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Category: Christianity

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The Story Of Abiabba

I am a simple farmhand. I live on the island of Malta with my wife and three children – two boys and one girl. We all work on the estate of the chief Roman official – Publius. I was once called Abibaal – son of Baal. This is the name that my parents gave me at birth. I want to tell you the story of how I came to be called a different name – the name I now carry – Abiabba.

It was early morning. A storm had ravaged the coastline during the night. I stood in the doorway of my hut on top of the hill and breathed in the damp air. I loved the smell of the sea, especially after a storm. It smelled new, clean, and today, very wet. It was like breathing in a cloud. I pulled my cloak tighter as the moisture condensed on my hands and face. I surveyed the beach, eager to see what interesting things had washed up overnight or what had been taken out to sea. Not the boys’ favourite coconut tree with the swing I hoped.

“Come see this, Elissa! Boys!” I called excitedly to my family. I had spotted a trail of cargo on the Western end of the beach. We loved it when treasures drifted up on our beach. It was like exploring lands from far away. But then, as I looked further out, I saw a ship, wrecked on the outer shoal and I could see her inhabitants beginning to make their way to shore. My excitement waned as a wave of apprehension rose up in my stomach. Some swam while others held on to pieces of wood and drifted in with the tide. By now Elissa and the boys were all watching the scene with me.

“Go help them, Abibaal,” my wife said with concern written on her face.

“Can we come Baba?” the two older ones chimed in unison.

“Yes, but go call the rest of the workers first.”

I kissed Elissa and then went in to kiss my little princess Adama.  She was very ill and couldn’t even get out of bed anymore. The doctors said that she would not last much longer. That is the way of this life, I guess. It was like a cloud of darkness over the family. We prayed every day that she would be well. But nothing.

I negotiated my way down the steep path to the beach not knowing what to expect from these mariners. I said a quick prayer to Baal and waded out to begin helping the men to shore. They seemed friendly enough. I soon realized that there were soldiers, sailors and a prisoner named Paul who they treated with more respect than seemed customary for a prisoner.

By now many of the villagers were on the beach. Some were tending wounds. Others began bringing water and what food they had on hand. My boys and I set ourselves the job of getting a fire going to keep them warm.

We set everyone that was able the task of gathering wood for the fire. As Paul laid a bundle of sticks on the fire a deadly serpent struck out and bit him on the hand. We all saw it and knew that he would soon be dead. First, he would swell up though. It was a painful, ugly death but it was fate. Clearly, he was a murderer or worse. It was only a matter of time. We went about our business with one eye always on the prisoner. But nothing happened. Impossible! We had seen many die like this. They always died! He must be a god. Maybe even Baal himself!

The boys ran off to tell their friends and soon the whole village was talking about this god-man named Paul.

Even Publius himself heard about it and came to the beach to welcome Paul and the rest to the island. He allowed them to stay on the estate until they could find another ship departing in their direction.

As for me, I began to wonder if Paul could heal my Adama. Something about this man made a sliver of hope begin to rise in my heart. The more I thought about it the more I was convinced. He could heal her! Baal had answered our prayers by shipwrecking this vessel off our very beach! Hadn’t we been the ones to first see them!? It was a sign from the gods!

The next morning I got up early and wrapped Adama in a blanket and told Elissa, “Our baby will live! Come with me!” We left the boys in charge and went to find Paul in one of the huts that Publius had arranged for them.

“Good morning, is Paul awake?” I asked one of the soldiers guarding him.

“Yes, what do you want with him?”

“I want him to bless my daughter.” The guard looked slightly amused but also curious.

“Paul, there’s a villager here to you.” Paul walked out rubbing his back and smiling.

“Good morning. How can I help you?”

I launched into my prepared speech, “I believe Baal has sent you to heal my daughter. Will you please bless her?”

“Have a seat.” He gestured to a log and sat alongside us. His eyes became intense, almost ablaze, as he looked me in the eyes and said, “I have been sent to heal your daughter but not by Baal. I come in the name of Jesus Christ my Lord and saviour!” As he said it, it was like a wind blew against my face but there was no wind this morning. I think the soldiers felt it too because they looked startled.

“Who is this Jesus?” I asked.

“He is the son of God.”

“Who is this God?”

“Abba – Father”

“Will this God and His son heal my little girl?

“Yes.” And with that he stretched out his hand over my little girl’s head and closed his eyes in prayer. “Be healed in the name of Jesus.” he said with tenderness and authority. Then my Adama, my little girl, opened her eyes and looked up at me.

“Baba, I’m hungry.”

Elissa gasped and covered her mouth. We hugged our little girl and wept for joy. It was the most joyous moment of my life. We sat for hours on that log as our friends brought food for Adama and we all gathered around Paul as he told us about his Jesus and Abba and the Holy Spirit. Right then and there I knew what I had to do. I wanted to serve this God. This God who would send Paul across the sea to heal my daughter. This God who heard prayers that I did not even pray to Him! This God who had the power to heal! No longer would I be called son of Baal. I would be known as Abiabba – son of Abba!

