It doesn’t sound inspiring, but it’s true. I’m not sure when this became a goal but it solidified in my psyche early in my professional career as I became more and more successful as a manager. I observed the men who were outstanding in their field or CEOs of large companies and I noticed that many of them were not spending much time with their families. They seemed to have traded the role of father for the role of Fairy Godfather. Even if they were present in body, they were not present in mind. They were also very one-dimensional. Their work consumed them.
I grew a strong dislike for this kind of persona and determined that if that is what it took to be successful, then I was not going to be successful. On the other hand, I had standards of excellence that I did aspire to in my career and I wanted a life full of interests and passions and learning, so I couldn’t be father of the year either. And so my life philosophy took shape, I was going to be mediocre at a variety of things.
I was going to be a great dad but my children would not be the centre of my life. I was going to be a good surfer but not good enough to win any competitions. I was going to be an avid football player but not club material if you know what I mean. I was going to be an excellent manager but not the super ambitious guy who is always looking for the next rung to climb. I was going to be a continuous learner but I didn’t see a Ph.D. in my future.
I often wonder though, if it’s still possible to be great at something without sacrificing the rest… I know, I know, I’ve always wanted to have my cake and eat it too. But I do think it could be possible. People like Richard Branson give me hope. He often blogs about family (both his biological and his Virgin family). Many people blog insincerely about family with their posed photos but for some reason I believe Branson when he says, “Without the love and support of my wife, children, children-in-law and grandchildren I wouldn’t have the drive to keep achieving. And without the love and support of the Virgin family, achieving things wouldn’t be so meaningful or fun.”
But on the other hand, I wonder if the sacrifice is worth it if the cause is big enough? If a researcher spends her life in a lab and cures cancer at the expense of a relationship with her husband and kids, is it worth it? I wonder what the children of great world changers like Nelson Mandela and Marie Curie thought about them as parents? Maybe they understood what their parents were trying to achieve and were proud. I don’t know and I can’t judge for others, but for me, I’m committed to my mediocrity :).
Ultimately, I want a life of great service to God and men. Maybe I will only be of great service to a few people and little service to many people. I don’t know but being of service is perhaps the only true greatness and the only standard that does motivate me greatly. I look at my life, and to the extent that it is selfishly about my happiness, I am dissatisfied. Sometimes deeply dissatisfied. So I strive on to achieve greatness…. and joy (I still want to have my cake and eat it too); the joy of service in my own mediocre way!
Joyfully,
Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls