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Category: Holistic Living

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Find Your Peeps

The second week of my vacation/retreat started when I picked up my girlfriend, Tricia, in the airport and we drove from Sacramento to Redding. There is just something about road trips! We talked, sang, prayed and laughed all the way. We passed the town of Yolo and of course we had to shout “YOLO!” every time we saw a sign. Then we passed huge stacks of hay and of course we had to go, “Haaaay!” (obviously). This is what happens when you put two corny people in one vehicle for an extended period.

We also kept passing these fields of beautiful flowering trees and eventually curiosity got the better of us and we had to stop to find out what they were and take a picture. Turns out they were cherry trees and they were also highly secured with electric fences and surveillance cameras. (Don’t ask how we got the photo above).

The main purpose of our trip was to attend a conference at Bethel Church in Redding. However, we had a couple free days, so we decided to drive to the Trinity Shasta National Forest and Lake. More road trips! And beautiful scenery. It was a unique experience to see the landscape change to snow as we ascended the mountains.

Then there was the conference. It was epic! It was one of those times when you feel the weight of purpose over your life. We knew this was not a chance event; we were supposed to be there! Again, I was overcome with gratitude as I realized what a privilege it was to have a bff who is as excited as I am about Jesus. I don’t mean just to find someone who is a Christian. I mean a person who will get excited about spending her vacation at a church conference. A person who is intentional about investing in her spiritual growth. Not all Christians are like that, but Tricia certainly is and I’m thankful that she is in my life.

But before this turns into a really soppy post (puke), that’s not all that I was grateful for… There were hundreds of people from over forty-five countries at the conference who were just like us! It reminded me how important it is to find your peeps. Whatever your thing is, it’s important to find the people who are as crazy about it as you are. Whether it is Star Trek, running or rock collecting, find your peeps. Nothing will motivate you to go further and to hone your craft like gathering and sharing what you are passionate about with other like-minded individuals.

Well that brings my California trip to an end, but I expect this time of renewal and retooling will be bearing fruit for many months to come. I enjoyed sharing it with you and I hope it inspires you in some way to invest in yourself.

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls.

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We Are All Connected

As my week in Lake Tahoe comes to an end, I am thinking back on all that I experienced, and I’m filled with gratitude. I don’t take it for granted. Any of it. Some of the highlights were:

  • The snowboarding of course! Having only done it once before, I was thrilled that I was able to be up and riding and enjoying the adrenaline rush of careening down the various intermediate runs without any serious difficulties.
  • The scenery! Coming from the Caribbean, the Lake Tahoe scenery probably washed over me with a freshness that comes with unfamiliarity. Every lift ride back up the mountain was filled with awe and a sacred gratitude. I was fascinated by the difference in weather from the first day I arrived to the last day I left. When I arrived it was snowing and visibility was low. The next day the sun came out to caress a landscape of trees adorned with white frosting. And two days later the trees were all green with a carpet of white underneath as the snow had melted off. The fabulous view of Lake Tahoe from the top of the Tamrack Express lift was one of my favourite views.
  • I was able to complete the first draft of Authentic Joy the novel! I can safely say that my first book will be published this year. So, look out for it folks!

The thing I want to focus on today though is the interactions with the people I met on my trip. Everyday I would take a cable car ride (or The Gondola as they call it) up to the top of the mountain in the morning and back down in the evening. I learned so much during those short rides.

My first thought was, “The world has really become so much smaller.” Every single person I met knew where Trinidad & Tobago was and most had a friend, or roommate or in-law who was a Trinbagonian. Twenty years ago, when I first travelled to the US, that was not the case at all.

Everyone was friendly and welcoming. I met an older lady who used to come skiing with all her girlfriends and they had all stopped for one reason or another, so it was only her and her granddaughter now. I spoke with a lady who had a baby, so she and her husband took turns skiing while the other stayed with the baby. A retired couple told me how the wife had started skiing at 50 because her husband loved it so much and now they were both avid skiers. There was an ex-navy guy who skied in the winter and mountain-biked in the summer and had a brother who surfed like me. He also knew a guy who mountain biked with George Bush Jr. while he was president of the US and said that he was unbelievably fit.

I think the best gondola ride though, was the last one of my trip. It was a full ride. There were seven of us. Three girls and two guys formed a group, while another lady and I were travelling alone. By the time we exited the gondola we had learned that one of the girls was pregnant, her partner was colour blind, the other couple was getting married, the wedding had been moved up by two years, the guys were brothers, they had a lovely aunt who was a bit overweight and many other sundry details. The gondola ride was dubbed “Gondola Ride Confessions” and we exited laughing as we went our separate ways.

