I often ask myself, “Have I missed it? Did God’s ultimate purpose for my life pass me by while I was distracted with earthly pleasures or ‘normal life’?” I’m going to be 47 this year and you know… I have a good job and a great marriage and awesome kids but…. But have I really hit on a life spent in the glorification of Jesus? I don’t think so. It’s not that I’ve done nothing… I’ve written books, I’ve been involved in ministry, but such score-carding is so pathetic compared to that knowing deep down in my soul. It’s hard to describe. It’s like a smouldering fire in my gut that yearns to be turned loose. Like I’ve tasted a little bit of God, like a faint scent that comes and goes, but my heart longs to be completely subsumed in His Presence.
Sometimes, especially when the weight of sin overwhelms me, I feel like giving up. I feel like throwing in the towel on the fight for a life that Paul described this way in Galatians 2:20 (ESV) “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” Selah.
But… every time I consider giving up, God whispers in my ear, “The best is yet to come.”
Recently, two people have given me great hope. The first is Francis Chan. I love this guy. I watched this video (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmKqD2FlFds) yesterday and I was filled with such a renewed desire for more. At 52 years old Francis, is packing up his family (including married children with their spouses) and heading to Burma to spread the good news. He talks about the decision to go and how it was birthed as he was preaching the gospel on a trip to Burma and he was so happy, so fulfilled, so thrilled as people believed and made the decision to serve this God that he knew, that he was like, “This is what I want to spend the rest of my life doing! What better thing could we do with our lives? This is why I’m alive!” So, he says to his wife, “What if we move?” and she says, “Let’s do it.” Wow. He also talks about experiencing miraculous healing first-hand on a massive scale for the first time! As he speaks, I’m tearing up and my heart is doing somersaults because he finally saw what he read in the bible come to pass in his life. Oh God, me too! If you did it for Francis you can do it for me!
Then He talks about the fear and the fight to follow his convictions… how he is discussing the move with his wife about how nice church people can talk us out of our convictions and somehow convince us to play it safe… things like, it’s our Christian duty to keep our kids safe and give them a good Christian education.. I felt the tension… I feel it in my soul every day. But if Francis, at 52, can break past the fear of losing his life, maybe it’s not too late for me?
The second reason for great hope is Jesus. It hit me earlier this year: The Son of God took 30 years to prepare for ministry… The Son of God! 30 years! Think about it. I get so discouraged when I see this preacher who started preaching at 18 and that one who started a ministry at 22 and, and, and…. I’m like what am I doing with my life?!?! Then God said, “Consider Jesus.” The fact that between Jesus’ birth and His entrance into ministry there is little recorded in the bible and nothing recorded in secular history until His rabble-rousing days means this: He did nothing remarkable during that time! The Son of God lived a life so ordinary that there was nothing of note worth mentioning. Now this may sound bad but that gives me hope! If Jesus took 30 years to mature and prepare before healing a single person, making a single public sermon or working a single miracle then who am I to complain about how long it’s taking me? (Secretly, I’m comforting myself with the thought that preparation time is correlated to greatness of impact… but don’t tell anybody.)
If you are like me and struggling with the smallness of your life compared to the great examples we have in scripture (Peter, Paul, Stephen et al) and even in church history (Smith Wigglesworth, John G. lake, William Seymour and the like)… don’t despair. If you are wondering if it’s too late for you… don’t give up on your dreams. It’s not too late! It’s never too late!