Copyright 2023, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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The Sacrificial Way Of Life

It’s Easter! A wonderfully sacred time for most of the Christian world. A time to remember the sacrifice that changed everything and reset the world calendar. Most importantly, a time to renew our devotional life. As I read again the epic drama of the days leading up to Christ’s crucifixion, I felt my heart stir as the Holy Spirit breathed on me afresh through the scriptures.


I saw the frenzied crowds faced with a choice; set Jesus free or release the revolutionary – Barabbas. We know what they chose, “We want Barabbas!” My heart broke for their choice. They couldn’t see it. They couldn’t see their salvation in the form of a humble mystic. They wanted a revolutionary who would overthrow their Roman oppressors. My heart broke for us too. We still want Barabbas. Despite Jesus’ example of revolution through sacrificial love and humble service, we still want violence.


The Barabbian gospel is perhaps the most difficult anti-Christ principle to rid ourselves of… View our history – the Crusades, conquest and colonization of America and the 3rd world. As Jesus said to Pilate as he was being cross-examined, “My Kingdom is not an earthly kingdom. If it were, my followers would fight to keep me from being handed over to the Jewish leaders. But my Kingdom is not of this world.”


Hopefully, today we have seen the abomination and oxymoronic nature of using physical violence to expand God’s kingdom. Sadly however, we Christians are still leaning on earthly power in more ‘acceptable’ ways. Perhaps it is our religious ego overcompensating for our lack of real spiritual authority? Our Barabbian nature lingers on in subtler forms – protests, political movements that support ‘Christian’ laws or judges, vomiting hate toward those who we deem ‘sinners’ or ‘heretics’. It’s the same now as in Christ’s day – we want the political or social power to overthrow our modern ‘oppressors’. These Barabbian false prophets would have us believe that Christians and our way of life are under threat, and we must fight back! But Jesus offered another way – dying for those who want to kill you. Now that is revolutionary!


“We want Barabbas!” wasn’t the only cry that fateful day. There was another cry, this time from the leading priests and temple guards, “Crucify him! Crucify him!” Why? Because Jesus was undermining the religious system from which they drew their identity, significance and power. This was their real God – the thing they had to protect at all costs.


We’re still doing it today. Oh, when will we awaken to truly see Christ? Ironically, this even plays out in our very celebration of Easter. There are enclaves within the Christian world that refuse to celebrate Easter because they believe it is rooted in a pagan fertility ritual and furthermore, nobody knows what day it was on, etc. They crucify all who dare to uphold the practice. “If you were truly Christians,” they say, “you would not be involved in such an unscriptural practice!” Typical leading priest/temple guard rhetoric. What month or day Jesus was crucified, the roots of the word Easter, how it started many years ago… it is all inconsequential. The choice here and now, the opportunity, is to lift up Jesus together with believers across the world in sincerity of heart and unity of worship. If our hearts say no to that then we have to ask ourselves, “What is really important to us?” Are we more concerned with saying no to something that undermines our belief system (just like healing on the Sabbath in Christ’s day) or saying yes to the opportunity that Easter presents for unbelievers to hear the gospel and be healed? (Hint: Jesus chose to heal.)


I have been faced with my own inner crowd and leading priest lately. Jesus has been asking me if I am willing to live a sacrificial life. Am I willing to be crucified with Christ that I may be resurrected with Him? Am I willing to let the parts of me that I am still clinging to die? It is as though Jesus has set Himself in front of me, gently held my shoulders, looked me in the eyes, and said, “This is it, Mat. If you want to go any further, it requires sacrifice.”


I can’t say that I was all gung-ho about choosing the way of Jesus. I wanted to. Oh, how I desperately wanted to! But I didn’t feel I had the ability to follow through, not really, not truly, not authentically. I have seen myself choose my way over Jesus’ too often. So many times it felt like my heart would break in utter despair.


But… perhaps this is the mysterious power of Jesus’ sacrifice? Perhaps this is what makes the way of Jesus superior to religious power or political power? Jesus’ sacrifice actually has the power to transform my life really, truly, authentically. And so, I say boldly, “I CHOOSE YOUR WAY JESUS!” I choose to join you in your death and resurrection. Crucify me Jesus. That I may die, and You may live in me. This is the way.

Copyright 2023, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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The Three Power Habits of Christianity

I have come to be convinced that there are only three root practices that underpin the life of every thriving Christian. There are many beneficial habits or disciplines but they all draw from these three in my opinion. It may sound like an oversimplification, but I have found that most truth is simple. It is not necessarily easy to walk out but it is not complicated. Here are my three power habits of Christianity:

  1. Intimacy – Pursuing deepening relationship with God.
  2. Transformation – Pursuing hearing and obeying His voice with greater and greater frequency, accuracy and immediacy.
  3. Dominion – Pursuing expansion of God’s kingdom in your sphere.

