I am pleased to share a new development at Authentic Joy. But first, a back story:
Eight months ago, we started something new – online discipleship small groups. We have two groups that meet every other week, and the experience has been nothing short of transformational. I am not exaggerating when I say that these meetings are the most life-giving get-togethers in my life. I look forward to every session and leave our time together feeling refreshed, encouraged, and revitalized in my walk with God. And I’m not alone. Many have said that these groups are a tremendous source of life, learning and community that they cannot find anywhere else.
The format we follow is simple: I send out a short reading with a few questions for reflection a week ahead of our meeting. So, when we meet, there is no teaching, just conversation. We share deeply about how the material intersects with our lives and the down-to-earth (sometimes messy) ways in which we are being transformed and challenged to become like Jesus. There are no experts. We all share from the heart. We all listen deeply. We all hold each other before God and encourage each other to pursue Him.
So, we at Authentic Joy thought, “Why not take these reflections and share them with our online community as a bi-weekly devotional?” So, from today, that is just what we will be doing! We hope that it will be of great value to you on your discipleship journey! Here is installment #1:
1. DiscipleshipIntroduction
What is the formula for spiritual growth?
Many of us may have grown up in faith traditions where the formula or model for spiritual growth was something like this:
TRUTH + CHOICE = TRANSFORMATION
This model emphasizes learning truth and then choosing behaviour that aligns with what we have learned.
Question: Is it working?
I propose that our traditional model for transformation is not working. There are two reasons why this model cannot work:
It emphasizes external behaviour modification rather than internal transformation.
It emphasizes truth rather than love as the most important factor in our spiritual growth.
If we look at the anatomy of the human soul, we can see why this is a problem.
If we focus solely on truth (which is important for transforming our thoughts and beliefs) and external behaviour (which addresses our words and actions), without addressing the emotions, values and desires of the heart, then we have omitted a critical part of the human being!
Jesusโ model is quite different. Have a look at what He says in these 3 scriptures:
Matthew 5:27-28 (NLT)
Matthew 23:25-26 (NLT)
John 13:34-35 (NLT)
Jesusโ model focuses on the heart and only one thing transforms the heart โ love. You canโt teach love. Jesus came to earth give us an experience of love that is transformative. Something the law was powerless to do.
Jesusโ model is called discipleship. John Mark Comer states it this way: โBe with Jesus. Become like Him. Do what He does.โ The disciples didnโt just follow Jesusโ teachings; they literally followed Jesus wherever He went. Jesusโ invitation to โfollow meโ was never anything less than an invitation to do life with Him from that point forward.
Interestingly, it seemed that Jesus also thought that a group of disciples worked better than walking with Him alone. Companionship was also an integral part of Jesusโ model.
REFLECTION
What does the distinction between learning truth about Jesus versus experiencing love through being with Jesus bring up for you? Process with Holy Spirit.
What does the distinction between managing our behaviour to be in line with Biblical principles through force of will versus words and actions that naturally flow from having the same thoughts, beliefs, emotions, values and desires as Jesus bring up for you? Process with Holy Spirit.
Copyright 2026, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
This plan was created for those yearning for a heart revival! If you are desperate for your heart to burn again for Jesusโฆ If the bumps and bruises of life have left you a bit weary and wornโฆ This plan brings together 30 scriptures where God speaks life directly to your heart in first person. I’m praying and believing that you will receive healing, encouragement, and refreshing through His promises for you!We all want to grow, but spiritual maturity often seems elusive, and we can become frustrated. Becoming Mature is a transformative resource for believers seeking real growth and a deeper walk with Christ. It goes deep into the nitty gritty of becoming more like Christ in the face of life’s challenges and our brokenness. Whether you’re a new believer, battling stagnation, or seeking more of God, this series of plans provides practical tools to unlock deep and lasting growth in your life! This plan is Part 1 in the series and covers Defining Maturity.We all want to grow, but spiritual maturity often seems elusive, and we can become frustrated. “Becoming Mature” is a transformative resource for believers seeking real growth and a deeper walk with Christ. It goes deep into the nitty gritty of becoming more like Christ in the face of life’s challenges and our brokenness. Whether you’re a new believer, battling stagnation, or seeking more of God, this series of plans provides practical tools to unlock deep and lasting growth in your life! This plan is Part 2 in the series and covers The Spiritual Growth Journey.We all want to grow, but spiritual maturity often seems elusive, and we can become frustrated. Becoming Mature is a transformative resource for believers seeking real growth and a deeper walk with Christ. It goes deep into the nitty gritty of becoming more like Christ in the face of life’s challenges and our brokenness. Whether you’re a new believer, battling stagnation, or seeking more of God, this series of plans provides practical tools to unlock deep and lasting growth in your life! This plan is Part 3 in the series and covers The Spiritual Growth Process.
