Remember we said that spiritual growth is both a journey and a process. The Growth Model codifies the internal processes involved in your spiritual growth.
The person at the center of the model is you and inside of us are the aspects of our character that we must work on to achieve maturity. On the left side is where we all start – the immature version of ourselves. On the right is where we are trying to get to – the mature version of ourselves. In the center there are six characteristics of maturity that we all need to work on to move from immaturity to maturity:
Intimacy with God
Identity
Responsibility
Wholeness
Resilience
Competence
Everything starts with intimacy with God. This is the center of our model. Nothing else works without intimacy. It is first in sequence and in importance to the transformation process. Here are some definitions of the six characteristics:
Intimacy with God: Your connectedness to God in heart-to-heart relationship. How well your hear Him and enjoy His presence.
Identity: The story you tell yourself about whose you are, who you are and who your tribe is. Your value, significance and belonging.
Responsibility: How well you take accountability for your growth, the outcomes of your life and how you affect others.
Wholeness: Complete wholeness and health of your spirit, mind, emotions, body and relationships.
Resilience: How well you deal with hardship and suffering. The ability to grow through trials and see God at work in them.
Competence: Influencing your sphere for the kingdom of God. Being a good ambassador for Christ of His love and power. Using your gifts to serve humanity for Christ.
Growth also takes place in the context of a community where we feel we belong. Our community greatly influences our progress (or lack of) to maturity. We cannot become fully mature without the support of and contribution to a healthy community.
In addition, our growth (and the growth of our community) takes place in the context of the sovereign purposes of God. God’s purpose not only directs our growth but as we mature, we should witness our life experiences becoming more and more purposeful.
Finally, everything about this work of maturity really starts with love. God, outside of our initiative or ability, sovereignly and mercifully calls us, sanctifies us and glorifies us because He loves us. It is God’s love for us that initiates, sustains and completes this good work in us. His love is bigger than we can imagine. As we yield to His work in us, we become more and more full of His love, and we walk more and more in His purpose. However, we do not work on these things directly, but as we address the six aspects outlined above, we will begin to see the love and purpose of God increase in our lives.
I would also like to show you how the model hearkens back to our scriptural foundations. Ephesians 3:14-19 speaks to intimacy with God, identity and wholeness. Ephesians 4:11-16 speaks to identity, responsibility, competence and community. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 speaks to competence and wholeness. And James 1:2-4 speaks to resilience.
When we have fully developed in love, intimacy with God, identity, responsibility, wholeness, resilience, competence, purpose and community, then we would have attained the fullness of the stature of Christ.
REFLECTION
Can you identify times in your life when God was working on these aspects of your character?
What do you believe the Holy Spirit is working on in you in this season?
Copyright 2026, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
Spiritual growth is both a journey and a process. The maturation process takes place in a context, and that context is the unique events and circumstances of your life’s journey. Spiritual growth is not something that happens apart from life. Life is the classroom that God uses to bring us to maturity.
The Authentic Joy Journey Guide is adapted from Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey, a classical storytelling template.
Home (The Comfort Zone)
This is where we all start our journey. You will know if you are at this stage if you feel comfortable and at ease with your life. There is a certain amount of passivity at this stage. Picture Bilbo Baggins in Tolkien’s classic, The Hobbit, at his home in The Shire enjoying the secure predictability of morning walks and evening tea. A biblical example of someone at this stage would be Job before Satan attacked him. He was in a good place in life, faithfully serving God and abundantly blessed. Or what about Mary before the angel announced she would bear a child? Can you imagine her? A young bride, excited about her upcoming marriage, living a normal life unaware of what was around the corner. Sometimes we can be full of hubris at this stage, thinking we know it all and that we are untouchable. The Pharisees typified this ‘pride comes before a fall’ type of attitude.
The Call
At this stage something happens to cause us to consider leaving our comfort zone. God’s summons to grow up can happen in many ways:
• A divine encounter: God interrupts our scheduled programming with a vision, prophetic word or a visitation. This is what happened to Mary, Gideon, Jeremiah and Paul. They all encountered God in some way that was undeniable and compelling
• Tragedy: Sometimes it takes a tragedy to dislodge us from our comfort zone. It could be a serious illness, a divorce, the loss of a loved one, or the loss of a job. Whatever it is, it becomes an opportunity for us to rethink how we have been living up to that point. Job and Joseph provide biblical examples of tragedy as a call to growth
• Wake-up call: Sometimes we are also comfortable in our sin and God mercifully provides a moment of clarity for us to escape. The parable of the prodigal son illustrates this as does the woman caught in adultery who got the opportunity to ‘go and sin no more’.
This stage can elicit in us fear and doubt or excitement and hope as we react to the thought of the unknown. We do not know what lies ahead. Answering the call will require us to do life differently and we have no guarantees that it will all work out. Sometimes, we can opt to stay with the familiar instead of facing the unknown which introduces the next stage.