Put another way:

  1. Connecting more and more with Christ.
  2. Becoming more and more like Christ.
  3. Connecting the world more and more with Christ.

These habits are sequential and cyclical. By sequential, I mean that we can only become like Christ to the degree that we are intimate with Him, and we can only expand Christ’s dominion to the degree that He is in us. This means that intimacy with Father, Jesus, and Holy Spirit is the #1 pursuit of the Christian life. Everything we do such as praying, worshipping, fasting, and bible study, should be mainly toward this end. If it is not, then we are wasting our time.

The second habit is the transformation of our lives by hearing AND obeying God’s voice. Some of us may assume hearing simply means reading the bible. Let me be absolutely clear here – we can read the bible and never hear His voice. Only those intimate with God hear His voice. There must be an unmistakable awareness that our lives are guided by a person, not just biblical principles. We must be constantly led by the Spirit. The final habit, dominion, is the demonstrated power of God in our lives. Our Christianity must actually work. Demons must flee. Sickness must flee. Christ must transform our families and businesses and communities from brokenness to wholeness.

By cyclical, I mean that this is not a one-time 1-2-3 and then we have arrived at the pinnacle of Christianity. It is more like we get a little closer to Him, then we become a little more like Him, then we influence our world a little more, and then we draw a little closer again, and on and on in a beautiful upward spiral of grace.

These three things are a pattern that can be observed in scripture from beginning to end. Let’s take Moses and Joshua taking the Israelites from Egypt to Canaan. We have Moses refusing to go without God’s presence and building a temple for Him to dwell among His people. We have God giving the law on Mount Sinai and commanding the Israelites to walk in obedience to all His laws and commands. And we have Joshua leading the Israelites to displace the inhabitants of Canaan and occupy the land. Temple, Law, and Land. Intimacy, Transformation, and Dominion.

Consider also the Israelites returning from captivity in Babylon. There are three waves of Jews returning from exile. The first wave is led by Zerubbabel and the focus is on rebuilding the temple – Intimacy. The second wave is led by Ezra and the focus is on re-establishing obedience to the law – Transformation. And the third wave is led by Nehemiah and the focus is on rebuilding Jerusalem’s walls – Dominion.

Finally, all is fulfilled in Christ who is the way (making a way to true intimacy with God), the truth (the Word made flesh – our model and means for transformed life), and the life (living with absolute kingdom dominion over sin and death).

So, if you want to thrive make these practices the foundation of your life:

  1. Commitment to the single-minded pursuit of intimacy with God.
  2. Commitment to hearing God better and obeying Him more completely.
  3. Commitment to a lifestyle of stepping out in faith to see results in real life.

Christ be with you!

Copyright 2022, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

If you haven’t yet, check out our FREE Spiritual Growth Foundation Course in which we cover the four foundational principles for spiritual growth and much more! In addition to on-demand videos which you can watch at your leisure, there are downloadable handouts for those who prefer written content.

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ONLINE WORKSHOP: SPIRITUAL FORMATION 101

DATE: Mondays from 19th September 2022 to 21st November 2022

TIME: 7:30 pm – 9:30 pm AST

VENUE: Online Zoom Event (Cameras On)

FACILITATORS: Matik Nicholls, Tricia Celestin-Nicholls

DESCRIPTION: Participants will be taken on a 10-week journey that explores topics such as intimacy with God, identity, transformation, what it means to be a mature Christian, and how we can become mature. The sessions will include teaching, discussion, reflection, and activation in an environment of loving community.

TARGET AUDIENCE: This workshop is open to anyone seeking to walk more intimately with Jesus Christ and become more like Him.

COST: FREE

CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

Spiritual Formation 301 was EXCELLENT!!
Like the previous Sessions SF 101 & 201, packed with solid Biblical content, thought provoking, life transforming activities and discussions. I believe the facilitators through the leading of Adonai took us all on a journey each session where we were confronted, inspired and motivated to pursue authentic deeper intimacy with our Father. All my relationships have benefitted significantly from what I have gleaned as a participant in these sessions and if possible I would be willing to do them over again!

Thank you Matik and Tricia for making yourselves available and willing to process life with us in community as we provoke each other unto good works, and grow up into mature sons. God bless you and your ministry. We love you.

Rose, Turks & Caicos

It was a great pleasure to be a part of Spiritual Formation 101, 201 and 301. It has been a very enlightening, informative and eye-opening experience.

The purpose of these sessions was to encourage spiritual growth; to move from a place of immaturity to a place of maturity in Christ. It was about teaching the participants how to form new habits to help us grow and be more intimate in our relationship with others and with God. We identified where we were at in these relationships and through teachings and practice, looked at ways to find our identity in Christ. We learned and discussed ways to move from individual mindsets to a Kingdom mindset.

I loved that this was an open place to share. I had quite a bit on my plate at the start of 101, and being in that space was a healing in itself. It renewed my trust in God. At that time, my husband was having some issues with his sight; he couldn’t see. But listening to the teachings and hearing what others had to share helped me to see God’s hand working in my life, and that of my husband, even in that situation.

