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Rated XOX

It’s 2022! Happy New Year! And what better way to start the year than with some steamy, passionate sex! Yes, this is still a Christian blog 😊.

Christian mystics throughout the ages have used sexual union as a powerful metaphor for spiritual union with God.  It was Saint Paul (a chaste man, ironically) who said, ““A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.”

In my journey toward wholeness and holiness, I have been wrestling with my sexual brokenness. Years of distorted sexual messages and experiences have configured my mind in such a way that seeing the divine intent in sexual intimacy is a challenge.

To explain let me share a quote from one of the many books I’m currently reading (I may have mentioned before that I’m a book junkie).

“…desire is one of the greatest gifts we can give to another. It is the gift of receptivity. Being received by someone in love, whether in a physical or spiritual way, is one of the most life-affirming experiences we can have. When a wife opens herself to receive a husband in sexual intimacy, or when a trusted friend allows you to share your deepest hurts or hopes with them, you feel seen. These are healing, expansive encounters. And they mirror the inner life of the divine.”

Kelly Deutsch – Spiritual Wanderlust: The Field Guide To Deep Desire

This truth-speaking from Kelly Deutsch caused my soul to leap. I knew it held some truth that I needed to hear although I did not quite get it at first. As often happens, my mind railroaded me with distractions. The provocative phrase ‘when a wife opens to receive a husband’ filled my mind with a flood of images that seemed much too dirty to be associated with God. I struggled with these seemingly opposing forces in my being. Should I go deeper or turn away? Should I be thinking of God this way? Curiosity and shame locked horns.

Only God Himself could help me sort through this entanglement and see what was true. So, I took my thoughts to Him in my usual morning devotions, and this was what I heard Him say:

“Matik, We want you to know that We see your confusion. We see your struggle to untangle your thoughts and desires. We see your heart and mind straining to see purely; to see Us clearly. We see the condemnation that tries to infect as you struggle with your sexuality; your sexual desires entangled with the deepest desires of your heart, and your thoughts toward and about Us. Know this Matik, We are never ashamed. And We are not ashamed of you or shamed by your thoughts. Bring them all to be reconciled at the cross. We can handle it.”

He always knows what to say 😊. My Saviour accepts me; receives me; as I am; unconditionally. He is not waivered or put off by the immature and incompetent bumbling thoughts of a child struggling to comprehend concepts much bigger than himself.

Soothed by the reassuring love of my Papa I was able to push past the surface and lean into the mystery that He wanted to reveal to me… Sexual intimacy is not just the heated sating of physical appetites but two hearts longing to be seen completely, known fully and in the context of that full disclosure to still be desired, wanted and cherished. To have all our flaws and imperfections exposed and still be found desirable. We want to be wanted for who we are without having to pretend or perform. We want to be affirmed that we are beautiful after all. This is what we truly seek, and this is what only God can truly provide in full measure.

God wants to be with you, with no barriers and pretenses (naked), know you fully (inside and out) and have you look into His eyes and see only hot desire and unconditional love for you. Not only that, but He wants to be known by you too, and wanted by you (if you can accept the thought). God is constantly revealing Himself to us for the explicit purpose of captivating us with His incomparable beauty and eternal love in the hopes that we would set our hearts rapturously upon Him and open ourselves to receive Him.

As I said, there is no better way to start this new year than with a passionate love encounter with the Lover of your soul! May He satisfy you all the days of your life and into the blessed union of eternal bliss!

Copyright 2022, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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We Are All Connected

As my week in Lake Tahoe comes to an end, I am thinking back on all that I experienced, and I’m filled with gratitude. I don’t take it for granted. Any of it. Some of the highlights were:

  • The snowboarding of course! Having only done it once before, I was thrilled that I was able to be up and riding and enjoying the adrenaline rush of careening down the various intermediate runs without any serious difficulties.
  • The scenery! Coming from the Caribbean, the Lake Tahoe scenery probably washed over me with a freshness that comes with unfamiliarity. Every lift ride back up the mountain was filled with awe and a sacred gratitude. I was fascinated by the difference in weather from the first day I arrived to the last day I left. When I arrived it was snowing and visibility was low. The next day the sun came out to caress a landscape of trees adorned with white frosting. And two days later the trees were all green with a carpet of white underneath as the snow had melted off. The fabulous view of Lake Tahoe from the top of the Tamrack Express lift was one of my favourite views.
  • I was able to complete the first draft of Authentic Joy the novel! I can safely say that my first book will be published this year. So, look out for it folks!

The thing I want to focus on today though is the interactions with the people I met on my trip. Everyday I would take a cable car ride (or The Gondola as they call it) up to the top of the mountain in the morning and back down in the evening. I learned so much during those short rides.

My first thought was, “The world has really become so much smaller.” Every single person I met knew where Trinidad & Tobago was and most had a friend, or roommate or in-law who was a Trinbagonian. Twenty years ago, when I first travelled to the US, that was not the case at all.

Everyone was friendly and welcoming. I met an older lady who used to come skiing with all her girlfriends and they had all stopped for one reason or another, so it was only her and her granddaughter now. I spoke with a lady who had a baby, so she and her husband took turns skiing while the other stayed with the baby. A retired couple told me how the wife had started skiing at 50 because her husband loved it so much and now they were both avid skiers. There was an ex-navy guy who skied in the winter and mountain-biked in the summer and had a brother who surfed like me. He also knew a guy who mountain biked with George Bush Jr. while he was president of the US and said that he was unbelievably fit.

I think the best gondola ride though, was the last one of my trip. It was a full ride. There were seven of us. Three girls and two guys formed a group, while another lady and I were travelling alone. By the time we exited the gondola we had learned that one of the girls was pregnant, her partner was colour blind, the other couple was getting married, the wedding had been moved up by two years, the guys were brothers, they had a lovely aunt who was a bit overweight and many other sundry details. The gondola ride was dubbed “Gondola Ride Confessions” and we exited laughing as we went our separate ways.

I love those experiences! People always wonder how I can travel alone but I never feel lonely. I enjoy the time with myself, meeting new people and communing with nature. At the end of my week in Lake Tahoe I have such a renewed sense of our universal oneness; that we are all connected, with each other and with nature itself.

My girlfriend tells me that the giant redwoods of California always grow in groves because their roots all connect and intertwine underground forming a giant support network. We are all connected. Let’s live that truth daily.

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls