Author: Matik Nicholls

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Discipleship Devotional #3 – The Journey

The Authentic Joy Journey Guide 

Spiritual growth is both a journey and a process. The maturation process takes place in a context, and that context is the unique events and circumstances of your life’s journey. Spiritual growth is not something that happens apart from life. Life is the classroom that God uses to bring us to maturity. 

The Authentic Joy Journey Guide is adapted from Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey, a classical storytelling template.  

Home (The Comfort Zone) 

This is where we all start our journey. You will know if you are at this stage if you feel comfortable and at ease with your life. There is a certain amount of passivity at this stage. Picture Bilbo Baggins in Tolkien’s classic, The Hobbit, at his home in The Shire enjoying the secure predictability of morning walks and evening tea. A biblical example of someone at this stage would be Job before Satan attacked him. He was in a good place in life, faithfully serving God and abundantly blessed. Or what about Mary before the angel announced she would bear a child? Can you imagine her? A young bride, excited about her upcoming marriage, living a normal life unaware of what was around the corner. Sometimes we can be full of hubris at this stage, thinking we know it all and that we are untouchable. The Pharisees typified this ‘pride comes before a fall’ type of attitude. 

The Call 

At this stage something happens to cause us to consider leaving our comfort zone. God’s summons to grow up can happen in many ways: 

• A divine encounter: God interrupts our scheduled programming with a vision, prophetic word or a visitation. This is what happened to Mary, Gideon, Jeremiah and Paul. They all encountered God in some way that was undeniable and compelling 

• Tragedy: Sometimes it takes a tragedy to dislodge us from our comfort zone. It could be a serious illness, a divorce, the loss of a loved one, or the loss of a job. Whatever it is, it becomes an opportunity for us to rethink how we have been living up to that point. Job and Joseph provide biblical examples of tragedy as a call to growth 

• Wake-up call: Sometimes we are also comfortable in our sin and God mercifully provides a moment of clarity for us to escape. The parable of the prodigal son illustrates this as does the woman caught in adultery who got the opportunity to ‘go and sin no more’. 

This stage can elicit in us fear and doubt or excitement and hope as we react to the thought of the unknown. We do not know what lies ahead. Answering the call will require us to do life differently and we have no guarantees that it will all work out. Sometimes, we can opt to stay with the familiar instead of facing the unknown which introduces the next stage. 

The Refusal 

This stage, more than any other, is optional. Some of us may be gung-ho, rearing and ready to go. Others of us may need a little more… coaxing. Think of Moses and Jonah. Moses gave God excuse after excuse trying to convince God that He had picked the wrong man. But Jonah… Jonah is the poster child for this stage. It took a ride in the belly of a whale to get Jonah to heed God’s call. If we are in this stage we may be feeling fear, doubt, insecurity, indifference or pride. Remember the Pharisees again? They missed the day of their visitation. 

The Departure 

When we decide to heed the call, it’s adventure time! Sometimes the fear and doubt still linger on in this stage but hopefully, it’s more and more mingled with excitement and curiosity. The overarching attitude that allows us to enter fully into this stage is faith and trust in God as we surrender to His will. This is what Mary did when she said, ‘let it be to me according to your word’. This is what Joshua did when he crossed the Jordan to lead the Israelites into battle. This is what all the heroes of faith did as they heeded the call of God on their lives. Our departure may not look as ‘glamorous’, but it is no less significant in God’s eyes when we choose to trust Him. Our departures may be as big as starting a business, ministry or family, or as small as being open to a new relationship, seeing a psychologist or joining a faith community. 

The Crucible 

Surprise surprise, there are trials and tests along our journey. (I bet you didn’t see that coming!) Life is dangerous outside of The Shire. This is usually one of the longer stages or at least it seems that way. It is characterized by pain. Along with pain we may feel anger, confusion, fear, despair and hopelessness. David and Joseph are our models when it comes to The Crucible. As the name implies, it is in this stage that we are refined in the fiery furnace. The list of trials that each of us may face is endless; rejection by loved ones, poverty, domestic abuse, church leader abuse, illness of a child, cancer… I’m sure you can draw from your own experience. I can give you only this assurance: no adversity lasts forever if you pay attention to the lesson. The Crucible is the means God uses to get to the deep issues at the foundation of your character – your motives and desires. The furnace of fiery trials brings the real you to the surface and offers you the opportunity for real transformation. This opportunity for change introduces The Epic Battle. 

