If you are longing for deeper intimacy, greater clarity and more fruitfulness in your walk with God then sign up for Spiritual Formation 101. We take a journey of discovery together for 8 weeks starting October 18th.
We will explore topics such as:
What is spiritual maturity?
The 3 phases of spiritual maturity.
Examining the Christ model of maturity.
Principles for spiritual growth.
Processes for spiritual growth.
Habits for spiritual growth.
Barriers and enablers for spiritual growth.
Sessions will be interactive, experiential and Spirit-led.
My parents brought me up without religion. Their thinking was that we would choose our own religion when my sister and I grew up. We didn’t go to church. We didn’t say any prayers. When I was 17, many of my Roman Catholic friends began attending Confirmation classes. So, following the crowd, I started attending Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults (RCIA) classes in order to convert to Catholicism. It was in these classes that Jesus first attracted me. The fire was ignited but my life did not change much. I carried on like many teenagers of my time. I was a diligent student and an avid party-goer. But my soul longed for more. I began searching for more.
My search eventually led me to a non-denominational Pentecostal-type church where I made a commitment to serve Jesus more fully. I became a born-again Christian at age 21. My life changed dramatically as I conformed to the values and performance culture of my new tribe. I read the bible from cover to cover. I stopped partying, stopped listening to secular music and initiated a demanding schedule of church activities. Things progressed as expected. I got married. We had a son. I progressed in my career. I taught Sunday School. I looked successful on the outside but on the inside, my soul was screaming, “Is this all there was to life?” And then there was the issue of a growing dichotomy between my external religiosity and my internal depravity. Then one day the water surged over the dam of my artificial life, and I pressed the eject button. I turned my back on church and religion and plowed headlong into hedonism.
Many years later, after the sweetness of sin had long turned sour, I cried out to God for help. He answered with a loving community of believers who loved me in my mess (and what a mess it was). I began the long road to recovery. By this time, I had wreaked much havoc and there were many repairs and reparations to be made. But, slowly my life became better as Jesus changed me from the inside out.
A critical moment came one morning as I stood praying in my living room. Suddenly, I felt the tangible love of God surround me. I felt wave after wave of unbelievable mercy, life-giving forgiveness and unconditional love, wash over my body and cleanse my soul completely. I stood there weeping. I do not know how long it lasted but that morning changed my life forever. The transformation that took place and is still taking place since that day is real and exponential. As I encountered Jesus daily, I began to experience all the fruits of the Spirit like never before. Authentic joy is found in the face of Jesus Christ my friends!
The point of my story is to illustrate two foundational principles for spiritual growth:
Only Jesus transforms. Not religion. Only a real face to face relationship with Jesus. Sure, anyone can change their behaviour and manage their sin but only Jesus can change our desires – change us from the inside out. John 15:4-6 (ESV) says: “4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. 5 I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” It is the abiding connection with Jesus that transforms us.
We change more through relationships than through information. We have been fooled into a left-brained approach to spiritual formation. We have been told that if we study our bibles and attend to our church sermons we will grow. These are helpful, but what really transforms us is loving relationships and strong bonds with people and with God. Paul said in 1 Corinthians 11:1 (ESV) “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.”
Do you know how old I was when I had that encounter with Jesus? Thirty-nine! I spent a heck of a lot of time and energy trying to achieve spiritual growth through methods that just cannot deliver. In this series on spiritual growth, I’m going to share everything that I’ve learned over the years so you don’t have to go down any of the dead-ends that I did. Stay tuned!
Joyfully,
Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
If you haven’t yet, check out our FREE Spiritual Growth Foundation Course in which we cover the four foundational principles for spiritual growth and much more! In addition to on-demand videos which you can watch at your leisure, there are downloadable handouts for those who prefer written content.
Have you ever asked yourself any of these questions:
How do I achieve spiritual growth?
How do I measure spiritual growth?
How do I maintain spiritual growth?
How do I increase spiritual growth?
