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Category: Health

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What I learned in 2023

I turned 50 in 2023! That brought a mixed bag of goodies and booby prizes.

Emotionally and mentally 2023 felt like my healthiest year ever! No exaggeration. A decade of steady self-work coupled with 4 years of work that my wife and I put into our marriage began to bear massive fruit last year. Covid was an accelerator in that it afforded me unforeseen levels of quality time with God that boosted my relationship with Him 10fold. It also accelerated (forced) the bonding between me, wifey, and our children as we spent months together working and learning from home. While I am saying that Covid helped and we put in the work, I cannot overstate the fact that God was the heavy-lifter here. Only He could do the amazing things in the hearts of our family members that caused us to knit together and only He could use a pandemic for our good! Mind you, it did not feel so rosy when these two families from St. Joseph and Paramin first moved in together! It was pressure but in 2023 the diamonds began to emerge.

Added to that, after being in one department for the past 18 years, a switch to a new area in late 2022, brought a breath of fresh air into my career as well. So with my wife and I being in a good place, the children excelling, the career taking on renewed life, and being involved in the fulfilling work with my wife of creating communities of love and belonging for Christians to grow, 2023 just felt like I was thriving.

While it’s nice to share celebratory reports, that’s not the main purpose of today’s blog. There were two key lessons that I learned in 2023 that I felt led to share with you.

Physical Health

2023 was my worst year ever for my physical health! Here the pandemic was not helpful at all! In 2023 I felt feeble (there I said it). Weight gained during the lockdown seemed to refuse to come off. In fact, I gained more! Injuries seemed to be taking forever to heal and for the first time, I considered that I may never be able to play football (soccer) or surf again. I had a fatty liver, high cholesterol, some kind of mystery dizziness, and shortness of breath. Things just seemed to be going from bad to worse. “Is this 50?” I asked myself.

BUT I discovered something coming down to the end…. I will never lose weight or stay fit doing activities that I do not like to do. I tried for the whole of 2023 to stay fit by walking and home workouts. I can get more out of group workouts but inevitably people workout to music that I don’t want in my head. So that’s a no-go. But last month I played football for the second time since before Covid and while I almost died, by the next day I literally felt my whole body become stronger. Overnight! Then I played again twice last week and the dizziness and shortness of breath are gone. So what I realized is that I need to do intense cardio activities and that’s only going to happen by doing things I love to do.

So in 2024, I will be making time for football and mountain biking. I realize that it is imperative that I have intense cardio workouts. Walking and home workouts are not enough for me to stay fit. I will be prioritizing this over work and ministry.

Folks, I know we always talk about prioritizing our health but I’m encouraging you again, especially my fellow pastors and professionals, the work is not more important… the seminar, church service, or feeding the poor programme is not more important. Also, take the time to know your own body and what works for you. Do what you love, it’s far more sustainable!

Relationships

God had me focusing on relationship-building for all of 2023. Mainly with my close and extended family and I learned something invaluable: God’s grace flows through our connections with people. The word that was the icon of what God was after in my life was CONNECTION.

It involved me having discussions with my mother about things that happened in the family when I was a child and not dismissing her perspectives so quickly. It involved me apologizing to my boss about the way I gave him some feedback, taking the time to explain my heart’s motive, and assuring him that I was for him not against him. It involved me building bridges with coworkers by genuinely finding and celebrating their strengths and offering tangible assistance in achieving their goals. It involved trying to understand my sister better and building bridges instead of taking offense. It involved being quicker to remove any distance between my wife and me. It involved taking a softer tone with my ex-wife. It involved walking in my children’s shoes a little more.

The result was that I saw God’s grace at work in my family and workplace more than ever. It crystallized something very clearly for me. God is not doing something over here and we are doing relationships over there. The vehicle for God’s grace to flow is the love connections between each other. The stronger the connection, the more of God’s grace can flow in our lives. If I want to see revival in my family, I have to build stronger bonds with my family members. If I want to see revival in my workplace, I have to build deeper relationships with my coworkers.

