Talking to my ex-wife is not one of my favourite things to do. Our conversations are usually about the children and invariably something is my fault and I feel like I’m being berated (although she says that’s her normal voice). The calls normally go much longer than I enjoy talking on the phone (which is already painful for me). Having said that, her concern for her children is genuine and sometimes what she says has truth to it.
For me, listening for what God is saying through my ex-wife is a mortification of my flesh. It almost literally hurts. However, I am convinced that these innocuous everyday human interactions are some of the most powerful spiritual work that we do! It is in these trenches that we build patience, humility, long-suffering; the outworking of a love for others that transcends how we are being treated and our selfish self-interests.
I still have a lot of flesh to crucify…. I do not always handle it well. I sometimes forget to take a breath and ask for the Helper to hold me in that moment when the flesh begins to sizzle on the altar. Often, I jump out of the flames of purification. It’s painful man!
I am convinced that we underestimate just how necessary this work, this crucifixion of our flesh, is to our intimacy with Christ. It is nothing less than spiritual worship. If we want more of Christ in us, the flesh has to die.
This is why I am of the view that:
- People who isolate themselves or their hearts from deep relationships will not grow past a certain point in their relationship with Christ. You cannot say you love a God you have not seen and you do not love the brother you have seen.
- Loving the people close to you in a very specific way is more important and more difficult than loving those afar off in a more general way. It is much easier to appear nice to your church or your office than to deeply love your spouse and children.
Loving those right in front of you is deeply spiritual work. It is a spiritual imperative to remain open and vulnerable, risking hurt, victimization and betrayal for the cause of Christ, our hope of glory, being made manifest to and in those around us.
God, in His wisdom, has ordained His glorious light to dwell in fallible human beings; the church. If we want to love like Him, if we want to become mature enough to hold His fullness, we must be able to reverence the Christ in the imperfect person.
I believe we have sorely neglected this spiritual discipline. There has been a great percentage of the sermons that I have listened to that is nothing more than the pastor complaining about wrongs done to him. And many leaders have isolated themselves as a reaction to this type of betrayal. There are also many church members who press the eject button, leaving their church, when they suffer betrayal and hurt. Any real long-term relationship will at some point lead to offense and hurt. It is at that point the work truly begins… Love or leave? Forgive or forget it? Pursue love or protect self?
We rob ourselves of our own growth in Christlikeness when we refuse to do the work of mortification of self in the context of our relationships. There is no resurrection without crucifixion!