How do I become spiritually mature?
How do I know if I am spiritually mature?
How do I grow in spiritual maturity?
Well, we have been working feverishly behind the scenes to provide these answers to you in the most affordable and succinct way possible.
Over the past few months, we have spent some time clarifying our mission and improving our value-offering to you.
What’s our mission you ask?
To promote, accelerate and support your spiritual growth.
This is what gets us out of bed in the morning! Sooooo, I am super excited to launch a new Authentic Joy offering – online courses to support your spiritual growth!
We have two tiers of courses available at the moment:
The Spiritual growth Basic Course which has three parts. You can access them for any price you choose! Check them out here.
I really hope these courses are a catalyst for your growth in Christ. I have put what I’ve learned from my life successes and my life failures into these online resources. I pray that it blesses you.
Joyfully,
Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
Announcing the launch of Transformation + Coaching Institute (pronounced Transformation Plus)!
My amazing wife, Tricia Celestin-Nicholls, is now a professional coach y’all! Tricia has been coaching people for eighteen years now, but I have watched her grow to a whole new level as she refined her craft over the last four years while pursuing certification.
While Tricia has a lot of experience and is well equipped with the tools and techniques of her profession, what I personally think is the best thing about what she offers is that she coaches in partnership with Jesus. The Holy Spirit is the ultimate Helper and that’s what coaching is all about – helping you on your journey of spiritual growth!
Behind the scenes, Authentic Joy has been undergoing an overhaul. God has been refining us and focusing us on bringing greater value to our online community. First, we added Bible Study Plans to our offering. Today, we are launching our coaching offering. Next, we will be rolling out a series of online courses. All of this is in line with our core purpose – to support the spiritual growth of our community. We are believing God for exponential growth in your life!
Father’s Day has been a bit surreal for me this year. I do not normally pay any heed to Father’s Day. I don’t expect much. But God has been focusing my attention very keenly on my family of late and so I found myself really thinking about my fatherhood and my father a lot today.
I have been realizing how much I need to do with my children to help them to heal from wounds that I have caused. This is the first time that all my children are living with me. They have all experienced at some point in their childhood what it is like to live without their father being in the same house with them. Although in my heart and mind I have never abandoned them (and in fact have always been very present emotionally, financially, and as much as possible physically) I am realizing that their experience is quite different. I am realizing how much just being there for a child every day makes a huge difference. A difference that is difficult to make up with weekend visits.
I am also realizing that they have all been told stories about me abandoning them by their mothers. (If you are a single mom or a single dad, I’m begging you for your children’s sake, don’t tell them that their father/mother left them because they didn’t want them or didn’t love them. The only person you are hurting with that narrative is your child.) Anyway, what’s done is done. My job is to change the narrative. Every day is a new opportunity to change the ending of the story for my family. With God’s guidance and amazing grace, that’s what I’m doing.
As I pondered all of this today, I realized afresh how much my dad did for my sister and I by just staying. My parents were not married when my sister and I were born and neither of us were planned. But, he stayed. We called him Baba and for the first five years of our lives, he was the one at home while mom worked. I cannot remember a single night when either of them went out. They were home every night. They both sacrificed a lot for us to have a home.
I learned a lot from Baba but not from what he said (he is not a talker) but from just being around him. I learned to be myself no matter what and I learned how to navigate the world. I remember when one of my friends got boxing gloves as a present. Every boxing ‘game’ would end up with me beat up and crying. Baba said, “When he’s swinging wide you just punch straight”. I tried it out next time and all it took was one punch to end that game once and for all. I also remember the first time I was allowed to go to cinema by myself. Palladium was walking distance from my house, so off I went to the midday show with Baba’s advice in my head. “Always be alert. Know what is happening in your surroundings.” It was an adventure! Exciting and a bit scary at the same time. As I reached back home, I saw Baba coming up behind me… He had been with me the whole way home but out of sight, making sure I was safe.