The Epic Battle 

Do you know that one scene in the movie where the hero and the villain finally face off? This is that scene, except the battle is not with the villain but with yourself to become who God intended for you to become. Your ‘inner villain’ is exposed in The Crucible and now you have a choice – will you let him live or put him to death? External trials prompt an internal struggle. We see this in the moments when David has the opportunity to kill Saul and chooses not to. Also, when Joseph faces his brothers who sold him into slavery and after much back and forth (you can see that he is battling with himself), he finally tells them what they meant for evil, God used for good. But perhaps the character who most epitomizes this inner battle is Jacob’s all-night struggle with the Lord where Jacob (the deceiver) comes away with a new name – Israel (one who struggles with God).  The whole journey hinges on this stage. This is when the Potter tests the quality of the vessel. Is it fit for use? This stage can be a lonely and desperate time when nobody seems to understand what you are going through and few are there for you in your time of travail. Think of Christ in the Garden of Gethsemane sweating drops of blood while the disciples slept. 

The Reward 

If we are victorious in battle, then we reap the reward! In the movies, the protagonist gets a treasure of some sort. Or maybe he gets the girl. But in our story, the hero reaps a spiritual reward. Maybe it’s spiritual authority over a city. Maybe it’s love and joy in your home. Maybe you become a recognized leader in some sphere of culture. The reward is unique to your call but whatever it is, it is good! Abraham had a son, inherited a land and became the father of faith. David was made king. Joseph became Pharoah’s right-hand man, ruling over Egypt. Daniel had a similar story of ruling over Babylon. This stage is a time of celebration, joy, peace and gratitude. 

The Return Home 

No reward is for yourself (at least not in the kingdom). Now you must return home to share the reward with the community. Joseph saved his family from starvation and poverty. Job prayed for his friends. David ensured that Solomon became the most wise and successful king that ever lived. The journey to maturity is not complete until we turn around and help others along their journey. This book is one example of that. It is my attempt to share all that I have learnt on my journey with as many people as possible. If we do that, we will discover a new place of fulfilment, purpose, community, belonging and well-being. At first, our circumstances may not look different on the outside, but we will be different, and our experience of the circumstances will be different, and eventually what’s on the inside of us will change what’s around us. 

It is easier to think of the journey as three distinct phases: 

Awakening 

o Home 

o The Call 

o The Refusal 

o The Departure 

Processing 

o The Crucible 

o The Epic Battle 

Joyful Partnership 

o The Reward 

o The Return Home 

This is just a map, not a formula. Everyone’s journey will look different. You may go forward and then backwards. You may also be at one stage in one area of your life and at another stage in another area of your life. The journey can also be interpreted as a cycle, with The Return Home eventually becoming your Comfort Zone until God elicits another Call for you to grow and you go around the loop again. 

REFLECTION 

  • Which phase of the journey do you feel that you are in right now? 
  • What comes up for you as you process this with God? 
Copyright 2026, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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My Tanager Tragedy

It was over a month ago when I first noticed her… A rich copper coloured bird, flitting from tree to tree in my garden. Always with a black companion which seemed to have white markings under its wing. With the help of Merlin (credit for the photo as well), I soon discovered that they were a white-lined tanager couple. The males are black and the females are rufous-coloured. (Who knew rufous was a colour? Derived, apparently, from the Latin rufus, which means red.) They are often seen in pairs.

I was over the moon to have this ‘exotic’ couple in my backyard. Over the weeks that followed, they became my companions as I did my devotions each morning. The female, especially, would perch in the railing on the porch as if to say, “Hello friend!” while looking at me with one eye and then turning her head to inspect me with the other one. The male was much less friendly. He would keep an eye on his mate from a nearby tree. Soon, I realized that they had a nest in the palm trees right next to my porch and probably a baby or two. (I never looked for fear of scaring them off.)

Then one morning, as I was meditating, caught up in my love affair with Jesus, my friend flew right over to me and landed on my arm. Immediately, I was in tears. She landed on me! I felt like the recipient of a heavenly kiss, a feathered friendship undeserved. “What are you saying to me God?”

Soon her husband became at ease enough to also visit me in the porch, and I sooo looked forward to spending time with Jesus and my avian friends every morning. To me, they were more than just birds. They were a message from heaven. A ray of hope in a valley season.

For many years, my Christian community was informal. My wife and I had online groups (which we still do) as well as a group of seven of us that met in our home at first and then at a community centre in East Trinidad. These small, informal groups have been a place of tremendous growth and support. We have been blessed to have been able to host spaces where people feel safe, free to question and to struggle, and where there is a tangible experience of God’s presence.

A couple of years ago, I felt led to re-enter formal church. I have a lot of trauma associated with formal Christian organizations, so this was not a venture that I embarked on lightly. In the past, church has not been, at times, a safe space for me to bring my questions, unique perspectives, or failures. Nevertheless, I was optimistic. However, the challenges of institutional church have not changed, and the process has been more painful than I expected.

So, my birds… my birds were symbols of hope. Hope that fragile, beautiful creatures could find safe places to land and be met with welcome… with love… with celebration… with safety.

Then today happened…

I went out onto my porch, and there, next to my chair, was a dead baby bird. No tanagers. No “Hello friend.” Only emptiness and death.

The culprit? No doubt my cat Billee.

