One of the challenges of any marriage is the merging of two family cultures. New family norms and rituals must be formed that can be a wonderful ‘best of both worlds’ or an ‘acceptable compromise’. Some issues are easier than others. The degree of difficulty can range from easy peasy, like how to squeeze the tube of toothpaste (a real example btw!), to the not-so-easy, like coordinating parenting styles.
In my marriage, Christmas is one of those seasons that brings this culture clash issue to the fore big time. I come from a family where Christmas is just another holiday. If it wasn’t for the children, I probably wouldn’t even put up a tree. But for my wife, Tricia, Christmas is the high point of the year! Her mountainous village of Paramin is known for its Christmas parang music and food (There is even a song about it! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWooZugXL3Q). At Christmas time, neighbours go from house to house drinking, eating and serenading each other. Serious planning and thought go into this most holy time of the year and Tricia’s family starts playing Christmas music from August!
So, you see the problem. Last year my poor newly wed bride practically cried through Christmas Day as the culture shock of a bare bones Nicholls Christmas blanketed our quiet home. I tried to liven it up a bit this year but still it was a far far cry from the atmosphere of love, family and celebration that permeates a Paramin Christmas. I’m sure we will do it better next year. God is always working with us, even in the nitty gritty of my wife and I becoming one. This year Tricia wanted to get new curtains and bedsheets. We had no money, but I said, “Honey, any extra money I get is yours.” Well God must have been smiling as the words left my mouth because that very week my company announced a bonus payment that was very unexpected especially considering these times. My praying wife got her Christmas wish.
This annual dilemma got me thinking about the paradigms that shape how we live. For me, events are not what I focus on. I believe that family should be treasured throughout the year and Christ celebrated every day. Reserving a special day to have some euphoric moment occurs to me as forced and fake. I prefer to focus on consistent habits. Tricia believes in that too but whereas I had an either/or mindset, she has an and/both mindset; consistent habits AND special days of celebration. She loves putting aside a special day for all of us to celebrate something special together and, for some, it may be the only time they think about Christ at all. It’s about doing things together, as a family, as a church, as a community.
Slowly but surely, she has been winning me over to her way of thinking and just like that a new and unique family culture is being birthed. My hope is that Christmas for us will be an overflow of the love we show for each other throughout the year and the way we celebrate Christ every day. And if Christmas Day doesn’t go exactly the way we planned then that’s ok. It’s not about having the perfect day; it’s about living a life that treasures Christ in the little acts of love and in the grand displays of shared celebration.
There is a phrase that has been resonating in my heart for this season and I know that God put it there. It’s the phrase, “Fullness of joy.” In God’s presence there isn’t just joy, there is fullness of joy! What’s more joyful than joy? Shared joy! Relational joy! Jesus’ mission was to share the joy that already existed between Father, Son and Holy Spirit with every one of us. In John 15 and 1 John 4, John said that he shared the things he wrote so that the joy of the writers and the readers may together be full or complete. Think about it… Have you ever had some really great experience by yourself and your only regret was that there was no one there to share it with? I have. Somehow that sunset would have been better with someone to whom to say, “Wow. Look at that.” Joy shared is joy multiplied for everyone!
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