Announcing the launch of Transformation + Coaching Institute (pronounced Transformation Plus)!
My amazing wife, Tricia Celestin-Nicholls, is now a professional coach y’all! Tricia has been coaching people for eighteen years now, but I have watched her grow to a whole new level as she refined her craft over the last four years while pursuing certification.
While Tricia has a lot of experience and is well equipped with the tools and techniques of her profession, what I personally think is the best thing about what she offers is that she coaches in partnership with Jesus. The Holy Spirit is the ultimate Helper and that’s what coaching is all about – helping you on your journey of spiritual growth!
Behind the scenes, Authentic Joy has been undergoing an overhaul. God has been refining us and focusing us on bringing greater value to our online community. First, we added Bible Study Plans to our offering. Today, we are launching our coaching offering. Next, we will be rolling out a series of online courses. All of this is in line with our core purpose – to support the spiritual growth of our community. We are believing God for exponential growth in your life!
Father’s Day has been a bit surreal for me this year. I do not normally pay any heed to Father’s Day. I don’t expect much. But God has been focusing my attention very keenly on my family of late and so I found myself really thinking about my fatherhood and my father a lot today.
I have been realizing how much I need to do with my children to help them to heal from wounds that I have caused. This is the first time that all my children are living with me. They have all experienced at some point in their childhood what it is like to live without their father being in the same house with them. Although in my heart and mind I have never abandoned them (and in fact have always been very present emotionally, financially, and as much as possible physically) I am realizing that their experience is quite different. I am realizing how much just being there for a child every day makes a huge difference. A difference that is difficult to make up with weekend visits.
I am also realizing that they have all been told stories about me abandoning them by their mothers. (If you are a single mom or a single dad, I’m begging you for your children’s sake, don’t tell them that their father/mother left them because they didn’t want them or didn’t love them. The only person you are hurting with that narrative is your child.) Anyway, what’s done is done. My job is to change the narrative. Every day is a new opportunity to change the ending of the story for my family. With God’s guidance and amazing grace, that’s what I’m doing.
As I pondered all of this today, I realized afresh how much my dad did for my sister and I by just staying. My parents were not married when my sister and I were born and neither of us were planned. But, he stayed. We called him Baba and for the first five years of our lives, he was the one at home while mom worked. I cannot remember a single night when either of them went out. They were home every night. They both sacrificed a lot for us to have a home.
I learned a lot from Baba but not from what he said (he is not a talker) but from just being around him. I learned to be myself no matter what and I learned how to navigate the world. I remember when one of my friends got boxing gloves as a present. Every boxing ‘game’ would end up with me beat up and crying. Baba said, “When he’s swinging wide you just punch straight”. I tried it out next time and all it took was one punch to end that game once and for all. I also remember the first time I was allowed to go to cinema by myself. Palladium was walking distance from my house, so off I went to the midday show with Baba’s advice in my head. “Always be alert. Know what is happening in your surroundings.” It was an adventure! Exciting and a bit scary at the same time. As I reached back home, I saw Baba coming up behind me… He had been with me the whole way home but out of sight, making sure I was safe.
Thank you Baba, for always being there for me. (Even up to last week fixing my kitchen sink 😊).
My wife has been a beautiful instrument in God’s hands to help me to learn to receive love. She is the one who insisted that I must be made a big deal of today. She doted over me and got me a wonderful present that I was not expecting. This year I decided to allow myself to be celebrated. It felt good. Thanks hun! Love you!
But what really made today extra special was my daughter. The joy she gave me today is indescribable. First of all, she made macaroons from scratch for me. Then she sent me a Father’s Day video that perfectly captured our relationship. I’ve watched it at least 5 times already and teared up every time. Aaaand she is working on some surprise present that she has not finished yet. But most of all, she just came looking for me throughout the day to spend time with me. I can’t believe that she did so much to show me that she loves me (sniff, sniff).
It’s been a good day. I’m thankful. I’m thinking that I might just extend Father’s Day into Monday 😊.
Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
On one occasion Jesus was teaching the people and they kept bringing their children for Him to touch them. The disciples, however, did not think that blessing children was an appropriate use of Jesus’ time. They rebuked them for bothering their Master with such trivial matters. Jesus was indignant. “Do not hinder the children from coming to Me!” he said.
There are two value systems at work here… One says that children are of lesser importance and value than adults. The other says that children are of equal value and importance. Clearly, Jesus is in the latter camp. However, I wonder how seriously we Christians take the call to emulate Jesus in this regard. We much prefer the commandment that children should obey their parents and the proverb, ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’. We love to instill the value of obedience in our children but we’re not so keen on instilling in ourselves the value of treating our children as equally valuable contributors to our families and society.
This emphasis on obedience over value is so widespread that it’s easily missed. For example, do we consult with our children on family decisions that will affect them? Do schools consult with the students when making major changes? Instead, the message is: we adults make the rules and you must follow (without complaint or rudeness of course). This type of thinking is even more pervasive in countries like mine which value compliance over individual expression and empowerment.
Much to the dismay of my wider family and society, I have tried to give my children more of a voice in our family than in most Christian homes. Whereas a ‘good child’ in most Christian homes is one who is courteous and obedient, I have tolerated above-normal levels of push-back in favour of cultivating independent thought, negotiating skills, individual expression and initiative. I also apologize to my children when I lose my temper or do something to hurt them. This is very counter-cultural in traditional Caribbean homes where a wrong look from a child could earn them a beating. I have been told, “Why are you apologizing to a child?!” or “You are the adult and they are the child! You are spoiling them!”.
Admittedly, this is an experiment. Only time will tell if my method has any merit. However, I am 100% committed to living the values that I see in Jesus as best I can. Children were not second-class citizens to Him. I also have to admit that my experiment requires more effort and I’m constantly trying to strike the right balance. There are many times that I wish they would just please please comply without a fuss… (I do have a few years more experience in life than they do after all… sigh, exhale). Recently, my youngest has really been testing me with regards to his online gaming habits and after numerous attempts at a more collaborative approach, I’ve had to make some ‘my way or the highway’ decisions. Sometimes you do have to protect them from themselves.
In general, however, I think we have a value system that gives preference to the needs and desires of adults over children. The adults want it quiet; the children cannot play loudly. The adults want a clean house; the children can’t make mess. The adults don’t think that career will make money; the children must choose different subjects. The child then becomes a compliant automaton, rebels or waits patiently for the day of liberation when he or she has the power to make their own rules. Thus, perpetuating the cycle of using our power to get our way rather than using our power to empower others. And this is the crux of the matter – our attitude to power. Are we willing to give our power away to our children (or to our congregation or to our staff for that matter) or will we covet power to shower ourselves with perks and rewards? Which is the way of Christ?
At the end of the day, I see my job as supporting, nurturing and guiding my children into their own relationship with Jesus and mature adulthood. In neither their faith nor their life, do I want them to come into maturity by passively living through my relationship with God or following my dictates. I want them to find their own relationship and their own way. I’m here to support, coach, encourage, equip and empower.
I am convinced that in Trinidad and Tobago our parenting, schooling, church culture and workplace culture are set up to perpetuate a power-coveting worker mentality; people skilled at towing the line, not thinking for themselves, and seeking power through political maneuvering. We have mass-produced these non-thinking suck-ups and the result is a generational inheritance of people who vote based on their race, expect the government to look after their tribe when they get into power, and exhibit no entrepreneurial spirit. I refuse to let that be the legacy of my family. I refuse to have that power sickness live in my heart. Our children may be a little more rambunctious, but I like rambunctious 😊.
Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
To receive more content like this in your inbox and to receive a free e-copy of my book, The Primacy of The Voice of God – Elevating the Word of God to Its Rightful Position, please subscribe to www.authenticjoy.org.