 It felt like the final death sentence over my dream. There is no safety on this side of heaven. Not in the world. Not in the church. Only predators and prey.

“Why Lord?” “Why would you allow this to happen?”

“Why Billee?” “Why did you have to kill her?”

But I could not even summon anger toward the cat as he rubbed against my feet. All I had was sadness. He didn’t know what he did anyway. I found myself stroking his back.

Isn’t that like church? People you love hurting people you love. Not because they are cruel (most of the time). In fact, often they think they are doing what is right and good.

So, this is it then. Pain, loss, death.

I sat with my communion cup and wafer, forlorn… and as I looked at it, these words entered my consciousness. “Predators eat prey. For one to live, another must die. And then Christ says:

“I tell you the truth, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you cannot have eternal life…””

(John 6:53b NLT)

Jesus changes the script by becoming the voluntary prey – voluntarily offering up His flesh and blood that we may live.

There must be something powerful in that. I can feel it, but I don’t have words strong enough to communicate it.

The only way out of this vicious cycle is voluntary sacrifice. The willing sacrifice resets everything.

Isaiah 11:6-9 (NLT)

6 In that day the wolf and the lamb will live together;

    the leopard will lie down with the baby goat.

The calf and the yearling will be safe with the lion,

    and a little child will lead them all.

7 The cow will graze near the bear.

    The cub and the calf will lie down together.

    The lion will eat hay like a cow.

8 The baby will play safely near the hole of a cobra.

    Yes, a little child will put its hand in a nest of deadly snakes without harm.

9 Nothing will hurt or destroy in all my holy mountain,

    for as the waters fill the sea,

    so the earth will be filled with people who know the Lord.

Maybe the baby bird will be safe with the cat as well.

I think that maybe Jesus is saying something to me through this tanager tragedy. The religious institution wasn’t a safe space for Jesus either. They killed Him, and He offered up His life willingly so that one day nothing would hurt or destroy. Perhaps this season is an invitation for me to join Christ’s sacrificial mission of transformation from violence to non-violence.

There is much violence everywhere I turn these days. In my country. In the world. Isaiah 11 seems far off. But it’s not just drones, missiles and machine guns, it’s the daily micro-aggressions of not seeing, not listening, not valuing the people around us. We may think that we can’t make a difference in Iran or Palestine, but we can. By treating the human being in front of us with compassion and kindness, we can be a part of a rising tide that lifts humanity upward. Especially in the church. Yes, I hold the church to a higher standard. Because we are the people of the sacrificial lamb. As we eat the flesh and drink the blood, let us remember who we are – the body of Christ. Through us, Christ offers life to the world – through our sacrificial love. His blood flows not through dogma and doctrine and self-righteous proclamations, but through love that stubbornly reaches out to the ones who behave like our enemies.

Copyright 2026, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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Discipleship Devotional #2

We have been discussing discipleship as:

·        Being with Jesus

·        Becoming like Him

·        And doing what He does.

(Credit to John Mark Comer)

This week, we will begin to go deeper into four scriptures that give us insight into the process of becoming mature in Christ.

We will start with Ephesians 3:14-19(NLT):

When I think of all this, I fall to my knees and pray to the Father, the Creator of everything in heaven and on earth. I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.

Meditate on this passage and reflect on the questions below.

REFLECTION

·        What stands out to you as the essential parts of the process of becoming full of God’s life and power as described in this passage?

·        Where are you seeing or not seeing this process at work in your life?

·        What is Holy Spirit saying to you through this passage?

Copyright 2026, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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Is The church Hindering The Church?

The capital ‘C’ Church is a dynamic, multi-facted, global, mosaic of people whose hearts are truly devoted to Jesus. These people are sprinkled across the globe. They are in all denominations and in no denominations. Some may be Muslims or Hindus, but secretly their hearts are set on Jesus. This is the mystery of the Church. It is a living organism, led and orchestrated by Jesus, not by human hands, and it is growing and maturing daily. This is the rock that King Nebuchadnezzar saw.

Daniel 2:31-35 (NLT)

31 “In your vision, Your Majesty, you saw standing before you a huge, shining statue of a man. It was a frightening sight. 32 The head of the statue was made of fine gold. Its chest and arms were silver, its belly and thighs were bronze, 33 its legs were iron, and its feet were a combination of iron and baked clay. 34 As you watched, a rock was cut from a mountain, but not by human hands. It struck the feet of iron and clay, smashing them to bits. 35 The whole statue was crushed into small pieces of iron, clay, bronze, silver, and gold. Then the wind blew them away without a trace, like chaff on a threshing floor. But the rock that knocked the statue down became a great mountain that covered the whole earth.

The common ‘c’ church comprises the Christian organizations across the globe. Within many of these organizations, there are true disciples of Christ who are part of the Church, but there are also the crowds (those that are only there for the blessings) and the Scribes and Pharisees (those who get their power and relevance from the organization but whose hearts are far from God).

