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Month: May 2018

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The Fire Series – Celebrate Life!

So, these days I have been enjoying a season where God has been inviting me to celebrate life; to live each day with thanksgiving and celebrating Him in every thing and every moment. So often we feel it is only holy or godly to refrain from enjoying things. Yes, sometimes there are seasons when we must discipline the flesh but that does not mean that earthly pleasures are bad. It always struck me that Jesus’ disciples did not fast because while Jesus was with them it was a time for celebration (eating and drinking) not fasting. Through the Holy Spirit, Jesus is with us always and yet some of us still feel guilty if we enjoy what this earthly life has to offer.

I think sometimes we forget that God created everything. He created pleasure. All earthly pleasures point to the ultimate pleasure we experience in God. They are a little taste of the divine. All creation reveals the Creator! The secret I have discovered in this season is to enjoy everything with thanksgiving and celebration to The One who gave all life and the fullness of the earth for our enjoyment.

In fact, it is this deep inner worship that should make us Christians enjoy this life more than anybody else! We should savour every meal with awe at a God who made such a myriad of tastes and sensations. Every bite and sip should be with praise! Our shared fellowship should be all the sweeter knowing the sacred temples with whom we dine – carriers of the divine spark! We should be having the best sex. Yes, I said sex. We of all people should be shouting, “Hallelujah!” and “Thank You Jesus!” for a God who created such an orgasmic union of husband and wife!

OK switching gears before I get stoned for heresy… Currently, I’m on a school trip with my daughter and her classmates. To save money, they put boys with male parents and girls with female parents, four to a room. I dreaded having to share a room with strangers, but I sucked it up to give my little girl an experience to remember.

What it meant though was that I had to find somewhere to spend my morning alone time with God. But He had already put things in place. I woke up early this morning and headed down to the beach. Not a soul was there as the first glimmers of sunrise peeked over the ocean horizon. The morning pelicans dived into the surf while the waves seemed to be running races to see who would reach the shore first creating a salty mist that filled the air . The entire setting spoke to me powerfully. “Celebrate life!” it said. This poem bubbled up in my soul:

All creation celebrates You Lord!

We were all created to sing Your praise!

Help me to exult You O God!

I do not want to be left out of this symphony of worship!

Help me to frolic with the waves.

Help me to shine with the sun.

Help me to sing and soar with the birds.

Help me to be still with You in the mist.

Help me to caress You with the breeze.

Help me to celebrate the Giver of Life!

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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Sermons and Dresses

Admittedly, I had but a passing interest in The Royal Wedding.  Until I heard a bit of the sermon of Bishop Michael Curry! I promptly searched for the sermon online and I couldn’t stop listening. The power of love captivated my attention! I was so excited about this message of love echoing around the world and touching lives suffering from severe love-deficit that when some colleagues started talking about the wedding I exclaimed, “Wasn’t that a powerful sermon!”.

I was shocked at the responses. Apparently, it was inappropriate, too long and disjointed. I am not usually one to be surprised by differing views but this one caught me off guard. So, what was the main highlight for these (mainly female) colleagues of mine; the dress. It was what they had stayed up late to see. They loved it!

Now, I don’t want to draw any inferences about my colleagues in particular because I am sure they are not alone. In fact, there are probably more than a few church goers for whom the much too short dress of Sister So-and-so seems more important than the message of Jesus Christ. (Just though I’d throw that out there to shake things up a bit. Ha ha!) I do, however, want us to think about our society as a whole and what we value. Do we value messages of love, kindness, compassion and selflessness? We talk about it but do our actions align?

Last night I fell asleep while reading in bed and my daughter came and took off my glasses, put my phone to charge and turned off the light. She had never done anything like that before. I was so proud of her and full of love for her and grateful for such beautiful children, all at the same time. I did make sure to thank her and express my appreciation for her thoughtfulness, but I couldn’t help but compare that with if she had come first in end-of-term exams, for example. For coming first in her class, she would be showered with rewards and recognition. Something is wrong somewhere.

What about at work? Has anyone ever received a positive appraisal because they were kind to their co-workers? But if we achieve all our targets at the expense of other people, are we rewarded? Many times, we are. Sometimes even publicly applauded.

Our values are skewed. And it’s no better in the church. If I were to judge from what most guys talk about and get excited about, the biggest religion in Trinidad is football. Most guys quicker identify as a Man-U fan than a Jesus fan. Keep it nice and superficial. Big man doh deal up with d touchy feely business.