There is a depth of relationship with each other, a purity of love and affection, that God has intended for us that I do not think we fully grasp as Christians. I don’t think we have any grid for just how amazing and glorious it will look to live in unity. Nor do we understand just how much work it will take to get there. I am fully convinced that God is not interested in our programmes, seminars, conferences, and meetings apart from a foundation of building deeper relationships. So this year less is more. I’m cutting back even further on the ‘conversations’ that are just empty intellectual foreplay without any heart communion. I’m ditching even more of the online groups and social media where people share a whole lot of opinions and so little of themselves. I’m going deeper with fewer.

Here’s an added epiphany that I had: God does not need my help to fix people. I saw two people in my life begin to change and address things that I saw they needed to address for years. I dropped hints, I gave gentle advice, I shared relevant information and I obsessed about whether I was doing enough. But in His own timing, God showed them what they needed to see. Neither said that I had any role in their epiphanies. God was doing something in their lives. I laughed at myself. God doesn’t need my help. Well, I’m sure He uses my love and my prayers but beyond that…

So my second encouragement to you is to prioritize a few significant relationships this year and really work on them. Don’t try to be a better person in a general sense. Try to be a better mother to a specific child, a better friend to X, a better husband to your wife… But most importantly, do it from the point of view of just trying to build a stronger connection between you and them. Seek to understand them better and help them to understand you. Seek to provide any support you can to their growth and success (as they define it, not you) without expecting anything in return. Petition God for blessings on their life in your private prayer time. Love them.

Happy New Year!

Copyright 2024, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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Launching The EQuip App – An Essential Tool For Your Emotional Wellness!

One of the things that my wife and I have in common is that we are both committed to continuous improvement. We have been consistently investing in our personal growth for decades. A few years ago, we realized that we needed to make an investment in our emotional intelligence if we wanted to move forward in our spiritual and relational growth. This was the first time we came across the feelings wheel.

Shortly after this discovery, we came to a point in our marriage where we realized that we needed professional help to get unstuck. Lo and behold the feelings wheel turned up again in one of our sessions. As part of my homework, I had to record my emotions every morning. I quickly realized that I was not very smart emotionally. I needed the wheel to help me to name my emotions.

Next, we were reading a book about building strong relational connections and there it was again. This time as a tool that we could use as a couple to share with each other the different emotions that we had experienced throughout the day. The same book (and many others that we read) also talked about practicing intentional gratitude as a way to improve emotional well-being and connection with the divine.

Soon enough we were looking for an easier way to facilitate and share with others these new habits that were adding so much value to our lives. So we decided to create an app. Thus was born EQuip!

Here is the link to the iOS App store: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/equip-authentic-joy/id6447282695
Here is the link to the Google Play Store: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.matik.equip

EQuip does a few things:

  1. It helps you to name and record your feelings.
  2. It allows you to record how you are feeling on a particular date and at a particular time together with the activity that may have caused the emotion and a short note.
  3. It allows you to see your emotional trends and will even send you notifications if it picks up a trend for you. For example, if you are sad every Monday afternoon, EQuip will alert you 12 hours before that time to allow you the opportunity to make changes to your habits.
  4. It allows you to record moments of gratitude with an easy-to-remember title, a short note, and photos. Intentionally reviewing these gratitude memories is a proven way to improve mental health and emotional well-being.
  5. It allows you to record a list of life-giving activities which you can reference to pick you up when you are feeling down or lacking inspiration.

We hope that this tool will be of value to you on your journey.

One request: Please share!

Thanks!

Copyright 2023, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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The Real Pandemic

The spread of the Covid-19 virus has been described as a pandemic because of the extent of the spread of the disease. Currently, it has affected every major continent and many countries around the world. However, there is a more deadly and pervasive pandemic threatening the church – idolatry. We have been worshiping a god fashioned by our own hands. A god that is primarily concerned with keeping us rich and happy. A god that keeps us from suffering once we are good, obedient children.