I have a vision in my heart of a community where there is a pervasive mutuality, where there exists a mystical wonder of everyone being so personally submitted to the leading of the Holy Spirit that there is a sacred unity and accord, where there is a genuine, deep, unconditional love and acceptance of every son and daughter of God, where the presence of God is palpable.

My favorite revival – the Welsh revival of 1904 – had meetings described by Evan Roberts like this:

“There was no programme. There was no printed order of service. There was no choir director, no song-leader, no master of ceremonies. There was not even a sermon in the traditional sense. I did speak sometimes briefly. Sometimes at length. But I never prepared my words in advance. I left all of that to the Holy Spirit. Sometimes I would stand and say a few sentences. Sometimes I would sit in silence for long stretches while the Spirit moved through the congregation that needed no human guidance. And sometimes I would simply pray or weep or sing. The meetings belonged to the people. Anyone might stand up and pray at any moment. Anyone might begin singing a hymn. Anyone might confess a sin, share a testimony, or cry out for mercy and these things happened not in an orderly one at a time fashion but often all at once. A great chorus of prayer and praise, and weeping, and singing, that rose to heaven like incense from 100 altars.”

This is what I long for! This revival emptied the jails and courthouses and transformed the entire society.

Sadly, what I have experienced in church is that instead of mutuality there is hierarchy, instead of submission to the Holy Spirit there is submission to a personality, instead of love and acceptance there is evaluation and classification.

The church, by very nature, is not compatible with the Church. There will always be friction between the two. An organization is, by definition, a man-made construct. It must be defined by rules and controlled by human systems. We like church because it is predictable and manageable. We can control the outcomes and measure the performance. Predictability and manageability allow us to keep our idol of control intact. We don’t want a rock; we prefer bricks. We can build our kingdom for God with bricks – people conformed to a mold by systems, structures, and domination. We cannot build with a rock, far less an ever-expanding rock which is not under our control! Therefore, the church system will always demand we be a brick, and those who are part of the Rock will always be perceived as a threat.

The truth is that, like the statue in Daniel, the Rock will destroy all of our man-made systems and structures.  

Daniel 2:44-45 (NLT)

44 “During the reigns of those kings, the God of heaven will set up a kingdom that will never be destroyed or conquered. It will crush all these kingdoms into nothingness, and it will stand forever. 45 That is the meaning of the rock cut from the mountain, though not by human hands, that crushed to pieces the statue of iron, bronze, clay, silver, and gold. The great God was showing the king what will happen in the future. The dream is true, and its meaning is certain.”

To all those who are disenchanted by the church, here’s my advice:

Do not lose heart. Do not look upon the natural. Stay in the secret place with God, with your eyes set on Jesus. That is your strength. Find the Church within the church. Be a subversive force of quiet rebellion within the system, not through force but through humble sacrificial love. Stay pure. You may be ostracized and persecuted like Christ was… love still… serve still. Do not separate from your sisters and brothers, and do not become an antagonist or a critic, but also do not compromise on who God called you to be and what He has called you to do. Do not let them force you into the brick mold! Obey God rather than man – in your family, in your workplace, on the streets. Do not let man prescribe your boundaries – no man can limit what you can do for God. Respect the boundaries set in your church organization, but God is bigger than the organization.

Christ set up the kingdom, and He showed us what it looks like. He continued healing when His ‘church leaders’ said not to. He continued to ‘break’ the Sabbath when they said to stop. He continued declaring that He was the Son of God when they said it was blasphemy. But when they attacked Him, He did not retaliate. He suffered. He took up His cross. He died. He was never swayed from His calling – neither by submitting to their dictates nor by getting suckered into fighting at their level. It is a hard road to walk. Often, you might look like the rebellious one. Often it will be painful. Ensure that it is for following Christ and not for anything that misrepresents Him, and ensure that you do not fight back.

The Kingdom will, in the end, destroy all the man-made kingdoms and become a big mountain and cover the whole earth! The dream is true, and its meaning is certain!

Copyright 2026, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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Your Discipleship Devotional

Hello Disciples!

I am pleased to share a new development at Authentic Joy. But first, a back story:

Eight months ago, we started something new – online discipleship small groups. We have two groups that meet every other week, and the experience has been nothing short of transformational. I am not exaggerating when I say that these meetings are the most life-giving get-togethers in my life. I look forward to every session and leave our time together feeling refreshed, encouraged, and revitalized in my walk with God. And I’m not alone. Many have said that these groups are a tremendous source of life, learning and community that they cannot find anywhere else.

The format we follow is simple: I send out a short reading with a few questions for reflection a week ahead of our meeting. So, when we meet, there is no teaching, just conversation. We share deeply about how the material intersects with our lives and the down-to-earth (sometimes messy) ways in which we are being transformed and challenged to become like Jesus. There are no experts. We all share from the heart. We all listen deeply. We all hold each other before God and encourage each other to pursue Him.

