Category: Personal Transformation

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God, Speak To Me Through Anyone But Her!

Talking to my ex-wife is not one of my favourite things to do. Our conversations are usually about the children and invariably something is my fault and I feel like I’m being berated (although she says that’s her normal voice). The calls normally go much longer than I enjoy talking on the phone (which is already painful for me). Having said that, her concern for her children is genuine and sometimes what she says has truth to it.

For me, listening for what God is saying through my ex-wife is a mortification of my flesh. It almost literally hurts. However, I am convinced that these innocuous everyday human interactions are some of the most powerful spiritual work that we do! It is in these trenches that we build patience, humility, long-suffering; the outworking of a love for others that transcends how we are being treated and our selfish self-interests.

I still have a lot of flesh to crucify…. I do not always handle it well. I sometimes forget to take a breath and ask for the Helper to hold me in that moment when the flesh begins to sizzle on the altar. Often, I jump out of the flames of purification. It’s painful man!

I am convinced that we underestimate just how necessary this work, this crucifixion of our flesh, is to our intimacy with Christ. It is nothing less than spiritual worship. If we want more of Christ in us, the flesh has to die.

This is why I am of the view that:

  1. People who isolate themselves or their hearts from deep relationships will not grow past a certain point in their relationship with Christ. You cannot say you love a God you have not seen and you do not love the brother you have seen.
  2. Loving the people close to you in a very specific way is more important and more difficult than loving those afar off in a more general way. It is much easier to appear nice to your church or your office than to deeply love your spouse and children.

Loving those right in front of you is deeply spiritual work. It is a spiritual imperative to remain open and vulnerable, risking hurt, victimization and betrayal for the cause of Christ, our hope of glory, being made manifest to and in those around us.

God, in His wisdom, has ordained His glorious light to dwell in fallible human beings; the church. If we want to love like Him, if we want to become mature enough to hold His fullness, we must be able to reverence the Christ in the imperfect person.

I believe we have sorely neglected this spiritual discipline. There has been a great percentage of the sermons that I have listened to that is nothing more than the pastor complaining about wrongs done to him. And many leaders have isolated themselves as a reaction to this type of betrayal. There are also many church members who press the eject button, leaving their church, when they suffer betrayal and hurt. Any real long-term relationship will at some point lead to offense and hurt. It is at that point the work truly begins… Love or leave? Forgive or forget it? Pursue love or protect self?

We rob ourselves of our own growth in Christlikeness when we refuse to do the work of mortification of self in the context of our relationships. There is no resurrection without crucifixion!

Copyright 2019, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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GUEST POST: IF YOU HAVE A PULSE, YOU HAVE A PURPOSE!

Hello my friends!

I recently did a guest post on the Godly Chic Diaries. June (the author of Godly Chic Diaries) produces wonderfully uplifting content. She has been awarded and featured for the Top 30 Positivity Blog 2019 and top 100 Christian Women Blog 2019. So head on over and check out her blog!

Here’s my feature on her site:

via GUEST POST: IF YOU HAVE A PULSE, YOU HAVE A PURPOSE!

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How To Spot A Fake Christian

Newsflash! There are fake Christians. Yep. This is no surprise I’m sure. There are lots of people who call themselves Christians but within that group there is a subset that I refer to as the true disciples of Christ. So how do we tell the sheep from the goats or the wheat from the tares? Let me introduce you to the Acme Christian Test.

But before I do that, sniffing out fake Christians doesn’t in itself seem very…well..Christian so let’s change the question… How can I tell if I’m a real Christian? I’m so glad you asked. Here’s how:

I’m going to bring together a few concepts from the bible that hinges on this passage:

John 15:1-8

1 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch in me that does not bear fruit he takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit he prunes, that it may bear more fruit. 3 Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. 4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. 5 I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing. 6 If anyone does not abide in me he is thrown away like a branch and withers; and the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. 7 If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples.

Voila! I’m sure you see verse 8 jumping right out at you. Jesus’ disciples bear much fruit which is proof (evidence) that they are:

  1. Connected to the vine (Jesus), and;
  2. Being pruned

Let’s focus on the fruit first. What is this fruit? For that we will turn to another passage:

Galatians 2:22-23

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

So, the first part of the test of a real Christian is to ask yourself if you are exhibiting the following qualities:

  1. Love
  2. Joy
  3. Peace
  4. Patience
  5. Kindness
  6. Goodness
  7. Faithfulness
  8. Gentleness
  9. Self-control

Spend some time on each word. Do some introspection. I find that some of them make me wince a bit (or a lot) while others I feel I’m ok with. That last one, self-control, always makes me cringe. Ouch. But we need to be bearing all the fruit not just a few.