It seems like there was something happening in my life for each fraction of Spiritual Formation. In 201, I was having some issues with my alcoholic brother. He was drinking and getting into fights. But being in a place that I felt safe to share and being taught about God’s continued grace, helped me through. During 301, I was not in the best place spiritually; I wasn’t giving God His due, not spending enough time in His presence. But Matik’s presentations (practice and
assignments) helped to pull me out of that place and be more focused on my
relationship with God.

I truly believe that spirituality is much more important than religion. I also believe that God isn’t about saving only one religion but all of mankind. These three ‘courses’ reiterated that fact. Interacting with people of different countries, religious persuasions and socio-economic backgrounds, taught me that I take a lot of things for granted in my life.


I truly enjoyed these sessions and looked forward to them. I would this again if given the opportunity, because there was so much to learn that I’m sure I missed something(s).

Thanks so much for this Matik! May God continue to bless your efforts to spread His Kingdom message to others.

Jeneil, Trinidad & Tobago

Hi everyone. My name is Gillian. My husband and I met Matik and Tricia virtually during our search for a greater level of understanding of the Kingdom of God and desiring a greater daily impact in our lives through a deeper intimacy with God. I have had the great opportunity to sit expectantly through the Spiritual Formation sessions for the 201 and 301 courses. At the time when the 101 course was being offered, I was not available, but caught up, I believe, with the Basic, and Phase One sessions on the Authentic Joy website- https://authenticjoy.org/.

The Authentic Joy journey has been a real eye opener for me. In their loving way, I was encouraged to ask myself some deep questions, that allowed me to understand who I am and who God created me to be. My fellow course-mates helped in the process by sharing their experiences and what they gleaned as well. I especially liked the exercises and the habits we were encouraged to develop. Journaling is still a challenge but I appreciate the value of it and will settle in one day. Our model was always Christ Jesus and I learnt that real life was thriving in His love, joy and peace and not the false self of the survival mode where I had the tendency to perform for acceptance.

We are all to continue to seek the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness and in this, mature in love and purpose. I encourage you to go on this journey of Spiritual Formation. For me although the course has ended, the transformation journey continues. I am committed to ardently pursue intimacy with Father, Son and Holy Spirit. My life depends on it.

Thank you, Matik and Tricia for your passionate pursuit of God and joy in giving this course. I love you both.

Gillian, Jamaica
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“My Kingdom Is Not An Earthly Kingdom”

“My Kingdom is not an earthly kingdom. If it were, my followers would fight to keep me from being handed over to the Jewish leaders. But my Kingdom is not of this world.”

John 18:36b (NLT)

This was Jesus’ answer as Pilate questioned Him about being king of the Jews. It is a reality that informed everything that Jesus did and the way in which He conducted His life. But perhaps more to the point that Jesus is making here is what He didn’t do. He did not vie for leadership of the Sanhedrin. He did not come as a king like Hezekiah or David to free the Jewish people from their oppressors. In fact, he made no attempt to free them from Roman rule at all. He never tried to gain any earthly power, whether through political means or through violence. His kingdom was not of this world and therefore was not enforced by earthly means.

As 2021 comes to a close, I cannot help but think that we (Christians) still haven’t learned the lessons of 2020. We are still desperately trying to build a spiritual kingdom with earthly tools. Utter futility. Nothing, I believe, illustrates this better than US abortion statistics:

First of all, it is worthy of celebration that abortions have been falling since 1990. I think that this is good news no matter if you are pro-life or pro-choice. However, what is striking is the fact that the greatest declines in the number of abortions took place under Democratic administrations (shown in blue). We can conclude from this chart that there either is no correlation between a pro-life administration and reducing abortion rates or more astoundingly an inverse correlation.

Many well-known Christian leaders publicly and vociferously supported the Republican candidate in the last US elections and cited his policy on abortion as a deciding factor (if not the deciding factor). This one issue absolved us Christians from any responsibility for the pettiness, bigotry, hate, and division that he spewed forth daily. We were saving innocent lives. Only, as it turns out, we weren’t. The CDC’s statistics on abortion for 2018 and 2019 reveal something that has not happened in a long time – two successive years of rising numbers of abortions. (https://www.cdc.gov/reproductivehealth/data_stats/index.htm)

Could it be that what influences a nation is not so much the legal policies but the spiritual atmosphere? Could these scandalous statistics be a message from the unseen realm… “My kingdom is not of this world!”

Maybe (and I admit that this is a hypothesis) what made a difference was the prayers of the church lifted up during pro-choice administrations as opposed to resting on our spiritual laurels during pro-life administrations? Maybe…

Looking forward into 2022, the pandemic rages on and many of our churches continue to be preoccupied with earthly kingdom business. Our big concerns – being forced to wear masks and get vaccinations. As over 5 million people worldwide (including many clergymen and women) have now died from Covid-19, one would think that there would be bigger things on the minds and hearts of God’s people than the infringement of our ‘religious freedoms’. Surely.