So, we at Authentic Joy thought, “Why not take these reflections and share them with our online community as a bi-weekly devotional?” So, from today, that is just what we will be doing! We hope that it will be of great value to you on your discipleship journey! Here is installment #1:

1. Discipleship Introduction

What is the formula for spiritual growth?

Many of us may have grown up in faith traditions where the formula or model for spiritual growth was something like this:

TRUTH + CHOICE = TRANSFORMATION

This model emphasizes learning truth and then choosing behaviour that aligns with what we have learned.

Question: Is it working?

I propose that our traditional model for transformation is not working. There are two reasons why this model cannot work:

  1. It emphasizes external behaviour modification rather than internal transformation.
  2. It emphasizes truth rather than love as the most important factor in our spiritual growth.

If we look at the anatomy of the human soul, we can see why this is a problem.

If we focus solely on truth (which is important for transforming our thoughts and beliefs) and external behaviour (which addresses our words and actions), without addressing the emotions, values and desires of the heart, then we have omitted a critical part of the human being!

Jesus’ model is quite different. Have a look at what He says in these 3 scriptures:

Matthew 5:27-28 (NLT)

Matthew 23:25-26 (NLT)

John 13:34-35 (NLT)

Jesus’ model focuses on the heart and only one thing transforms the heart – love. You can’t teach love. Jesus came to earth give us an experience of love that is transformative. Something the law was powerless to do.

Jesus’ model is called discipleship. John Mark Comer states it this way: “Be with Jesus. Become like Him. Do what He does.” The disciples didn’t just follow Jesus’ teachings; they literally followed Jesus wherever He went. Jesus’ invitation to “follow me” was never anything less than an invitation to do life with Him from that point forward.

Interestingly, it seemed that Jesus also thought that a group of disciples worked better than walking with Him alone. Companionship was also an integral part of Jesus’ model.

REFLECTION

  • What does the distinction between learning truth about Jesus versus experiencing love through being with Jesus bring up for you? Process with Holy Spirit.
  • What does the distinction between managing our behaviour to be in line with Biblical principles through force of will versus words and actions that naturally flow from having the same thoughts, beliefs, emotions, values and desires as Jesus bring up for you? Process with Holy Spirit.
Copyright 2026, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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Retreat Weekend: Renewal & Encounter with The Living Water

For centuries, Christ followers have observed the practice of retreating from the ‘normal’ busyness of life for a period of renewal and reconnection with God. This sacred time revives our heart with passion for Christ, renews our perspective on what matters most, and refocuses us on our holy pursuit of Jesus.

In keeping with this holy practice, we are inviting like-minded disciples of Jesus for a weekend of encounter and renewal. Come and refresh your soul and revive your heart!

The weekend will include unhurried times of:

  • Worship
  • Silence
  • Nature
  • Teaching
  • Individual Reflection
  • Sharing
  • Shared Meals

ALL DENOMINATIONS ARE WELCOME!

Jesus replied, “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.”

John 4:13-14 (NLT)

Date: 6pm Fri 10th to 4pm Sun 12th July 2026
Venue: The Seminary of St. John Vianney and the Ugandan Martyrs, Mount Saint Benedict, St. Augustine
Cost: Standard Rooms: $1,500 standard occupancy, $1,100 double occupancy, En Suite Rooms: $1,600 standard occupancy, $1,150 double occupancy (prices are per person for the entire weekend, meals included)
Facilitators: Matik & Tricia Nicholls
Email: matik.nicholls@authenticjoy.org
WhatsApp: 761-5342/686-1408

There are limited spaces. Rooms will be assigned on a first come first served basis.

Make payment by direct transfer to:
Matik Nicholls and/or Tricia Celestin-Nicholls
Republic Bank Limited (Elerslie Plaza)
Savings Account# 260086069031
WhatsApp screenshot to any of the numbers above

Register HERE.

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When God Shows Up

If you have been following my blog for any length of time, you would know that I am passionate about the pursuit of a tangible experience of God. I believe it is what the Bible evidences and advocates. It is my reality. Apostle John says it well:

1 John 1:1-4 (NLT

We proclaim to you the one who existed from the beginning, whom we have heard and seen. We saw him with our own eyes and touched him with our own hands. He is the Word of life. This one who is life itself was revealed to us, and we have seen him. And now we testify and proclaim to you that he is the one who is eternal life. He was with the Father, and then he was revealed to us. We proclaim to you what we ourselves have actually seen and heard so that you may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ. We are writing these things so that you may fully share our joy.

John speaking after Jesus’ ascension said, “…our fellowship IS with the Father and his Son, Jesus Christ.”

This blog is simply meant to stir up my heart for more of God and hopefully to stir up yours too. I want to share with you 3 of my favourite encounters recorded by ordinary people. The first from Blaise Pascal:

The year of grace 1654,

Monday, 23 November, feast of St. Clement, pope and martyr, and others in the martyrology.
Vigil of St. Chrysogonus, martyr, and others.
From about half past ten at night until about half past midnight,

FIRE.