Thank you Baba, for always being there for me. (Even up to last week fixing my kitchen sink 😊).
My wife has been a beautiful instrument in God’s hands to help me to learn to receive love. She is the one who insisted that I must be made a big deal of today. She doted over me and got me a wonderful present that I was not expecting. This year I decided to allow myself to be celebrated. It felt good. Thanks hun! Love you!
But what really made today extra special was my daughter. The joy she gave me today is indescribable. First of all, she made macaroons from scratch for me. Then she sent me a Father’s Day video that perfectly captured our relationship. I’ve watched it at least 5 times already and teared up every time. Aaaand she is working on some surprise present that she has not finished yet. But most of all, she just came looking for me throughout the day to spend time with me. I can’t believe that she did so much to show me that she loves me (sniff, sniff).
It’s been a good day. I’m thankful. I’m thinking that I might just extend Father’s Day into Monday 😊.
Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
On one occasion Jesus was teaching the people and they kept bringing their children for Him to touch them. The disciples, however, did not think that blessing children was an appropriate use of Jesus’ time. They rebuked them for bothering their Master with such trivial matters. Jesus was indignant. “Do not hinder the children from coming to Me!” he said.
There are two value systems at work here… One says that children are of lesser importance and value than adults. The other says that children are of equal value and importance. Clearly, Jesus is in the latter camp. However, I wonder how seriously we Christians take the call to emulate Jesus in this regard. We much prefer the commandment that children should obey their parents and the proverb, ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’. We love to instill the value of obedience in our children but we’re not so keen on instilling in ourselves the value of treating our children as equally valuable contributors to our families and society.
This emphasis on obedience over value is so widespread that it’s easily missed. For example, do we consult with our children on family decisions that will affect them? Do schools consult with the students when making major changes? Instead, the message is: we adults make the rules and you must follow (without complaint or rudeness of course). This type of thinking is even more pervasive in countries like mine which value compliance over individual expression and empowerment.
Much to the dismay of my wider family and society, I have tried to give my children more of a voice in our family than in most Christian homes. Whereas a ‘good child’ in most Christian homes is one who is courteous and obedient, I have tolerated above-normal levels of push-back in favour of cultivating independent thought, negotiating skills, individual expression and initiative. I also apologize to my children when I lose my temper or do something to hurt them. This is very counter-cultural in traditional Caribbean homes where a wrong look from a child could earn them a beating. I have been told, “Why are you apologizing to a child?!” or “You are the adult and they are the child! You are spoiling them!”.
Admittedly, this is an experiment. Only time will tell if my method has any merit. However, I am 100% committed to living the values that I see in Jesus as best I can. Children were not second-class citizens to Him. I also have to admit that my experiment requires more effort and I’m constantly trying to strike the right balance. There are many times that I wish they would just please please comply without a fuss… (I do have a few years more experience in life than they do after all… sigh, exhale). Recently, my youngest has really been testing me with regards to his online gaming habits and after numerous attempts at a more collaborative approach, I’ve had to make some ‘my way or the highway’ decisions. Sometimes you do have to protect them from themselves.
In general, however, I think we have a value system that gives preference to the needs and desires of adults over children. The adults want it quiet; the children cannot play loudly. The adults want a clean house; the children can’t make mess. The adults don’t think that career will make money; the children must choose different subjects. The child then becomes a compliant automaton, rebels or waits patiently for the day of liberation when he or she has the power to make their own rules. Thus, perpetuating the cycle of using our power to get our way rather than using our power to empower others. And this is the crux of the matter – our attitude to power. Are we willing to give our power away to our children (or to our congregation or to our staff for that matter) or will we covet power to shower ourselves with perks and rewards? Which is the way of Christ?
At the end of the day, I see my job as supporting, nurturing and guiding my children into their own relationship with Jesus and mature adulthood. In neither their faith nor their life, do I want them to come into maturity by passively living through my relationship with God or following my dictates. I want them to find their own relationship and their own way. I’m here to support, coach, encourage, equip and empower.