The Refusal
This stage, more than any other, is optional. Some of us may be gung-ho, rearing and ready to go. Others of us may need a little more… coaxing. Think of Moses and Jonah. Moses gave God excuse after excuse trying to convince God that He had picked the wrong man. But Jonah… Jonah is the poster child for this stage. It took a ride in the belly of a whale to get Jonah to heed God’s call. If we are in this stage we may be feeling fear, doubt, insecurity, indifference or pride. Remember the Pharisees again? They missed the day of their visitation.
The Departure
When we decide to heed the call, it’s adventure time! Sometimes the fear and doubt still linger on in this stage but hopefully, it’s more and more mingled with excitement and curiosity. The overarching attitude that allows us to enter fully into this stage is faith and trust in God as we surrender to His will. This is what Mary did when she said, ‘let it be to me according to your word’. This is what Joshua did when he crossed the Jordan to lead the Israelites into battle. This is what all the heroes of faith did as they heeded the call of God on their lives. Our departure may not look as ‘glamorous’, but it is no less significant in God’s eyes when we choose to trust Him. Our departures may be as big as starting a business, ministry or family, or as small as being open to a new relationship, seeing a psychologist or joining a faith community.
The Crucible
Surprise surprise, there are trials and tests along our journey. (I bet you didn’t see that coming!) Life is dangerous outside of The Shire. This is usually one of the longer stages or at least it seems that way. It is characterized by pain. Along with pain we may feel anger, confusion, fear, despair and hopelessness. David and Joseph are our models when it comes to The Crucible. As the name implies, it is in this stage that we are refined in the fiery furnace. The list of trials that each of us may face is endless; rejection by loved ones, poverty, domestic abuse, church leader abuse, illness of a child, cancer… I’m sure you can draw from your own experience. I can give you only this assurance: no adversity lasts forever if you pay attention to the lesson. The Crucible is the means God uses to get to the deep issues at the foundation of your character – your motives and desires. The furnace of fiery trials brings the real you to the surface and offers you the opportunity for real transformation. This opportunity for change introduces The Epic Battle.
The Epic Battle
Do you know that one scene in the movie where the hero and the villain finally face off? This is that scene, except the battle is not with the villain but with yourself to become who God intended for you to become. Your ‘inner villain’ is exposed in The Crucible and now you have a choice – will you let him live or put him to death? External trials prompt an internal struggle. We see this in the moments when David has the opportunity to kill Saul and chooses not to. Also, when Joseph faces his brothers who sold him into slavery and after much back and forth (you can see that he is battling with himself), he finally tells them what they meant for evil, God used for good. But perhaps the character who most epitomizes this inner battle is Jacob’s all-night struggle with the Lord where Jacob (the deceiver) comes away with a new name – Israel (one who struggles with God). The whole journey hinges on this stage. This is when the Potter tests the quality of the vessel. Is it fit for use? This stage can be a lonely and desperate time when nobody seems to understand what you are going through and few are there for you in your time of travail. Think of Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane sweating drops of blood while the disciples slept.
The Reward
If we are victorious in battle, then we reap the reward! In the movies, the protagonist gets a treasure of some sort. Or maybe he gets the girl. But in our story, the hero reaps a spiritual reward. Maybe it’s spiritual authority over a city. Maybe it’s love and joy in your home. Maybe you become a recognized leader in some sphere of culture. The reward is unique to your call but whatever it is, it is good! Abraham had a son, inherited a land and became the father of faith. David was made king. Joseph became Pharoah’s right-hand man, ruling over Egypt. Daniel had a similar story of ruling over Babylon. This stage is a time of celebration, joy, peace and gratitude.
The Return Home
No reward is for yourself (at least not in the kingdom). Now you must return home to share the reward with the community. Joseph saved his family from starvation and poverty. Job prayed for his friends. David ensured that Solomon became the most wise and successful king that ever lived. The journey to maturity is not complete until we turn around and help others along their journey. This book is one example of that. It is my attempt to share all that I have learnt on my journey with as many people as possible. If we do that, we will discover a new place of fulfilment, purpose, community, belonging and well-being. At first, our circumstances may not look different on the outside, but we will be different, and our experience of the circumstances will be different, and eventually what’s on the inside of us will change what’s around us.
It is easier to think of the journey as three distinct phases:
Awakening
o Home
o The Call
o The Refusal
o The Departure
Processing
o The Crucible
o The Epic Battle
Joyful Partnership
o The Reward
o The Return Home
This is just a map, not a formula. Everyone’s journey will look different. You may go forward and then backwards. You may also be at one stage in one area of your life and at another stage in another area of your life. The journey can also be interpreted as a cycle, with The Return Home eventually becoming your Comfort Zone until God elicits another Call for you to grow and you go around the loop again.
REFLECTION
Which phase of the journey do you feel that you are in right now?
What comes up for you as you process this with God?
Copyright 2026, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
This week we will begin to go deeper into four scriptures that give us insight into the process of becoming mature in Christ.
Ephesians 3:14-19 (NLT):
When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
2 Timothy 3:16-17 (ESV)
16 All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, 17 that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.
