to believe. It’s plain to see in US politics, at least for an outsider like me. I can tune into the feeds from two or more different Christian groups and hear the most passionate, convincing, and diverse descriptions of what the truth really is behind anything from riots to legislation to President Trump’s motives.

Brothers and sisters, if you do nothing else in this season in your life, invest in developing your ability to hear God’s voice and direction for your life. It is the only lifeline that we have.

John 16:13 (ESV)
When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth, for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.

A time is coming and is already here when truth will be a scarce commodity. The ability to navigate life via reason and logic will be cut out from under us. How can we know what to choose when the choices may be fact or fiction? How can we plan a course of action when we have no idea if our data on what is real can be trusted? Even applying Biblical principles will be of little use if we are not sure of the facts of the situation that we are applying them to.

In those times, only those who can truly hear from God and be guided by the Spirit of truth will stand. Take heed.

Reporting to you live from the edge of the precipice of deception.

Blessings,

Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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How Do You Measure Impact?

The past three weeks have been filled with positive milestones for Authentic Joy. On April 21st, we launched our new book BECOMING mature: A Practical Guide for Disciples of Jesus. By the second week, it was in the top ten in three Amazon categories and even hit #1 in Christian Discipleship for a few days. I took a gratitude memory photo (below):

The first thing I want to say is a big THANK YOU to all of you who wrote reviews or bought the book (or both). Your support means the world to me.

But there is more! On Wednesday, I got an email from YouVersion congratulating me on crossing 50,000 plan completions. Yes folks, over 50,000 people have completed Authentic Joy’s Bible devotionals on the YouVersion Bible app! Again, THANK YOU for your support and love. 🙂

I have never been one to measure success in numbers, so while I am excited about what we are achieving at Authentic Joy, it’s not about the numbers for me.

What really motivates me is the thought of making an impact in the body of Christ. The type of impact that is far less measurable. I sincerely believe that the message in my plans and my books is one that will help people to grow in their faith. For me, the significance of the Best Seller tag and plan completions is simply to help increase the visibility of a book that is authored by an unknown entity in this world.

I am keenly aware that popularity and acclaim are not good measures of success in the kingdom. It’s like the gospel singer who has an amazing voice and draws large crowds versus the worshipper who, every time she opens her mouth, there is something inside of you that says, “That woman knows God!” Or the theologian who has mesmerizing oratory skills versus the simple man of God who causes your heart to burn every time he speaks of Jesus. The latter, more amorphous characteristic is the kind of impact I want to make by the grace and power of God.

Making this kind of impact starts long before the book/devotional/blog is written and takes far more than technical skill. It is a lifelong commitment to yielding your heart and soul to God. I cover this in greater depth in my book, where I share this wonderful quote:

“It is not what a man does that is of final importance, but what he is in what he does. The atmosphere produced by a man, much more than his activities, has the lasting influence.”

Oswald Chambers

So, in the midst of this time of celebration, I’m praying, “God, don’t let me lose sight of you! Keep my heart from being seduced by the numbers. Keep my heart ablaze for you and you only.” I am more afraid of success than failure. Success can take you out. I have seen it happen to too many in the church to have any illusions about my susceptibility to its allure.

My friends, keep me in your prayers… and I still need your help to get this message of maturity in Christ out there. Check out the book. And after you’ve read it for yourself, if you find it beneficial, then tell your friends about it.

May your souls be stirred to deep worship in the fires of intimacy with Jesus this week!

Grateful,

Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.