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New Devotionals!
Reflections on Christian Leadership with Henri Nouwen Part 1
I recently picked up one of my favourite books to read AGAIN – In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership by Henri Nouwen. It is one of those books where the impact of the truths contained in it is not diminished with repetition. This time, particular parts of it collided with my current experience with such eye-widening relevance that my impulse to process and memorialize in writing was aroused.
I will start this mini-series with the first quote that struck me from the book:
“But when we are securely rooted in personal intimacy with the source of life, it will be possible to remain flexible without being relavistic, convinced without being rigid, willing to confront without being offensive, gentle and forgiving without being soft, and true witnesses without being manipulative.”
“Willing to confront without being offensive”. This phrase aptly describes the crux of my current struggle at work. I’m pretty good at the confront part (and there was a time I did not know how to confront people), but I am not as good at the not being offensive part.
If I’m honest, I have been bad at this for a very long time. But I feel like there comes a time when God says, “OK, you cannot take this malformation any further. You need to work on this now.” Or maybe there comes a time when one has the maturity and tools to deal with the problem. Either way, I know I have to deal with this in this season.
Actually, and this just came to me: Nouwen points to intimacy with God as the enablement to walk this line of confrontation without offense, and it is quite probable that I did not have the level of intimacy with Christ that I now have to be able to cross this hurdle. (Ahh, the therapeutic gift of writing.)
The way I see it, the challenge is to be able to authentically say to someone, “I think what you are doing is bad,” without saying, “I think you are bad.” This is not easy, at least not for me. I never shout or curse or demean people, but my wife says, “Just because you say something in a soft voice doesn’t mean that you are not being harsh.”
Honestly, I thought it did mean that I wasn’t being harsh! I mean, c’mon… I don’t curse… I don’t raise my voice… I’m always polite, even when people are impolite and raise their voice at me. What more do you want? Well… as it turns out, what God wants is nothing less than loving my ‘enemies’ even while confronting them. That goes heart deep, below actions, below words, below tone… deeper.
That kind of love can only come from intimacy with Love. Love must dwell in me. Overflow from me. It must be felt. Holy Spirit, help me. I write today not as one having mastered love but as one in the throes of struggle to become more like Jesus and often getting it wrong. I have no advice to offer.
I offer only the consolation of knowing that if you struggle too, you are not alone. Pray for me as I pray for you: Jesus, for every one of your disciples who reads this, give them the gift of a deeper encounter with your ferocious, unrelenting, cleansing, healing, breathtaking love. As they wrestle in their souls, may all malice, bitterness, envy, and unforgiveness die by the power of the cross! May love win the day! May their hearts burn for you and may your love emanate from their lives, from the very centre of their Jesus-enflamed hearts.
Amen.
Training Versus Trying Part 5 – Community
Welcome to the last instalment of our Training Versus Trying series! Today we are talking about Community.
A training approach recognizes that as spiritual athletes, we grow fastest when we train with others. However, it is a particular type of community that we need to grow. One that is not very common. When we think of community in a church setting, we normally think of the brothers and sisters with whom we attend church or maybe those who are a part of a ministry that we serve in.
However, the type of community that I am talking about is a training community – a small circle of people with whom we share our inner lives. It is a community committed to walking together in pursuit of God without trying to fix, or save, or advise each other. Often, as Christians, we try to force our training regimen on everyone else without honoring the unique person that they are and the unique work that God is doing in their lives.
This is something I have with very few people. Most Christians, in my experience, do not have deep conversations about the things that matter, or if they do, it is in the context of giving advice or holding each other accountable. Some even think it is their job to condemn and shame. However, what I have found is that what most people need is actually just a safe space to talk about the deep inner things that truly matter without being judged, reproached, corrected, or Bible-verse-slapped. In a supportive and safe environment such as this, there exists the ideal conditions for God to speak. Or to stick with our analogy, for God to coach us as a group.
I’m not saying that God cannot use another person to correct us or to give us feedback where we may have a blind spot. He does use people in our lives like that. I’m saying that in a training community, that is a small part of why we get together, and it is accomplished more indirectly through vulnerable sharing, asking each other probing questions, and discerning God’s voice together.
In a community of Christians-in-training there is safety and freedom to talk about what new training techniques we are trying, what is not working, and what we are working through with our Coach. In that kind of community, we are celebrated, encouraged, inspired, and supported. In that kind of community, we can give a voice to our soul and hear the heart of others in ways that bring redemption, healing, and transformation.
