First of all, I just want to announce that I’ve moved the Authentic Joy blog to its own Facebook page. So for those of you that use Facebook to stay connected, please like the page and share and comment. I would love to hear from you! 🙂
Launching this blog in October and connecting with you all over these past months has been a blast. Thank you all for your support! Feedback that I have often received is that my willingness to be so open is appreciated, so I thought I would talk a little more about that this week.
Strength, especially masculine strength, too often has been portrayed as having a veneer of invincibility and success. To quote my cousin’s Facebook post: “Men are so obsessed with acting strong and not showing and weakness or emotion, the exact opposite happens. Everyone has feelings. It’s ok to acknowledge and deal with them.”
We are caught in the gravitational pull of the image of invulnerability as a laudable quality. But if we can break out of this futile orbit to nowhere, the stars await! Because invulnerability is not the truth; it’s not real. If we can let go of the image of strength, we can begin to actually develop true strength. Many leaders still feel that there are things they MUST NEVER show at all costs. Things like weakness, discouragement, failure, disappointment, fear and being wrong. I’ve seen this with businessmen and I’ve seen it with pastors.
This charade has two important ramifications:
- Leaders rarely get the help they need. Every church scandal can be traced back to a leader who was too ashamed of his struggles with sin to let people know. And how many business initiatives have failed because somebody could not admit that they were wrong or that they did not have the answer?
- Followers are not engaged with leaders in a growth process. To begin with, nobody is inspired by inauthentic leadership. We know when someone is selling us a load of crap disguised as sunshine. Secondly, nobody grows; not the leader and not the followers who typically mimic the leader to survive. You cannot develop courage in the face of fear or failure without acknowledging the fear or failure.
The great news is that the charade is being exposed! Brené Brown is at the forefront of a movement to recognize the power of vulnerability! It should not go unnoticed that this message comes from a woman and the lessons we can learn about the value of the female voice in leading much needed change at all levels in our fairly paternalistic society. She says, “I believe that vulnerability – the willingness to be “all in” even when you know it can mean failing and hurting – is brave. I do NOT believe that cussing and praying are mutually exclusive.” You can read more about her message here: https://brenebrown.com
The fact is that real strength, real courage, is showing your weakness; being vulnerable in the face of challenges.
This is, in effect the story of Christmas. The hero comes to save the world and enters in the most vulnerable of ways. Jesus doesn’t come as a towering angel or powerful warrior king. He comes as a helpless baby born in a stable to parents who haven’t yet consummated their marriage. Weak and poor at the bottom of society. He understood where real strength lies.
So essentially, what I have been trying to say through this blog is, “It’s ok to talk about mistakes and failure and hurts and fears. It’s ok to be vulnerable. We all face these demons but let’s not do it alone anymore. Let’s help each other and engage each other in a community of growth and support.” I know no better way to do that than by sharing the good, the bad and the ugly of my own story.
We are stronger together!
Joyfully,
Copyright 2017, Matik Nicholls