I love those experiences! People always wonder how I can travel alone but I never feel lonely. I enjoy the time with myself, meeting new people and communing with nature. At the end of my week in Lake Tahoe I have such a renewed sense of our universal oneness; that we are all connected, with each other and with nature itself.

My girlfriend tells me that the giant redwoods of California always grow in groves because their roots all connect and intertwine underground forming a giant support network. We are all connected. Let’s live that truth daily.

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls

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What Is Life?

I live in an area that’s surrounded by forest and yesterday after I went for a short jog I took a detour into the bush. Venturing into nature is one of my favourite pastimes. For me it is deeply restorative. Yesterday, I felt more alive as the sights, sounds and smells of the forest invaded my senses.

I have always found that nature is so full of life. I was hearing several birds calling, crickets chirping and the river bubbling over the rocks. I felt, heard and saw the breeze blowing through the trees and rustling the leaves and causing branches to sway. As I stood beneath the trees pondering that thought, a question rose like bubbles to the surface of my mind, “What is Life?”.

Science says that what distinguishes living creatures from inorganic matter is:

  • Metabolism
  • Growth
  • Adapting to the environment
  • Responding to stimuli
  • Reproduction

While this is meant in a very physical sense, I began to look at it much more holistically. What does it mean for a human being to truly live.

Metabolism

We take in food and oxygen and produce waste and carbon dioxide. Other organisms depend on our waste for food and we depend on others for our food. It’s a wonderful symbiosis. But we are not only physical beings. How do we nourish our minds, our hearts, our spirit? And what do we give off to others? To live, is to be engaged in a symbiotic relationship with all of life where we give and receive in an endless rhythmic cycle. Life is an artful relationship with our world where we are both giver and receiver. If we only inhabit the role of the giver, we are already dead. If we are here only to receive, we are already dead.

Growth

We are constantly changing from the day we are born until the day we die. The inevitability of death is in fact another evidence that we are alive. Life is our continual addition to what we already know and believe. Every new experience should add to us and alter the whole. At the end of our life we should be like an old tree where every ring of its trunk tells a story. Evidences of storms and droughts and sunny days and times of plentiful rain are all written in its flesh. Our minds and hearts should be no different; constantly expanding with the providence supplied by each day of life. Life is leaving wiser and fuller than when you arrived. If we decide that we know it all already, we are already dead.

Adaptation

Our mindset has to adapt. We can’t stay stuck in the same songs from yesteryear and refuse to embrace the technology of today. We have to remain relevant. We have to learn new ways of thinking. New ways of being. New ways of expressing the variety of life. Life is about survival. If we do not change with the world we are already dead.

Responding

Inanimate objects do not respond to stimuli. Love.. no response. Hate.. no response. Our ability to relate to each other is perhaps one of the most intangible expressions of the joy of life. Everything is connected. There are trillions of interactions (stimuli and response) taking place on planet earth every second. Life is relationship. Cut off our minds and hearts from the rest of humanity and we are already dead.

Reproduction

We are hard-wired for sex. The primal urge to reproduce is powerful. Not only physically,  there is also a deep human need to leave a piece of ourselves behind or to live on in some meaningful way. We somehow know that we are meant to have impact beyond the length of our days. We want to leave a mark on the world. To live is to leave a legacy that outlives your body. If we are not fulfilling the purpose for which we were born, we are already dead.

Choose to live!

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls

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Hurt People, Hurt People

More than once this week I found myself talking to someone who was upset about how someone else had treated them. Some even went so far as to call the persons in question nasty or evil. In almost all cases there was a feeling that these ‘bad’ people needed to be called to account for their actions. What was evident was that these people felt hurt. They had been wronged in some way and were grappling with the question WHY. Why did this person say this about me? Why did they treat me this way?

I have a friend who says, “Hurt people, hurt people.” The phrase kept popping up into my mind this week as I saw it played out in the circumstances around me. In different ways, I tried to help my counterparts to understand this truism as they dealt with their pain but they too were caught in the cycle. They demanded justice for their hurt.

Richard Rohr says that pain is either transformed or transmitted. We all have pain. Some of us have deep emotional and/or psychological trauma from things that have happened in our past. It can go as far back as what happened while we were in the womb or as recent as an unhealthy relationship last month. It can be as devastating as rape or incest or as innocuous as a spouse that constantly nags or belittles. In a sense, the form is unimportant. The question is, what do we do with it?

