Category: Personal Transformation

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The Path Of Eros

I love carnival. I love the pulsating rhythms of soca music. I love the creative wonder of hundreds of steel drums chanting a melody while the whole stage vibrates with joy. I love to dance. I love to be a part of the sea of masqueraders moving their bodies with celebratory abandon. I love that moment when everyone’s favorite song starts, and we jump, put our hands in the air, or throw our arms across a padna’s shoulder. I would even go so far as to say I love the human form. I love the curvaceous feminine allure that my grandfather would call ‘feminine pulchritude’. I even appreciate (with some jealousy) the gym buffs with their chiseled abs and gladiatorial lats.

The problem is that my flesh also loves lust, licentiousness, and lasciviousness (it sounds less immoral if you use big words). I envy my friends who can partake in the beauty and celebration of carnival and remain untouched by this darker side of it. As the prophet Voice would say, “Ah cyah behave mehself”.

The deeper I go in my faith, the more I realize that the path up is also the path through our dark side. I spent almost a decade as a young Christian trying to repress, ignore, and side-step my darker side. I threw scriptures at it. I covered it under layers of church activities. Until one day, like the Balrog in The Lord of the Rings, it erupted as though shouting, “I will not be ignored!” I gave up the fight. I did not have anything in me that was more powerful than this powerful force. This force propelled me in an endless search for beauty and pleasure. I said to myself, “You can’t fight this. This is who you are. You are a hedonist.”

Deeper and deeper I went, until one day, after many years of fleshly indulgence, I hit the bottom. At rock bottom, I realized the answer wasn’t there either—the answer I needed – the thing my soul longed desperately for… it wasn’t in sex and parties either. I was still empty. I cried out in desperation to the God I never stopped believing in and who never left me, despite my rebellion.

Then…. He answered. Jesus walked into the room. Divine Liquid Love washed over me and through me in waves. The God of Scripture became a deeper, more tangible reality in my life. My heart was apprehended instantly, and all its desires and longings knew that this… this!… this is where all satisfaction was to be found.

Looking back, I realize that it was only then that I was ready to receive the Answer. I needed to go down to go up. I needed to know that I was poor.

Matthew 5:3 (NLT

God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him,
for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.

Thus began a fiery, passionate love affair with the Lover of my soul. Thus began a real relationship with a Higher Power (as quoted in the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 steps). Only then did I experience any hope of becoming truly holy. Because the Spirit in me was more powerful than the darkness. And only His Presence was more attractive than sex and revelry.

John Piper’s Christian hedonism philosophy interpreted this revelation for me in those days: “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him.” The drive inside of me for pleasure was not something wrong with me. It was something put there by God that drives us to search and search until we find Him. Some call this drive eros. It is powerful. Try to ignore it, numb it, or kill it, and your soul will die from starvation. Try to fulfill it with earthly pleasures, and your soul will die from junk food.

Unfortunately, my taste for debauchery did not just disappear when I encountered God. I often wish it did as it has for some people. My process of sanctification has been slow and long. It has been more like a steady change of diet. I used to love soft drinks and hamburgers. My taste buds still love them, but the way my body feels without them is so much better. It is a deeper pleasure – a wholeness. That’s kind of how I feel about carnival. I started this blog with a confession of my love for many aspects of carnival, but I am on a search to find a truer, deeper pleasure. I’m not trying to deny this deep desire in me for pleasure. Up to last year, I felt frustration and disappointment that I still struggle with the same old temptations after so many years.

But not this year. I’ve come to realize that in this eros is pointing me toward God. I’ve come to realize that with Jesus and in Jesus, I can find a truer me and a deeper experience of God that my eros is pointing to. Rather than beating myself up for the fact that I still feel for a Coke, I’m asking myself, “What experience am I yet to discover that will surpass and make irrelevant what a Coke has to offer me?” Three books have served as voices of interpretation for this season:

  • The Journey of Desire – John Eldredge
  • Spiritual Wanderlust – Kelly Deutsch
  • The Holy Longing – Ronald Rolheiser

As I type this, I can hear the music from last lap in the distance, but there is a peace in me that is different. A peace that echoes with the Psalmist (Psalm 16:9-11 ESV):

Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let your holy one see corruption.