Ironically, what is most insidious about the idolatry pandemic is the same factor that makes Covid-19 particularly dangerous – their victims can appear asymptomatic. Hence, the number of ‘believers’ living in idolatry is much greater than we think. We look healthy, but we are not. The good news is that crises like the current Covid-19 pandemic may be exactly what we need to bring to light our true condition and allow us to take the necessary steps to a healthy faith.

What do I mean? To explain, let’s turn to one of the oldest books in the bible – Job. The bible, especially the books of Numbers and Deuteronomy, contains many instances of plagues that decimate the population of Israel. Typically, these have been sent by God in response to disobedience and rebellion. However, Job is the only book that documents in detail an instance of tragedy poured out on an upright and blameless man.

Job faces the death of his children, loss of his wealth and serious illness, all at the same time. So, it’s not surprising that bubbling up from his heart we near this cry, “I am a righteous man before God so this should not have happened to me!” This same cry is being heard in many quarters today as Corona touches the lives of Christians around the globe. The faith of many are being shaken as more and more bad things are happening to good people. Why is God allowing this? Why did God allow Corona in the first place?

Job’s friends reacted in the same way many Christians are tempted to react today. They call for repentance as this virus must have been sent by God because of something bad that we did. In contrast, there is a popular sentiment right now that God does not judge like this anymore and to ascribe this pandemic to God would be a grave mistake. Frankly, I stay away from any statements that claim to know exactly what God would and wouldn’t do, and the reason for that is because of what I have learned from Job.

As a younger man studying Job and Romans 9 one of the questions I had to wrestle with was, ‘Does God send bad things our way?”. I came down firmly on the side of YES. Some argue the semantics of God doing evil versus allowing evil. I won’t. I think we can agree due to the overwhelming evidence that He at least allows it. The second question I had to wrestle with was, “Does He allow evil as a consequence of free will? Has He given up sovereign control over the affairs of men and thus, our bad choices are the real cause of evil being prevalent on the earth?” After pouring over the evidence in Job and Romans I had to concede that this was not the case. God is still sovereign, and He sovereignly allows evil in our lives. This is clear from the story of Job. Job was righteous not by his standards but by God’s standards; he did nothing to warrant the tribulations that was meted out against him. In addition, satan was clearly operating under the authority of God. Romans 9:14-18 also makes the compelling argument:

14 What shall we say then? Is there injustice on God’s part? By no means! 15 For he says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.” 16 So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy. 17 For the Scripture says to Pharaoh, “For this very purpose I have raised you up, that I might show my power in you, and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.” 18 So then he has mercy on whomever he wills, and he hardens whomever he wills.

The ground-breaking truth here is that God was in control of Pharoah and in fact raised him up for the specific purpose of persecuting Israel so that God could show His might and power as he brought out the Israelites, Wow. If you have never considered this, you may need a moment here to take it all in.

So, there I was having to hold in tension that God is good, yet He allows bad things to befall good people. This was a watershed moment in my faith. I had to let go of the god I wanted and embrace the God who is. I had to destroy my idol. I had to relinquish my definition of what good is and let the One who is good be the standard. This was strangely empowering. The strength of my faith increased exponentially. I could genuinely meet trials knowing that God was in control and would make it all work for good in the end because he was in ultimate control. Further, I had to conclude that bad things, even death, served a higher good that I could not see or comprehend. I had to see things from God’s vantage to accept that suffering and even death were smaller matters than they appeared to me. They were not outside of God’s scope and ability.  In fact, they were part and parcel of the tools of creation that He used to craft a bigger, better picture and bring glory to His name!

Essentially, I learned what Job learned without having to go through the Job experience. For some, who refuse to learn from Job it may take tragedy to wake them up and this is the good news in the Covid-19 pandemic. I know it doesn’t sound good, but it is exceedingly so! The revelation that Job received out of tragic circumstances was, I believe, the treasure that God thought was worth more than all that Job had lost. To be able to stand in the face of horrific tragedy and trust that God has a purpose in that; to elevate His purpose and love as truer and bigger than your pain; is priceless! It is the mountain of faith from which Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were emboldened to say, “Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of your hand, O king. But if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the golden image that you have set up.” If you think about it, a Christian afraid of dying and meeting Jesus is an absurdity and a Christ-follower who expects to follow Christ in everything except suffering is an oxymoron.

