We all know that not everybody gives good advice. Some people just give bad, in fact downright horrible, advice. You know… the people who encourage you to drink yourself silly or to get into fights or to cheat on your spouse or to try drugs or to…or to…. Bad advice. Avoid them like the plague! Or at least know better than to take them seriously.
But what makes a good advisor? Well I have three guidelines that may help:
- Does this person have my best interest at heart? I listen to everybody, but I only take to heart advice from people who are genuinely interested in my well-being. How can you tell if someone is genuinely seeking your best interests? Partly by their actions over a significant period and partly based on what your gut says. Observe their actions and follow your intuition.
- Does this person know my values? Even well-meaning people will give you bad advice if they do not understand your value system. They will give you advice based on their value system and you would be best advised to ignore it.
- Does this person speak the truth even if it will displease me? It’s easy to find someone who does not like you that will tell you the ugly truth about yourself, however, their motive is not to help but to hurt. It’s also easy to find friends who will only tell you nice things and make you feel good all the time. But a rare gem, is a true friend that can lovingly give you honest feedback. Treasure these people.
Examine who you go to for advice and objectively ask yourself how they match up to each of these criteria. We all have blind spots and areas that need improvement. The friends that meet these criteria will be the ones that help us to grow as a person. I have a few friends like that and I make investing in those relationships a priority.
Also, when someone comes to me for advice, these are good questions to ask of myself. Do I have their best interest at heart? Is my advice based on my values that they may not necessarily share? Am I trying to be so nice that I’m not being honest?
Let’s be the type of friends that really promote growth in those in our circle. Let’s leave the next generation with an example to follow of friendships that engender mutual growth and an attitude that strives for better. Maya Angelou said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
Joyfully,
Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls