Tag: #church

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My Tanager Tragedy

It was over a month ago when I first noticed her… A rich copper coloured bird, flitting from tree to tree in my garden. Always with a black companion which seemed to have white markings under its wing. With the help of Merlin (credit for the photo as well), I soon discovered that they were a white-lined tanager couple. The males are black and the females are rufous-coloured. (Who knew rufous was a colour? Derived, apparently, from the Latin rufus, which means red.) They are often seen in pairs.

I was over the moon to have this ‘exotic’ couple in my backyard. Over the weeks that followed, they became my companions as I did my devotions each morning. The female, especially, would perch in the railing on the porch as if to say, “Hello friend!” while looking at me with one eye and then turning her head to inspect me with the other one. The male was much less friendly. He would keep an eye on his mate from a nearby tree. Soon, I realized that they had a nest in the palm trees right next to my porch and probably a baby or two. (I never looked for fear of scaring them off.)

Then one morning, as I was meditating, caught up in my love affair with Jesus, my friend flew right over to me and landed on my arm. Immediately, I was in tears. She landed on me! I felt like the recipient of a heavenly kiss, a feathered friendship undeserved. “What are you saying to me God?”

Soon her husband became at ease enough to also visit me in the porch, and I sooo looked forward to spending time with Jesus and my avian friends every morning. To me, they were more than just birds. They were a message from heaven. A ray of hope in a valley season.

For many years, my Christian community was informal. My wife and I had online groups (which we still do) as well as a group of seven of us that met in our home at first and then at a community centre in East Trinidad. These small, informal groups have been a place of tremendous growth and support. We have been blessed to have been able to host spaces where people feel safe, free to question and to struggle, and where there is a tangible experience of God’s presence.

A couple of years ago, I felt led to re-enter formal church. I have a lot of trauma associated with formal Christian organizations, so this was not a venture that I embarked on lightly. In the past, church has not been, at times, a safe space for me to bring my questions, unique perspectives, or failures. Nevertheless, I was optimistic. However, the challenges of institutional church have not changed, and the process has been more painful than I expected.

So, my birds… my birds were symbols of hope. Hope that fragile, beautiful creatures could find safe places to land and be met with welcome… with love… with celebration… with safety.

Then today happened…

I went out onto my porch, and there, next to my chair, was a dead baby bird. No tanagers. No “Hello friend.” Only emptiness and death.

The culprit? No doubt my cat Billee.

 It felt like the final death sentence over my dream. There is no safety on this side of heaven. Not in the world. Not in the church. Only predators and prey.

“Why Lord?” “Why would you allow this to happen?”

“Why Billee?” “Why did you have to kill her?”

But I could not even summon anger toward the cat as he rubbed against my feet. All I had was sadness. He didn’t know what he did anyway. I found myself stroking his back.

Isn’t that like church? People you love hurting people you love. Not because they are cruel (most of the time). In fact, often they think they are doing what is right and good.

So, this is it then. Pain, loss, death.

I sat with my communion cup and wafer, forlorn… and as I looked at it, these words entered my consciousness. “Predators eat prey. For one to live, another must die. And then Christ says:

“I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you cannot have eternal life…””

(John 6:53b NLT)

Jesus changes the script by becoming the voluntary prey – voluntarily offering up His flesh and blood that we may live.

There must be something powerful in that. I can feel it, but I don’t have words strong enough to communicate it.

The only way out of this vicious cycle is voluntary sacrifice. The willing sacrifice resets everything.

Isaiah 11:6-9 (NLT)

6 In that day the wolf and the lamb will live together;

    the leopard will lie down with the baby goat.

The calf and the yearling will be safe with the lion,

    and a little child will lead them all.

7 The cow will graze near the bear.

    The cub and the calf will lie down together.

    The lion will eat hay like a cow.

8 The baby will play safely near the hole of a cobra.

    Yes, a little child will put its hand in a nest of deadly snakes without harm.

9 Nothing will hurt or destroy in all my holy mountain,

    for as the waters fill the sea,

    so the earth will be filled with people who know the Lord.