You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

What I’ve discovered is that there is a joy that is fuller than the most orgasmic sexual encounter. There are pleasures that continue forevermore – long after the carnival is over. Ive discovered that only this reality in the Presence is more powerful than the pleasures of this world. But I can’t get there by trying to deny or kill the eros. It is that very desire that will take me to the Holy Place, if I do not settle for the cheap thrills along the way. In the struggle, as I bring it to Jesus over and over again in our daily heart-to-heart conversations, I emerge, a truer version of myself.

Copyright 2026, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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How Is Waiting Changing You?

This Advent, I am stirring my heart up for Jesus with the aid of a series of Advent meditations from John Mark Comer and the Practicing The Way community. Their first meditation is by Gemma Ryan and comes from Luke 2, where Simeon encounters the baby Jesus in the temple.

As I meditated on this man Simeon, I wondered what made him different from his peers.
Between Malachi and Jesus’ arrival is the 400-year period known as the ‘silent years’ because God did not speak to His people during that period. It is this 400-year wait in silence from which the Scribes and Pharisees emerged. Four hundred years without a word from God. Four hundred years waiting for the Messiah to deliver them from oppression. So, what did they do? They doubled down on what they did have – the Torah. They dissected it, memorized it, debated it, and built culture around it. All the while, drifting further and further from God. To the extent that when the Messiah finally arrived, for all their knowledge of and dedication to the laws of God, they had no ability to recognize Him when He stood right in front of them.

But Simeon was different.

Whereas the Pharisees pressed into practices that relied on their cognition, reasoning, and intellectual ability, Simeon was a man of the Spirit. The Bible says that the Holy Spirit was upon Simeon, and he was led by the Spirit. In a time before the Holy Spirit was poured out on all flesh! Somehow, Simeon has stepped into a dimension of relationship with God that was uncommon among his peers.

While the Scribes and Pharisees depended on knowing the Law, Simeon depended on knowing the Spirit. The Bible says that he was righteous and devout. I believe these words are significant. I believe the word righteous suggests that Simeon was probably as dedicated as the Scribes and Pharisees were to observing the Law. However, I believe the word devout indicates that he also had a commitment to and holy reverence for God Himself. Simeon was not just devoted to knowing the Law; he was devoted to knowing God. He engaged not only in cognitive practices but spiritual practices that honed his ability to host, be led by, and know the Holy Spirit.

Without a live connection with God, knowledge makes us puffed up, self-righteous, overly confident in our knowledge, and ultimately unable to recognize God because He isn’t recognized through intellectual reasoning but through spiritual discernment. That’s why the Scribes and Pharisees couldn’t recognize Jesus. They were using all the wrong senses and looking at all the wrong measures. They were concerned with whether He healed on the Sabbath, or which town He came from, or His outrageous claims to be the Son of God. We too have our boxes just as they had theirs, and if it doesn’t fit in the box, then it cannot be an authentic move/person/word of God.

However, Simeon was led by the Spirit. All Simeon desperately wanted was to see Jesus, and He was utterly dependent on God to orchestrate and define that encounter. There was nothing Simeon could do to achieve it; he just had to wait and be open to receiving Jesus, however He chose to show up.

What challenged me the most in this meditation was the idea that waiting changes you. There are many promises that I feel that I have been waiting on for some time in my life, and particularly in this season. And I’m wondering… am I becoming a Pharisee or a Simeon?
Am I engaging in practices that are making me puffed up and self-righteous? Or am I engaging in practices that are attuning me to the Spirit and what He is doing now while I wait? Am I waiting on God or on an outcome? Is my hope in Jesus or in the thing that I’m waiting for? Will I even recognize Him when He turns up in a way I didn’t expect or prefer? Will I still be happy to see Him if He doesn’t come the way I think He should? If He doesn’t deliver me from my ‘Roman oppressors’, will I still rejoice? Can I wait on God as an act of surrender that acknowledges everything will happen in His time and on His terms? And can I be joyful in that? Can I be full of joy and hope while I wait?

I think that that is the purpose of waiting – to change us. To shift the locus of our hope from something to Someone. To shift our dependence from self to God. To shift us from natural discernment to spiritual discernment.

If our hope and trust is in Jesus, we will never be disappointed. Because He always turns up, just not always how and when we want Him to. And that’s OK. In fact, it’s better!

Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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Living Horizontally

I have been on the receiving end of leaders abusing their power a few times in my life. I came away from these experiences with serious questions about whether the models that I saw in the church were Biblical kingdom models. How would Christ lead a local church? In fact, He is building His church right now, so a better question is – How is He leading His church right now? A cursory look at the church leads me to the undeniable conclusion that Jesus is not demanding our obedience. Jesus has an unwavering commitment to respecting our free will, to non-punitive leadership, and to leading with love instead of fear.

This path of sacred respect for people’s free will is not a popular way to live in the business world and especially not in the church world, ironically. And it is not just the clergy; it is not popular with the laity either. In fact, most times I find the members of a local church are very much part of protecting the authoritarian leadership culture in the church. It seems that people do not want the shared responsibility or ambiguity of more distributed power systems. We like the simplicity and clarity of being able to put all the responsibility (and blame) for what happens in our community on someone else in exchange for our unquestioning obedience.

The doctrine of ‘divine rights of kings’ asserts that a monarch is not accountable to any man because their right to rule is derived from divine authority. While this governance model is rightly a relic of the past, the same value system very much informs our church leadership models today.

In the church, our frames of reference for understanding power in interpersonal relationships are all hierarchical, based on a very Old Testament model of judges, prophets and kings where there is one man assigned by God at the top of the pyramid. We seem to interpret our New Testament texts through this lens. We interpret ‘wives should submit to their husbands’ to mean that the wife is accountable to her husband, and the husband is only accountable to God. We interpret ‘obey your leaders and submit to them’ to mean that the congregation is accountable to the pastor and the pastor is only accountable to God. Any checks and balances we institute involve adding more layers to the hierarchy. The husband submits to a pastor. The pastor submits to an apostle. And so on.

However, I do not see this hierarchical model in the Trinity or in Christ. What I see is mutuality. I don’t see pyramids. I see circles. I see a power model that is less vertical and more horizontal. Where the husband and wife are mutually accountable to each other and to God, and likewise the pastor and the congregation.

Despite the unlimited power at Jesus’ disposal and the legitimate and divine right to rule over us, He gave up His divine privileges and took on the humble position of a human being (a baby at that). Consider that Jesus (God) was subject to His earthly parents.

I rather think that this is the mark of a mature Christian – that he or she is able to submit to those in a lower position. Really, it is submitting to the Christ in people, regardless of rank.

Ephesians 5:21 (ESV)
submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

What would it look like if husbands could also defer their will to the will of their wives or children in reverence for Christ? What would it look like if church leaders could also submit their will to congregation members in reverence for Christ? I think it will look like true love, humility and leadership.

I believe mutuality is the way forward for true followers of Christ. What virtue is there in following orders because someone has a position? The heathens do that. But can we perceive Christ in the suggestions, counsel or correction of a peer or a junior and receive it? That is true virtue.

Of late, I have had my fill of spaces where the conversation is all vertical and one-way. I have had my fill of conferences, services, and webinars. Instead, I have been pressing more into the mutuality of groups and meet-ups where everyone has a voice, and it has been so refreshing! Whether it is a date with my wife, a moment of connection with my children, a meet-up with a friend, a family visit or an online discussion group, it has been like a balm to my soul. It feels like health. It feels like really living in connection with others. The steady stream of invites to attend this or that keep coming, but saying, “No thank you,” has become easier and easier (at this point it is a joy to say no frankly) and I have been becoming more and more enjoyable to be with.

Recently, my wife has remarked on the transformation she has been seeing in my life. I could not name what was happening until now. I am enjoying people more. She has been experiencing me as a more pleasant servant to our family. I have just been enjoying my family more. The two go together, apparently.

This way of being of vulnerability and openness to the gift of each person in front of you and real meaningful connection with real people is revolutionary. Make no mistake about it. It is counter-cultural both to the media onslaught of disembodied voices clamoring for our attention and to the value system that gives more weight to positions and titles than hearty souls. But it is BETTER. There is a richness of life in it that your soul needs. It is slower, less contentious, more restful, less frenzied, deeper, fuller, richer.

I highly recommend this way of horizontal living. I think you will enjoy it. BTW, I hope you also enjoyed these smiling faces of beautiful humans as much as I did 🙂

Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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New Devotionals!

