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Category: Personal Transformation

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The Ladder of Inference

The biggest determining factor of the quality of our relationships is the quality of our communication. And the quality of our relationships greatly influences the quality of our life. In fact, some say that the quality of our relationships is the quality of our life.

Therefore, I would argue that communication is the most important skill for life. In that vein, I would like to share with you a model for how we process data. The model is called The Ladder of Inference (shown below).

The ladder has seven steps (starting at the bottom rung):

  1. Observable data and experiences. These are the raw facts that we hear and see. Let’s use an example: Last week Friday I told my friend Jim that I found it unfair that when we go out he never pays for anything. I played football with Jim on Monday and we talked briefly on the phone on Tuesday. I see him in the mall on Thursday and he passes me straight without saying hello and he looks angry. That’s the data.
  2. Select data. This is the data that we choose to designate as important while ignoring the rest. In this example I select the fact that I told Jim about his cheap ways and now he passes me straight and he looks angry. I completely ignore the other two times that I interacted with Jim.
  3. Add meaning. At this stage we interpret the data and add some meaning to it based on our personal and cultural values. So now I conclude that Jim must be angry with me because he passed me straight. I add this meaning because that’s what I would do if I was angry at someone (personal) and because in my culture to not acknowledge someone you know is an affront.
  4. Make assumptions. Now I make the assumption that Jim is angry at me because I reproached him about his cheapskate behaviour.
  5. Draw conclusions. At this stage we come to some grand theory. I conclude that Jim has only been using me to get free drinks all along. He was never really my friend.
  6. Adopt beliefs. This high up on the inference ladder, my conclusions based on this situation become firmly held beliefs – People will use you for your money if you let them. All people are interested in is what they can get from you.
  7. Take action. At the top of the ladder I act based on my beliefs. I treat everyone with scepticism and distrust and don’t buy drinks for anyone unless they buy for me first.

What actually happened was that Jim had just heard that a thief had broken into his house, so he was angry and hurrying home to appraise the situation. His mind was so preoccupied that he did not even see me even though I walked right past him.

The steps taken up the inference ladder in this example sound crazy given the reality, right? But this is what we do all the time. The most insidious thing about the ladder of inference is that our beliefs dictate the data we select next time. We are biased to ‘seeing’ only what we already believe. The good news is that we can counteract this cycle with three simple habits:

  1. Be aware of our thought process. Ask yourself, “Is this a fact or an assumption? Am I making a fair conclusion here? Is there something I could be missing? Am I 100% sure that I have all the information?”
  2. Be open and transparent about your thought process. Let people know what you are thinking. Chances are they can fill in some missing context.
  3. Ask people about their thought processes. It’s highly likely everyone else is busy climbing up their inference ladder too. Pause and ask, “How did you come to that conclusion? Why did you say that? What’s your thought process? Why did you choose that course of action?”

Keeping the ladder of inference in mind (pun intended) has the potential to improve the quality of our communication drastically. Try it out and see the positive effects in your relationships!

Click the hyperlink to learn more about the ladder of inference.

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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The Fire Series – Do Not Be Afraid!

The concept of the fear of God in the bible has been greatly misunderstood and miscommunicated. The result has been a reckless amount of fear-mongering, damnation and hellfire preaching that completely misses the heart of God for His people. To get an accurate understanding of the fear of God I wish to start by examining two scriptures:

Proverbs 9:10 (ESV)

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is insight.

1 John 4:18 (ESV)

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

There is a contradiction here that we need to figure out. If God is love, and God loves us unconditionally, and we are commanded to love Him with all our heart and mind and soul and strength, then how does the ‘fear of the Lord’ fit into this?

The key to this conundrum, I propose, is that those two verses are talking about two different types of fear. 1 John 4:18 is talking about the fear of punishment. This type of fear is not what God wants us to have, especially for Him! However, this has been a significant part of our Christian teachings. In one form or another I am sure most of us have suffered under the weight of a notion that God is waiting to punish us for every sin we commit. This is absolutely not true my friends! This is a lie that the enemy has planted in the church to keep us from running into the arms of our merciful Saviour.

There are thousands, if not millions, of people who would be in church or coming to God right now but for the fact that they are afraid of Him! They are afraid of the wrath of God; a belief that they have been sold by well-meaning but ignorant pastors, priests and believers. This fear has no place in the perfected Body of Christ. Perfect love casts out fear!

What is the fear of God then? The Proverbs 9:10 type of fear is much better translated ‘reverence’ or ‘awe’. To illustrate:

Hebrews 5:7

(NKJV)

7 who, in the days of His flesh, when He had offered up prayers and supplications, with vehement cries and tears to Him who was able to save Him from death, and was heard because of His godly fear

(ESV)

7 In the days of his flesh, Jesus offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to him who was able to save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverence.

The New King James Version uses the phrase ‘godly fear’ to try to distinguish this type of fear but the word ‘godly’ is not in the original Greek. The same word used in Hebrews 12:28:

(NKJV)

28 Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear.