Ephesians 4:11-16 (NLT)
11 Now these are the gifts Christ gave to the church: the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, and the pastors and teachers. 12 Their responsibility is to equip God’s people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ. 13 This will continue until we all come to such unity in our faith and knowledge of God’s Son that we will be mature in the Lord, measuring up to the full and complete standard of Christ.
14 Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. 15 Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. 16 He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.
James 1:2-4 (ESV)
2 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
Meditate on these passages and reflect on the questions below.
REFLECTION
What is Holy Spirit saying to you through these passages?
What elements of these passages resonate with your experience of spiritual growth?
Where do you see room for growth in the way described in these passages?
Copyright 2026, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
The capital ‘C’ Church is a dynamic, multi-facted, global, mosaic of people whose hearts are truly devoted to Jesus. These people are sprinkled across the globe. They are in all denominations and in no denominations. Some may be Muslims or Hindus, but secretly their hearts are set on Jesus. This is the mystery of the Church. It is a living organism, led and orchestrated by Jesus, not by human hands, and it is growing and maturing daily. This is the rock that King Nebuchadnezzar saw.
Daniel 2:31-35 (NLT)
31 “In your vision, Your Majesty, you saw standing before you a huge, shining statue of a man. It was a frightening sight. 32 The head of the statue was made of fine gold. Its chest and arms were silver, its belly and thighs were bronze, 33 its legs were iron, and its feet were a combination of iron and baked clay. 34 As you watched, a rock was cut from a mountain, but not by human hands. It struck the feet of iron and clay, smashing them to bits. 35 The whole statue was crushed into small pieces of iron, clay, bronze, silver, and gold. Then the wind blew them away without a trace, like chaff on a threshing floor. But the rock that knocked the statue down became a great mountain that covered the whole earth.
The common ‘c’ church comprises the Christian organizations across the globe. Within many of these organizations, there are true disciples of Christ who are part of the Church, but there are also the crowds (those that are only there for the blessings) and the Scribes and Pharisees (those who get their power and relevance from the organization but whose hearts are far from God).
I have a vision in my heart of a community where there is a pervasive mutuality, where there exists a mystical wonder of everyone being so personally submitted to the leading of the Holy Spirit that there is a sacred unity and accord, where there is a genuine, deep, unconditional love and acceptance of every son and daughter of God, where the presence of God is palpable.
My favorite revival – the Welsh revival of 1904 – had meetings described by Evan Roberts like this:
“There was no programme. There was no printed order of service. There was no choir director, no song-leader, no master of ceremonies. There was not even a sermon in the traditional sense. I did speak sometimes briefly. Sometimes at length. But I never prepared my words in advance. I left all of that to the Holy Spirit. Sometimes I would stand and say a few sentences. Sometimes I would sit in silence for long stretches while the Spirit moved through the congregation that needed no human guidance. And sometimes I would simply pray or weep or sing. The meetings belonged to the people. Anyone might stand up and pray at any moment. Anyone might begin singing a hymn. Anyone might confess a sin, share a testimony, or cry out for mercy and these things happened not in an orderly one at a time fashion but often all at once. A great chorus of prayer and praise, and weeping, and singing, that rose to heaven like incense from 100 altars.”
This is what I long for! This revival emptied the jails and courthouses and transformed the entire society.
Sadly, what I have experienced in church is that instead of mutuality there is hierarchy, instead of submission to the Holy Spirit there is submission to a personality, instead of love and acceptance there is evaluation and classification.
The church, by very nature, is not compatible with the Church. There will always be friction between the two. An organization is, by definition, a man-made construct. It must be defined by rules and controlled by human systems. We like church because it is predictable and manageable. We can control the outcomes and measure the performance. Predictability and manageability allow us to keep our idol of control intact. We don’t want a rock; we prefer bricks. We can build our kingdom for God with bricks – people conformed to a mold by systems, structures, and domination. We cannot build with a rock, far less an ever-expanding rock which is not under our control! Therefore, the church system will always demand we be a brick, and those who are part of the Rock will always be perceived as a threat.
The truth is that, like the statue in Daniel, the Rock will destroy all of our man-made systems and structures.
Daniel 2:44-45 (NLT)
44 “During the reigns of those kings, the God of heaven will set up a kingdom that will never be destroyed or conquered. It will crush all these kingdoms into nothingness, and it will stand forever. 45 That is the meaning of the rock cut from the mountain, though not by human hands, that crushed to pieces the statue of iron, bronze, clay, silver, and gold. The great God was showing the king what will happen in the future. The dream is true, and its meaning is certain.”
To all those who are disenchanted by the church, here’s my advice:
Do not lose heart. Do not look upon the natural. Stay in the secret place with God, with your eyes set on Jesus. That is your strength. Find the Church within the church. Be a subversive force of quiet rebellion within the system, not through force but through humble sacrificial love. Stay pure. You may be ostracized and persecuted like Christ was… love still… serve still. Do not separate from your sisters and brothers, and do not become an antagonist or a critic, but also do not compromise on who God called you to be and what He has called you to do. Do not let them force you into the brick mold! Obey God rather than man – in your family, in your workplace, on the streets. Do not let man prescribe your boundaries – no man can limit what you can do for God. Respect the boundaries set in your church organization, but God is bigger than the organization.