We have 4 new devotionals on the YouVersion app!

This plan was created for those yearning for a heart revival! If you are desperate for your heart to burn again for Jesus… If the bumps and bruises of life have left you a bit weary and worn… This plan brings together 30 scriptures where God speaks life directly to your heart in first person. I’m praying and believing that you will receive healing, encouragement, and refreshing through His promises for you!
We all want to grow, but spiritual maturity often seems elusive, and we can become frustrated. Becoming Mature is a transformative resource for believers seeking real growth and a deeper walk with Christ. It goes deep into the nitty gritty of becoming more like Christ in the face of life’s challenges and our brokenness. Whether you’re a new believer, battling stagnation, or seeking more of God, this series of plans provides practical tools to unlock deep and lasting growth in your life! This plan is Part 1 in the series and covers Defining Maturity.
We all want to grow, but spiritual maturity often seems elusive, and we can become frustrated. “Becoming Mature” is a transformative resource for believers seeking real growth and a deeper walk with Christ. It goes deep into the nitty gritty of becoming more like Christ in the face of life’s challenges and our brokenness. Whether you’re a new believer, battling stagnation, or seeking more of God, this series of plans provides practical tools to unlock deep and lasting growth in your life! This plan is Part 2 in the series and covers The Spiritual Growth Journey.
We all want to grow, but spiritual maturity often seems elusive, and we can become frustrated. Becoming Mature is a transformative resource for believers seeking real growth and a deeper walk with Christ. It goes deep into the nitty gritty of becoming more like Christ in the face of life’s challenges and our brokenness. Whether you’re a new believer, battling stagnation, or seeking more of God, this series of plans provides practical tools to unlock deep and lasting growth in your life! This plan is Part 3 in the series and covers The Spiritual Growth Process.
Check them out!

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Reflections On Christian Leadership With Henri Nouwen Part 2

To start my second instalment of this blog, here is the quote from In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership by Henri Nouwen that resonated with me:

“Somehow we have come to believe that good leadership requires a safe distance from those we are called to lead. Medicine, psychiatry, and social work all offer us models in which “service” takes place in a one-way direction. Someone serves, someone else is served, and be sure not to mix up the roles! But how can we lay down our life for those with whom we are not even allowed to enter into a deep personal relationship? Laying down your life means making your own faith and doubt, hope and despair, joy and sadness, courage and fear available to others as ways of getting in touch with the Lord of life. We are not the healers, we are not the reconcilers, we are not the givers of life. We are sinful, broken, vulnerable people who need as much care as anyone we care for. The mystery of ministry is that we have been chosen to make our own limited and very conditional love the gateway for the unlimited and unconditional love of God. Therefore true ministry must be mutual.

Oh, how I feel these words in my bones! In my area of interest, discipleship, I have become totally disinterested in preaching, teaching, and ministry that is devoid of the minister vulnerably opening his/her soul to his/her brothers and sisters. I have little interest in your expositions on Moses or Elijah or Paul, but I am keenly interested in how these Biblical examples intersect with the outworking of your personal salvation. I am not interested in what you read. I am interested in what you are living. It has almost become an obsession of mine – a search for a people on fire for God who are willing to live in mutuality and vulnerability.

I have generally found that the discipleship model in the church is a teacher-student/s or mentor-mentee/s relationship where the teacher or mentor is the expert who takes the student/s under his/her wing. All of the learning is assumed to be one-way. The student bares all the intimate details of her soul, while the teacher gives wise advice and remains closed and inaccessible.

What did Jesus say? He called His disciples friends on account of the fact that He wanted a more mutual relationship – one where He shared His plans with them (John 15:15). Jesus even invited three of His disciples to be with Him in His moment of deepest travail in the garden of Gethsemane.

I am thirsty for a space where disciples gather together to seek Jesus in heart-to-heart community. Where the numbers are small, the sharing is deep, and nobody is trying to fix me, save me, or heal me. I long to get together with a small group of individuals who are on fire for Jesus, hungry to seek Him with all their heart… but who are also hungry to be knit heart-to-heart with their brothers and sisters.

My wife and I have embarked on a bold experiment to create spaces such as these. This is what shapes the way we do our workshops and, more recently, what birthed our discipleship groups. It was first a desire that we had for community for ourselves before it was a desire to provide community for others. We get as much, or more, from our workshops as we give.