It’s been a while. I’ve been in a bit of hibernation. God has been reshaping my focus. New things are in the pipeline. Meanwhile, I was inspired to do a vlog on gender equality.
Being a man is not as glamourous or as easy as some women (and men) would make it out to be. We just don’t talk about it. And that’s the problem. The media is littered with the struggles women face in the workplace and in the family but there is a noticeable void when it comes to the challenges unique to the male gender. This in and of itself is one of the biggest challenges men face. We believe manliness includes the projection of strength at all times. This is one of the great issues of our time. It is destroying families, churches, corporations and countries. Men will not be vulnerable, show weakness, seek help or admit failure until they are forced to do so by a catastrophic crash.
I am particularly passionate about this culture of machismo and bravado in the church world because I see the wake of destruction it is causing. I am sure that almost every moral failure of every religious leader could be traced back to a point where the problem was still in its infancy but there was no space in the culture to be open about their problems. To admit that ‘we all sin’ is the biggest sin. It would mean being shamed, judged and demoted. Leaders must be infallible. The enemy, ably assisted by bible-thumping ‘perfect’ pastors worldwide, has used this culture to keep men of God in a morass of moral stagnancy for decades. True transformation begins with the space to ‘confess’ failure safely and receive help not condemnation. *Exhale* I digress..
So, I thought that in this blog I would give some insight into some of my personal struggles as a way of giving some insight into the male psyche and taking a small stand against this destructive definition of masculinity. I was actually grappling with these thoughts (by myself of course) amid the normal daily chaos of family life when I came across a podcast by my cousin and his friends titled Toxic Masculinity. That podcast inspired me to share my story.
I consider myself the leader of my family. I know this is, perhaps, a traditional view of the family structure, but I believe it is still a widely held belief (although most might not admit to it outright). Certainly, it is a common belief in the Judeo-Christian world. I start here because it sets the context for most men of the psychological pressures that we face as husbands and fathers. This has less to do with power and much more to do with responsibility. I abhor submission doctrines that are really tantamount to domination doctrines. I view my wife as co-leader of our family, but I still feel a great responsibly to provide for and protect my family. It’s just how I am wired and how many men I talk to are wired. This is not just in a financial and physical sense but also in an emotional sense. I want my wife and children to feel loved and I want them to be happy and I feel a great sense of responsibility to provide an environment that makes that happen.
As a disciple of Christ, I understand that the best thing I can do for my family is to follow God wholeheartedly. I know that if I align myself and my family with His will everything will be optimal. However, the problem I face is this – who determines what is God’s will? Do I? Does my wife? The children? We all believe we know the right way and often we are not in agreement. This is exacerbated in a blended family like mine.
In a blended family there are two sets of adults and children with distinct and unique cultures and traditions coming together to live in one house. Conflict is inevitable and inevitably each parent feels like the one caught in the middle. For me, on one hand, my wife wants my support in enforcing things the way she believes they should be done and if I don’t it makes her look like the evil stepmother. On the other hand, my children want things to remain as they were before and if I take her ‘side’ it’s evidence that I love her more than them and everything is now about her. This is the tightrope I have to walk every day and it is TOUGH.
Constantly, I find myself in the middle trying to make everyone see things from the other’s point of view. This scenario is not just between my wife and my children. It’s between her biological children and my biological children. It’s my children’s mother who has concerns about what’s affecting her children in my house. Its grandparents who have their own views of how we are bringing up the children. In each case, I am trying not to just brush them off but to actively listen, to hear the heart behind the words and ultimately to have a response that is filled with the wisdom and compassion of God and that reconciles and not divides.
If I did not care what God thought, it would be easy! I could just ignore everyone. “You can’t let your children run your home!” the parental pundits say. (Far less listen to your ex-wife’s concerns). But that’s not an option for me because my God teaches humility and compassion and to value EVERYONE. Many (if not all) Christian counselors say that husbands should put their wives first and children second, but I cannot subscribe to that in a blended context. Children in a blended family desperately need to know that they haven’t suddenly become second-rate citizens.
So, I find myself many times pleasing no one and everyone feeling that I favour the others. This is the defining feeling of being a man for me. The feeling that there is no one emotionally supporting me. I have to be the voice of reason, the inspirer, the pray-er, the optimist, the visionary, the reminder of God’s promises, the bigger person and reconciler to everyone and expect no empathy for my role. Often, I feel emotionally blackmailed into a decision and when it backfires, I beat myself up for listening to my wife or my children instead of doing what I felt was right.
But this is not THE truth. In a sense, it’s a prison of my own making because I am actually surrounded by supportive people! The truth is that my wife is my #1 cheerleader and support. In fact, she could be having the worst day but if she knows that I am struggling she immediately switches to full on support mode. I also have children (some more than others) that say, “Thank you dad for all you do for me.” Honestly, there has not been a moment in my life when I’ve had more support than right now. Yet, I still often feel overwhelmed because I still feel that it’s my job to be the strong one for them.
More recently, God has been teaching me to give my burdens to Him. I’ve always known this in theory… I could say the prayer, “Lord I give my burdens to You” but now more than ever I am learning how to practice this exchange of my anxiety, frustration and fatigue for His security, love and refreshing in tender moments of intimacy with Him each morning. It’s a beautiful place.
Well that’s my story. I would love to hear what being a man feels like for you.
Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
To receive more content like this in your inbox and to receive a free e-copy of my book, The Primacy of The Voice of God – Elevating the Word of God to Its Rightful Position, please subscribe to www.authenticjoy.org.
“My Father, Papa, Dad, thank You for today. Thank You for this moment of silence. Thank You for the opportunity to serve Tricia. Thank You for the gentle breeze on my back. Thank You for the bright shining sun and the bright blue sky. Thank You for Your presence in everything. Thank You for the power of Your Word that is upholding us all even now… and now… and now. Thank You that You are near. That You are in me. That You are as near as my attention. Thank You for the paradise I live in. For the birds. The birds that flip and dive and rise and twist. And the birds that soar in ever higher circles of placidity. Thank You for life. Life that displays Your glory and gives continuous praise to the Creator of all Life.”
Posted on Facebook on October 26th, 2016:
“The sky looked like an artist’s impression. The wind had painted beautiful sweeping flows with the clouds from horizon to horizon. Meanwhile, in the valley where I stood sunlight raced down the side of the mountains and embraced the treetops, leaving a trail of golden glitter in its wake. The cold morning air smelled of woody trees and freshly cut grass. The kind of scent that made you breathe long, deep breaths with your eyes closed. And birds. Everywhere. Hummingbirds zipping by chit chittering. Blackbirds stalked their territory. A Kiskidee darted at a bug on the ground and then sat on a branch displaying its prize naturally attracting would-be thieves. Further away familiar calls rang out from birds I recognized only by sound.
Good morning Maracas Valley!”
Posted on Facebook on December 15th, 2016:
“It was a sunny morning, but the air was cool and crisp as is typical at Christmas time in Trinidad.
I was passing on my usual route to work that took me past the Caroni roundabout and past a lineup of vendors. This morning there was a doubles man, a doubles/saheena/pie lady, a coconut man and, the newest arrival to the Trinbago melting pot, a Veni arepa lady.
My eyes were drawn to a man with his head thrown back with a coconut pressed to his lips. In that moment my soul rejoiced with that man. In that simple act was a validation of the simple joys of the island life which I often take for granted.
I pulled aside, reversed and parked. I sauntered up to the stall (aka the tray of a beat up pickup truck filled with coconuts and empty half shells). I was quietly exuberant in my decision to be spontaneous. The coconut man did not disappoint my mood. He was bareback and barefoot. His pants and skin were the same colour; an earthy brown. Although for the pants, earthy was probably a more literal description.
‘Lemme get a medium jelly.’
‘Yuh taking it here?’
‘Yeah.’
He picked up one and started cutting.
‘How much?’
‘Ten.’
I pulled out a $20.
‘Take two nah.’
‘OK. Just shave that one fuh meh.’
He handed me the first one and I drank it all in one smooth motion. The water was slightly sweet and completely delicious. I handed the empty nut to him and he cracked it open with two deft chops and twists of his cutlass. He cut the ‘spoon’ and handed it back to me. The jelly was perfect. Soft but thick. I scraped every last bit off of the inside and licked my lips.
‘I will take the next one one time.’
‘It nice eh? I know what yuh want.’
‘Yeah boy.’
The procedure was repeated with similar gusto and satisfaction.
And this is why despite all the crime I not leaving my lovely twin island.”
There are always areas of difficulty in our lives. Right now, there are a few in mine that are not insignificant. I’m sure many could say the same, especially in light of a global pandemic. I wrote those last two pieces in 2016 while going through a divorce. Life was tough. Back then and today one thing has not changed, I am not alone. Christ is my constant companion. My focus always goes back to Him. Gratitude is an attitude that fuels my life. It’s a thankfulness that is deeper than my circumstances. In good times and tough times, the nearness of the Lord has been my joy and the lens through which I see the world.
Today, you may be overcome with challenges that seem to have no end in sight but take a moment with me right now and give thanks for life.
I Thessalonians 5:16-18 (ESV)
Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.
Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
To receive more content like this in your inbox and to receive a free e-copy of my book, The Primacy of The Voice of God – Elevating the Word of God to Its Rightful Position, please subscribe to www.authenticjoy.org.
As this beautiful, articulate, fierce, young woman spit lines from the podium my heart burned and tears came to my eyes. Emanating from this force of nature was something exquisite and powerful. My consciousness was re-awakened to a truth that must have grown dim – words have power.
It seems to me that many of us had forgotten this truth. For a time, we were caught up in a world where words were flung about without thought or care. Sprayed wastefully like cheap cologne or maliciously like rubber bullets. We set our eyes on political power and legislative agendas as the saviours of our world. Our hearts fibrillated in anxiety or exulted in victory, as our preferred narratives collided with reality.
Then came Amanda, armed only with a slingshot full of words. She took aim. And let loose. Straight between the eyes of hate, ego, division and fear-based-manipulation! She stood astride the divide and aimed high. She called out the best in us, over and over again. The sound waves seemed to cleanse and heal. The sonic pulses fanned the flames of convictions that had grown cold and polished ideals that had become dull.
The clarion call rang out over Capitol Hill: hope, harmony, truth, justice, faith, unity, perseverance, bravery, mercy…
Could God use a poem just as powerfully as legislation? Indeed, could a poet be more powerful than a President? Out of the mouth of babes God has ordained strength. We are designed to shape our world by the words we speak.
Let us not forget, words have power.
James 3:3-5 (MSG)
A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse. A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it!
Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
To receive more content like this in your inbox and to receive a free e-copy of my book, The Primacy of The Voice of God – Elevating the Word of God to Its Rightful Position, please subscribe to www.authenticjoy.org.
In 2020, COVID-19 reset the planet and for many of us it should have been a wake-up call to the reality of the hurried and exhausted lives we were living. I am currently listening to The Power of Vulnerability by Dr. Brene Brown and totally enjoying it. She manages to share powerful truths in a way that is both funny and thought-provoking. Highly recommended! She discusses 10 guideposts for wholehearted living and one of them is “cultivating play and rest and letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth”. I found this to be a powerful guide to a better quality of life. But what struck a deeper chord with me was how much more relevant this is in light of the COVID-19 pandemic. It was as if we simply refused to shut down, so the universe hit Ctrl-Alt-Delete and forced us to end all our tasks. Then the universe said, “Your move.”
Unfazed, we replied, “Pffft. We re-launch all our tasks aaaand we add the Zoom upgrade on top of that. So there!”
I believe the universe is now shaking its head and saying, “Puny humans.”