Who is the God that you believe in? Job found out that He was different than who he thought He was:

Job 38:1-7

1 Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind and said:

2 “Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?

3 Dress for action like a man; I will question you, and you make it known to me.

4 “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding.

5 Who determined its measurements—surely you know! Or who stretched the line upon it?

6 On what were its bases sunk, or who laid its cornerstone,

7 when the morning stars sang together and all the sons of God shouted for joy?

“Or who shut in the sea with doors when it burst out from the womb,

9 when I made clouds its garment and thick darkness its swaddling band,

10 and prescribed limits for it and set bars and doors,

11 and said, ‘Thus far shall you come, and no farther, and here shall your proud waves be stayed’?

12 “Have you commanded the morning since your days began, and caused the dawn to know its place,

13 that it might take hold of the skirts of the earth, and the wicked be shaken out of it?

14 It is changed like clay under the seal, and its features stand out like a garment.

15 From the wicked their light is withheld, and their uplifted arm is broken.

16 “Have you entered into the springs of the sea, or walked in the recesses of the deep?

17 Have the gates of death been revealed to you, or have you seen the gates of deep darkness?

18 Have you comprehended the expanse of the earth? Declare, if you know all this.

Job 42:1-6

1 Then Job answered the Lord and said:

2 “I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.

3 ‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’ Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.

4 ‘Hear, and I will speak; I will question you, and you make it known to me.’

5 I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you;

6 therefore I despise myself, and repent in dust and ashes.”

Are you serving the true God or an idol of your own design? Have your eyes seen Him?

Copyright 2020, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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Best Laid Plans

The sun had just risen over the trees, bathing the dewy grass with its warmth as we disembarked the vehicle. My bff/coach began to outline the route for me. We had been progressing well towards our fitness goals and today she had set us an ambitious target. Over an hour later we had completed our best run in a while and we were pumped!

The problem is, this was also us same time last year January. But somehow it didn’t last. By the time December rolled around we were both feeling like BFDBs (Big Fat Dirty Bastards). It wasn’t for lack of planning or commitment. Because I must confess, my name is Matik and I’m a goal setting junkie. Every year I go through an intense goal setting process and it fuels my focus for the rest of the year. Still, my fitness was my biggest loss in 2018. And it sucks! So what happened? My Google Maps 2018 timeline says it all. I was hit by a crazy work travel schedule and I was hit hard! I’m a creature of habit and the constant disruption in my routine and eating habits completely threw me off.

So, it’s January again…. Time to make resolutions or if you are like me,set goals, and I’m thinking, “How can I avoid a repeat of 2018?”

So, I did a root cause analysis and I figured out what the problem was…When I was setting my goal, I did not take into account that I would have totravel so often. This phenomenon is the ultimate derailer of plans! We set goals assuming certain conditionsbut as the year progresses those conditions often change; conditions which wedid not plan for!

There are two things we can do to combat this (none of which I did in2018, which my scale can attest to):

  1. Brainstormpossible barriers for every goal we set and what we could do to surmount them.
  2. Even so, wewon’t think of everything, so we need to be able to re-assess and adjust ourgoals and plans when circumstances change. Stop and recalibrate.

Sometimes what we learn from our failures is more valuable than our victories. I hope this short lesson in goal-setting taken from my 2018 failure will help you to achieve all your wildest dreams in 2019 and beyond!

Joyfully,


Copyright 2019, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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Reset

I knew I needed a reset. All the signs were there. I was grumpy. I was lethargic. Work was frustrating. I wasn’t feeling good about myself. I didn’t feel like praying. And you know that person whose only purpose in life, it seems, is to pull you down? That special deluxe order hater? Well my super-hater was getting more and more under my skin than normal. I desperately needed a reset.