However, bearing fruit is not enough, we also need to be pruned. The second part of the test is to ask yourself if you have been increasing in these qualities. We may all start at different places so a snapshot of a point in time is not really the acid test. Let me illustrate. If I came from a really bad home situation where all the examples around me contained very little of these qualities, I might be quite impatient. Maybe it’s so bad that a single badly chosen word triggers a violent response from me. On the other hand, if Jane was raised in a wonderfully loving home it might take quite a lot to even get her to become angry. Now, Jane and I both convert to Christianity at the same time and after a year through the work of the Holy Spirit I’ve stopped beating up people, but I still get angry pretty easily compared to Jane. But the comparison with each other is irrelevant. The true comparison is with our former selves.

The true disciple is in a constant process of transformation that leads to more and more fruit. Jesus calls it pruning so that we bear more fruit. All true disciples (branches that bear fruit) are pruned. So, you want to know if you are a true Christian? Look back and examine yourself. Do you have more joy, more peace? Have you become gentler, kinder? The moment you stop growing is the moment you were a Christian. You see, a person living in constant contact with Christ cannot help but be transformed. Relationship with Christ changes you at the most fundamental level.

I have found that these are not the questions that trouble most Christians and that troubles me. We are caught in a quagmire of doctrine and religion. The fake tests for fake Christians are for the fake fruits:

  1. Church/mass attendance
  2. Bible verses memorized
  3. Doctrinal accuracy
  4. Spiritual gifts
  5. What church/denomination you belong to
  6. Not going to parties
  7. Political affiliation

None of these are fruit. They are not evidence that you are being transformed by Christ. They are not even evidence that you have any relationship with Christ. Measuring yourself by such external attributes leads to destruction:

Matthew 7:15-23

15 “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. 16 You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17 So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. 18 A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Thus you will recognize them by their fruits. 21 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ 23 And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’

Every day I have to ask myself, am I a real Christian?

Copyright 2019, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

If you are interested in accelerating your spiritual growth why not try our Spiritual Growth Foundation Course? It’s our introductory online course at it’s completely FREE!

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Power Trip

Let me take you on a trip; a power trip. According to a study by social psychologists John R. P. French and Bertram H. Raven in 1959, there are 5 types of power used within organizations:

  1. Coercive Power: This type of power relies on threats or punishment to force compliance against a person’s will. Use of this type of power is destructive, leading to unhealthy and unproductive behaviours within the organization.
  2. Reward Power: This form of power is based on the idea that as a society we are more inclined to do things well when we are getting something in return. The problem with this form of power is that when the reward does not have enough perceived value to others, the power is weakened. One of the frustrations when using rewards is that they often need to be bigger than the last time if they are to have the same effect.
  3. Legitimate Power: This type of power is based on a person’s role or position. This is a weak form of power as it only lasts as long as the person has the title or when they are operating in an official capacity.
  4. Referent Power: The leader in this form of power is often seen as a role model. This power emanates from a person that is highly liked and people identify strongly with them in some way. Celebrities often wield this type of power.
  5. Expert Power: This form of power is based on in-depth information, knowledge or expertise. The rarer and greater the demand for the expertise, the more power the person wields.

The challenge leaders’ face is to organize people in a coordinated effort toward the achievement of some goal. This necessitates giving directions and delegating tasks. Leaders must use some combination of these types of power to achieve their objectives. What we have realized over the years is that some forms of power are more effective than others in creating sustainably successful results. Leaders who rely heavily on legitimate and coercive power breed compliance at best and undermining behaviours at worst. Successful leaders rely more on referent and expert power. While this has been well understood but woefully under-practiced in secular circles for years, I am continually surprised at the prevalence of unhealthy leadership paradigms and practices within the church world.