Christ set up the kingdom, and He showed us what it looks like. He continued healing when His ‘church leaders’ said not to. He continued to ‘break’ the Sabbath when they said to stop. He continued declaring that He was the Son of God when they said it was blasphemy. But when they attacked Him, He did not retaliate. He suffered. He took up His cross. He died. He was never swayed from His calling – neither by submitting to their dictates nor by getting suckered into fighting at their level. It is a hard road to walk. Often, you might look like the rebellious one. Often it will be painful. Ensure that it is for following Christ and not for anything that misrepresents Him, and ensure that you do not fight back.
The Kingdom will, in the end, destroy all the man-made kingdoms and become a big mountain and cover the whole earth! The dream is true, and its meaning is certain!
Copyright 2026, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
I am pleased to share a new development at Authentic Joy. But first, a back story:
Eight months ago, we started something new – online discipleship small groups. We have two groups that meet every other week, and the experience has been nothing short of transformational. I am not exaggerating when I say that these meetings are the most life-giving get-togethers in my life. I look forward to every session and leave our time together feeling refreshed, encouraged, and revitalized in my walk with God. And I’m not alone. Many have said that these groups are a tremendous source of life, learning and community that they cannot find anywhere else.
The format we follow is simple: I send out a short reading with a few questions for reflection a week ahead of our meeting. So, when we meet, there is no teaching, just conversation. We share deeply about how the material intersects with our lives and the down-to-earth (sometimes messy) ways in which we are being transformed and challenged to become like Jesus. There are no experts. We all share from the heart. We all listen deeply. We all hold each other before God and encourage each other to pursue Him.
So, we at Authentic Joy thought, “Why not take these reflections and share them with our online community as a bi-weekly devotional?” So, from today, that is just what we will be doing! We hope that it will be of great value to you on your discipleship journey! Here is installment #1:
1. DiscipleshipIntroduction
What is the formula for spiritual growth?
Many of us may have grown up in faith traditions where the formula or model for spiritual growth was something like this:
TRUTH + CHOICE = TRANSFORMATION
This model emphasizes learning truth and then choosing behaviour that aligns with what we have learned.
Question: Is it working?
I propose that our traditional model for transformation is not working. There are two reasons why this model cannot work:
It emphasizes external behaviour modification rather than internal transformation.
It emphasizes truth rather than love as the most important factor in our spiritual growth.
If we look at the anatomy of the human soul, we can see why this is a problem.
If we focus solely on truth (which is important for transforming our thoughts and beliefs) and external behaviour (which addresses our words and actions), without addressing the emotions, values and desires of the heart, then we have omitted a critical part of the human being!
Jesus’ model is quite different. Have a look at what He says in these 3 scriptures:
Matthew 5:27-28 (NLT)
Matthew 23:25-26 (NLT)
John 13:34-35 (NLT)
Jesus’ model focuses on the heart and only one thing transforms the heart – love. You can’t teach love. Jesus came to earth give us an experience of love that is transformative. Something the law was powerless to do.
Jesus’ model is called discipleship. John Mark Comer states it this way: “Be with Jesus. Become like Him. Do what He does.” The disciples didn’t just follow Jesus’ teachings; they literally followed Jesus wherever He went. Jesus’ invitation to “follow me” was never anything less than an invitation to do life with Him from that point forward.
Interestingly, it seemed that Jesus also thought that a group of disciples worked better than walking with Him alone. Companionship was also an integral part of Jesus’ model.
REFLECTION
What does the distinction between learning truth about Jesus versus experiencing love through being with Jesus bring up for you? Process with Holy Spirit.
What does the distinction between managing our behaviour to be in line with Biblical principles through force of will versus words and actions that naturally flow from having the same thoughts, beliefs, emotions, values and desires as Jesus bring up for you? Process with Holy Spirit.
Copyright 2026, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
To start my second instalment of this blog, here is the quote from In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership by Henri Nouwen that resonated with me:
“Somehow we have come to believe that good leadership requires a safe distance from those we are called to lead. Medicine, psychiatry, and social work all offer us models in which “service” takes place in a one-way direction. Someone serves, someone else is served, and be sure not to mix up the roles! But how can we lay down our life for those with whom we are not even allowed to enter into a deep personal relationship? Laying down your life means making your own faith and doubt, hope and despair, joy and sadness, courage and fear available to others as ways of getting in touch with the Lord of life. We are not the healers, we are not the reconcilers, we are not the givers of life. We are sinful, broken, vulnerable people who need as much care as anyone we care for. The mystery of ministry is that we have been chosen to make our own limited and very conditional love the gateway for the unlimited and unconditional love of God. Therefore true ministry must be mutual.
Oh, how I feel these words in my bones! In my area of interest, discipleship, I have become totally disinterested in preaching, teaching, and ministry that is devoid of the minister vulnerably opening his/her soul to his/her brothers and sisters. I have little interest in your expositions on Moses or Elijah or Paul, but I am keenly interested in how these Biblical examples intersect with the outworking of your personal salvation. I am not interested in what you read. I am interested in what you are living. It has almost become an obsession of mine – a search for a people on fire for God who are willing to live in mutuality and vulnerability.
I have generally found that the discipleship model in the church is a teacher-student/s or mentor-mentee/s relationship where the teacher or mentor is the expert who takes the student/s under his/her wing. All of the learning is assumed to be one-way. The student bares all the intimate details of her soul, while the teacher gives wise advice and remains closed and inaccessible.
What did Jesus say? He called His disciples friends on account of the fact that He wanted a more mutual relationship – one where He shared His plans with them (John 15:15). Jesus even invited three of His disciples to be with Him in His moment of deepest travail in the garden of Gethsemane.
I am thirsty for a space where disciples gather together to seek Jesus in heart-to-heart community. Where the numbers are small, the sharing is deep, and nobody is trying to fix me, save me, or heal me. I long to get together with a small group of individuals who are on fire for Jesus, hungry to seek Him with all their heart… but who are also hungry to be knit heart-to-heart with their brothers and sisters.
My wife and I have embarked on a bold experiment to create spaces such as these. This is what shapes the way we do our workshops and, more recently, what birthed our discipleship groups. It was first a desire that we had for community for ourselves before it was a desire to provide community for others. We get as much, or more, from our workshops as we give.
All true ministry is mutual. All true ministry comes from a relationship with our fellow man that, at the deepest level, recognizes the other as of equal value. We are all students, and there is one Teacher. We are all in the same boat. The minute we see ourselves as higher than the other is the minute we step out of the heart of Christ, who emptied Himself of the glory of heaven and became a man like us in order to save us. Who came down to our level and lifted us up with Him. Who took the lower position of a servant to mankind as the path to ministry and influence.
Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
We are super excited to announce that we have a new book coming out!! Whoopee!!! My latest book, Becoming Mature: A Practical Guide for Disciples of Jesus, will be released on April 21st, 2025!
If you feel like you are struggling in your spiritual growth journey or just not progressing as fast as you would like, then this book is for you. Becoming Mature offers a transformative approach to Christian discipleship using scripture, personal experience, and psychological insights to connect with the reader. Becoming Mature takes you on a step-by-step journey of growth in love, purpose, community, identity, responsibility, wholeness, resilience, competence, and most importantly, intimacy with God.
It’s available to pre-order now on Amazon. Get it here!
And since y’all are my peeps. Here’s a free preview of the introduction.
Introduction
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
~ Rudyard Kipling ~
As a young boy, Rudyard Kipling’s poem If (quoted above) made an indelible mark on my soul. Before I knew Christ, it embodied what I believed maturity would look like. It was the only poster that hung in my room, constantly reminding me of the man I wanted to become. It is no coincidence, I believe, that maturity has been an obsession throughout my life. In hindsight, it was a God-inspired obsession, a heavenly calling. God has given me more understanding since my boyhood days, both through divine revelation and through practical experience.
I would describe my achievements in life as mediocre. I have a checkered history where my personal relationships are concerned. Today I am happily married to a wonderfully on-fire woman of God, and we have a beautifully blended family of five children and one granddaughter. I attribute this outcome solely to the grace of God. (If you knew my story you would too, trust me.) My children are good kids. I am very proud of the adults they are becoming but none of them are really on fire for God…yet. I have a successful career, currently holding a managerial position at a natural gas company, but I could have achieved more. I can’t say I have won many souls for Christ, nor have I any notoriety in the Christian world. There is only one thing that I have truly excelled at – inner work. I have a dogged commitment to doing the hard, hidden work of maturity.
So let me set your expectations straight upfront: This book is about the unglamourous, unheralded hard work of becoming like Christ that most won’t see and very few will give you accolades for, BUT it is THE MOST important work that you can do, and if you choose to put in the work, your reward will be great indeed.
Excited? Let’s start unpacking it with Romans 8:19 (NLT):
For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God.
It is significant that in this verse the apostle Paul used the Greek word huios (which is translated as ‘sons’). There are four possible words that he could have used. There is nepios which is a word used to describe an infant. An example of its usage is contained in Hebrews 5:13. Then there is paidion which is a young child as used in Matthew 19:13-14. There is also teknion which describes an adolescent or immature young adult. In the New Testament, it is often used by a teacher to refer to his disciples who have not yet matured. For example, in 1 John 5:21. Finally, there is huios. It is the word used for a mature son. It is the word used to describe Christ as the Son of God, and the word Christ used for Himself when he referred to Himself as the Son of Man.
Therefore, in the context of Romans 8:19, all of creation is not longing merely for more converts to Christianity, but for all the Christian babies, children and teenagers to grow into mature manhood and womanhood. This is what the world is waiting to see, and this is the cause that I have given my life to. My mission is to be an example, a catalyst and a servant in God’s glorious plan for maturing the Bride of Christ into absolute perfection, full authority and dazzling beauty of the fullness of Christ! I too, am eagerly longing for the church (myself included) to grow up into the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ. I hope it will happen in my lifetime, but even if it doesn’t, I will happily dedicate the rest of my years in service of this vision. Of course, this is not just my vision, this is God’s heart desire for His daughters and sons. He longs for us to come to maturity.
This mission is the reason for this book. My prayer is that you will find practical wisdom here that will help you grow in Christ. This is a book about the how – how we become mature. The contents are the gleanings of my journey toward maturity. I converted to Christianity as a teenager when I became a Roman Catholic through the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults (RCIA). Then, at twenty-one, I became a born-again believer and got baptized (again) in a non-denominational church with Pentecostal roots. However, I did not begin to see significant growth in my maturity until my late thirties.
What was responsible for this acceleration in my spiritual growth? A God-encounter. Up until that moment I had experienced a lot of religion and a lot of behaviour modification but limited transformation. What I mean is, I was filled with knowledge about God and how a Christian should behave but I had very little (if any) change in my internal desires and motivations.
(To read about my testimony, check out my first book – Authentic Joy).
After my encounter with the liquid love of Jesus, I began to see a change in my life. This was not as a result of my willpower, but through the power of the Holy Spirit, fuelled by His love for me and my love for Him.
This is how it started for me. From that moment, I would meet with my Rabbi every morning with excitement to discover what He wanted to teach me each morning. That was over ten years ago, and it was just the first key to unlocking a life of transformation. On these pages, I will share with you all that I have learned from my successes and my failures on my life’s journey thus far.
Stay tuned for more sneak peek previews in days to come!
Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
My good friend and mother in the faith, Dr. Patricia Morgan, challenged me today to answer this question. Here is my answer:
Jesus taught with humility and gentleness.
In Matthew chapter 11 and verse 29 (NLT version) Jesus makes this unusual statement, “…Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart…” If you want to teach someone, you have to be a safe place for them to make mistakes. Jesus understood this. In Jesus’ classroom it was acceptable to question, to doubt and to challenge. When I think of this aspect of Jesus, I think of His intense discussion with Nicodemus, the way he answered Thomas’ doubts and the many foolish outbursts of Peter. Nothing was below Jesus’ attention as the Messiah-Rabbi. Every question, doubt and challenge was an opportunity to teach. All that is required is a heart that is willing to learn, and Jesus will meet you where you are. He won’t be put off by your questions and doubts. He is patient, gentle and kind.
Self-examination: Do we, the Jesus-people, evidence this kind of humility? How do our leaders bear up under questioning? Are we allowed to question them? Is there even a forum where we can ask them questions? Pastors, how do we handle people challenging us? Do we have patience with our brothers and sisters who have doubts? Are we willing to sincerely serve (wash the feet) of someone who is stabbing us in the back?
Jesus taught from alongside.
Jesus, the author of all knowledge and creator of all things, left heaven, took the form of a servant and came alongside us to teach us how to live. The same verse in Matthew uses the metaphor of yoked oxen to describe how Jesus teaches. He bears our burdens with us. He walks through the ups and downs of life alongside us. Jesus didn’t just teach, He discipled. He allowed his students to get up close and personal to observe His life. Ever wonder why God Himself only had 12 disciples? Surely, He had more capacity? Maybe He was trying to show us something? Maybe there is more that is caught than taught? Studies actually show that we do not learn new behaviours from information, we learn through imitation. That’s how God created us. So, will we change our nations by only changing the information that we teach? My answer is no. At least not the kind of change Christ wants. If we want a Godly nation, then we have to have a Godly people willing to come alongside the people at the lowest point of their existence and live with them and love them.
Self-examination: Are we willing to walk alongside the poor, the sinners, the lepers, the tax collectors, the adulteresses, the homosexuals, the transgendered, the outcasts of our time? Or are we more comfortable throwing stones of righteous indignation and moral superiority over the walls of our gated communities and barbed-wire fences? Are we willing, like Jesus, not to cling to our privileges but give it up and take on the humble position of a servant?
Jesus aimed at the heart.
Often, we Christians see ourselves as combatants in a battle for cultural influence. We want to have more influence over what people say and do. We bemoan the prevalence of the LGBTQ+ agenda or the so-called ’one-world’ agenda or the liberal agenda and the list goes on. But I honestly wonder what Jesus sees. I think he sees people searching for love and I believe His heart aches for them to know His love. Jesus doesn’t see a battle for truth, He sees a battle for hearts. And He is willing to do whatever it takes, even die, to win our hearts. Jesus sees beyond the lifestyle choices and beyond the things that we see. He sees the heart of a little girl that is desperately searching for anyone who would just love her without trying to change her. He sees in that seething, violent, teenager, a little boy that never felt safe.