Yesterday, I had planned to go to the beach after work but got ambushed as I dropped in the house to change my clothes. “Where you going daddy?” “To the beach.” “Without us?” (puppy dog eyes) “Uh…no… sigh. I have to do groceries, you all wanna come?” “Yay!” And just like that my reset plan turned into a grocery outing, which was not too bad. I enjoy spontaneous moments with my little ones, but it was not what I really needed.

This morning I woke up feeling worse. I was desperate now. I had to do something! Then as though manna fell from heaven. Angels sang as an outrageous plan floated into my mind.  What is stopping me from doing a bike ride to the waterfall? Exercise, nature, water, fresh air, natural beauty, all the ingredients of a blissful morning.

An hour or so later I was rounding the last bend and there it was…exhale. The stepping stone path was lined on either side with thick, verdant foliage bearing small white flowers. The flowers were littered on the path as well and just coming into sight was the Maracas waterfall. It isn’t fed by a much of a stream but what it lacks in volume it makes up for in height. The water cascades down the cliff face, connecting with various outcroppings before stinging the huge rocks at the bottom. As you near the bottom, fine mist covers you and then as you get closer it gets progressively heavier until the main downpour thrums on your head and shoulders.

At first, I just sat on a rock and drank it all in. Everything spoke to me of the goodness of God. His fingerprint was on everything. The rocks, the trees, the clouds scooting across the sky. I saw His beauty all around me. I felt His love in the mist on my face. His mercy and grace flowed over me in wave after wave, unceasingly, like the water flowing over that waterfall that somehow never ran out. I sang praises with the birds and washed away the cares of the world as I stood under the cascade.

My soul needs periodic refreshing in the bowels of nature as much as my body needs food. It’s not just a luxury. It’s a necessity. I couldn’t live an urban life. I often wonder how those sterile, concrete housing schemes are affecting the souls of its inhabitants. I know I couldn’t survive there.

But I need to do more. Currently, I’m just surviving. Living for nature top-ups. It’s not just nature but general soul care. I need to formulate a plan. Less technology. Less noise. More stillness. More solitude. More play. More bare footedness. Less busy-ness. More walks and runs and rides. More sun, sand, sea, forest and river.

I realize that it won’t happen unless I make it happen. So, I’m making a commitment. Making some changes. Little habits I will inculcate every week, every month, every year to ensure that I’m not just surviving but thriving. What about you? Is your life feeling cluttered and rushed? Or maybe just a little less alive than you know it could be? Maybe you need a reset?

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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Parenting Is Hard

Parenting is hard enough but single co-parenting (a term I just invented to mean when you are not in a relationship with the other parent) is ten times as hard. As I came down from the euphoria of vacation and the cold water of reality splashed my face, this was one of the harsh realities of my life that met me at the door.

“Daddy, you don’t spend any time with us,” was the latest issue. It was not something that I hadn’t heard before, but the complaint seemed to be getting louder. It’s an issue that I find particularly frustrating because their point of view and mine are so far apart. They take for granted the fact that I changed by working hours and hardly ever work late just so that I can drop them to school in the morning and see them in the evening. They don’t know how much of a social life I forego just to be present in their lives. They have no clue and they probably never will until they have children of their own.

What exacerbates the issue is that their reference point is their mother who is a stay at home mom. She has the advantage of being at their beck and call 24-7 if she chooses. In a ‘normal’ family where the mother is at home, I guess she would help the children to understand that daddy has to work etc. I unfortunately, have to deal with the opposite dynamic.

Thus, when I sat down to have a heart to heart with my kids I tried to discern not only what they were saying but how they really felt. It was clear that they did not feel unloved or neglected but they did want more meaningful time with me doing things that they like. I realized that with my daughter’s preparation for the big SEA exams and their extra-curricular schedule, most of our time was spent being busy. Busy getting ready for school, busy getting ready for bed, busy getting ready for lessons, busy getting to football training, busy, busy, busy…

So, despite how skewed their viewpoint might be, there was inside there some truth that I could not ignore. I weighed my options.  What more I could do to be a better dad? I weighed the wants versus the needs. Children always want. A significant challenge is always to give them what they need not necessarily what they want. What could I do that would answer the need in their lives? What was I willing to give up? That question brought me right up against another significant challenge; finding the balance between sacrificing for your children without sacrificing your health.