The Christian world seems hell bent (pun intended) on subscribing to legitimate power as THE paradigm for the church. Typical church structures are very hierarchical with the pastor/priest at the top and unquestioning submission to authority required right down the chain of command.  I would have expected the church to have the best leaders! I mean Jesus is the most influential and charismatic leader who ever walked the planet! So much so, that according to a Pew Research Center 2010 survey there are approximately 2.8 billion people on the planet who claim to still be following Him!

What I’ve come to realize, unfortunately, is that most people do not understand the culture of the kingdom when it comes to power. THE #1 principle of the kingdom when it comes to power is that God is not trying to force us to comply with His will but He is wooing us like a lover into an amazing partnership. The #2 principle is that God is determined to give His power away to the furthest possible person and the widest possible group. If we remembered these two principles, we would do church completely differently.

Jesus was the embodiment of this kingdom principle. Motivated by love, He left His all-powerful mantle in heaven and came to earth for the sole purpose of giving us power over sin, death and the devil. He allowed death to overpower Him for 3 days so that, when He ascended back to the highest position of power over all power, He could bring us all up there with Him! Consider that! Consider that the omnipotent God became a frail little human and subjected Himself to a humiliating death so that we lowly dust creatures could walk in His power! His heart is that not one should perish but that all should have abundant eternal life. Yet, the choice is ours; He will not put out His hand to coerce us to follow Him.

If you spent time with Jesus and took note of what He did what, would you see?

You would see Him training a group of 12 people who would finish the work He started and whom He would be excited to see do greater works than Him. Do we do that?

You would see Him teaching, healing, delivering and feeding thousands. Caring for the physical needs and internal hearts of others. Do we do that?

You would see Him passionately and consistently confronting the leaders who are controlling, dominating and abusing people from their religious positions. Do we do that?

You would see Him eating meals and washing the feet of a man who He knew would give Him up to be killed. Do we do that?

You would see Him interceding for forgiveness for a people that murdered Him unjustly. Do we do that?

How we use our power is the hallmark of our knowledge of Him. Do we know Him?

Joyfully,

Copyright 2019, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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Holy Communion

In all Christian denominations, communion is celebrated in one form or another. In the Catholic faith it is celebrated at every mass. In others, it may be weekly or monthly. No matter the frequency, there is something sacred about this practice of drinking His blood and eating His body as Christ commanded. However, as sacred as it is, there is more. There is a mystery; a deeper communion to which we need to surrender daily… hourly.

However, it requires letting go of the lie of separateness. If His Spirit is in us, then we are never separate from God; always in communion with Him. Yet why are we are always seeking to get to some state where we are one with Him? Aren’t we the body of Christ? Yes! Somehow, spiritually, we are the very body of Christ! Somehow, we can partake of the life of Christ. In fact, we are called to share His entire life throughout time and space!

We share in His suffering:

Colossians 1:24

Now I rejoice in what I am suffering for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church.

Romans 8:17a

Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings

We share in His death:

Romans 6:4a

We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death

Colossians 3:3

For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.

We share in His resurrection:

Romans 6:5

For if we have been united with him in a death like his, we will certainly also be united with him in a resurrection like his.

Colossians 3:1

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.

We share in His glorification:

Romans 8:17

Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

We will share in His second coming:

Colossians 3:4

When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.

These are amazing truths! I do not want us to come away from these scriptures feeling that all that they mean is that we must be like Christ or that it is all symbolic. I believe that the life of the Christian is so united with Christ that we reach out across time and space and partake with Him in His suffering, death, resurrection, glorification and second coming. As we commune with the eternal Christ now, we inherit all He ever was and who He ever will be because He exists in eternity!

We are called to eternal communion with Christ! Right here, right now… He is here.

Copyright 2019, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

Matthew 28:20b

And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.

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Pure Bliss

I have often associated the state of bliss with a feeling of euphoria or deep contentment. A blissful moment is one where I would think, “I could just stay in this moment forever.”

Over the years, different things have triggered this feeling for me. It’s currently carnival time in my country and I can’t help but remember one such moment early in the morning chipping to an infectious rhythm behind a music truck for J’ouvert. The first orange streaks of sunrise washed over faces full of joy and bodies covered in paint moving in unison to the music. Time slowed. The celebrations in the street seemed a fitting compliment to the sunrise.  Both seemed to overflow with a joy of just being alive. Pure energy. Pure vibes.

