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Tag: #humility

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Connection vs. Separation

The issue of connection versus separation continues to resonate with me so much that I decided to continue the topic this week. I have repeatedly had to be coached by the Spirit to build bridges that nurture relationship with friends, co-workers and neighbours rather than say things that destroy the relationship simply because I felt I had a just cause.

We will always have points of disagreement with others. That is just a fact of life. Even (especially?) in the church. Different denominations will have different doctrines. Different churches within the same denomination will have variations in interpretation or practice. Even members within the same congregation can have very distinct beliefs.

How does our Father and the Head of the Church, Jesus Christ, want us to address this reality? Especially when it comes to disagreement on issues of morality or our faith?

I believe the first thing that God wants is humility. We don’t get to decide who is worthy of our love or our relationship. God does. We also do not get to decide who is part of the Body of Christ and we are not the foremost authority on church doctrine. We have to be able to genuinely admit that we may ourselves believe some things that are not accurate. This should be easier for any Christian who has been walking with Christ for some time. Any Christian with a decade or more of growth under his belt I am sure can look back and say, “Boy did I have a wrong view of that particular issue or of life in general.”

The second step is a determination to choose love over fear. Most people choose separation rather than connection because we are afraid of one or both of two things:

  1. Contamination – the other person/church with the ‘bad’ belief system or lifestyle will cause us or our flock to go astray.
  2. Defamation – if other people see us with this ‘bad’ person or at that ‘bad’ church, they will think we believe or condone what they do.

Both paradigms are based on fear and fear is from the enemy. Perfect love casts out all fear. Jesus modelled God’s love when dealing with people with different beliefs or sinful lifestyles. He ate with sinners and talked with Samaritans. We have been given the ministry of reconciliation and peace-making not division.

I am confident that God wants us to connect with others in humility and love because that is what He did. God could have stayed in heaven, separate from our filth, but He didn’t. Instead he chose to become vulnerable, connecting with us in physical form, in our filth. He came and viewed the world from our viewpoint even though we were sinners and heretics.

As sons of God we must choose love. When I see the amount of content posted online by Christians dedicated to discrediting and pulling down other Christians it makes me smad (sad and mad at the same time 😉). It’s perfectly normal to disagree with others. It’s healthy to have dialogue directly with that person to exchange viewpoints. But to cut off relationship with that person is a step that should not be taken lightly (I don’t mean that you have to become friends or partners. Just relate.) And, it is a whole next level to defame/slander that person to others.

James 4:11-12

11 Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. 12 There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?

Let us please change this paradigm of separation. Let us mature in our ability to disagree with others while simultaneously remaining committed to relationship and love. You cannot influence anything that you are not connected to. Believers are described by Jesus as the salt of the world. Do you think that we can live this identity by staying separate, keeping our salt nice and clean in our holy saltshakers?

We also cannot influence anything if we are not willing to be ourselves influenced. We must embrace vulnerability because connecting with people who we disagree with means that we must be open to the possibility that we could actually learn something from them that makes us see a different view of life and adjusts our understanding of reality. I believe this is exactly what God intended. The complexity of God cannot be contained in just one person’s viewpoint. And therefore, we will never mature and come to the fullness of Christ unless we are equipped by that which each part of the body supplies. And this is what I believe is ultimately at stake – the maturity of the church. Let us choose to mature. Let us choose to connect.

Copyright 2020, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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Everybody Wants To Be A Hero

Everybody wants to be a hero. We want to be the hero for our children or in our company or maybe in our community. It’s a natural desire but pushed to the extreme it can do more harm than good.

When we have this hero complex, what often happens is that we do not allow others to shine. Much has been published about helicopter parenting and the negative effects of solving all your children’s problems for them. Our children can only actualize their full potential if we are willing to step down from the pedestal of needing to be idolized and allow them to rise to the challenges of life. Self-esteem comes from observing yourself achieve something that was not easy to accomplish. This growth in our children is what we sacrifice when we put on our cape and swoop in.

The same is true in other arenas. The old adage is true; “Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.” Heroism shies away from giving away the secret of your success. Instead of focusing on empowering others we perpetuate a dependency on ourselves so that we are always the ones who get the accolades. This has been the strategy of successive governments in Trinidad and Tobago and it has been to the detriment of the country. The message on the political platform in some form or other has been, “Choose us. We will save you.” I eagerly await the day when some courageous leader will transform the dialogue from dependency to empowerment.

Another arena that is a passion of mine is the church. Many church leaders have also devotedly perpetuated this dependence syndrome in their congregations. Instead of teaching everyone how to hear from God and interpret scripture for themselves there has been a sick ultimate leader syndrome that discourages respectful disagreement or independent thought. Blind obedience is glorified and taking the initiative is discouraged as causing confusion or being overly-zealous. Of course, the need to covet glory for ourselves is part of the unsanctified human condition that has reared its head from since the early days of the church until now. Religious men have always set themselves up as THE middleman to God. Instead every pastor, elder and priest should be consistently and earnestly pointing everyone to Christ. “Do not depend on me, depend on God alone. Don’t look to me to solve your problems and give you guidance. Look to God.” This should be the message. There should be a constant redirection of worship and dependence and glory to the Father, Son and Holy Ghost.

In THE story; the unfolding epic saga of the whole universe for all time, in my humble estimation, there is only one hero who deserves all the glory and His name is Jesus Christ! He is the real hero!

Copyright 2019, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.