In the end, I gave up one football sweat a month and my Saturday morning run would be reduced to every other week. In exchange I would have some more unhurried time with my children. I’m not expecting huge outpourings of gratitude and that doesn’t matter to me. My fulfilment is in their success as Godly, loving, happy, contributing human beings. In their eyes, compared to their mother, I might still be the second-rate parent, but I believe their hearts know better. I can feel it in their hugs.

Parenting is hard but anything worthwhile is hard.

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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Hurt People, Hurt People

More than once this week I found myself talking to someone who was upset about how someone else had treated them. Some even went so far as to call the persons in question nasty or evil. In almost all cases there was a feeling that these ‘bad’ people needed to be called to account for their actions. What was evident was that these people felt hurt. They had been wronged in some way and were grappling with the question WHY. Why did this person say this about me? Why did they treat me this way?

I have a friend who says, “Hurt people, hurt people.” The phrase kept popping up into my mind this week as I saw it played out in the circumstances around me. In different ways, I tried to help my counterparts to understand this truism as they dealt with their pain but they too were caught in the cycle. They demanded justice for their hurt.

Richard Rohr says that pain is either transformed or transmitted. We all have pain. Some of us have deep emotional and/or psychological trauma from things that have happened in our past. It can go as far back as what happened while we were in the womb or as recent as an unhealthy relationship last month. It can be as devastating as rape or incest or as innocuous as a spouse that constantly nags or belittles. In a sense, the form is unimportant. The question is, what do we do with it?

If we understood the ramifications of not dealing with our pain, I believe we would be a lot more proactive about intentionally seeking healing (transformation). Every hurt that is not dealt with will be passed on to those around us in some form or fashion. We will mould our children based on the pain we suffered as a child. We will see our new partner through the eyes of the hurt suffered at the hands of the last one. We will lash out at the world for the wounds inflicted by someone, somewhere, sometime.

Inner healing seen this way is not a choice, it’s an imperative. The first step for me is usually one of humility. That aha moment when I realize that as much as I feet hurt, I have also inflicted hurt. I did not set out to, but I did. I am only human. We are all only human. I have had several such moments and have gone back to say I’m sorry and ask forgiveness.

Today in church the preacher talked about a world-renowned pastor whom he held in high esteem because, as well respected as he was, a child could tell him that he had done something wrong and he would be quick to apologize. There are too few men and women like this today. I have had to ask forgiveness of my ex-wife for leaving our marriage. I’ve had to ask forgiveness of my son for not being there for him. I’ve had to ask forgiveness of my pastor for walking out of his church. I’ve had to ask forgiveness of my children for shouting at them in anger. It’s not easy sometimes. Most times. OK, all the time.

If I sometimes do hurtful things then how can I hold others to a higher standard? We must also be willing to forgive others their human-ness. Whether they are sorry or not or ask forgiveness or not is irrelevant. Forgive. Only forgiveness allows us to leave that pain behind and break the cycle. The unloving parent was trying her/his best. The abusive spouse is only human. The pastor, priest, pundit or imam that hurt us is only human. The boss from hell is only human. Forgiveness is the first step on the path to inner healing.

Ideally, our religious communities should play a vital role in society of walking with us on this journey of inner healing. The church should be the societal interrupters, working with us to break the cycle of pain at work in our lives and I know many churches do play this role. The Catholic Church actually has a formal program called Original Pain Therapy. The journey is a tough one and many times support is needed. The church community has played this role for me, but I imagine non-religious support groups could play this role as well. Alcoholics Anonymous has been extremely effective at transforming those with addictions to alcohol. Sometimes counselling from trained professionals was also necessary for me. Sometimes just a friend with a listening ear was enough. Our paths will be as different as our pains, but I implore you, take the journey.

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls.

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Start Your Day WIth Inspiration

Today I was reminded to start my day with inspiration. Before I feed my body with eggs and sausages and before I feed my mind with social media, I need to feed my soul with inspiration.