The Jewish people in Jesus’ time must also have felt like they were in a battle to preserve God’s standards. This was one of the problems they had with Jesus. He did not join the battle. He refused to pick sides. He refused to join in the culture wars of shaming the sinners, shunning the tax collectors, avoiding the lepers and stoning the adulteresses. You see Jesus was not interested in creating a moral and orderly society. What He was after, is after, is far more amazing, far more wonderful, just far more… He is preparing a bride for Himself that is beaming with love for Him, without spot or wrinkle of heart. He is after heaven on earth.
Jesus is telling us that love is the prerequisite to all change. That’s what He told the adulteress. Neither do I condemn you – I’m not here to fight you, I’m here to love you. Now that you know that you are loved, go and sin no more. People with changed hearts, change their behaviour.
Self-examination: When we see people who are not living the way God intended, do we feel indignation or compassion? Are we trying to effect change in our sphere of influence through preaching at people or loving people? Are our efforts aimed at changing behaviour or changing hearts?
Jesus started at the bottom.
If we have a very top-down model for effecting societal change then we see education through the lens of equipping kingdom-minded people to function at elevated positions in society and drive change downwards. This thinking permeates how we set up our Christian institutions. We have lots of structure and hierarchy and rules to drive change downward with the power to effect change reserved for the elite few ‘leaders’. These types of institutions unknowingly create passive people by default. We expect to be led by the chosen few. We are actually building worldly systems with a kingdom label.
Jesus did things differently. He created a grass-roots movement that rendered the old societal constructs obsolete. That is why they killed Him. He changed the rules! The Scribes and Pharisees had their brick-and-mortar bookstores, cornering the market, controlling the narrative, and Jesus started Amazon – giving any Tom, Dick and Harietta the ability to become a best-selling author! He took the power controlled by a few and gave it away freely to the masses.
To further illustrate the power of bottom-up thinking, let’s do some Math. If I were to open a university and graduate 100,000 new students every year, over 20 years I would have taught 2,000,000 million students. Wow! Wow? Let’s see… If I were to disciple and empower 10 persons every year who in turn disciple 10 every year, and so on, in 20 years we would have discipled 100,000,000,000,000,000,000 persons. That’s Jesus Math! That’s the power of the movement that He started with 12 disciples 2,023 years ago. In Jesus’ school, everyone has the power to lead. Really pour your life into a few people’s lives and give them the freedom and power to fulfil their purpose! Raising a powerful few is exponentially better than reaching millions en masse. Literally! I do hope we get this and stop measuring purpose by the number of people we will reach or deciding on speaking engagements based on how big the church (or YouTube/Facebook/Twitter following) is.
if we want to transform a society (aka disciple a nation) then we must employ the subversive methodologies that Jesus used. Our methods must teach us how to function as a body of equals. All are equally responsible and empowered to lead change. Matthew 23:8 (NLT) says, “Don’t let anyone call you ‘Rabbi,’ for you have only one teacher, and all of you are equal as brothers and sisters.” We must be creating a groundswell of disciple-makers aflame for God that we disseminate into the world like yeast or salt, setting ablaze everyone and everything they touch for Jesus!
Self-examination: What is our transformation paradigm? Is it top-down, imposing the ‘law’ from above, or bottom-up, inspiring people to become the best version of themselves? How comfortable are we in environments of low control and high empowerment? Do we measure impact in terms of how wide of an audience we can reach? Do we see purpose in a lifetime of high-quality input into a few?
Jesus taught with authority.
“…for he taught with real authority—quite unlike their teachers of religious law.” Matthew 7:29 (NLT). That’s quite a commendation and an indictment.
Jesus is described as having real authority. What is real authority? Or what is the authority that Jesus had that the religious teachers didn’t? I believe one difference between the way Jesus taught versus the religious leaders is that Jesus spoke about what He had experienced as true. He lived His message. The other teachers were students of the book – intellectual aficionados.
When Jesus spoke of healing, He made people well. When Jesus spoke of power over the enemy, he drove out demons. We Jesus spoke of the truth, He never told a lie. When Jesus spoke about forgiveness, He never harboured any malice toward anyone. The power to impact a life is not just in words but in demonstration of power. There is an impartational reality that our influence is only to the extent that our words are integral to who we are. Who we are being speaks louder than what we are saying. And I’m not talking about our track record here. A track record speaks to external accomplishments. 30 years of marriage could be an external track record or it could be 30 years of actively appreciating more and more about your spouse, learning to forgive more and more quickly, learning to ask forgiveness with greater sincerity, becoming more open and vulnerable, 30 years of deepening intimacy and faithfulness of heart. I’m talking about character of heart.
The real punch line here is this: When you have real authority you do not need to rely on institutional authority (like the Scribes and Pharisees). Today it is easy to set our base of influence on our position in an organization or our title or our reputation. That sets us on a path to gain greater influence through climbing the church ladder and accumulating titles rather than forging a life of deep character and fullness of the presence of God. Jesus is looking for men and women who will walk in real authority. Generals of character and intimacy with God. Such men need no commendations from flesh. The presence of Jesus in them is their seal of authenticity.