Well, we have come to the end of this little series. I hope it has been helpful to you.
Train well, my fellow disciples of Christ!
Training Versus Trying Part 4 – Coaching
A training mindset approaches our relationship with the Holy Spirit like a coach who is deeply invested in and committed to our growth. We have a coach who longs to be a partner in our progressive sanctification.
Remember those moments of reflecting on our failure that we mentioned earlier? Well, those moments are also an opportunity to process with God. This is powerful. The Holy Spirit knows you better than you know yourself and knows how to help you to grow like no one else does!
If we can release ourselves from the guilt and shame that often keeps us from approaching God and realize that He sees us through eyes of deep compassion, then we can unlock a level of healing and wisdom that is simply transformative.
Every time I have brought my darkest desires (the ones I would never even voice), my deepest fears, or my most shameful thoughts to God, it has resulted in something transformative. (Even if it has simply been a revelation of just how loving and compassionate God is.)
All champions know that a coach is essential to their success. A coach sees the potential in us that we don’t see in ourselves. A coach also sees the barriers to our progress that we don’t have the wisdom or objectivity to see. He can see when our stride is too long or when our follow-through is an issue. In like manner, the Holy Spirit knows what to target to move us forward and how to encourage and motivate us in a language we can relate to.
Up next, community!
Training Versus Trying Part 3 – Roots Not Shoots
Someone training for a marathon may need to focus on their diet, mindset, and breathing to get to the desired outcome. It is the same with our spiritual growth. To achieve the behavioural outcome we desire, we must address deeper issues like our mindsets, identity, beliefs, and values.
Often, we can become too sin-focused, which results in the very opposite of what we are trying to achieve. Obsessing over not doing something is the worst way to approach our growth. Instead, we need to find the roots of the issue and put a holistic training program in place.
For example, say I have a problem with over-eating. A trying mindset will be all about focusing on controlling how much I eat. However, the roots of my struggle may involve issues with my identity, stress coping mechanisms, and the relationships in my life. Therefore, a trying mindset will be ineffective and frustrating because all the underlying causes (the roots) remain untouched.
Training often seems unrelated to the outcome we desire, like the Karate Kid painting walls to learn karate. However, it is actually addressing the roots that impact the entire tree of your life.
Next, we discuss how a coach is essential to training.
See you then!
Training Versus Trying Part 2 – Self-Compassion
The first element of a training mindset is self-compassion.
A training mindset recognizes that we are all imperfect beings on a path of sanctification and healing. We are all works in progress. There is no benefit to beating yourself up when you fail. God does not beat us up when we fail. He meets us with mercy and compassion. So, why shouldn’t we do the same?
This is extremely difficult to grasp when in many religious circles we equate a self-compassionate approach as being compromising or soft on sin. But it does not have to be. We can maintain an uncompromising view of sin while being gentle on ourselves. Our aim is progress, not perfection.
When we have a compassionate view of ourselves, it frees us to learn from failure. And this is one of the huge superpowers of a training mindset – every failure becomes an opportunity to learn about ourselves and what is not working in our training programme. This is so critical for real growth. When we give in to a temptation, if we can carefully examine the thoughts and emotions that led us to the sin without turning away in shame, then we gain the insights needed to heal and grow. Without these insights, we will never truly grow. Without these insights, the most we can hope for is to cope, never to overcome.
Self-compassion enables us to move from hiding and repression to exploration and discovery of the root causes of our afflictions. But that’s for the next instalment…
See you then!
Training Versus Trying Part 1
One of the concepts that we teach at Authentic Joy is the idea that in pursuing spiritual growth we need to have a training mindset not a trying mindset. We often use the metaphor of running a marathon to explain. In the metaphor, the ‘marathon’ is that challenge in your life that you are trying to overcome. Some examples are impatience, unforgiveness, pornography, a short temper, anxiety, racial prejudice or over-eating.
A trying mindset would be like waking up on the day of the marathon and saying, “Today I will finish this marathon! God says I’m more than a conqueror!” And so, we set off to try our best to complete the marathon… without training. Our determination and grit may get us halfway there, but without putting in the training, we inevitably end up face down in a puddle of sweat and tears.
A training mindset, on the other hand, would be like waking up every morning and training for the marathon. Training prioritizes consistency and progress over the end result. It embraces learning from failure as a necessary pathway to growth.