So, I ask you what kind of world do you want to leave for generations to come? Do you want more love in this world? Is it time to re-look our value system? If you haven’t seen Bishop Curry’s sermon, you can watch it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gonlKodrmk and tell me what you think; which was better; the sermon or the dress?

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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The Ladder of Inference

The biggest determining factor of the quality of our relationships is the quality of our communication. And the quality of our relationships greatly influences the quality of our life. In fact, some say that the quality of our relationships is the quality of our life.

Therefore, I would argue that communication is the most important skill for life. In that vein, I would like to share with you a model for how we process data. The model is called The Ladder of Inference (shown below).

The ladder has seven steps (starting at the bottom rung):

  1. Observable data and experiences. These are the raw facts that we hear and see. Let’s use an example: Last week Friday I told my friend Jim that I found it unfair that when we go out he never pays for anything. I played football with Jim on Monday and we talked briefly on the phone on Tuesday. I see him in the mall on Thursday and he passes me straight without saying hello and he looks angry. That’s the data.
  2. Select data. This is the data that we choose to designate as important while ignoring the rest. In this example I select the fact that I told Jim about his cheap ways and now he passes me straight and he looks angry. I completely ignore the other two times that I interacted with Jim.
  3. Add meaning. At this stage we interpret the data and add some meaning to it based on our personal and cultural values. So now I conclude that Jim must be angry with me because he passed me straight. I add this meaning because that’s what I would do if I was angry at someone (personal) and because in my culture to not acknowledge someone you know is an affront.
  4. Make assumptions. Now I make the assumption that Jim is angry at me because I reproached him about his cheapskate behaviour.
  5. Draw conclusions. At this stage we come to some grand theory. I conclude that Jim has only been using me to get free drinks all along. He was never really my friend.
  6. Adopt beliefs. This high up on the inference ladder, my conclusions based on this situation become firmly held beliefs – People will use you for your money if you let them. All people are interested in is what they can get from you.
  7. Take action. At the top of the ladder I act based on my beliefs. I treat everyone with scepticism and distrust and don’t buy drinks for anyone unless they buy for me first.

What actually happened was that Jim had just heard that a thief had broken into his house, so he was angry and hurrying home to appraise the situation. His mind was so preoccupied that he did not even see me even though I walked right past him.

The steps taken up the inference ladder in this example sound crazy given the reality, right? But this is what we do all the time. The most insidious thing about the ladder of inference is that our beliefs dictate the data we select next time. We are biased to ‘seeing’ only what we already believe. The good news is that we can counteract this cycle with three simple habits:

  1. Be aware of our thought process. Ask yourself, “Is this a fact or an assumption? Am I making a fair conclusion here? Is there something I could be missing? Am I 100% sure that I have all the information?”
  2. Be open and transparent about your thought process. Let people know what you are thinking. Chances are they can fill in some missing context.
  3. Ask people about their thought processes. It’s highly likely everyone else is busy climbing up their inference ladder too. Pause and ask, “How did you come to that conclusion? Why did you say that? What’s your thought process? Why did you choose that course of action?”

Keeping the ladder of inference in mind (pun intended) has the potential to improve the quality of our communication drastically. Try it out and see the positive effects in your relationships!

Click the hyperlink to learn more about the ladder of inference.

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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The Fire Series – Do Not Be Afraid!

The concept of the fear of God in the bible has been greatly misunderstood and miscommunicated. The result has been a reckless amount of fear-mongering, damnation and hellfire preaching that completely misses the heart of God for His people. To get an accurate understanding of the fear of God I wish to start by examining two scriptures:

Proverbs 9:10 (ESV)

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is insight.

1 John 4:18 (ESV)

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

There is a contradiction here that we need to figure out. If God is love, and God loves us unconditionally, and we are commanded to love Him with all our heart and mind and soul and strength, then how does the ‘fear of the Lord’ fit into this?

The key to this conundrum, I propose, is that those two verses are talking about two different types of fear. 1 John 4:18 is talking about the fear of punishment. This type of fear is not what God wants us to have, especially for Him! However, this has been a significant part of our Christian teachings. In one form or another I am sure most of us have suffered under the weight of a notion that God is waiting to punish us for every sin we commit. This is absolutely not true my friends! This is a lie that the enemy has planted in the church to keep us from running into the arms of our merciful Saviour.

