Next month my 12-year-old daughter writes the big SEA exam for entrance into secondary school. My 16-year-old son will also write his O’Level exams around the same time. Meanwhile, at work we have been having conversations about setting more challenging goals and cultivating a high-performance culture. These days, it is more evident to me than ever before how deeply this performance culture permeates our society.
There are side-effects to this culture that reminds me of those ads for some new wonder drug that promises to change your life, but possible side effects include drowsiness, depression, nausea, dizziness and erectile dysfunction. You begin to wonder if the drug is worth it right?
Some of the side effects of a performance culture that I have observed are:
- Unhealthy comparison/competition
- Confusing ability to perform with self-worth
- Fear of failure
Unhealthy comparison/competition
I have children with different natural abilities and talents. One may be great at math while another may have great physical agility. One may have a superior command of the English language, while another may be good at arts and craft. I see my role as a father as facilitating the emergence of the best in each of them based on their individual potential (not their performance compared to others).
Unavoidably, that means unequal treatment. To illustrate: If I have one child who is a natural math genius and they get 95% in an exam and another who struggles with math and they get 65% in an exam, I would reward them equally. What the performance culture does is sets up a way of thinking that encourages comparison against others rather than against your own potential. So, the child who gets 95% may feel unfairly treated because he/she did much better than the other one. But that’s ok. Far worse is the child that is always held to the standards of his/her sibling. It can leave awful scars.
In business, the negative behaviours that this type of thinking often breed is unhealthy competition between peers or departments. Unhealthy meaning that individual or departmental success is prioritized above the company’s overall success. Once I meet my targets that’s all that matters!
Confusing ability to perform with self-worth
This is one that I’m particularly watchful for any signs of in my children. Too often failing to pass an exam or win a match is interpreted as a reflection on personal self-worth. It needs to be said that the top students and top athletes are not necessarily better people! So often we write-off people because they don’t have the credentials or track-record that we think is important. There are so many valuable attributes that are not generally measured!
Failing an exam does not make you a failure. Not meeting your goals does not make you a failure. The human being is more than the narrow band that society focuses on. The same culture is also in the church by the way, the indicators are just different. The church measurables are: How long do you pray? How many times do you attend church? How well do you know the bible? How long have you been married? How long have you been serving the Lord? Are your children serving the Lord? Thankfully, God does not measure us that way. We are all The Father’s children and we were all worthy enough that Jesus died for us, every one!
Fear of failure
In a paradoxical way, this high-performance culture ensures mediocrity. If you know that your boss is going to measure you by what you say you are going to achieve, then you are not going to set any outrageous goals. But don’t we want people to go after the unattainable, the outrageous? Sure we do, but we are never going to get that unless it is ok to fail.
The other way we insure against failure is by taking as few risks as possible. We are constantly taking the safest road possible because we know that we will be severally penalized for failure. The culture keeps our focus on the wrong thing; on what could go wrong, instead of what could go right!
This happens at home too. Do we parents support our children when they come with some outrageous pie-in-the-sky dream? Sometimes we stifle our children by making them play it safe. Go to school and become a doctor or a lawyer. Drop out and start a business making earrings? Don’t be crazy! However, some of our most celebrated business leaders today started out as college drop-outs with crazy ideas.
In summary, here’s my philosophy of life in answer to this prevailing culture:
- The only person I’m in competition with is myself. I challenge myself to grow continuously and become all that God wants me to become. I don’t want to leave unfulfilled potential on the table.
- I don’t have to succeed at the expense of your failure. We can all succeed together. I believe in win-win. I believe we can all be exceptional!
- I believe every single person is highly valuable not because of anything they have done or not done but because they were created by God. Every person has something valuable that they can add to my life and if I don’t see it, it just means I’m not looking hard enough.
- Failure is an opportunity to learn! I am not defined by my failures. I am not afraid of failure. I am afraid of not living life to the fullest!
Joyfully,
Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.