One of the most damaging things about a trying mindset is the cycle of guilt and shame that results when we do not achieve our goal. This has been one of the most difficult mindsets to change in my own life. In the areas where I struggle with an ongoing sin issue, every time I fall, my tendency is to beat myself up and wallow in shame. Then, to comfort myself, I end up even deeper in self-destructive behaviours. When I finally muster up the courage to go back to God in repentance (again), it resembles something like this: “This time, this time, I mean it God. This time I will stay the course.” And so, the cycle begins again. With no real plan, change is unlikely.
A training mindset has the potential to break this cycle, but there are several components to the approach that need to be implemented:
- Self-compassion
- Roots not shoots
- Coaching
- Community
I will unpack each of these facets of the training mindset in this series.
See you for the next instalment!
BECOMING mature: A Practical Guide for Disciples of Jesus
We are super excited to announce that we have a new book coming out!! Whoopee!!! My latest book, Becoming Mature: A Practical Guide for Disciples of Jesus, will be released on April 21st, 2025!
If you feel like you are struggling in your spiritual growth journey or just not progressing as fast as you would like, then this book is for you. Becoming Mature offers a transformative approach to Christian discipleship using scripture, personal experience, and psychological insights to connect with the reader. Becoming Mature takes you on a step-by-step journey of growth in love, purpose, community, identity, responsibility, wholeness, resilience, competence, and most importantly, intimacy with God.
It’s available to pre-order now on Amazon. Get it here!
And since y’all are my peeps. Here’s a free preview of the introduction.
Introduction
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
~ Rudyard Kipling ~
As a young boy, Rudyard Kipling’s poem If (quoted above) made an indelible mark on my soul. Before I knew Christ, it embodied what I believed maturity would look like. It was the only poster that hung in my room, constantly reminding me of the man I wanted to become. It is no coincidence, I believe, that maturity has been an obsession throughout my life. In hindsight, it was a God-inspired obsession, a heavenly calling. God has given me more understanding since my boyhood days, both through divine revelation and through practical experience.
I would describe my achievements in life as mediocre. I have a checkered history where my personal relationships are concerned. Today I am happily married to a wonderfully on-fire woman of God, and we have a beautifully blended family of five children and one granddaughter. I attribute this outcome solely to the grace of God. (If you knew my story you would too, trust me.) My children are good kids. I am very proud of the adults they are becoming but none of them are really on fire for God…yet. I have a successful career, currently holding a managerial position at a natural gas company, but I could have achieved more. I can’t say I have won many souls for Christ, nor have I any notoriety in the Christian world. There is only one thing that I have truly excelled at – inner work. I have a dogged commitment to doing the hard, hidden work of maturity.
So let me set your expectations straight upfront: This book is about the unglamourous, unheralded hard work of becoming like Christ that most won’t see and very few will give you accolades for, BUT it is THE MOST important work that you can do, and if you choose to put in the work, your reward will be great indeed.
Excited? Let’s start unpacking it with Romans 8:19 (NLT):
For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God.
It is significant that in this verse the apostle Paul used the Greek word huios (which is translated as ‘sons’). There are four possible words that he could have used. There is nepios which is a word used to describe an infant. An example of its usage is contained in Hebrews 5:13. Then there is paidion which is a young child as used in Matthew 19:13-14. There is also teknion which describes an adolescent or immature young adult. In the New Testament, it is often used by a teacher to refer to his disciples who have not yet matured. For example, in 1 John 5:21. Finally, there is huios. It is the word used for a mature son. It is the word used to describe Christ as the Son of God, and the word Christ used for Himself when he referred to Himself as the Son of Man.
Therefore, in the context of Romans 8:19, all of creation is not longing merely for more converts to Christianity, but for all the Christian babies, children and teenagers to grow into mature manhood and womanhood. This is what the world is waiting to see, and this is the cause that I have given my life to. My mission is to be an example, a catalyst and a servant in God’s glorious plan for maturing the Bride of Christ into absolute perfection, full authority and dazzling beauty of the fullness of Christ! I too, am eagerly longing for the church (myself included) to grow up into the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ. I hope it will happen in my lifetime, but even if it doesn’t, I will happily dedicate the rest of my years in service of this vision. Of course, this is not just my vision, this is God’s heart desire for His daughters and sons. He longs for us to come to maturity.