I recently picked up one of my favourite books to read AGAIN – In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership by Henri Nouwen. It is one of those books where the impact of the truths contained in it is not diminished with repetition. This time, particular parts of it collided with my current experience with such eye-widening relevance that my impulse to process and memorialize in writing was aroused.
I will start this mini-series with the first quote that struck me from the book:
“But when we are securely rooted in personal intimacy with the source of life, it will be possible to remain flexible without being relavistic, convinced without being rigid, willing to confront without being offensive, gentle and forgiving without being soft, and true witnesses without being manipulative.”
“Willing to confront without being offensive”. This phrase aptly describes the crux of my current struggle at work. I’m pretty good at the confront part (and there was a time I did not know how to confront people), but I am not as good at the not being offensive part.
If I’m honest, I have been bad at this for a very long time. But I feel like there comes a time when God says, “OK, you cannot take this malformation any further. You need to work on this now.” Or maybe there comes a time when one has the maturity and tools to deal with the problem. Either way, I know I have to deal with this in this season.
Actually, and this just came to me: Nouwen points to intimacy with God as the enablement to walk this line of confrontation without offense, and it is quite probable that I did not have the level of intimacy with Christ that I now have to be able to cross this hurdle. (Ahh, the therapeutic gift of writing.)
The way I see it, the challenge is to be able to authentically say to someone, “I think what you are doing is bad,” without saying, “I think you are bad.” This is not easy, at least not for me. I never shout or curse or demean people, but my wife says, “Just because you say something in a soft voice doesn’t mean that you are not being harsh.”
Honestly, I thought it did mean that I wasn’t being harsh! I mean, c’mon… I don’t curse… I don’t raise my voice… I’m always polite, even when people are impolite and raise their voice at me. What more do you want? Well… as it turns out, what God wants is nothing less than loving my ‘enemies’ even while confronting them. That goes heart deep, below actions, below words, below tone… deeper.
That kind of love can only come from intimacy with Love. Love must dwell in me. Overflow from me. It must be felt. Holy Spirit, help me. I write today not as one having mastered love but as one in the throes of struggle to become more like Jesus and often getting it wrong. I have no advice to offer.
I offer only the consolation of knowing that if you struggle too, you are not alone. Pray for me as I pray for you: Jesus, for every one of your disciples who reads this, give them the gift of a deeper encounter with your ferocious, unrelenting, cleansing, healing, breathtaking love. As they wrestle in their souls, may all malice, bitterness, envy, and unforgiveness die by the power of the cross! May love win the day! May their hearts burn for you and may your love emanate from their lives, from the very centre of their Jesus-enflamed hearts.
Amen.
Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
Welcome to the last instalment of our Training Versus Trying series! Today we are talking about Community.
A training approach recognizes that as spiritual athletes, we grow fastest when we train with others. However, it is a particular type of community that we need to grow. One that is not very common. When we think of community in a church setting, we normally think of the brothers and sisters with whom we attend church or maybe those who are a part of a ministry that we serve in.
However, the type of community that I am talking about is a training community – a small circle of people with whom we share our inner lives. It is a community committed to walking together in pursuit of God without trying to fix, or save, or advise each other. Often, as Christians, we try to force our training regimen on everyone else without honoring the unique person that they are and the unique work that God is doing in their lives.
This is something I have with very few people. Most Christians, in my experience, do not have deep conversations about the things that matter, or if they do, it is in the context of giving advice or holding each other accountable. Some even think it is their job to condemn and shame. However, what I have found is that what most people need is actually just a safe space to talk about the deep inner things that truly matter without being judged, reproached, corrected, or Bible-verse-slapped. In a supportive and safe environment such as this, there exists the ideal conditions for God to speak. Or to stick with our analogy, for God to coach us as a group.
I’m not saying that God cannot use another person to correct us or to give us feedback where we may have a blind spot. He does use people in our lives like that. I’m saying that in a training community, that is a small part of why we get together, and it is accomplished more indirectly through vulnerable sharing, asking each other probing questions, and discerning God’s voice together.
In a community of Christians-in-training there is safety and freedom to talk about what new training techniques we are trying, what is not working, and what we are working through with our Coach. In that kind of community, we are celebrated, encouraged, inspired, and supported. In that kind of community, we can give a voice to our soul and hear the heart of others in ways that bring redemption, healing, and transformation.
Well, we have come to the end of this little series. I hope it has been helpful to you.
Train well, my fellow disciples of Christ!
Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
A training mindset approaches our relationship with the Holy Spirit like a coach who is deeply invested in and committed to our growth. We have a coach who longs to be a partner in our progressive sanctification.
Remember those moments of reflecting on our failure that we mentioned earlier? Well, those moments are also an opportunity to process with God. This is powerful. The Holy Spirit knows you better than you know yourself and knows how to help you to grow like no one else does!