If we understood the ramifications of not dealing with our pain, I believe we would be a lot more proactive about intentionally seeking healing (transformation). Every hurt that is not dealt with will be passed on to those around us in some form or fashion. We will mould our children based on the pain we suffered as a child. We will see our new partner through the eyes of the hurt suffered at the hands of the last one. We will lash out at the world for the wounds inflicted by someone, somewhere, sometime.

Inner healing seen this way is not a choice, it’s an imperative. The first step for me is usually one of humility. That aha moment when I realize that as much as I feet hurt, I have also inflicted hurt. I did not set out to, but I did. I am only human. We are all only human. I have had several such moments and have gone back to say I’m sorry and ask forgiveness.

Today in church the preacher talked about a world-renowned pastor whom he held in high esteem because, as well respected as he was, a child could tell him that he had done something wrong and he would be quick to apologize. There are too few men and women like this today. I have had to ask forgiveness of my ex-wife for leaving our marriage. I’ve had to ask forgiveness of my son for not being there for him. I’ve had to ask forgiveness of my pastor for walking out of his church. I’ve had to ask forgiveness of my children for shouting at them in anger. It’s not easy sometimes. Most times. OK, all the time.

If I sometimes do hurtful things then how can I hold others to a higher standard? We must also be willing to forgive others their human-ness. Whether they are sorry or not or ask forgiveness or not is irrelevant. Forgive. Only forgiveness allows us to leave that pain behind and break the cycle. The unloving parent was trying her/his best. The abusive spouse is only human. The pastor, priest, pundit or imam that hurt us is only human. The boss from hell is only human. Forgiveness is the first step on the path to inner healing.

Ideally, our religious communities should play a vital role in society of walking with us on this journey of inner healing. The church should be the societal interrupters, working with us to break the cycle of pain at work in our lives and I know many churches do play this role. The Catholic Church actually has a formal program called Original Pain Therapy. The journey is a tough one and many times support is needed. The church community has played this role for me, but I imagine non-religious support groups could play this role as well. Alcoholics Anonymous has been extremely effective at transforming those with addictions to alcohol. Sometimes counselling from trained professionals was also necessary for me. Sometimes just a friend with a listening ear was enough. Our paths will be as different as our pains, but I implore you, take the journey.

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls.

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Start Your Day WIth Inspiration

Today I was reminded to start my day with inspiration. Before I feed my body with eggs and sausages and before I feed my mind with social media, I need to feed my soul with inspiration.

The sky looked like an artist’s impression. The wind had painted beautiful sweeping flows with the clouds from horizon to horizon. Meanwhile, in the valley where I stood sunlight raced down the side of the mountains and embraced the treetops, leaving a trail of golden glitter in its wake. The cold morning air smelled of woody trees and freshly cut grass. The kind of scent that made you breathe long, deep breaths with your eyes closed. And birds. Everywhere. Humming birds zipping by chit chittering. Blackbirds stalked their territory. A Kiskidee darted at a bug on the ground and then sat on a branch displaying its prize naturally attracting would-be thieves. Further away familiar calls rang out from birds I recognized only by sound.

Those are some words I was inspired to pen in October 2016. I chose to share it today in the hope that it would serve as a source of inspiration to start your day.

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls

 

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My Goal Is To Be Mediocre

It doesn’t sound inspiring, but it’s true. I’m not sure when this became a goal but it solidified in my psyche early in my professional career as I became more and more successful as a manager. I observed the men who were outstanding in their field or CEOs of large companies and I noticed that many of them were not spending much time with their families. They seemed to have traded the role of father for the role of Fairy Godfather. Even if they were present in body, they were not present in mind. They were also very one-dimensional. Their work consumed them.

I grew a strong dislike for this kind of persona and determined that if that is what it took to be successful, then I was not going to be successful. On the other hand, I had standards of excellence that I did aspire to in my career and I wanted a life full of interests and passions and learning, so I couldn’t be father of the year either. And so my life philosophy took shape, I was going to be mediocre at a variety of things.

I was going to be a great dad but my children would not be the centre of my life. I was going to be a good surfer but not good enough to win any competitions. I was going to be an avid football player but not club material if you know what I mean. I was going to be an excellent manager but not the super ambitious guy who is always looking for the next rung to climb. I was going to be a continuous learner but I didn’t see a Ph.D. in my future.