All true ministry is mutual. All true ministry comes from a relationship with our fellow man that, at the deepest level, recognizes the other as of equal value. We are all students, and there is one Teacher. We are all in the same boat. The minute we see ourselves as higher than the other is the minute we step out of the heart of Christ, who emptied Himself of the glory of heaven and became a man like us in order to save us. Who came down to our level and lifted us up with Him. Who took the lower position of a servant to mankind as the path to ministry and influence.

Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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Reflections on Christian Leadership with Henri Nouwen Part 1

I recently picked up one of my favourite books to read AGAIN – In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership by Henri Nouwen. It is one of those books where the impact of the truths contained in it is not diminished with repetition. This time, particular parts of it collided with my current experience with such eye-widening relevance that my impulse to process and memorialize in writing was aroused.

I will start this mini-series with the first quote that struck me from the book:

“But when we are securely rooted in personal intimacy with the source of life, it will be possible to remain flexible without being relavistic, convinced without being rigid, willing to confront without being offensive, gentle and forgiving without being soft, and true witnesses without being manipulative.”

“Willing to confront without being offensive”. This phrase aptly describes the crux of my current struggle at work. I’m pretty good at the confront part (and there was a time I did not know how to confront people), but I am not as good at the not being offensive part.

If I’m honest, I have been bad at this for a very long time. But I feel like there comes a time when God says, “OK, you cannot take this malformation any further. You need to work on this now.” Or maybe there comes a time when one has the maturity and tools to deal with the problem. Either way, I know I have to deal with this in this season.

Actually, and this just came to me: Nouwen points to intimacy with God as the enablement to walk this line of confrontation without offense, and it is quite probable that I did not have the level of intimacy with Christ that I now have to be able to cross this hurdle. (Ahh, the therapeutic gift of writing.)

The way I see it, the challenge is to be able to authentically say to someone, “I think what you are doing is bad,” without saying, “I think you are bad.” This is not easy, at least not for me. I never shout or curse or demean people, but my wife says, “Just because you say something in a soft voice doesn’t mean that you are not being harsh.”

Honestly, I thought it did mean that I wasn’t being harsh! I mean, c’mon… I don’t curse… I don’t raise my voice… I’m always polite, even when people are impolite and raise their voice at me. What more do you want? Well… as it turns out, what God wants is nothing less than loving my ‘enemies’ even while confronting them. That goes heart deep, below actions, below words, below tone… deeper.

That kind of love can only come from intimacy with Love. Love must dwell in me. Overflow from me. It must be felt. Holy Spirit, help me. I write today not as one having mastered love but as one in the throes of struggle to become more like Jesus and often getting it wrong. I have no advice to offer.

I offer only the consolation of knowing that if you struggle too, you are not alone. Pray for me as I pray for you: Jesus, for every one of your disciples who reads this, give them the gift of a deeper encounter with your ferocious, unrelenting, cleansing, healing, breathtaking love. As they wrestle in their souls, may all malice, bitterness, envy, and unforgiveness die by the power of the cross! May love win the day! May their hearts burn for you and may your love emanate from their lives, from the very centre of their Jesus-enflamed hearts.

Amen.

Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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Training Versus Trying Part 5 – Community

Welcome to the last instalment of our Training Versus Trying series! Today we are talking about Community.

A training approach recognizes that as spiritual athletes, we grow fastest when we train with others. However, it is a particular type of community that we need to grow. One that is not very common. When we think of community in a church setting, we normally think of the brothers and sisters with whom we attend church or maybe those who are a part of a ministry that we serve in.

However, the type of community that I am talking about is a training community – a small circle of people with whom we share our inner lives. It is a community committed to walking together in pursuit of God without trying to fix, or save, or advise each other. Often, as Christians, we try to force our training regimen on everyone else without honoring the unique person that they are and the unique work that God is doing in their lives.

This is something I have with very few people. Most Christians, in my experience, do not have deep conversations about the things that matter, or if they do, it is in the context of giving advice or holding each other accountable. Some even think it is their job to condemn and shame. However, what I have found is that what most people need is actually just a safe space to talk about the deep inner things that truly matter without being judged, reproached, corrected, or Bible-verse-slapped. In a supportive and safe environment such as this, there exists the ideal conditions for God to speak. Or to stick with our analogy, for God to coach us as a group.