I am convinced that in Trinidad and Tobago our parenting, schooling, church culture and workplace culture are set up to perpetuate a power-coveting worker mentality; people skilled at towing the line, not thinking for themselves, and seeking power through political maneuvering. We have mass-produced these non-thinking suck-ups and the result is a generational inheritance of people who vote based on their race, expect the government to look after their tribe when they get into power, and exhibit no entrepreneurial spirit. I refuse to let that be the legacy of my family. I refuse to have that power sickness live in my heart. Our children may be a little more rambunctious, but I like rambunctious 😊.
Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
To receive more content like this in your inbox and to receive a free e-copy of my book, The Primacy of The Voice of God – Elevating the Word of God to Its Rightful Position, please subscribe to www.authenticjoy.org.
It’s been a while. I’ve been in a bit of hibernation. God has been reshaping my focus. New things are in the pipeline. Meanwhile, I was inspired to do a vlog on gender equality.
Being a man is not as glamourous or as easy as some women (and men) would make it out to be. We just don’t talk about it. And that’s the problem. The media is littered with the struggles women face in the workplace and in the family but there is a noticeable void when it comes to the challenges unique to the male gender. This in and of itself is one of the biggest challenges men face. We believe manliness includes the projection of strength at all times. This is one of the great issues of our time. It is destroying families, churches, corporations and countries. Men will not be vulnerable, show weakness, seek help or admit failure until they are forced to do so by a catastrophic crash.
I am particularly passionate about this culture of machismo and bravado in the church world because I see the wake of destruction it is causing. I am sure that almost every moral failure of every religious leader could be traced back to a point where the problem was still in its infancy but there was no space in the culture to be open about their problems. To admit that ‘we all sin’ is the biggest sin. It would mean being shamed, judged and demoted. Leaders must be infallible. The enemy, ably assisted by bible-thumping ‘perfect’ pastors worldwide, has used this culture to keep men of God in a morass of moral stagnancy for decades. True transformation begins with the space to ‘confess’ failure safely and receive help not condemnation. *Exhale* I digress..
So, I thought that in this blog I would give some insight into some of my personal struggles as a way of giving some insight into the male psyche and taking a small stand against this destructive definition of masculinity. I was actually grappling with these thoughts (by myself of course) amid the normal daily chaos of family life when I came across a podcast by my cousin and his friends titled Toxic Masculinity. That podcast inspired me to share my story.
I consider myself the leader of my family. I know this is, perhaps, a traditional view of the family structure, but I believe it is still a widely held belief (although most might not admit to it outright). Certainly, it is a common belief in the Judeo-Christian world. I start here because it sets the context for most men of the psychological pressures that we face as husbands and fathers. This has less to do with power and much more to do with responsibility. I abhor submission doctrines that are really tantamount to domination doctrines. I view my wife as co-leader of our family, but I still feel a great responsibly to provide for and protect my family. It’s just how I am wired and how many men I talk to are wired. This is not just in a financial and physical sense but also in an emotional sense. I want my wife and children to feel loved and I want them to be happy and I feel a great sense of responsibility to provide an environment that makes that happen.
As a disciple of Christ, I understand that the best thing I can do for my family is to follow God wholeheartedly. I know that if I align myself and my family with His will everything will be optimal. However, the problem I face is this – who determines what is God’s will? Do I? Does my wife? The children? We all believe we know the right way and often we are not in agreement. This is exacerbated in a blended family like mine.
In a blended family there are two sets of adults and children with distinct and unique cultures and traditions coming together to live in one house. Conflict is inevitable and inevitably each parent feels like the one caught in the middle. For me, on one hand, my wife wants my support in enforcing things the way she believes they should be done and if I don’t it makes her look like the evil stepmother. On the other hand, my children want things to remain as they were before and if I take her ‘side’ it’s evidence that I love her more than them and everything is now about her. This is the tightrope I have to walk every day and it is TOUGH.