GOD of Abraham, GOD of Isaac, GOD of Jacob
not of the philosophers and of the learned.
Certitude. Certitude. Feeling. Joy. Peace.
GOD of Jesus Christ.
My God and your God.
Your GOD will be my God.
Forgetfulness of the world and of everything, except GOD.
He is only found by the ways taught in the Gospel.
Grandeur of the human soul.
Righteous Father, the world has not known you, but I have known you.
Joy, joy, joy, tears of joy.
I have departed from him:
They have forsaken me, the fount of living water.
My God, will you leave me?
Let me not be separated from him forever.
This is eternal life, that they know you, the one true God, and the one that you sent, Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ.
I left him; I fled him, renounced, crucified.
Let me never be separated from him.
He is only kept securely by the ways taught in the Gospel:
Renunciation, total and sweet.
Complete submission to Jesus Christ and to my director.
Eternally in joy for a day’s exercise on the earth.
May I not forget your words. Amen.

He kept this account of His encounter with the FIRE of God sewn inside his jacket. A constant reminder of the reality that he touched.

The second quote is from Frank Laubach as recorded in Letters By A Modern Mystic:

May 24, 1930

This has been a week of wonders. God is at work everywhere preparing the way for his work in Lanao. I shall tell you some of the wonders presently. But just at this moment you must hear more of this sacred evening. The day had been rich but strenuous, so I climbed “Signal Hill” back of my house talking and listening to God all the way up, all the way back, all the lovely half hour on the top. And God talked back! I let my tongue go loose and from it flowed poetry far more beautiful than any I ever composed. It flowed without pausing and without ever a failing syllable for a half hour. I listened astonished and full of joy and gratitude. I wanted a dictaphone for I knew that I should not be able to remember it – and now I cannot. “Why,” someone may ask, “did God waste his poetry on you alone, when you should not carry it home.” You will have to ask God that question. I only know He did and I am happy in the memory.

Below me lay the rice fields and as I looked across them I heard my tongue saying aloud, “Child, just as the rice needs the sunshine every day, and could not grow if it had sun only once a week or one hour a day, so you need me all day of every day. People over all the world are withering because they are open toward God only rarely. Every waking minute is not too much.”

My final encounter is recorded in 1922 by Sadhu Sundar Singh in his book At The Master’s Feet:

When I rose from my prayer I beheld a glowing Being, arrayed in light and beauty, standing before me. Though He spoke not a word, and because my eyes were suffused with tears I saw Him not too clearly, there poured from Him lightening -like rays of life-giving love with such power that they entered in and bathed my very soul. At once I knew that my dear Saviour stood before me. I rose at once from the rock where I was seated and fell at His feet. He held in His hand the key of my heart. Opening the inner chamber of my heart with His key of love, He filled it with His presence, and wherever I looked, inside or out, I saw but Him.

I hope these God-encounters have blessed you. Each of these men has made an indelible mark on history as they walked with God and served humanity. They have served as a constant reminder to me that the God of the Bible still walks among us today. Jesus is not some historical figure existing only on pages of scripture to be studied from afar. Jesus speaks, touches, invades, overcomes, arrests… He is REAL and PRESENT.

Copyright 2026, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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The Path Of Eros

I love carnival. I love the pulsating rhythms of soca music. I love the creative wonder of hundreds of steel drums chanting a melody while the whole stage vibrates with joy. I love to dance. I love to be a part of the sea of masqueraders moving their bodies with celebratory abandon. I love that moment when everyone’s favorite song starts, and we jump, put our hands in the air, or throw our arms across a padna’s shoulder. I would even go so far as to say I love the human form. I love the curvaceous feminine allure that my grandfather would call ‘feminine pulchritude’. I even appreciate (with some jealousy) the gym buffs with their chiseled abs and gladiatorial lats.

The problem is that my flesh also loves lust, licentiousness, and lasciviousness (it sounds less immoral if you use big words). I envy my friends who can partake in the beauty and celebration of carnival and remain untouched by this darker side of it. As the prophet Voice would say, “Ah cyah behave mehself”.

The deeper I go in my faith, the more I realize that the path up is also the path through our dark side. I spent almost a decade as a young Christian trying to repress, ignore, and side-step my darker side. I threw scriptures at it. I covered it under layers of church activities. Until one day, like the Balrog in The Lord of the Rings, it erupted as though shouting, “I will not be ignored!” I gave up the fight. I did not have anything in me that was more powerful than this powerful force. This force propelled me in an endless search for beauty and pleasure. I said to myself, “You can’t fight this. This is who you are. You are a hedonist.”

Deeper and deeper I went, until one day, after many years of fleshly indulgence, I hit the bottom. At rock bottom, I realized the answer wasn’t there either—the answer I needed – the thing my soul longed desperately for… it wasn’t in sex and parties either. I was still empty. I cried out in desperation to the God I never stopped believing in and who never left me, despite my rebellion.