Maybe the baby bird will be safe with the cat as well.

I think that maybe Jesus is saying something to me through this tanager tragedy. The religious institution wasn’t a safe space for Jesus either. They killed Him, and He offered up His life willingly so that one day nothing would hurt or destroy. Perhaps this season is an invitation for me to join Christ’s sacrificial mission of transformation from violence to non-violence.

There is much violence everywhere I turn these days. In my country. In the world. Isaiah 11 seems far off. But it’s not just drones, missiles and machine guns, it’s the daily micro-aggressions of not seeing, not listening, not valuing the people around us. We may think that we can’t make a difference in Iran or Palestine, but we can. By treating the human being in front of us with compassion and kindness, we can be a part of a rising tide that lifts humanity upward. Especially in the church. Yes, I hold the church to a higher standard. Because we are the people of the sacrificial lamb. As we eat the flesh and drink the blood, let us remember who we are – the body of Christ. Through us, Christ offers life to the world – through our sacrificial love. His blood flows not through dogma and doctrine and self-righteous proclamations, but through love that stubbornly reaches out to the ones who behave like our enemies.

Copyright 2026, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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Is The church Hindering The Church?

The capital ‘C’ Church is a dynamic, multi-facted, global, mosaic of people whose hearts are truly devoted to Jesus. These people are sprinkled across the globe. They are in all denominations and in no denominations. Some may be Muslims or Hindus, but secretly their hearts are set on Jesus. This is the mystery of the Church. It is a living organism, led and orchestrated by Jesus, not by human hands, and it is growing and maturing daily. This is the rock that King Nebuchadnezzar saw.

Daniel 2:31-35 (NLT)

31 “In your vision, Your Majesty, you saw standing before you a huge, shining statue of a man. It was a frightening sight. 32 The head of the statue was made of fine gold. Its chest and arms were silver, its belly and thighs were bronze, 33 its legs were iron, and its feet were a combination of iron and baked clay. 34 As you watched, a rock was cut from a mountain, but not by human hands. It struck the feet of iron and clay, smashing them to bits. 35 The whole statue was crushed into small pieces of iron, clay, bronze, silver, and gold. Then the wind blew them away without a trace, like chaff on a threshing floor. But the rock that knocked the statue down became a great mountain that covered the whole earth.

The common ‘c’ church comprises the Christian organizations across the globe. Within many of these organizations, there are true disciples of Christ who are part of the Church, but there are also the crowds (those that are only there for the blessings) and the Scribes and Pharisees (those who get their power and relevance from the organization but whose hearts are far from God).

I have a vision in my heart of a community where there is a pervasive mutuality, where there exists a mystical wonder of everyone being so personally submitted to the leading of the Holy Spirit that there is a sacred unity and accord, where there is a genuine, deep, unconditional love and acceptance of every son and daughter of God, where the presence of God is palpable.

My favorite revival – the Welsh revival of 1904 – had meetings described by Evan Roberts like this:

“There was no programme. There was no printed order of service. There was no choir director, no song-leader, no master of ceremonies. There was not even a sermon in the traditional sense. I did speak sometimes briefly. Sometimes at length. But I never prepared my words in advance. I left all of that to the Holy Spirit. Sometimes I would stand and say a few sentences. Sometimes I would sit in silence for long stretches while the Spirit moved through the congregation that needed no human guidance. And sometimes I would simply pray or weep or sing. The meetings belonged to the people. Anyone might stand up and pray at any moment. Anyone might begin singing a hymn. Anyone might confess a sin, share a testimony, or cry out for mercy and these things happened not in an orderly one at a time fashion but often all at once. A great chorus of prayer and praise, and weeping, and singing, that rose to heaven like incense from 100 altars.”

This is what I long for! This revival emptied the jails and courthouses and transformed the entire society.

Sadly, what I have experienced in church is that instead of mutuality there is hierarchy, instead of submission to the Holy Spirit there is submission to a personality, instead of love and acceptance there is evaluation and classification.