Constantly, I find myself in the middle trying to make everyone see things from the other’s point of view. This scenario is not just between my wife and my children. It’s between her biological children and my biological children. It’s my children’s mother who has concerns about what’s affecting her children in my house. Its grandparents who have their own views of how we are bringing up the children. In each case, I am trying not to just brush them off but to actively listen, to hear the heart behind the words and ultimately to have a response that is filled with the wisdom and compassion of God and that reconciles and not divides.
If I did not care what God thought, it would be easy! I could just ignore everyone. “You can’t let your children run your home!” the parental pundits say. (Far less listen to your ex-wife’s concerns). But that’s not an option for me because my God teaches humility and compassion and to value EVERYONE. Many (if not all) Christian counselors say that husbands should put their wives first and children second, but I cannot subscribe to that in a blended context. Children in a blended family desperately need to know that they haven’t suddenly become second-rate citizens.
So, I find myself many times pleasing no one and everyone feeling that I favour the others. This is the defining feeling of being a man for me. The feeling that there is no one emotionally supporting me. I have to be the voice of reason, the inspirer, the pray-er, the optimist, the visionary, the reminder of God’s promises, the bigger person and reconciler to everyone and expect no empathy for my role. Often, I feel emotionally blackmailed into a decision and when it backfires, I beat myself up for listening to my wife or my children instead of doing what I felt was right.
But this is not THE truth. In a sense, it’s a prison of my own making because I am actually surrounded by supportive people! The truth is that my wife is my #1 cheerleader and support. In fact, she could be having the worst day but if she knows that I am struggling she immediately switches to full on support mode. I also have children (some more than others) that say, “Thank you dad for all you do for me.” Honestly, there has not been a moment in my life when I’ve had more support than right now. Yet, I still often feel overwhelmed because I still feel that it’s my job to be the strong one for them.
More recently, God has been teaching me to give my burdens to Him. I’ve always known this in theory… I could say the prayer, “Lord I give my burdens to You” but now more than ever I am learning how to practice this exchange of my anxiety, frustration and fatigue for His security, love and refreshing in tender moments of intimacy with Him each morning. It’s a beautiful place.
Well that’s my story. I would love to hear what being a man feels like for you.
Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
To receive more content like this in your inbox and to receive a free e-copy of my book, The Primacy of The Voice of God – Elevating the Word of God to Its Rightful Position, please subscribe to www.authenticjoy.org.
“My Father, Papa, Dad, thank You for today. Thank You for this moment of silence. Thank You for the opportunity to serve Tricia. Thank You for the gentle breeze on my back. Thank You for the bright shining sun and the bright blue sky. Thank You for Your presence in everything. Thank You for the power of Your Word that is upholding us all even now… and now… and now. Thank You that You are near. That You are in me. That You are as near as my attention. Thank You for the paradise I live in. For the birds. The birds that flip and dive and rise and twist. And the birds that soar in ever higher circles of placidity. Thank You for life. Life that displays Your glory and gives continuous praise to the Creator of all Life.”
Posted on Facebook on October 26th, 2016:
“The sky looked like an artist’s impression. The wind had painted beautiful sweeping flows with the clouds from horizon to horizon. Meanwhile, in the valley where I stood sunlight raced down the side of the mountains and embraced the treetops, leaving a trail of golden glitter in its wake. The cold morning air smelled of woody trees and freshly cut grass. The kind of scent that made you breathe long, deep breaths with your eyes closed. And birds. Everywhere. Hummingbirds zipping by chit chittering. Blackbirds stalked their territory. A Kiskidee darted at a bug on the ground and then sat on a branch displaying its prize naturally attracting would-be thieves. Further away familiar calls rang out from birds I recognized only by sound.
Good morning Maracas Valley!”
Posted on Facebook on December 15th, 2016:
“It was a sunny morning, but the air was cool and crisp as is typical at Christmas time in Trinidad.