Suffice to say, I don’t think we’ve gotten the message. We are addicts. Addicted to busyness and distraction. Brene has already called us out on one of the ingredients that can keep us addicted to lives of busyness and distraction:
A lack of self-worth. We are constantly trying to produce enough to gain the approval of others and justify our existence to ourselves.
I would proffer a second:
Pain avoidance. Keeping busy is just another means of avoiding the internal demons that haunt our souls when things get quiet. We haven’t faced them, and we don’t want to. So, we keep busy.
The point is our exhausting pace of life is just a symptom of our brokenness or incompleteness. This is not an indictment. This is just the reality of being human. We all have brokenness that needs healing. We each have our unique brand of fractures and some of us are further along the path to healing than others but none of us are issue-free. We do have a choice though… a significant and powerful choice: will we continue as we are or press into the work of inner healing?
I believe that this is the gift of 2020 to humanity – a wake-up call to action. We got a glimpse of ourselves in the mirror and having seen the truth we are faced with a choice. The question is do we want to be more? Will we choose to be more? Enter, the second part of my advice:
BE MORE
I always remember a powerful perspective that I heard from Dr. Ruth Haley Barton that went something like this, “A powerful yes, enables you to say no.” She explained that in the work of doing less we need to be able to say no to things, even good things, and what gives us that power to say no is a strong yes to something else. Perhaps we are asked to attend a social event for work but it’s the same night as we promised to watch a movie with our daughter. Usually, we rationalize that we can always do the movie another time or we have to show up to get a chance at that promotion or maybe we tragically try to do both. But if we have a powerful yes to the kind of parent we want to be, or the kind of relationship we want to have with our children, then saying no to the social event is really saying YES to something bigger!
I want to leave you with some powerful things to say YES to and reasons to do less in 2021. I have found these to be useful in my life. Perhaps one or two will resonate with you:
Doing less is an act of faith. Saying no to some activities or responsibilities is saying YES to a life of supernatural productivity. When the Israelites observed the Sabbath in the desert for 40 years, they had to believe that every Friday (or whatever day before Sabbath) God would supernaturally send more manna than usual and that it would keep for the next day unlike all the other days of the week when it would become full of maggots. Saying no to work was saying, “YES God I believe in Your provision!” Later on, they had to believe that God would take care of the survival of their businesses that would close for Sabbath while the competition remained open. The same can be said of us today. If we choose to do less (even observe a Sabbath, like I do) in obedience to God’s call to rest, then we enter into a beautifully supernatural faith-walk with God as He steps in to do more with less than we could do working ourselves ragged. I have seen this at work in my life and I know you will too if you try it.
Doing less is an act of obedience to your call. The most important call on our lives is not what God has called us to do but who God has called us to be. If we have a big YES for living a life fully authentic to who God has called us to be then saying no to anything that is less than that, no matter how attractive, is easy. It is also a much more joyful way to live. Doing things that just aren’t who we are to please people or help a friend out or to get ahead socially or financially is draaaaining. We can fool ourselves into thinking it is a stepping stone to what we really want to do but it isn’t.
Doing less is a commitment to a higher quality of work/worship. The work we do is an act of worship. It is glorifying God with the talents, personality and time He has given us. If we have a big YES to the quality of our worship through our work, then we will sacrifice quantity for quality. We all know what it feels like to be rushing from project to project and meeting to meeting always giving just enough of our attention and effort to move it along but never enough to be truly creative or extraordinary. Wouldn’t it be more God-honouring (not to mention personally fulfilling) to do our best work? To do work that is truly meaningful and transformative?
Doing less is a commitment to a higher quality of relationships/life. All relationships require investing time to build connection and intimacy. Setting aside dedicated time to invest in the people closest to us and being present with them is a big YES to a more fulfilling life. They say the quality of our life is the sum of the quality of our relationships. We all know this is true. Just like we know that we cannot build meaningful relationships if we never have time to take our spouse to dinner, or play board games with the kids, or just listen to our direct reports without simultaneously checking emails or text-messaging. No to constant busyness is a big YES to better relationships.