Then…. He answered. Jesus walked into the room. Divine Liquid Love washed over me and through me in waves. The God of Scripture became a deeper, more tangible reality in my life. My heart was apprehended instantly, and all its desires and longings knew that this… this!… this is where all satisfaction was to be found.

Looking back, I realize that it was only then that I was ready to receive the Answer. I needed to go down to go up. I needed to know that I was poor.

Matthew 5:3 (NLT

God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him,
for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.

Thus began a fiery, passionate love affair with the Lover of my soul. Thus began a real relationship with a Higher Power (as quoted in the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 steps). Only then did I experience any hope of becoming truly holy. Because the Spirit in me was more powerful than the darkness. And only His Presence was more attractive than sex and revelry.

John Piper’s Christian hedonism philosophy interpreted this revelation for me in those days: “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him.” The drive inside of me for pleasure was not something wrong with me. It was something put there by God that drives us to search and search until we find Him. Some call this drive eros. It is powerful. Try to ignore it, numb it, or kill it, and your soul will die from starvation. Try to fulfill it with earthly pleasures, and your soul will die from junk food.

Unfortunately, my taste for debauchery did not just disappear when I encountered God. I often wish it did as it has for some people. My process of sanctification has been slow and long. It has been more like a steady change of diet. I used to love soft drinks and hamburgers. My taste buds still love them, but the way my body feels without them is so much better. It is a deeper pleasure – a wholeness. That’s kind of how I feel about carnival. I started this blog with a confession of my love for many aspects of carnival, but I am on a search to find a truer, deeper pleasure. I’m not trying to deny this deep desire in me for pleasure. Up to last year, I felt frustration and disappointment that I still struggle with the same old temptations after so many years.

But not this year. I’ve come to realize that in this eros is pointing me toward God. I’ve come to realize that with Jesus and in Jesus, I can find a truer me and a deeper experience of God that my eros is pointing to. Rather than beating myself up for the fact that I still feel for a Coke, I’m asking myself, “What experience am I yet to discover that will surpass and make irrelevant what a Coke has to offer me?” Three books have served as voices of interpretation for this season:

  • The Journey of Desire – John Eldredge
  • Spiritual Wanderlust – Kelly Deutsch
  • The Holy Longing – Ronald Rolheiser

As I type this, I can hear the music from last lap in the distance, but there is a peace in me that is different. A peace that echoes with the Psalmist (Psalm 16:9-11 ESV):

Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let your holy one see corruption.

You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

What I’ve discovered is that there is a joy that is fuller than the most orgasmic sexual encounter. There are pleasures that continue forevermore – long after the carnival is over. Ive discovered that only this reality in the Presence is more powerful than the pleasures of this world. But I can’t get there by trying to deny or kill the eros. It is that very desire that will take me to the Holy Place, if I do not settle for the cheap thrills along the way. In the struggle, as I bring it to Jesus over and over again in our daily heart-to-heart conversations, I emerge, a truer version of myself.

Copyright 2026, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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There Is A Bigger Story

Have you ever seen a leaf caught in an eddy current at the side of a river? It doesn’t matter how fast and powerful the main river current is flowing down the centre; the leaf circles close to the bank. Sometimes the leaf even floats backwards!

Meditating on the miracle of Christ this season has been a powerful awakening for my soul to the bigger story. Too often, in 2025, I have been living out of my small story. My financial challenges, my work trials, my unused gifts, my struggles with sin… small, small, small. It feels like I have been that leaf floating in circles, when I should have been plumb in the centre of the eternal current, hurtling downstream in the unfolding glorious eternal story that God is writing across the cosmos.

Christ is with us! Emmanuel is with me!! He has invaded my small existence and drawn me into His eternal plot. It is no longer about me. It is about Him and His reconciliation of all time and space to Himself. All is being reconciled to Christ. And I get to be a part of that!

But oh Lord, my eyes so often drift from His greatness to my smallness… From His infinitude to my lack. Oh Lord, I drift to the edges and get stuck in a little circling current… round and round but going nowhere.

My heart’s prayer for 2026 is to live out of the bigger story.

After the angel Gabriel appeared to Mary, the mundane events of life must have taken on a new significance for the family… A new sacredness. Feeding and cleaning their baby boy… sacred. Teaching him to talk and watching him explore the world… sacred. And what about the normal challenges of life? Feeding a family. Finances. Paying taxes. I imagine there must have been a deep sense of God-with-them, that everything would work out because God had His hand on their lives. I imagine that the things that might have seemed like big things before were now trivial in the shadow of stewarding the arrival of the Messiah. They knew they were a part of something eternally monumental.