Our kingdom compass is desperately in need of recalibration. Where does the anchor of our hope find ground? In Christ or in our government? What is the motivation for our actions? Love of neighbour or love of self? Are we moved by God’s voice or the latest conspiracy theory? What’s our priority, our freedom, or our responsibility as ambassadors of Christ?

Do you have strong convictions about taking or not taking vaccinations? Great! Take a page from the Hebrews in Babylon. They stood up for their convictions and depended on God to deliver them from the earthly authorities of the day. We can rest assured that if we are in the purpose of God, He will protect and provide for us as He did for Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. Our King is much more powerful than any earthly power. Daniel and his friends never sent around a petition for signatures or started a campaign against the king or plead their case or even asked God to judge the authorities. They just stood by their decision and left the rest to God come what may. They knew that their kingdom was not of this world.

Let’s flip the script in 2022. Let’s show the world the power of God like Daniel did… like Jesus did! Let’s be radical demonstrations of the love of Christ. The demonstration of Christ’s kingship was not in His ability to bend men to His preferences through legislation, political power or social pressure but His ability to destroy the power of sin, sickness and demonic oppression in the lives of men. In the physical realm, Jesus spent His life as a sacrificial demonstration of love. In the spiritual realm, He completely undercut the power darkness that was at the root of all evil. This is how we shine in the present darkness. We wrestle not against flesh and blood. Our weapons are mighty for spiritual battle.

Let’s get radical. Let’s see thousands healed of Covid as churches send out intercessory teams to surround hospitals with prayer. Let’s see churches give radically to care for the sick. Let’s elevate our minds above these worldly affairs of masks, vaccines, and politics and begin to really follow Christ into His kingdom. Let’s demonstrate the indefatigable love and power of Jesus Christ!

Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

If you haven’t yet, check out our FREE Spiritual Growth Foundation Course in which we cover the four foundational principles for spiritual growth and much more! In addition to on-demand videos which you can watch at your leisure, there are downloadable handouts for those who prefer written content.

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Inner Work

“What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy—full of greed and self-indulgence! You blind Pharisee! First wash the inside of the cup and the dish, and then the outside will become clean, too.

~ Matthew 23:25-26 (NLT) ~

If you want to grow, you must do the inner work. Inner work is the washing of the inside of our cup. It is facing our dirt and finding the root cause of how it got there and why it keeps coming back. It is getting healing from trauma. It is confronting our shame and facing our fears. It is bringing our selfishness and greed and pride to the cross to be crucified with Christ. This is the most sacred type of work and the most neglected.

I think there are three reasons why inner work is so neglected by Christians. Firstly, it is unseen, especially in the early stages. As you first begin to tackle your inner demons, not many will come up to congratulate you or encourage you on the excellent work you are doing. There will be no acclaim or reward for taking up that broom and mop and getting down in the muck of your inner life. The motivation to do inner work must come entirely from within (ultimately from God)… the militant commitment to give up your fake-life to follow Christ. Your sight of eternal life (not in heaven but here and now) must be larger… more attractive… more valuable… than the Pharisee-life of religious superiority and praise of men.

Which brings me to the second reason that inner work is so neglected. It requires us to be honest about our mess and that type of honesty will not win you many friends in the church. The vast majority of the church is in the business of cleaning the outside of the cup – managing sin – modifying behaviour. Jesus says we have to clean the inside first. Transformation, Jesus’ way, cleans the heart first and then (after some time) the outside becomes clean. This type of transformation is lasting, genuine and Christ glorifying. The problem is that while we are doing the inner work, our mess is visible and that is uncomfortable to our ego. Often, to really sort out the inside of our cup we will have to seek professional help, confide in family and close friends and generally be OK with not being ‘blessed and highly favoured, praise God’. For many, that price is too high.

The final barrier to inner work is the lack of tangible results. We are driven to perform. ‘Only results matter’, says the management adage, and we have bought it wholesale. Inner work is slow, and tangible results are not evident for a long time. You have to be more committed to the process than the results. This was my greatest challenge to my inner work. I saw men and women of God walking in great purpose in their 20s and, “What was I doing in my 40s?” my inner critic said. Nothing much. Decades of just trying to know God better and confront my own depravity without much evidence of the greatness I felt called to. There is this pressure to achieve something… anything… to exit the process prematurely.

This performance culture is a delusion and a distraction. Why are we more inclined to listen to a pastor who has twenty books, leads a mega-church and has hundreds of thousands of followers on twitter than the little faithful old ladies in our church? I’m a big fan of little faithful old ladies. Without these pillars, there would be no successful pastors. Often, they are full of the wisdom of inner work gurus. Our eyes and ears need recalibration. Success defined by numbers of followers and size of empire is not a kingdom definition. I’m not saying that these things are bad, just not a good goal for your life. They are better achieved as a byproduct of more of Christ in us. There are men and women with big outward success that have cleaned the inside of their cups and some that have not. To the uncalibrated eye they may look the same, but the former are such treasures while God takes no pleasure in the latter.