I was passing on my usual route to work that took me past the Caroni roundabout and past a lineup of vendors. This morning there was a doubles man, a doubles/saheena/pie lady, a coconut man and, the newest arrival to the Trinbago melting pot, a Veni arepa lady.
My eyes were drawn to a man with his head thrown back with a coconut pressed to his lips. In that moment my soul rejoiced with that man. In that simple act was a validation of the simple joys of the island life which I often take for granted.
I pulled aside, reversed and parked. I sauntered up to the stall (aka the tray of a beat up pickup truck filled with coconuts and empty half shells). I was quietly exuberant in my decision to be spontaneous. The coconut man did not disappoint my mood. He was bareback and barefoot. His pants and skin were the same colour; an earthy brown. Although for the pants, earthy was probably a more literal description.
‘Lemme get a medium jelly.’
‘Yuh taking it here?’
‘Yeah.’
He picked up one and started cutting.
‘How much?’
‘Ten.’
I pulled out a $20.
‘Take two nah.’
‘OK. Just shave that one fuh meh.’
He handed me the first one and I drank it all in one smooth motion. The water was slightly sweet and completely delicious. I handed the empty nut to him and he cracked it open with two deft chops and twists of his cutlass. He cut the ‘spoon’ and handed it back to me. The jelly was perfect. Soft but thick. I scraped every last bit off of the inside and licked my lips.
‘I will take the next one one time.’
‘It nice eh? I know what yuh want.’
‘Yeah boy.’
The procedure was repeated with similar gusto and satisfaction.
And this is why despite all the crime I not leaving my lovely twin island.”
There are always areas of difficulty in our lives. Right now, there are a few in mine that are not insignificant. I’m sure many could say the same, especially in light of a global pandemic. I wrote those last two pieces in 2016 while going through a divorce. Life was tough. Back then and today one thing has not changed, I am not alone. Christ is my constant companion. My focus always goes back to Him. Gratitude is an attitude that fuels my life. It’s a thankfulness that is deeper than my circumstances. In good times and tough times, the nearness of the Lord has been my joy and the lens through which I see the world.
Today, you may be overcome with challenges that seem to have no end in sight but take a moment with me right now and give thanks for life.
I Thessalonians 5:16-18 (ESV)
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
To receive more content like this in your inbox and to receive a free e-copy of my book, The Primacy of The Voice of God – Elevating the Word of God to Its Rightful Position, please subscribe to www.authenticjoy.org.
As this beautiful, articulate, fierce, young woman spit lines from the podium my heart burned and tears came to my eyes. Emanating from this force of nature was something exquisite and powerful. My consciousness was re-awakened to a truth that must have grown dim – words have power.
It seems to me that many of us had forgotten this truth. For a time, we were caught up in a world where words were flung about without thought or care. Sprayed wastefully like cheap cologne or maliciously like rubber bullets. We set our eyes on political power and legislative agendas as the saviours of our world. Our hearts fibrillated in anxiety or exulted in victory, as our preferred narratives collided with reality.
Then came Amanda, armed only with a slingshot full of words. She took aim. And let loose. Straight between the eyes of hate, ego, division and fear-based-manipulation! She stood astride the divide and aimed high. She called out the best in us, over and over again. The sound waves seemed to cleanse and heal. The sonic pulses fanned the flames of convictions that had grown cold and polished ideals that had become dull.
The clarion call rang out over Capitol Hill: hope, harmony, truth, justice, faith, unity, perseverance, bravery, mercy…
Could God use a poem just as powerfully as legislation? Indeed, could a poet be more powerful than a President? Out of the mouth of babes God has ordained strength. We are designed to shape our world by the words we speak.
Let us not forget, words have power.
James 3:3-5 (MSG)
A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse. A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it!
Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
To receive more content like this in your inbox and to receive a free e-copy of my book, The Primacy of The Voice of God – Elevating the Word of God to Its Rightful Position, please subscribe to www.authenticjoy.org.