Doing less is a commitment to spiritual growth. I have read many books about seeking God and one of the things all the authors agree on is that busyness and distraction are the enemies of spiritual growth. Saying no to a life of constant busyness and distraction is saying a big YES to more of God and more of God in us. Some of the things that require us to be fully present and undistracted are: practicing gratitude, reviewing our day with God, two-way prayer (as opposed to rattling off a monologue without waiting for a response), meditating on scripture. Getting away from the noise of life and getting with God is a prerequisite for becoming present to the places in our lives that need His touch and direction and bringing them into His Presence for guidance, redemption and restoration. You may think that you have too much to do to spend time in ’wasted’ activity like prayer for more than 15 minutes but you will be surprised at the impact you will have on your world when you spend more time with God. Try it and see!
In summary:
MORE BEING, LESS DOING
Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
To receive more content like this in your inbox and to receive a free e-copy of my book, The Primacy of The Voice of God – Elevating the Word of God to Its Rightful Position, please subscribe to www.authenticjoy.org.
All of creation longs for unity. It is evident everywhere. Gravity is evidence of it. What we experience as ‘falling’ is actually the attraction between earth and our physical bodies. All matter is constantly pulling itself together. The bond between atoms is so strong that the fusing of atoms releases ginormous amounts of energy that literally fuels the stars. It’s like an atomic orgasm. Speaking of orgasms… Sexually, our bodies crave union. Every teenager knows that the force of sexual attraction is almost irresistible. Our DNA is hard-wired for procreation through sexual union. The same is true of our social-selves. We long for emotional connection with others. We all know instinctively that being alone is not good for us. Hence, the existence of loneliness. We need to belong to a group and without that sense of belonging we will never be happy.
What is less understood or acknowledged is that we were also designed for spiritual unity with God and with others. Those who know this most poignantly are those of us who, like me, have converted to Christianity. Before coming to Christ, I considered myself a happy person, but I knew that something was missing… I just had no idea what. There was a ‘hole’ in my soul that could not be filled. The only clue I had was that from time to time I would find myself getting depressed at sunset as thoughts ran through my mind. “What of any real meaning have you done today?” We can try to fill this gap with many things: alcohol, philanthropy, sex, children, prestige, accomplishment, family, fame, drugs, possessions… The list can be endless but until our Spirit is united with Christ through the Holy Spirit, the sense of incompleteness will remain.
But that is just the beginning. We are immediately conscripted into a much larger plan; a divine re-unifying of all saints and all creation in Christ. I say, RE-unification because through Adam all was disconnected from Christ and death entered creation. But, through the cross, we have been reconciled to Christ.
Paul, speaking of Christ, says it this way in Colossians 1:15-20 (ESV):
15 He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. 16 For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. 17 And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18 And he is the head of the body, the church. He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. 19 For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, 20 and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.
ALL things are being reconciled to Christ. This is the wonderful celebration to which we have been called! We are part of a divine re-unification of all things to Christ! The spirit comes first but everything is touched; everything must be redeemed: sex, society and creation itself.
I believe this is a powerful lens through which to view the world. Everything that we see in the world around us that is good is of God and everything we see that is evil is in a state of disconnection and it is our privilege to be agents of redemption. We should so carry Christ in our mortal flesh that everywhere we go and everything we do brings a redemptive effect. Do you see war, sickness, poverty, promiscuity, injustice, corruption, crime and demonic activity? Then that is exactly where we are needed because that is exactly where Christ is needed. The love of God in Christ is the most transformative agent in the universe!
Maybe we have believed in the law of separation? Maybe we have heard, “Come out and be ye separate,” or “What fellowship has light with darkness,” as a call to separate ourselves from the world? After all, we are often told not to be ‘worldly’ by well-meaning preachers. However, these Godly instructions are not about where we go or who we associate with. They are about our identity, who or what we worship, and the values we hold. These issues are what give us our saltiness. Salt mixes into everything to such a degree that you can hardly distinguish it physically, but you know it’s there because you can taste the difference.