I’m not saying that God cannot use another person to correct us or to give us feedback where we may have a blind spot. He does use people in our lives like that. I’m saying that in a training community, that is a small part of why we get together, and it is accomplished more indirectly through vulnerable sharing, asking each other probing questions, and discerning God’s voice together.

In a community of Christians-in-training there is safety and freedom to talk about what new training techniques we are trying, what is not working, and what we are working through with our Coach. In that kind of community, we are celebrated, encouraged, inspired, and supported. In that kind of community, we can give a voice to our soul and hear the heart of others in ways that bring redemption, healing, and transformation.

Well, we have come to the end of this little series. I hope it has been helpful to you.

Train well, my fellow disciples of Christ!

Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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Training Versus Trying Part 4 – Coaching

A training mindset approaches our relationship with the Holy Spirit like a coach who is deeply invested in and committed to our growth. We have a coach who longs to be a partner in our progressive sanctification.


Remember those moments of reflecting on our failure that we mentioned earlier? Well, those moments are also an opportunity to process with God. This is powerful. The Holy Spirit knows you better than you know yourself and knows how to help you to grow like no one else does!


If we can release ourselves from the guilt and shame that often keeps us from approaching God and realize that He sees us through eyes of deep compassion, then we can unlock a level of healing and wisdom that is simply transformative.


Every time I have brought my darkest desires (the ones I would never even voice), my deepest fears, or my most shameful thoughts to God, it has resulted in something transformative. (Even if it has simply been a revelation of just how loving and compassionate God is.)

All champions know that a coach is essential to their success. A coach sees the potential in us that we don’t see in ourselves. A coach also sees the barriers to our progress that we don’t have the wisdom or objectivity to see. He can see when our stride is too long or when our follow-through is an issue. In like manner, the Holy Spirit knows what to target to move us forward and how to encourage and motivate us in a language we can relate to.

Up next, community!

Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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Training Versus Trying Part 3 – Roots Not Shoots

Someone training for a marathon may need to focus on their diet, mindset, and breathing to get to the desired outcome. It is the same with our spiritual growth. To achieve the behavioural outcome we desire, we must address deeper issues like our mindsets, identity, beliefs, and values.

Often, we can become too sin-focused, which results in the very opposite of what we are trying to achieve. Obsessing over not doing something is the worst way to approach our growth. Instead, we need to find the roots of the issue and put a holistic training program in place.

For example, say I have a problem with over-eating. A trying mindset will be all about focusing on controlling how much I eat. However, the roots of my struggle may involve issues with my identity, stress coping mechanisms, and the relationships in my life. Therefore, a trying mindset will be ineffective and frustrating because all the underlying causes (the roots) remain untouched.

Training often seems unrelated to the outcome we desire, like the Karate Kid painting walls to learn karate. However, it is actually addressing the roots that impact the entire tree of your life.

Next, we discuss how a coach is essential to training.

See you then!

Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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Training Versus Trying Part 2 – Self-Compassion

The first element of a training mindset is self-compassion.

A training mindset recognizes that we are all imperfect beings on a path of sanctification and healing. We are all works in progress. There is no benefit to beating yourself up when you fail. God does not beat us up when we fail. He meets us with mercy and compassion. So, why shouldn’t we do the same?


This is extremely difficult to grasp when in many religious circles we equate a self-compassionate approach as being compromising or soft on sin. But it does not have to be. We can maintain an uncompromising view of sin while being gentle on ourselves. Our aim is progress, not perfection.


When we have a compassionate view of ourselves, it frees us to learn from failure. And this is one of the huge superpowers of a training mindset – every failure becomes an opportunity to learn about ourselves and what is not working in our training programme. This is so critical for real growth. When we give in to a temptation, if we can carefully examine the thoughts and emotions that led us to the sin without turning away in shame, then we gain the insights needed to heal and grow. Without these insights, we will never truly grow. Without these insights, the most we can hope for is to cope, never to overcome.

Self-compassion enables us to move from hiding and repression to exploration and discovery of the root causes of our afflictions. But that’s for the next instalment…

See you then!

Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.