There are thousands, if not millions, of people who would be in church or coming to God right now but for the fact that they are afraid of Him! They are afraid of the wrath of God; a belief that they have been sold by well-meaning but ignorant pastors, priests and believers. This fear has no place in the perfected Body of Christ. Perfect love casts out fear!

What is the fear of God then? The Proverbs 9:10 type of fear is much better translated ‘reverence’ or ‘awe’. To illustrate:

Hebrews 5:7

(NKJV)

7 who, in the days of His flesh, when He had offered up prayers and supplications, with vehement cries and tears to Him who was able to save Him from death, and was heard because of His godly fear

(ESV)

7 In the days of his flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to him who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverence.

The New King James Version uses the phrase ‘godly fear’ to try to distinguish this type of fear but the word ‘godly’ is not in the original Greek. The same word used in Hebrews 12:28:

(NKJV)

28 Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear.

(ESV):

28 Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe,

While the translators in the NKJV try to achieve a better understanding in the minds of the reader by using the qualifier ‘godly’, the ESV translators do away with the potentially misunderstood word ‘fear’ entirely and use instead the word ‘awe’.

You see godly fear or fear of God is not a fear of punishment but an absolute reverence and awe of God. This reverence is an acknowledgement with every fiber of our being that He is BIG and we are small. It is an awe at the complete sovereignty and omniscience of God. The beginning of wisdom is knowing that compared to an all-knowing God we know nothing!

Paradoxically, the most jaw-dropping quality of this God we serve is that He wants to have a relationship with us; us mere created things; us sinners. And so, true fear of God actually draws us closer to Him in adoration and gratitude. It is our Adamic nature that causes us to run from God just as Adam tried to hide in the garden as man felt shame for the first time in human history. Whenever this Adamic fear threatens us, know that God is saying, “Do not be afraid.” It is a command that is repeated over and over in the bible. “Do not be afraid. Do not be afraid. Do not be afraid!”

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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Ole Talk

Stephen Covey said, “You can’t talk yourself out of something you behaved yourself into.” It is one of those leadership principles that is so deceptively simple that the full power of it can easily be overlooked. So many times, as leaders (at home and at work) we fail to grasp how what we are saying is being undermined by what we are doing. So deep is our self-deception sometimes that we are genuinely surprised when our followers are not motivated or engaged or buying into whatever we are trying to sell.

It’s like if I tell my children, “I will give you licks (a spanking) if you do that one more time.” It barely has any effect because they have not seen the behaviour to back up my ‘ole talk’. My lack of disciplinary enforcement is the behaviour that needs to change before my words have any weight.

The same happens at the office… Two common examples of messages that are hardly ever ‘heard’ unless the behaviour to back it up is first evidenced are:

  • We care about staff
  • We are implementing a new…..

So many leaders are living in a dream world where caring means nicely worded all-staff communiques and slogans and presentations. The one truth about caring is that it must be felt and felt personally. Caring can only be communicated by action in the context of one on one interaction. The caring organization only exists insofar as the people at the top are truly caring for person X and person Y and person Z. Even if you implement a policy that is beneficial to all employees it will not move the dial much unless the staff experience it in how it is applied to them personally by their bosses.

An example of caring that I remember well is when many years ago I was feeling very ill and throwing up at work and my boss told his secretary to drive me home in his car. See what I mean!  Personal, sincere behaviour. You can’t talk your way out of uncaring behaviour.

The other bug bear is the rolling out of a new anything if the management has a history of no sustainable follow through. No matter how fancy the launch or how sincere you sound this time, everybody knows it won’t last. The initiative is practically doomed to fail from the start because nobody is really going to bother much with it, confident in the knowledge that it won’t be around for long.

We should always count the cost of change. If it is a real change, it will cost something, and we have to be willing to back up our talk with the tough decisions. Our people know who we really are. If we are risk averse, they know the new entrepreneurial business idea will grind to a halt the first time that we have to stick our necks out and take some risk. If we are cheap, they know that upgrading to a 21st century IT system is not going to happen. We can’t talk louder than who we are.

Therefore, leadership is at the most fundamental level about self-development and personal transformation. Who we are being at home and at work dictates the efficacy of our leadership. If we want change in our families, places of worship and workplaces it literally begins with the change we are willing to make in ourselves.

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.