That’s what I mean by living out of the bigger story. The things that are big things for those who do not walk with God should be trivialities for those of us who do. Otherwise, who is Christ to us? Job security? Trivial. Mortgage payments? Trivial. Political upheaval? Trivial. We are stewarding the Presence of God in this world. We are stewarding the second coming of Christ! Are our eyes on Him? Are we attending to His plans? Are we tending to Him? I know I am guilty of living out of my small story way more than the Eternal Current.

Oh Jesus, keep me in the centre of the river! Hold my face in Your hands that my eyes may ne’er drift from Your face. Let me be aware of your Presence in the marrow of my bones that all the affairs and challenges of this temporality may grow dim in comparison to Thee. Smite me with Your love. Aflame my heart for You only. Burn to dust every distraction and rogue desire that tempts my eyes from Thy Beauty. Oh, unmake me until my soul is a song of worship to You only; an eternal haunting ballad written in flesh, primal and pure.

Let my song be a drop in the river; one of a billion drops, making playful melody over smooth pebbles, interludes building suspense in shadowy pools, and pore-raising crescendos of glorious cascading waterfalls. Until we all empty our lives into the Sea of Eternity.

There is a bigger story, my friend.

Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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How Is Waiting Changing You?

This Advent, I am stirring my heart up for Jesus with the aid of a series of Advent meditations from John Mark Comer and the Practicing The Way community. Their first meditation is by Gemma Ryan and comes from Luke 2, where Simeon encounters the baby Jesus in the temple.

As I meditated on this man Simeon, I wondered what made him different from his peers.
Between Malachi and Jesus’ arrival is the 400-year period known as the ‘silent years’ because God did not speak to His people during that period. It is this 400-year wait in silence from which the Scribes and Pharisees emerged. Four hundred years without a word from God. Four hundred years waiting for the Messiah to deliver them from oppression. So, what did they do? They doubled down on what they did have – the Torah. They dissected it, memorized it, debated it, and built culture around it. All the while, drifting further and further from God. To the extent that when the Messiah finally arrived, for all their knowledge of and dedication to the laws of God, they had no ability to recognize Him when He stood right in front of them.

But Simeon was different.

Whereas the Pharisees pressed into practices that relied on their cognition, reasoning, and intellectual ability, Simeon was a man of the Spirit. The Bible says that the Holy Spirit was upon Simeon, and he was led by the Spirit. In a time before the Holy Spirit was poured out on all flesh! Somehow, Simeon has stepped into a dimension of relationship with God that was uncommon among his peers.

While the Scribes and Pharisees depended on knowing the Law, Simeon depended on knowing the Spirit. The Bible says that he was righteous and devout. I believe these words are significant. I believe the word righteous suggests that Simeon was probably as dedicated as the Scribes and Pharisees were to observing the Law. However, I believe the word devout indicates that he also had a commitment to and holy reverence for God Himself. Simeon was not just devoted to knowing the Law; he was devoted to knowing God. He engaged not only in cognitive practices but spiritual practices that honed his ability to host, be led by, and know the Holy Spirit.

Without a live connection with God, knowledge makes us puffed up, self-righteous, overly confident in our knowledge, and ultimately unable to recognize God because He isn’t recognized through intellectual reasoning but through spiritual discernment. That’s why the Scribes and Pharisees couldn’t recognize Jesus. They were using all the wrong senses and looking at all the wrong measures. They were concerned with whether He healed on the Sabbath, or which town He came from, or His outrageous claims to be the Son of God. We too have our boxes just as they had theirs, and if it doesn’t fit in the box, then it cannot be an authentic move/person/word of God.

However, Simeon was led by the Spirit. All Simeon desperately wanted was to see Jesus, and He was utterly dependent on God to orchestrate and define that encounter. There was nothing Simeon could do to achieve it; he just had to wait and be open to receiving Jesus, however He chose to show up.

What challenged me the most in this meditation was the idea that waiting changes you. There are many promises that I feel that I have been waiting on for some time in my life, and particularly in this season. And I’m wondering… am I becoming a Pharisee or a Simeon?
Am I engaging in practices that are making me puffed up and self-righteous? Or am I engaging in practices that are attuning me to the Spirit and what He is doing now while I wait? Am I waiting on God or on an outcome? Is my hope in Jesus or in the thing that I’m waiting for? Will I even recognize Him when He turns up in a way I didn’t expect or prefer? Will I still be happy to see Him if He doesn’t come the way I think He should? If He doesn’t deliver me from my ‘Roman oppressors’, will I still rejoice? Can I wait on God as an act of surrender that acknowledges everything will happen in His time and on His terms? And can I be joyful in that? Can I be full of joy and hope while I wait?

I think that that is the purpose of waiting – to change us. To shift the locus of our hope from something to Someone. To shift our dependence from self to God. To shift us from natural discernment to spiritual discernment.

If our hope and trust is in Jesus, we will never be disappointed. Because He always turns up, just not always how and when we want Him to. And that’s OK. In fact, it’s better!

Copyright 2025, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.