If we can release ourselves from the guilt and shame that often keeps us from approaching God and realize that He sees us through eyes of deep compassion, then we can unlock a level of healing and wisdom that is simply transformative.
Every time I have brought my darkest desires (the ones I would never even voice), my deepest fears, or my most shameful thoughts to God, it has resulted in something transformative. (Even if it has simply been a revelation of just how loving and compassionate God is.)
All champions know that a coach is essential to their success. A coach sees the potential in us that we don’t see in ourselves. A coach also sees the barriers to our progress that we don’t have the wisdom or objectivity to see. He can see when our stride is too long or when our follow-through is an issue. In like manner, the Holy Spirit knows what to target to move us forward and how to encourage and motivate us in a language we can relate to.
Up next, community!
Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
Someone training for a marathon may need to focus on their diet, mindset, and breathing to get to the desired outcome. It is the same with our spiritual growth. To achieve the behavioural outcome we desire, we must address deeper issues like our mindsets, identity, beliefs, and values.
Often, we can become too sin-focused, which results in the very opposite of what we are trying to achieve. Obsessing over not doing something is the worst way to approach our growth. Instead, we need to find the roots of the issue and put a holistic training program in place.
For example, say I have a problem with over-eating. A trying mindset will be all about focusing on controlling how much I eat. However, the roots of my struggle may involve issues with my identity, stress coping mechanisms, and the relationships in my life. Therefore, a trying mindset will be ineffective and frustrating because all the underlying causes (the roots) remain untouched.
Training often seems unrelated to the outcome we desire, like the Karate Kid painting walls to learn karate. However, it is actually addressing the roots that impact the entire tree of your life.
Next, we discuss how a coach is essential to training.
See you then!
Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
The first element of a training mindset is self-compassion.
A training mindset recognizes that we are all imperfect beings on a path of sanctification and healing. We are all works in progress. There is no benefit to beating yourself up when you fail. God does not beat us up when we fail. He meets us with mercy and compassion. So, why shouldn’t we do the same?
This is extremely difficult to grasp when in many religious circles we equate a self-compassionate approach as being compromising or soft on sin. But it does not have to be. We can maintain an uncompromising view of sin while being gentle on ourselves. Our aim is progress, not perfection.
When we have a compassionate view of ourselves, it frees us to learn from failure. And this is one of the huge superpowers of a training mindset โ every failure becomes an opportunity to learn about ourselves and what is not working in our training programme. This is so critical for real growth. When we give in to a temptation, if we can carefully examine the thoughts and emotions that led us to the sin without turning away in shame, then we gain the insights needed to heal and grow. Without these insights, we will never truly grow. Without these insights, the most we can hope for is to cope, never to overcome.
Self-compassion enables us to move from hiding and repression to exploration and discovery of the root causes of our afflictions. But that’s for the next instalment…
See you then!
Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
One of the concepts that we teach at Authentic Joy is the idea that in pursuing spiritual growth we need to have a training mindset not a trying mindset. We often use the metaphor of running a marathon to explain. In the metaphor, the โmarathonโ is that challenge in your life that you are trying to overcome. Some examples are impatience, unforgiveness, pornography, a short temper, anxiety, racial prejudice or over-eating.
A trying mindset would be like waking up on the day of the marathon and saying, โToday I will finish this marathon! God says Iโm more than a conqueror!โ And so, we set off to try our best to complete the marathonโฆ without training. Our determination and grit may get us halfway there, but without putting in the training, we inevitably end up face down in a puddle of sweat and tears.
A training mindset, on the other hand, would be like waking up every morning and training for the marathon. Training prioritizes consistency and progress over the end result. It embraces learning from failure as a necessary pathway to growth.
One of the most damaging things about a trying mindset is the cycle of guilt and shame that results when we do not achieve our goal. This has been one of the most difficult mindsets to change in my own life. In the areas where I struggle with an ongoing sin issue, every time I fall, my tendency is to beat myself up and wallow in shame. Then, to comfort myself, I end up even deeper in self-destructive behaviours. When I finally muster up the courage to go back to God in repentance (again), it resembles something like this: โThis time, this time, I mean it God. This time I will stay the course.โ And so, the cycle begins again. With no real plan, change is unlikely.
A training mindset has the potential to break this cycle, but there are several components to the approach that need to be implemented:
Self-compassion
Roots not shoots
Coaching
Community
I will unpack each of these facets of the training mindset in this series.
See you for the next instalment!
Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
We are super excited to announce that we have a new book coming out!! Whoopee!!! My latest book, Becoming Mature: A Practical Guide for Disciples of Jesus, will be released on April 21st, 2025!