I invite you to recalibrate. At this time many of us are on a break from work. Spend some quiet time with God. Re-focus on the inside of your cup. He is looking for those who will carry His Living Water, undefiled, to a world in drought.

Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

If you haven’t yet, check out our FREE Spiritual Growth Foundation Course in which we cover the four foundational principles for spiritual growth and much more! In addition to on-demand videos which you can watch at your leisure, there are downloadable handouts for those who prefer written content.

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An Emotional Christian?

God has been speaking to my wife, Tricia, and me for months now about our emotional wholeness. The picture that I had in my head of a mature Christian is a stoic guy, resolutely following God and not being swayed or distracted by his emotions.  Moreover, he always has his ‘negative’ emotions under control. He never shows anger. He is never fearful, and he’s definitely never depressed. But I’ve been asking myself, “Is this picture an accurate one?”

To begin with, the bible captures God displaying a variety of emotions. Here’s a small sample:

Genesis 6:6 (ESV)

And the Lord regretted that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him to his heart.

Zephaniah 3:17 (ESV)

The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

Matthew 14:14 (ESV)

When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick.

John 11:35 (ESV)

Jesus wept.

Hmmm God seems so… emotional. Doesn’t that reconfigure your framework for how we, human beings created in His image, are supposed to function? God created our emotions. In fact, on the sixth day, God looked at all that He had made (including mankind, fresh from the dirt, with emotions and all) and said that it was very good!

As I mentioned, Tricia and I seem to be in an emotional masterclass at the moment. My knowledge gap is huge, but I’ve been learning.  After attending emotional intelligence training and a LOT of reading, I thought I would share some of what we’ve learned.

First of all, emotions serve a purpose. Emotions are messages. We can choose to process the messages and act on the information, or we can choose to ignore them at our own peril. It’s analogous to sensory information that goes from our senses to our brain. If we push a pin into our skin, our brain gets a pain message that tells us that if we continue pushing that pin, we will be injured. If we are touched affectionately, our brain gets a pleasure message that tells us that this is good for us. Similarly, fear, for example, protects us from danger even before it gets close enough to harm us. If we ignored our fear emotion, we would soon be dead. The interesting thing is that emotions make no distinction between physical dangers/pleasures and things that threaten or benefit our soul. The pain of loneliness can be as strong as a physical pain. It is a warning that we are too isolated from others and damaging our soul. While the joy of seeing a friend encourages us to socialize and connect with others which increases the well-being of our soul.

Secondly, every emotion is an opportunity for self-discovery or connection (or both). The message contains information about what really matters to us. The messages tell us about our heart and processing those messages with God and those close to us creates intimacy because sharing our heart is one of the most relationship-building things we can do. Here’s an example: Tasha comes home after a really stressful day at work. She is looking forward to spending time with her husband, Rico. However, she gets home to a note that says that Rico has gone golfing. She is disappointed. When Rico does get home, he notices that Tasha is a bit cold and begins to get angry assuming that Tasha is angry because he went golfing. This is the moment of opportunity. Any married couple knows that this could easily lead to a bitter argument and disconnection if both Rico and Tasha ignore ‘the signals’ that their emotions are sending them. Let’s assume they get it right: Rico processes his anger and realizes that he is jumping to conclusions and asks Tasha if anything is wrong. Tasha processes her disappointment and tells Rico how much she needed his love and comfort and her disappointment on realizing that he was not home in such an impersonal way. Rico responds by moving closer to her and empathizing with her pain. He apologizes for not calling instead of leaving a note and suggests a movie in bed. The couple ends the night with their relationship significantly strengthened because Tasha allowed Rico to see how much he means to her and Rico reciprocated his value for her by being tender with her vulnerability and prioritizing her needs. (If only I was as emotionally intelligent as Rico!)

Emotions have gotten a bad rep in the modern Christian life. We are so concerned about not being controlled by our emotions that we have completely ignored a necessary aspect of what it means to be a healthy and Godly human. While it is true that emotions should not control us, we are not meant to be left-brained, rational machines. By sheer neglect of our souls, we have become half-hearted creatures trying to love God and people with our minds and a seriously malnourished heart. Not to mention we foolishly think we can love through an act of our will only.

Consider our fictitious couple again. Suppose Rico did everything the same except his face never reflected the pain that Tasha felt. His eyes were cold and his suggestion to watch a movie seemed to be made begrudgingly. He did and said all the right things, but his emotions were not in it. Do you think that would affect the outcome? You bet it would! Love is both will AND emotion. Our love of God and others cannot be decision and duty only. It must also be fully experienced and deeply felt. We have been trying to build relationships with God, marriages, families, and communities of love based on a rational approach that neglects the emotional attributes of our beings. It has not been working.