Another time I remember was at the beach with my three kids. We were just frolicking in the waves. We were all children and the ocean was our playground. We ducked waves and dived into the surf. We splashed each other and pinched each other’s toes pretending to be a crab or a fish. When a particularly big wave came we all screamed in mock fear or pretended to be Hulk and smash the wave. We were jubilant. We were alive.

For me, moments like these make life worth living. They somehow remind me that I don’t just exist, I live. I have always been in pursuit of a blissful life.

One online dictionary defines bliss like this: Bliss is a state of complete happiness or joy. Marriage is often associated with this joyous feeling: people who are married and still in love are described as living in wedded bliss. Another common association is heaven or paradise, as in eternal bliss.

Bliss is a state of complete joy… That is exactly what I’m after; complete joy! Yes, I have had and continue to have the blissful moments described above but I’m not satisfied with moments of bliss. I want a state of bliss; perpetual bliss if you will.

It is this quest that has led me inexorably to Christ. In the presence of God I find pure bliss. Sometimes people ask me incredulously why I’m not going to any parties or not having sex. I’m guessing that they don’t understand what could be worth giving up those blissful moments. And I totally know where they are coming from because I’ve been there, and had I not experienced what I’ve experienced, I would still be there. But having tasted the goodness of God… Oh my! I can’t get enough!

That’s why I have no interest in religion. It’s just not attractive to me. It has nothing to offer me. I’m not interested in looking righteous or avoiding some future hell. Religion is dead. But Jesus Christ offers life and life more abundantly than we’ve ever known. It’s like when He rose from the dead, the life force that rushed into His body exploded in the earth, overflowing to every heart that would receive it.

Every time I think of Jesus and reach out my heart to His, He floods my soul with peace and love and joy. He makes even the bad days better and the times playing with my kids or dancing and singing in worship to Him are ten times sweeter. I have found that bliss comes with doing what you were born to do. I was born to dance, born to play, born to love and be loved but most of all I was born to worship God. I’m a Christian hedonist pursuing eternal heavenly bliss.

Join me,

Copyright 2019, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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The Fire Series: What Proverbs Has To Say About Love & Sex

Some of the most interesting Proverbs for me are the ones that start with the statement, “Three things are too wonderful for me; four I do not understand:” or “Under three things the earth trembles; under four it cannot bear up:” The lists of spectacles that come next have always intrigued me. As I came across these sayings again last week, two in particular stood out in a fresh way; “the way of a man with a virgin” and “an unloved woman when she gets a husband”.

I wondered what it was about these two things that the writer saw that was so wonderful and mysterious and earth-shaking? The wonderful mystery of sex I understood right away but I was not really getting the significance of the unloved woman getting a husband.

Then I reflected on my past romantic relationships and it hit me; women have a deep desire to feel treasured; to be loved above all other women. When this need is met a woman blossoms and it truly is beautiful. I am not by any means saying that I was a great love-er by the way. Far from it. Perhaps I should have had this revelation earlier in life because I believe if we men really understood this, we would be amazed at the difference it would make in our relationships. Maybe we would feel the earth tremble. Lol.

Similarly, when I went back to the verse about the man with a virgin I saw that it dealt with the deep need of men to know that they alone are the objects of their wife’s desire. Sex is as important to men as love is to women. I wonder if more women need to appreciate this truism?

So wives, I encourage you, make your man feel like a stallion. Tell him and show him how much he does it for you, regularly. It’s biblical! And husbands, I encourage you to tell your woman you love her every day. Take the time to find out her love language and make her feel treasured beyond compare.

OK coming back to my bible study… God had more to say. Because I thought about all those men and women who have not yet found a partner and asked, “What about the deep need of those women to feel loved and treasured God? What about those men with the unfulfilled need to be respected and admired?”

I believe His answer was this: “I am the ultimate fulfillment of all your needs. I am the love that is beyond compare and the pleasure above all ecstasies. My love for you is too wonderful for you and beyond your understanding. My love for you makes the earth tremble.” I believe there is complete wholeness in God. Maybe we will not fully experience it until the bride of Christ, the church, is united with Jesus Christ Himself… but even a taste of the love of God is beyond anything this world has to offer!