Are there any neighbourhoods we would never want to visit, far less live? Are there any people with whom we would never hang out or even be seen? Maybe because of their ‘alternative’ lifestyles or maybe their weird doctrines? Instead of separation let us yield our lives to the divine law of attraction – the divine unification – taking Christ everywhere He is needed until all is reconciled!
Copyright 2020, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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One of the challenges of any marriage is the merging of two family cultures. New family norms and rituals must be formed that can be a wonderful ‘best of both worlds’ or an ‘acceptable compromise’. Some issues are easier than others. The degree of difficulty can range from easy peasy, like how to squeeze the tube of toothpaste (a real example btw!), to the not-so-easy, like coordinating parenting styles.
In my marriage, Christmas is one of those seasons that brings this culture clash issue to the fore big time. I come from a family where Christmas is just another holiday. If it wasn’t for the children, I probably wouldn’t even put up a tree. But for my wife, Tricia, Christmas is the high point of the year! Her mountainous village of Paramin is known for its Christmas parang music and food (There is even a song about it! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWooZugXL3Q). At Christmas time, neighbours go from house to house drinking, eating and serenading each other. Serious planning and thought go into this most holy time of the year and Tricia’s family starts playing Christmas music from August!
So, you see the problem. Last year my poor newly wed bride practically cried through Christmas Day as the culture shock of a bare bones Nicholls Christmas blanketed our quiet home. I tried to liven it up a bit this year but still it was a far far cry from the atmosphere of love, family and celebration that permeates a Paramin Christmas. I’m sure we will do it better next year. God is always working with us, even in the nitty gritty of my wife and I becoming one. This year Tricia wanted to get new curtains and bedsheets. We had no money, but I said, “Honey, any extra money I get is yours.” Well God must have been smiling as the words left my mouth because that very week my company announced a bonus payment that was very unexpected especially considering these times. My praying wife got her Christmas wish.
This annual dilemma got me thinking about the paradigms that shape how we live. For me, events are not what I focus on. I believe that family should be treasured throughout the year and Christ celebrated every day. Reserving a special day to have some euphoric moment occurs to me as forced and fake. I prefer to focus on consistent habits. Tricia believes in that too but whereas I had an either/or mindset, she has an and/both mindset; consistent habits AND special days of celebration. She loves putting aside a special day for all of us to celebrate something special together and, for some, it may be the only time they think about Christ at all. It’s about doing things together, as a family, as a church, as a community.
Slowly but surely, she has been winning me over to her way of thinking and just like that a new and unique family culture is being birthed. My hope is that Christmas for us will be an overflow of the love we show for each other throughout the year and the way we celebrate Christ every day. And if Christmas Day doesn’t go exactly the way we planned then that’s ok. It’s not about having the perfect day; it’s about living a life that treasures Christ in the little acts of love and in the grand displays of shared celebration.
There is a phrase that has been resonating in my heart for this season and I know that God put it there. It’s the phrase, “Fullness of joy.” In God’s presence there isn’t just joy, there is fullness of joy! What’s more joyful than joy? Shared joy! Relational joy! Jesus’ mission was to share the joy that already existed between Father, Son and Holy Spirit with every one of us. In John 15 and 1 John 4, John said that he shared the things he wrote so that the joy of the writers and the readers may together be full or complete. Think about it… Have you ever had some really great experience by yourself and your only regret was that there was no one there to share it with? I have. Somehow that sunset would have been better with someone to whom to say, “Wow. Look at that.” Joy shared is joy multiplied for everyone!
Copyright 2020, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
To receive more content like this in your inbox and to receive a free e-copy of my book, The Primacy of The Voice of God – Elevating the Word of God to Its Rightful Position, please subscribe to www.authenticjoy.org.