By neglecting my emotional signals, I have been neglecting my heart. I am dysfunctional (but not uncommon). I am not loving God with my whole heart, my whole mind, and my whole soul and neither am I loving others as God loves me. God pursues me with a jealous love! His love for me is ferocious! Mine is not nearly as hot. I have learned a pattern of behaviour that is not according to design. I have learned to suppress my ‘negative’ emotions and to avoid the vulnerability of intimacy. I have learned to neglect my heart. The process of unlearning is slow and difficult, but Tricia and I are committed to it because we were made to live wholeheartedly! To live passionately! We all are!

Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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How We Treat The Next Generation Determines Our Future

On one occasion Jesus was teaching the people and they kept bringing their children for Him to touch them. The disciples, however, did not think that blessing children was an appropriate use of Jesus’ time. They rebuked them for bothering their Master with such trivial matters. Jesus was indignant. “Do not hinder the children from coming to Me!” he said.

There are two value systems at work here… One says that children are of lesser importance and value than adults. The other says that children are of equal value and importance. Clearly, Jesus is in the latter camp. However, I wonder how seriously we Christians take the call to emulate Jesus in this regard. We much prefer the commandment that children should obey their parents and the proverb, ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’. We love to instill the value of obedience in our children but we’re not so keen on instilling in ourselves the value of treating our children as equally valuable contributors to our families and society.

This emphasis on obedience over value is so widespread that it’s easily missed. For example, do we consult with our children on family decisions that will affect them? Do schools consult with the students when making major changes? Instead, the message is: we adults make the rules and you must follow (without complaint or rudeness of course). This type of thinking is even more pervasive in countries like mine which value compliance over individual expression and empowerment.

Much to the dismay of my wider family and society, I have tried to give my children more of a voice in our family than in most Christian homes. Whereas a ‘good child’ in most Christian homes is one who is courteous and obedient, I have tolerated above-normal levels of push-back in favour of cultivating independent thought, negotiating skills, individual expression and initiative. I also apologize to my children when I lose my temper or do something to hurt them. This is very counter-cultural in traditional Caribbean homes where a wrong look from a child could earn them a beating. I have been told, “Why are you apologizing to a child?!” or “You are the adult and they are the child! You are spoiling them!”.

Admittedly, this is an experiment. Only time will tell if my method has any merit. However, I am 100% committed to living the values that I see in Jesus as best I can. Children were not second-class citizens to Him. I also have to admit that my experiment requires more effort and I’m constantly trying to strike the right balance. There are many times that I wish they would just please please comply without a fuss… (I do have a few years more experience in life than they do after all… sigh, exhale). Recently, my youngest has really been testing me with regards to his online gaming habits and after numerous attempts at a more collaborative approach, I’ve had to make some ‘my way or the highway’ decisions. Sometimes you do have to protect them from themselves.

In general, however, I think we have a value system that gives preference to the needs and desires of adults over children. The adults want it quiet; the children cannot play loudly. The adults want a clean house; the children can’t make mess. The adults don’t think that career will make money; the children must choose different subjects. The child then becomes a compliant automaton, rebels or waits patiently for the day of liberation when he or she has the power to make their own rules. Thus, perpetuating the cycle of using our power to get our way rather than using our power to empower others. And this is the crux of the matter – our attitude to power. Are we willing to give our power away to our children (or to our congregation or to our staff for that matter) or will we covet power to shower ourselves with perks and rewards? Which is the way of Christ?

At the end of the day, I see my job as supporting, nurturing and guiding my children into their own relationship with Jesus and mature adulthood. In neither their faith nor their life, do I want them to come into maturity by passively living through my relationship with God or following my dictates. I want them to find their own relationship and their own way. I’m here to support, coach, encourage, equip and empower.

I am convinced that in Trinidad and Tobago our parenting, schooling, church culture and workplace culture are set up to perpetuate a power-coveting worker mentality; people skilled at towing the line, not thinking for themselves, and seeking power through political maneuvering.  We have mass-produced these non-thinking suck-ups and the result is a generational inheritance of people who vote based on their race, expect the government to look after their tribe when they get into power, and exhibit no entrepreneurial spirit. I refuse to let that be the legacy of my family. I refuse to have that power sickness live in my heart. Our children may be a little more rambunctious, but I like rambunctious 😊.

Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls.
All rights reserved.

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Kingdom Perspectives on Gender Equality

It’s been a while. I’ve been in a bit of hibernation. God has been reshaping my focus. New things are in the pipeline. Meanwhile, I was inspired to do a vlog on gender equality.

Check it out:

Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls.

All rights reserved.

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A Mile in My Shoes

Being a man is not as glamourous or as easy as some women (and men) would make it out to be. We just don’t talk about it. And that’s the problem. The media is littered with the struggles women face in the workplace and in the family but there is a noticeable void when it comes to the challenges unique to the male gender. This in and of itself is one of the biggest challenges men face. We believe manliness includes the projection of strength at all times. This is one of the great issues of our time. It is destroying families, churches, corporations and countries. Men will not be vulnerable, show weakness, seek help or admit failure until they are forced to do so by a catastrophic crash.