Joyfully,

Copyright 2019, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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The Christmas Gift For Everyone

The whole set up for the birth of Jesus is amazing. Consider first of all the simple fact that He came! God left His pure, ethereal, glorious existence and took on physical form. If I had unlimited power and existed in a world outside of time and space I’m not sure I would have willingly chosen to become a mere mortal confined to time and space. I mean consider that Jesus (God incarnate) had to be fed, have His diapers changed, learn to walk, go through puberty, make friends in school, study, get a job, work hard, feel tired, feel sad… the full range of what it means to be human.

Why did He do it? Love. Jesus is the ultimate expression of love in the flesh. He is an exemplar of ‘practice what you preach’. He showed us the way to live by example. And even more shocking is that His purpose was to effect the most scandalous gift exchange of all time. He gave His life so that we could gain eternal life. He took on humanity so that we could have godliness. He suffered so that we would suffer no more. He took away our sins so that we could become righteous. He left heaven so that we could have a home in heaven. He lay down His glory so that we could become glorious. The king became a servant, so that the servants could become kings!

Who is worthy of such a gift? The answer is no one and everyone. None are worthy, but all are accepted. The circumstances surrounding the birth of Jesus were intentionally orchestrated by God to let us know that Jesus came for EVERYONE. He could have been born in a palace but instead He chose a stable. He could have been laid in a fancy hand-crafted crib but instead he chose a feeding trough for animals. His first visitors could have been the elite of the Jewish people at that time but instead He chose his first visitors to be the low-class shepherds and three wise non-believers. And when they did take Him to be dedicated at the temple who met Him there? An ordinary but devout parishioner named Simeon and an old devout widow. It wasn’t the who’s who but the ordinary faithful.

The bottom line is that Jesus was surrounded by believers and non-believers of humble and sincere hearts regardless of station in life or religious order. This is Jesus. The Saviour of the world. He came for us all. He does not care what denomination we belong to or if we have a denomination at all. He does not care about our social status or how many followers we have on Instagram. He is holding out His arms longing for all to come and receive Him. The Gift is free. The worth is inestimable.

Joyfully,


Copyright Matik Nicholls, 2018.
All rights reserved.
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Is Your Image Important?

Ever so often in my life, the question of my image rises to the surface. Typically, I could care less about my image… or put another way; I could care less about the opinions of people who do not know me. But every so often, those ‘people who don’t know me’ are also people who can influence the course of my life. Thus, it is in my interest to care about the opinions of such people. 

On one such occasion, I had just started a new management position and my boss suggested that we meet weekly to check up on projects that I would be working on. I thought that that was a bit excessive, so I suggested less frequent meetings. She didn’t go for it. A few months later she gave me my first performance feedback and admitted that there was more to me than first met the eye. She had not expected the level of competence that I exhibited. On another occasion, a senior manager was kind enough to let me know that my happy-go-lucky surfer dude persona was negatively impacting my management aspirations. He admitted that I had the intelligence and competence for the position, but some who worked less closely with me were concerned about my image.  

To be blunt, this type of thing pisses me off. I have no problem when people have an initial opinion but then take the time to get to know me before passing judgment (like the first boss I mentioned above). But I have a serious issue with people passing judgement from afar, not based on my performance, but based on who they think I am as a person. However, this is the reality of the world. People make decisions about you based on their opinion of you whether they actually know you or not. 

The question is; should we be concerned about our image? Should I be concerned about my carefree image? Should I try to change it? Such questions can be unsettling, at least for me.  

As I discussed these thoughts with my bff, she shared an interesting perspective. She has an image of always having her hair and nails on point and lately she was becoming concerned about the signal that she might be sending to the young women in her sphere of influence. She wondered if she was contributing to the current ethos of superficiality. Are nails and hair the most important things about a person? In the world of fake eyelashes, fake nails and weave have we become a society that is more about image than substance? 

She gave me food for thought and solidified my commitment to authenticity. There is a beauty and peace that comes with being yourself that for me is not worth any job promotion. I laugh loudly in the office and dance down the place at Christmas functions. That is not some people’s opinion of management behaviour. And I’m OK with that. You do you and I’ll do me. At the end of the day it would be nice to be judged only on your contribution to achievement of the company objectives but the world is not fair like that and I’m OK with that too. I am willing to pay the price for an authentic life. I believe in a higher justice. And I hope that my sacrifice will redound to upcoming leaders; that they will be able to shake the shackles of other people’s expectations and actualize their own authentic life.

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.