I often wonder though, if it’s still possible to be great at something without sacrificing the rest… I know, I know, I’ve always wanted to have my cake and eat it too. But I do think it could be possible. People like Richard Branson give me hope. He often blogs about family (both his biological and his Virgin family). Many people blog insincerely about family with their posed photos but for some reason I believe Branson when he says, “Without the love and support of my wife, children, children-in-law and grandchildren I wouldn’t have the drive to keep achieving. And without the love and support of the Virgin family, achieving things wouldn’t be so meaningful or fun.”

But on the other hand, I wonder if the sacrifice is worth it if the cause is big enough? If a researcher spends her life in a lab and cures cancer at the expense of a relationship with her husband and kids, is it worth it? I wonder what the children of great world changers like Nelson Mandela and Marie Curie thought about them as parents? Maybe they understood what their parents were trying to achieve and were proud. I don’t know and I can’t judge for others, but for me, I’m committed to my mediocrity :).

Ultimately, I want a life of great service to God and men. Maybe I will only be of great service to a few people and little service to many people. I don’t know but being of service is perhaps the only true greatness and the only standard that does motivate me greatly. I look at my life, and to the extent that it is selfishly about my happiness, I am dissatisfied. Sometimes deeply dissatisfied. So I strive on to achieve greatness…. and joy (I still want to have my cake and eat it too); the joy of service in my own mediocre way!

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls

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Two Strategies To Help You Achieve Your Goals In 2018

So, you’ve set your goals or at least you’ve thought about what you want to achieve this year. That’s the easy part. What can we do to give ourselves the greatest chance for success? Well I have two strategies that greatly increase my chances for success and hopefully they can work for you too.

Do It Together

Going after our joyful life goals with somebody (or somebodies) else exponentially increases our chances for success. Think about trying to work out at home versus with a buddy in the gym or playing football with your friends versus running alone. Your goal could be taking a class or learning a new skill or starting a business. Whatever it is, going after it with someone else makes it much more likely that you will succeed. Company makes everything more fun and we are all going to have those days when we just aren’t motivated and that’s when having a buddy will be indispensable. They will give us that encouragement or buff (Trini for scolding) just when we need it.

Synergize

We will always have more things that we want to accomplish than we have time to accomplish but there’s a trick to getting more done without living on a treadmill of to-dos. It’s all about finding the things that complement each other. This applies on many levels. To continue from the examples above…. It would be a huge win-win if couples exercised together or took a class together. The synergy between your relationship goals and your physical fitness or academic goals will almost ensure significant progress in both.

There are other types of synergies as well. For instance, understanding how your body, mind, emotions and spirit all feed off each other will accelerate your progress. For example, a run in the morning may energize you and start off your day with a positive win. Doing your most important work first thing in the morning to capitalize on that high-energy time might be a good idea.

Another example: If you have a goal to be more present and patient and loving with your children, a regular spiritual practice of prayer or meditation will help tremendously. In fact, regular exercise, good eating habits and regular spiritual renewal will make you feel good and feel good about yourself and fuel all the other goals in your life.

Finally, you can also synergize your time.  Examples: listening to audiobooks if you have a long drive to work, reading a book while waiting at the doctor’s office, scheduling a nap between dropping and picking up a kid to and from their activity (my favourite 😊).

I hope these two tips help you to make your year an unprecedented success!

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls.

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Living On Purpose – Goodbye 2017, Hello 2018

2017 is almost done. For me, that means it’s time to begin plotting how to make 2018 a joyful success! But first, I like to take time to reflect on the year gone. Did I achieve my goals? What were the major themes? What did I learn? How have I grown? What do I need to improve? Who helped make my year memorable?

First, I looked back at my 2017 goals and celebrated the wins and noted where I fell short. Then I went through my journal and walked through some of the major themes of the year, reliving the ebb and flow of the thoughts in my head during 2017.

Then I began to look at my life in pictures over the last year. If you are a photos/visual person like me I highly recommend this as a great way to celebrate the end of another year. You hardly ever take photos of your depressed times or worst moments, so it really focuses you on the positive things in your life, what’s important and what you have to be thankful for and most importantly who you have to be thankful for. Undoubtedly, who you spent 2017 with matters more than what you did. I actually took the best 150 photos or so and made a slideshow video with Google Photos. I’ve been watching it over and over and getting the warm fuzzies inside every time.

All considered, I would have to say that I made significant progress in 2017. I achieved some of my major goals, like taking my mummy on a trip 😊. I fell short in others (I definitely did not get enough rest in 2017 ☹). And then there were the things I did not plan to achieve but did, like starting this blog! God certainly had some surprises up His sleeve this year and I loved it! 2017 was definitely a year of growth and key to that was the people I connected with in 2017 and the relationships I invested in.

