On one occasion Jesus was teaching the people and they kept bringing their children for Him to touch them. The disciples, however, did not think that blessing children was an appropriate use of Jesus’ time. They rebuked them for bothering their Master with such trivial matters. Jesus was indignant. “Do not hinder the children from coming to Me!” he said.
There are two value systems at work here… One says that children are of lesser importance and value than adults. The other says that children are of equal value and importance. Clearly, Jesus is in the latter camp. However, I wonder how seriously we Christians take the call to emulate Jesus in this regard. We much prefer the commandment that children should obey their parents and the proverb, ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’. We love to instill the value of obedience in our children but we’re not so keen on instilling in ourselves the value of treating our children as equally valuable contributors to our families and society.
This emphasis on obedience over value is so widespread that it’s easily missed. For example, do we consult with our children on family decisions that will affect them? Do schools consult with the students when making major changes? Instead, the message is: we adults make the rules and you must follow (without complaint or rudeness of course). This type of thinking is even more pervasive in countries like mine which value compliance over individual expression and empowerment.
Much to the dismay of my wider family and society, I have tried to give my children more of a voice in our family than in most Christian homes. Whereas a ‘good child’ in most Christian homes is one who is courteous and obedient, I have tolerated above-normal levels of push-back in favour of cultivating independent thought, negotiating skills, individual expression and initiative. I also apologize to my children when I lose my temper or do something to hurt them. This is very counter-cultural in traditional Caribbean homes where a wrong look from a child could earn them a beating. I have been told, “Why are you apologizing to a child?!” or “You are the adult and they are the child! You are spoiling them!”.
Admittedly, this is an experiment. Only time will tell if my method has any merit. However, I am 100% committed to living the values that I see in Jesus as best I can. Children were not second-class citizens to Him. I also have to admit that my experiment requires more effort and I’m constantly trying to strike the right balance. There are many times that I wish they would just please please comply without a fuss… (I do have a few years more experience in life than they do after all… sigh, exhale). Recently, my youngest has really been testing me with regards to his online gaming habits and after numerous attempts at a more collaborative approach, I’ve had to make some ‘my way or the highway’ decisions. Sometimes you do have to protect them from themselves.
In general, however, I think we have a value system that gives preference to the needs and desires of adults over children. The adults want it quiet; the children cannot play loudly. The adults want a clean house; the children can’t make mess. The adults don’t think that career will make money; the children must choose different subjects. The child then becomes a compliant automaton, rebels or waits patiently for the day of liberation when he or she has the power to make their own rules. Thus, perpetuating the cycle of using our power to get our way rather than using our power to empower others. And this is the crux of the matter – our attitude to power. Are we willing to give our power away to our children (or to our congregation or to our staff for that matter) or will we covet power to shower ourselves with perks and rewards? Which is the way of Christ?
At the end of the day, I see my job as supporting, nurturing and guiding my children into their own relationship with Jesus and mature adulthood. In neither their faith nor their life, do I want them to come into maturity by passively living through my relationship with God or following my dictates. I want them to find their own relationship and their own way. I’m here to support, coach, encourage, equip and empower.
I am convinced that in Trinidad and Tobago our parenting, schooling, church culture and workplace culture are set up to perpetuate a power-coveting worker mentality; people skilled at towing the line, not thinking for themselves, and seeking power through political maneuvering. We have mass-produced these non-thinking suck-ups and the result is a generational inheritance of people who vote based on their race, expect the government to look after their tribe when they get into power, and exhibit no entrepreneurial spirit. I refuse to let that be the legacy of my family. I refuse to have that power sickness live in my heart. Our children may be a little more rambunctious, but I like rambunctious 😊.
All rights reserved.
To receive more content like this in your inbox and to receive a free e-copy of my book, The Primacy of The Voice of God – Elevating the Word of God to Its Rightful Position, please subscribe to www.authenticjoy.org.