I am particularly passionate about this culture of machismo and bravado in the church world because I see the wake of destruction it is causing. I am sure that almost every moral failure of every religious leader could be traced back to a point where the problem was still in its infancy but there was no space in the culture to be open about their problems. To admit that ‘we all sin’ is the biggest sin. It would mean being shamed, judged and demoted. Leaders must be infallible. The enemy, ably assisted by bible-thumping ‘perfect’ pastors worldwide, has used this culture to keep men of God in a morass of moral stagnancy for decades. True transformation begins with the space to ‘confess’ failure safely and receive help not condemnation. *Exhale* I digress..

So, I thought that in this blog I would give some insight into some of my personal struggles as a way of giving some insight into the male psyche and taking a small stand against this destructive definition of masculinity. I was actually grappling with these thoughts (by myself of course) amid the normal daily chaos of family life when I came across a podcast by my cousin and his friends titled Toxic Masculinity. That podcast inspired me to share my story.

I consider myself the leader of my family. I know this is, perhaps, a traditional view of the family structure, but I believe it is still a widely held belief (although most might not admit to it outright). Certainly, it is a common belief in the Judeo-Christian world. I start here because it sets the context for most men of the psychological pressures that we face as husbands and fathers. This has less to do with power and much more to do with responsibility. I abhor submission doctrines that are really tantamount to domination doctrines. I view my wife as co-leader of our family, but I still feel a great responsibly to provide for and protect my family. It’s just how I am wired and how many men I talk to are wired. This is not just in a financial and physical sense but also in an emotional sense. I want my wife and children to feel loved and I want them to be happy and I feel a great sense of responsibility to provide an environment that makes that happen.

As a disciple of Christ, I understand that the best thing I can do for my family is to follow God wholeheartedly. I know that if I align myself and my family with His will everything will be optimal. However, the problem I face is this – who determines what is God’s will? Do I? Does my wife? The children? We all believe we know the right way and often we are not in agreement. This is exacerbated in a blended family like mine.

In a blended family there are two sets of adults and children with distinct and unique cultures and traditions coming together to live in one house. Conflict is inevitable and inevitably each parent feels like the one caught in the middle. For me, on one hand, my wife wants my support in enforcing things the way she believes they should be done and if I don’t it makes her look like the evil stepmother. On the other hand, my children want things to remain as they were before and if I take her ‘side’ it’s evidence that I love her more than them and everything is now about her. This is the tightrope I have to walk every day and it is TOUGH.

Constantly, I find myself in the middle trying to make everyone see things from the other’s point of view. This scenario is not just between my wife and my children. It’s between her biological children and my biological children. It’s my children’s mother who has concerns about what’s affecting her children in my house. Its grandparents who have their own views of how we are bringing up the children. In each case, I am trying not to just brush them off but to actively listen, to hear the heart behind the words and ultimately to have a response that is filled with the wisdom and compassion of God and that reconciles and not divides.

If I did not care what God thought, it would be easy! I could just ignore everyone. “You can’t let your children run your home!” the parental pundits say. (Far less listen to your ex-wife’s concerns). But that’s not an option for me because my God teaches humility and compassion and to value EVERYONE. Many (if not all) Christian counselors say that husbands should put their wives first and children second, but I cannot subscribe to that in a blended context. Children in a blended family desperately need to know that they haven’t suddenly become second-rate citizens.

So, I find myself many times pleasing no one and everyone feeling that I favour the others. This is the defining feeling of being a man for me. The feeling that there is no one emotionally supporting me. I have to be the voice of reason, the inspirer, the pray-er, the optimist, the visionary, the reminder of God’s promises, the bigger person and reconciler to everyone and expect no empathy for my role. Often, I feel emotionally blackmailed into a decision and when it backfires, I beat myself up for listening to my wife or my children instead of doing what I felt was right.

But this is not THE truth. In a sense, it’s a prison of my own making because I am actually surrounded by supportive people! The truth is that my wife is my #1 cheerleader and support. In fact, she could be having the worst day but if she knows that I am struggling she immediately switches to full on support mode. I also have children (some more than others) that say, “Thank you dad for all you do for me.” Honestly, there has not been a moment in my life when I’ve had more support than right now. Yet, I still often feel overwhelmed because I still feel that it’s my job to be the strong one for them.

More recently, God has been teaching me to give my burdens to Him. I’ve always known this in theory… I could say the prayer, “Lord I give my burdens to You” but now more than ever I am learning how to practice this exchange of my anxiety, frustration and fatigue for His security, love and refreshing in tender moments of intimacy with Him each morning. It’s a beautiful place.

Well that’s my story. I would love to hear what being a man feels like for you.

Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls.
All rights reserved.

To receive more content like this in your inbox and to receive a free e-copy of my book, The Primacy of The Voice of God – Elevating the Word of God to Its Rightful Position, please subscribe to www.authenticjoy.org.