But a good year doesn’t just happen. I had a plan not only for what I wanted to achieve but also who I wanted to become. Every year I set goals for the following year and revisit them regularly. I use a planner called Action Daily which has a goal setting exercise in the front and then arranged with weekly goals and tasks for each week of the year. I completed my 2018 goal plan yesterday.

I have it arranged in four categories:

  1. Spiritual
  2. Physical
  3. Relationships
  4. Vocational (which is everything else – work, business, education, church ministry)

If you want your life to be significant, you must be intentional. Otherwise, you will have a default life, adrift on the river of time. You have to be intentional about everything; how you will develop yourself, how you will work on that weak spot in your character, which relationships you will invest in, how you will achieve that big dream that you have.

A joyful life does not just happen, it is designed. You must have a strong, passionate WHY for each of your goals. Why is this important to you? Why do you want to achieve it? Motivation to achieve anything comes from passion. If your goals are not aligned with your deepest desires, you will not achieve it. If you do not make a plan to follow your passions, you also will not achieve it. You need passion AND planning. I have one why for all my goals – to fulfil my purpose on this earth and glorify Jesus Christ.

What’s your passion? What’s your plan? Write it down and begin designing the life of your dreams! May 2018 be a year of unprecedented progress in the making of your authentically joyful life!

Joyfully,

Copyright 2017, Matik Nicholls

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The Art Of Creating A Crisis

Last week I blogged about not stretching myself too thin for Christmas. Well guess what? I didn’t listen to my own advice. I got caught up in a million things from something as seemingly innocuous as setting up a new iPhone (amazing how much time that sucks up!) to trying to get in some more online classes. All this on the back of the pile of year end work deliverables and helping the little ones prepare for exams.I hit the wall hard.

One day I just realized that not only was my body tired from lack of sleep but also my mind and emotions were tired. So that day I decided to have a crisis. I put my foot down (on myself) and put the phone down and got into bed at 9:00pm that night.

The next morning, I took time to feast on the view right outside my bedroom window and instead of playing a podcast or audiobook in the truck I put on my gangster rap and crunked out on the way to work.

As I was reminded in a book on coaching that I’m reading; information is not what makes us act, it’s motivation. That’s often why, although we know what we should do, we only take action when we feel enough pain to motivate us to get off our butts.

But I don’t want to be in that reactive mode. I want to be proactive. I want to act before the pain. I want to take time to renew before I burn out. I want to do those sit-ups before I get the pot belly. So what do I do? I have to envision the consequences of inaction and create a crisis in my head.

That’s what I’m doing when I say, “Good grief, look at the size of my belly!”. To which some might say, “Please Matik!”. That’s what it takes to stay ahead of the curve sometimes. Especially, when the action needed is not something you looove to do.

So, let’s go create a crisis today in order to walk into the future that we want for ourselves tomorrow.

Joyfully,

Copyright 2017, Matik Nicholls

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‘Tis The Season

‘Tis the season to lime (Trini-speak for hang-out or get together). I’m tired just looking at my calendar and it’s not even December yet. Liming is synonymous with Christmas in Trinidad.

There are work limes and church dinners and several get-togethers at friends’ houses and of course family luncheons. But that’s just the start because if you have kids then there are also school concerts and end-of-year award ceremonies and music/dance class recitals and so on and so forth.

It’s just too much…for me anyway. I am already struggling to get more than six hours sleep a night and keep my exercise regime going (not to mention the implications for my eating habits).

So, what’s the solution to this dilemma? Well…it’s the perfect opportunity to practice Stephen Covey’s 3rd habit; Putting First Things First. According to Dr. Covey, activities fall into four quadrants:

  1. Important but not urgent
  2. Urgent but not important
  3. Important and urgent
  4. Neither important nor urgent

So where do all of these social events fall? They certainly aren’t urgent. But how important are they and how important is what I would give up to attend them? There is always a trade off. Saying yes to one thing means saying no to another. What is important to me is based on my goals that I have set for myself and I find that at times like these it is good to remind myself of my goals for the year. What did I want to accomplish? Which relationships did I want to focus on?

There are some times, like this evening, when riding  bicycles around the block with my kids and tucking them into bed early is the most important thing. There will be other times when reconnecting with family and old friends can be prioritized. Whatever the case, saying no to something good will be an essential skill for this season. Because no to something good is really yes to something better.

Keep your head on this season. By all means enjoy the time of good cheer with family and friends. Just be wise and prioritize.

Joyfully,

Copyright 2017, Matik Nicholls