If you feel like you are struggling in your spiritual growth journey or just not progressing as fast as you would like, then this book is for you. Becoming Mature offers a transformative approach to Christian discipleship using scripture, personal experience, and psychological insights to connect with the reader. Becoming Mature takes you on a step-by-step journey of growth in love, purpose, community, identity, responsibility, wholeness, resilience, competence, and most importantly, intimacy with God.
It’s available to pre-order now on Amazon. Get it here!
And since y’all are my peeps. Here’s a free preview of the introduction.
Introduction
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, donโt deal in lies,
Or being hated, donโt give way to hating,
And yet donโt look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dreamโand not make dreams your master;
If you can thinkโand not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth youโve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build โem up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: โHold on!โ
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kingsโnor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty secondsโ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything thatโs in it,
Andโwhich is moreโyouโll be a Man, my son!
~ Rudyard Kipling ~
As a young boy, Rudyard Kiplingโs poem If (quoted above) made an indelible mark on my soul. Before I knew Christ, it embodied what I believed maturity would look like. It was the only poster that hung in my room, constantly reminding me of the man I wanted to become. It is no coincidence, I believe, that maturity has been an obsession throughout my life. In hindsight, it was a God-inspired obsession, a heavenly calling. God has given me more understanding since my boyhood days, both through divine revelation and through practical experience.
I would describe my achievements in life as mediocre. I have a checkered history where my personal relationships are concerned. Today I am happily married to a wonderfully on-fire woman of God, and we have a beautifully blended family of five children and one granddaughter. I attribute this outcome solely to the grace of God. (If you knew my story you would too, trust me.) My children are good kids. I am very proud of the adults they are becoming but none of them are really on fire for Godโฆyet. I have a successful career, currently holding a managerial position at a natural gas company, but I could have achieved more. I canโt say I have won many souls for Christ, nor have I any notoriety in the Christian world. There is only one thing that I have truly excelled at โ inner work. I have a dogged commitment to doing the hard, hidden work of maturity.
So let me set your expectations straight upfront: This book is about the unglamourous, unheralded hard work of becoming like Christ that most wonโt see and very few will give you accolades for, BUT it is THE MOST important work that you can do, and if you choose to put in the work, your reward will be great indeed.
Excited? Letโs start unpacking it with Romans 8:19 (NLT):
For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God.
It is significant that in this verse the apostle Paul used the Greek word huios (which is translated as โsonsโ). There are four possible words that he could have used. There is nepios which is a word used to describe an infant. An example of its usage is contained in Hebrews 5:13. Then there is paidion which is a young child as used in Matthew 19:13-14. There is also teknion which describes an adolescent or immature young adult. In the New Testament, it is often used by a teacher to refer to his disciples who have not yet matured. For example, in 1 John 5:21. Finally, there is huios. It is the word used for a mature son. It is the word used to describe Christ as the Son of God, and the word Christ used for Himself when he referred to Himself as the Son of Man.
Therefore, in the context of Romans 8:19, all of creation is not longing merely for more converts to Christianity, but for all the Christian babies, children and teenagers to grow into mature manhood and womanhood. This is what the world is waiting to see, and this is the cause that I have given my life to. My mission is to be an example, a catalyst and a servant in Godโs glorious plan for maturing the Bride of Christ into absolute perfection, full authority and dazzling beauty of the fullness of Christ! I too, am eagerly longing for the church (myself included) to grow up into the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ. I hope it will happen in my lifetime, but even if it doesnโt, I will happily dedicate the rest of my years in service of this vision. Of course, this is not just my vision, this is Godโs heart desire for His daughters and sons. He longs for us to come to maturity.
This mission is the reason for this book. My prayer is that you will find practical wisdom here that will help you grow in Christ. This is a book about the how – how we become mature. The contents are the gleanings of my journey toward maturity. I converted to Christianity as a teenager when I became a Roman Catholic through the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults (RCIA). Then, at twenty-one, I became a born-again believer and got baptized (again) in a non-denominational church with Pentecostal roots. However, I did not begin to see significant growth in my maturity until my late thirties.
What was responsible for this acceleration in my spiritual growth? A God-encounter. Up until that moment I had experienced a lot of religion and a lot of behaviour modification but limited transformation. What I mean is, I was filled with knowledge about God and how a Christian should behave but I had very little (if any) change in my internal desires and motivations.
(To read about my testimony, check out my first book โ Authentic Joy).
After my encounter with the liquid love of Jesus, I began to see a change in my life. This was not as a result of my willpower, but through the power of the Holy Spirit, fuelled by His love for me and my love for Him.
This is how it started for me. From that moment, I would meet with my Rabbi every morning with excitement to discover what He wanted to teach me each morning. That was over ten years ago, and it was just the first key to unlocking a life of transformation. On these pages, I will share with you all that I have learned from my successes and my failures on my lifeโs journey thus far.
Stay tuned for more sneak peek previews in days to come!
Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.