Self-examination: Has our talk exceeded our character development? Is the substance of our life authoritative? Are we full of Jesus? Are we focused on growing deep roots of character and intimacy with God below ground or lots of branches and leaves of titles and accomplishments above ground?
Thank you Moma Pat for charging me with this question. It has truly been a wonderful time in the presence of God writing this with Papa, Jesus and Holy Spirit. It has certainly challenged and inspired me in very profound ways. I have aspired to design my educational programmes with these principles in mind but there are deeper depths to explore.
I hope it is a blessing to others as well.
Copyright 2023, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
I’m my worst critic. I want to obey God. I want to make all the right decisions. Most of all, I want to love people well. Somehow, I do not live up to that standard on a daily basis. And sometimes, when I fail, I beat myself up about it. I had a particularly bad self-flagellation episode recently. I was teaching an online class about spiritual growth. I had given the participants an exercise to do and as one participant was sharing her experience with the exercise, I interrupted her to ‘correct’ what I thought was a misunderstanding of the instructions that I had given.
I went over that interaction in my head for days. “Why did I feel the need to interrupt?” “How could I have acted in a way that was exactly the opposite of creating a safe loving space which was the foundation of the whole course!?” I sank deeper and deeper into a depression.
After I had a chance to apologize (and realize that this was bothering me much more than it was bothering her) I was able to begin to see God’s grace in my failure. I was able to see myself starting the session that day with a cavalier air about myself. I had been doing the sessions for a while now and I was becoming a believer in my own expertise. I was losing the ethos of the ‘eternal amateur’ as I call it. I believe that great moves of God, great churches and great men usually start off in a place of ‘Oh God, we need you, we don’t know what we’re doing.’ That place of dependency is not meant to be a phase that we graduate from but a lifetime heart posture.
God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.
Matthew 5:3 (NLT)
God moves in the midst of and on behalf of those who live in the reality of their dependency on Jesus.We can do nothing Godly without God.
My failure was God mercifully letting me know that I had taken a step away from that place of dependency. I was becoming a professional. I remember how I prayed at the start of that session… I didn’t pray for God to help me. I prayed for God to help them. They needed help, not me. What a delusion!
If it takes failure for me to remember the mess that I am and my utter need for God, oh God please give me failure. When God begins to move in your life and the spheres that you inhabit, it is a seductive fantasy to buy into your own competence. I’ve seen it. I’ve witnessed the exit of God as man exalts himself to god-like status. I’ve seen mere mortals become THE man of God to the point where it is anathema to even remind his church members that he is just a man. I’ve seen churches buy into a ‘we are the chosen ones’ narrative to the point that they sincerely believe that no other church can steward God’s purpose like them. The thing is, this happened to sincere people who genuinely wanted God. They just bought into their own success.
Success is a strong drink. It can intoxicate the heart and distort reality. Failure has the potential to sober us up to the delusion of our competence.
...I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud. 8 Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. 9 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.
2 Corinthians 12:7b-9
Oh God, whenever I begin to buy into myself as the source of my success, please send me the grace of failure. I don’t need a reputation as a perfect Christian who has it all together. I do not want a reputation as successful in man’s eyes when I am not in Yours. I only want You. I only need You. I only want Your ‘Well done.’ On the days that I feel successful, please help me to remember that it is only by Your grace. And on the days that I feel like a failure, please help me to remember that that too is grace – an invitation to see You at work more deeply in my life.
Copyright 2022, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
If you haven’t yet, check out our FREE Spiritual Growth Foundation Course in which we cover the four foundational principles for spiritual growth and much more! In addition to on-demand videos which you can watch at your leisure, there are downloadable handouts for those who prefer written content.
How our upbringing affects our relationship with God.
What it means to be an adopted daughter/son of God.
Tangibly experiencing God’s love.
The role of vulnerability in building intimacy.
Practices that build intimacy with God.
Barriers to intimacy with God.
What is our true identity in Christ.
The insights gained as we discussed these topics were invaluable. However, just as valuable (or perhaps more so) was the opportunity these sessions presented for like-minded companionship on our faith journey. For a little while, we shared our lives open-heartedly with our fellow travellers. My heart is still awed when I relive some of the moments we shared. It was an unparalleled honour for me to facilitate this sacred experience.
Therefore, it is with great anticipation that I look forward to Spiritual Formation 201 starting January 10th 2022! Formation 101 focused on the awakening phase of our faith journey. Formation 201 will focus on the processing phase of our faith journey. Front and centre will be topics such as:
The purpose of pain.
Thriving versus surviving.
Working from rest.
True identity versus false identity.
Emotional resilience.
Discovering your calling/vocation.
Staying joyful in trials.
Confronting shame and facing fear.
Expect to come away from this journey with insights and tools to feed your spiritual growth for years to come. More than that, expect to receive an impartation that will bring you closer to Christ and multiply your fruitfulness for the kingdom!