The church, by very nature, is not compatible with the Church. There will always be friction between the two. An organization is, by definition, a man-made construct. It must be defined by rules and controlled by human systems. We like church because it is predictable and manageable. We can control the outcomes and measure the performance. Predictability and manageability allow us to keep our idol of control intact. We don’t want a rock; we prefer bricks. We can build our kingdom for God with bricks – people conformed to a mold by systems, structures, and domination. We cannot build with a rock, far less an ever-expanding rock which is not under our control! Therefore, the church system will always demand we be a brick, and those who are part of the Rock will always be perceived as a threat.

The truth is that, like the statue in Daniel, the Rock will destroy all of our man-made systems and structures.  

Daniel 2:44-45 (NLT)

44 “During the reigns of those kings, the God of heaven will set up a kingdom that will never be destroyed or conquered. It will crush all these kingdoms into nothingness, and it will stand forever. 45 That is the meaning of the rock cut from the mountain, though not by human hands, that crushed to pieces the statue of iron, bronze, clay, silver, and gold. The great God was showing the king what will happen in the future. The dream is true, and its meaning is certain.”

To all those who are disenchanted by the church, here’s my advice:

Do not lose heart. Do not look upon the natural. Stay in the secret place with God, with your eyes set on Jesus. That is your strength. Find the Church within the church. Be a subversive force of quiet rebellion within the system, not through force but through humble sacrificial love. Stay pure. You may be ostracized and persecuted like Christ was… love still… serve still. Do not separate from your sisters and brothers, and do not become an antagonist or a critic, but also do not compromise on who God called you to be and what He has called you to do. Do not let them force you into the brick mold! Obey God rather than man – in your family, in your workplace, on the streets. Do not let man prescribe your boundaries – no man can limit what you can do for God. Respect the boundaries set in your church organization, but God is bigger than the organization.

Christ set up the kingdom, and He showed us what it looks like. He continued healing when His ‘church leaders’ said not to. He continued to ‘break’ the Sabbath when they said to stop. He continued declaring that He was the Son of God when they said it was blasphemy. But when they attacked Him, He did not retaliate. He suffered. He took up His cross. He died. He was never swayed from His calling – neither by submitting to their dictates nor by getting suckered into fighting at their level. It is a hard road to walk. Often, you might look like the rebellious one. Often it will be painful. Ensure that it is for following Christ and not for anything that misrepresents Him, and ensure that you do not fight back.

The Kingdom will, in the end, destroy all the man-made kingdoms and become a big mountain and cover the whole earth! The dream is true, and its meaning is certain!

Copyright 2026, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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Book Launch!

My new book is out!

This novel sprung forth from the dark earth of my failure and despair. I gave my life to Christ at age twenty but only found a truly joy-filled life in Christ twenty years later. The difficulties that I faced in those two decades in between – the tireless grappling with my hedonistic tendencies, the vanity of religion, my failures in one marriage after another, the sin that beset me, the deep desire for fulfilment that remained unmet, the people that God used to shape my character and reveal my mission – all provided the resource material that inspired Authentic Joy.

However, that is not the subject of this book. The subject is God. It is a fictional tale that reveals the non-fictional character of an incomprehensibly wise, astoundingly merciful and absolutely sovereign God who transforms darkness and rancour into light and joy!

In my deepest destitution and despair, I found the joy that I was looking for in the presence of God Himself, or I should say, He brought me to the end of myself so that I could experience Him as He really is; my greatest treasure and highest joy! I wrote this novel simply to share with you the obstacles that kept me from this deeply satisfying intimacy with Christ and the nature of the Life that I found on the other side of those obstacles. My hope is that you too will see Him more clearly, treasure Him more deeply and experience authentic joy in Christ more fully than ever before!

Get your paperback copy now:

https://xulonpress.com/bookstore/bookdetail.php?PB_ISBN=9781545638477&HC_ISBN=

https://www.amazon.com/Authentic-Joy-Matik-Nicholls/dp/1545638470/

Kindle version coming next month!

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.