The sky looked like an artist’s impression. The wind had painted beautiful sweeping flows with the clouds from horizon to horizon. Meanwhile, in the valley where I stood sunlight raced down the side of the mountains and embraced the treetops, leaving a trail of golden glitter in its wake. The cold morning air smelled of woody trees and freshly cut grass. The kind of scent that made you breathe long, deep breaths with your eyes closed. And birds. Everywhere. Humming birds zipping by chit chittering. Blackbirds stalked their territory. A Kiskidee darted at a bug on the ground and then sat on a branch displaying its prize naturally attracting would-be thieves. Further away familiar calls rang out from birds I recognized only by sound.

Those are some words I was inspired to pen in October 2016. I chose to share it today in the hope that it would serve as a source of inspiration to start your day.

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls

 

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The Art Of Creating A Crisis

Last week I blogged about not stretching myself too thin for Christmas. Well guess what? I didn’t listen to my own advice. I got caught up in a million things from something as seemingly innocuous as setting up a new iPhone (amazing how much time that sucks up!) to trying to get in some more online classes. All this on the back of the pile of year end work deliverables and helping the little ones prepare for exams.I hit the wall hard.

One day I just realized that not only was my body tired from lack of sleep but also my mind and emotions were tired. So that day I decided to have a crisis. I put my foot down (on myself) and put the phone down and got into bed at 9:00pm that night.

The next morning, I took time to feast on the view right outside my bedroom window and instead of playing a podcast or audiobook in the truck I put on my gangster rap and crunked out on the way to work.

As I was reminded in a book on coaching that I’m reading; information is not what makes us act, it’s motivation. That’s often why, although we know what we should do, we only take action when we feel enough pain to motivate us to get off our butts.

But I don’t want to be in that reactive mode. I want to be proactive. I want to act before the pain. I want to take time to renew before I burn out. I want to do those sit-ups before I get the pot belly. So what do I do? I have to envision the consequences of inaction and create a crisis in my head.

That’s what I’m doing when I say, “Good grief, look at the size of my belly!”. To which some might say, “Please Matik!”. That’s what it takes to stay ahead of the curve sometimes. Especially, when the action needed is not something you looove to do.

So, let’s go create a crisis today in order to walk into the future that we want for ourselves tomorrow.

Joyfully,

Copyright 2017, Matik Nicholls

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‘Tis The Season

‘Tis the season to lime (Trini-speak for hang-out or get together). I’m tired just looking at my calendar and it’s not even December yet. Liming is synonymous with Christmas in Trinidad.

There are work limes and church dinners and several get-togethers at friends’ houses and of course family luncheons. But that’s just the start because if you have kids then there are also school concerts and end-of-year award ceremonies and music/dance class recitals and so on and so forth.

It’s just too much…for me anyway. I am already struggling to get more than six hours sleep a night and keep my exercise regime going (not to mention the implications for my eating habits).

So, what’s the solution to this dilemma? Well…it’s the perfect opportunity to practice Stephen Covey’s 3rd habit; Putting First Things First. According to Dr. Covey, activities fall into four quadrants:

  1. Important but not urgent
  2. Urgent but not important
  3. Important and urgent
  4. Neither important nor urgent

So where do all of these social events fall? They certainly aren’t urgent. But how important are they and how important is what I would give up to attend them? There is always a trade off. Saying yes to one thing means saying no to another. What is important to me is based on my goals that I have set for myself and I find that at times like these it is good to remind myself of my goals for the year. What did I want to accomplish? Which relationships did I want to focus on?

There are some times, like this evening, when riding  bicycles around the block with my kids and tucking them into bed early is the most important thing. There will be other times when reconnecting with family and old friends can be prioritized. Whatever the case, saying no to something good will be an essential skill for this season. Because no to something good is really yes to something better.

Keep your head on this season. By all means enjoy the time of good cheer with family and friends. Just be wise and prioritize.

Joyfully,

Copyright 2017, Matik Nicholls