This mission is the reason for this book. My prayer is that you will find practical wisdom here that will help you grow in Christ. This is a book about the how – how we become mature. The contents are the gleanings of my journey toward maturity. I converted to Christianity as a teenager when I became a Roman Catholic through the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults (RCIA). Then, at twenty-one, I became a born-again believer and got baptized (again) in a non-denominational church with Pentecostal roots. However, I did not begin to see significant growth in my maturity until my late thirties.
What was responsible for this acceleration in my spiritual growth? A God-encounter. Up until that moment I had experienced a lot of religion and a lot of behaviour modification but limited transformation. What I mean is, I was filled with knowledge about God and how a Christian should behave but I had very little (if any) change in my internal desires and motivations.
(To read about my testimony, check out my first book – Authentic Joy).
After my encounter with the liquid love of Jesus, I began to see a change in my life. This was not as a result of my willpower, but through the power of the Holy Spirit, fuelled by His love for me and my love for Him.
This is how it started for me. From that moment, I would meet with my Rabbi every morning with excitement to discover what He wanted to teach me each morning. That was over ten years ago, and it was just the first key to unlocking a life of transformation. On these pages, I will share with you all that I have learned from my successes and my failures on my life’s journey thus far.
Stay tuned for more sneak peek previews in days to come!
NEW ONLINE WORKSHOP: BECOMING MATURE PART1
How Jesus Started His Leadership Journey
Jesus was practically unknown by the world for most of his life. When John baptized Him at the age of 30 he launched into ministry. I believe there are important lessons for every leader contained in the first 3 things that Jesus did after he ‘went public’. (These lessons are all taken from Matthew chapter 4).
Testing
The first thing that Jesus had to do as a newly anointed leader was successfully make it through a time of testing in the desert. He was faced with several tests that proved He was ready for the responsibility of leadership. These tests were designed to prove that He had the character to steward the power that He was given responsibly.
I believe as leaders we must pass these tests as well if we are to lead with honour and righteousness:
Test #1: Will you mis-use your power as a leader to benefit yourself? “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become loaves of bread.” Mat 4:3b (NLT)
Test #2: Will you mis-use your power and influence to advertise how great you are? “If you are the Son of God, jump off! For the Scriptures say, ‘He will order his angels to protect you. And they will hold you up with their hands so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone.'” Mat 4:6 (NLT)
Test #3: Will you compromise your values to accumulate power and possessions? “I will give it all to you,” he said, “if you will kneel down and worship me.” Mat 4:9 (NLT)
Jesus’ response was No, No, NO! What will our response be? If you cannot pass these tests then you cannot lead honourably.
So what enabled Jesus to pass these tests? It was not solely His knowledge of the scripture. It was 30 years of internal work. 30 years of spiritual formation and character development. 30 years of preparation for 3 years of ministry.
Are you doing the inner work necessary for leadership?
Start With A Succession Plan
After successfully defeating all of the devil’s temptations, Matthew chapter 4 records an interesting turn of events. First, John the Baptist is arrested and Jesus begins to preach John’s message: “Repent of your sins and turn to God, for the Kingdom of Heaven is near.” Then Jesus begins to select the guys who will eventually succeed Him.
Jesus takes over the reins of leadership from John and doesn’t immediately bring some new, cutting-edge message. He continues what John already started. He honours the pioneer who went before Him. How well do we honour those who have gone before us? Do we build upon what has gone before or are we constantly destroying the foundations in a vain attempt to make a name for ourselves?
But equally or even more poignant is the fact that Jesus sets a succession plan in motion at the very start of his ministry. From the inception, Jesus is thinking beyond His time on earth. Do we as leaders think like that? Are we putting off the preparation of the next generation to some time in the future when we are too old to be the top dog? Are we even thinking about what happens after we are gone?
Show & Tell
Finally, Jesus began to travel around the region preaching, teaching, healing and setting people free from demonic bondage. Jesus was not an armchair preacher. He was not even a pulpit preacher. He was out among the people demonstrating the Good News that He announced.
When you met Jesus, you didn’t just get an earful of inspiring talk. He didn’t just cast vision and roll out strategic plans. Jesus stopped for the one – the individual. An encounter with Jesus was unforgettable. He left you better than He met you. You saw the power of God at work, for real, in living colour.
As leaders, do we live what we preach? Do we walk the talk? Are we willing to put our money where our mouth is? Are we willing to lead from alongside instead of from our office or our pulpit? Are we busy managing the organization and forgetting about the individual touch?