(ESV):

28 Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe,

While the translators in the NKJV try to achieve a better understanding in the minds of the reader by using the qualifier ‘godly’, the ESV translators do away with the potentially misunderstood word ‘fear’ entirely and use instead the word ‘awe’.

You see godly fear or fear of God is not a fear of punishment but an absolute reverence and awe of God. This reverence is an acknowledgement with every fiber of our being that He is BIG and we are small. It is an awe at the complete sovereignty and omniscience of God. The beginning of wisdom is knowing that compared to an all-knowing God we know nothing!

Paradoxically, the most jaw-dropping quality of this God we serve is that He wants to have a relationship with us; us mere created things; us sinners. And so, true fear of God actually draws us closer to Him in adoration and gratitude. It is our Adamic nature that causes us to run from God just as Adam tried to hide in the garden as man felt shame for the first time in human history. Whenever this Adamic fear threatens us, know that God is saying, “Do not be afraid.” It is a command that is repeated over and over in the bible. “Do not be afraid. Do not be afraid. Do not be afraid!”

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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Ole Talk

Stephen Covey said, “You can’t talk yourself out of something you behaved yourself into.” It is one of those leadership principles that is so deceptively simple that the full power of it can easily be overlooked. So many times, as leaders (at home and at work) we fail to grasp how what we are saying is being undermined by what we are doing. So deep is our self-deception sometimes that we are genuinely surprised when our followers are not motivated or engaged or buying into whatever we are trying to sell.

It’s like if I tell my children, “I will give you licks (a spanking) if you do that one more time.” It barely has any effect because they have not seen the behaviour to back up my ‘ole talk’. My lack of disciplinary enforcement is the behaviour that needs to change before my words have any weight.

The same happens at the office… Two common examples of messages that are hardly ever ‘heard’ unless the behaviour to back it up is first evidenced are:

  • We care about staff
  • We are implementing a new…..

So many leaders are living in a dream world where caring means nicely worded all-staff communiques and slogans and presentations. The one truth about caring is that it must be felt and felt personally. Caring can only be communicated by action in the context of one on one interaction. The caring organization only exists insofar as the people at the top are truly caring for person X and person Y and person Z. Even if you implement a policy that is beneficial to all employees it will not move the dial much unless the staff experience it in how it is applied to them personally by their bosses.

An example of caring that I remember well is when many years ago I was feeling very ill and throwing up at work and my boss told his secretary to drive me home in his car. See what I mean!  Personal, sincere behaviour. You can’t talk your way out of uncaring behaviour.

The other bug bear is the rolling out of a new anything if the management has a history of no sustainable follow through. No matter how fancy the launch or how sincere you sound this time, everybody knows it won’t last. The initiative is practically doomed to fail from the start because nobody is really going to bother much with it, confident in the knowledge that it won’t be around for long.

We should always count the cost of change. If it is a real change, it will cost something, and we have to be willing to back up our talk with the tough decisions. Our people know who we really are. If we are risk averse, they know the new entrepreneurial business idea will grind to a halt the first time that we have to stick our necks out and take some risk. If we are cheap, they know that upgrading to a 21st century IT system is not going to happen. We can’t talk louder than who we are.

Therefore, leadership is at the most fundamental level about self-development and personal transformation. Who we are being at home and at work dictates the efficacy of our leadership. If we want change in our families, places of worship and workplaces it literally begins with the change we are willing to make in ourselves.

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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The Fire Series – Can God Use A Cold Christian?

The answer is YES! Let me show you how!

Rev 3:15-19:

15 “‘I know your works: you are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot! 16 So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth. 17 For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiable, poor, blind, and naked. 18 I counsel you to buy from me gold refined by fire, so that you may be rich, and white garments so that you may clothe yourself and the shame of your nakedness may not be seen, and salve to anoint your eyes, so that you may see. 19 Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline, so be zealous and repent.

This is a well-known verse and what is usually emphasized is that we need to be blazing hot for Jesus or that we need to avoid being lukewarm! What is usually understood is that lukewarm isn’t good enough, we need to be on fire! This automatically means that if we are cold we are not even in the race. Cold is definitely NOT where we want to be, we think! But let’s look at the passage again.

It says that God wishes that we were either cold or hot. In other words, hot is good and cold is good, it’s lukewarm that’s the issue. The analogy is to a drink. It’s either a hot cup of coffee or a cold glass of juice. Lukewarm coffee or juice? Yuck! Spit that out!

You see, Jesus is getting at the heart condition of the church. Hot or cold refers to a people that know the condition of their heart and cry out to God accordingly. The lukewarm people are pretenders, pretending that everything is fine, pretending to be righteous. They are ‘too blessed to be stressed’ and are busy putting on a self-righteous show of the perfect Christian life. They say, “I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing” when in fact they are “wretched, pitiable, poor, blind and naked.” God can’t help self-righteous pretenders and if He can’t help them, He can’t use them.

The cold Christian on the other hand knows the condition of his heart and falls on his face before God asking for repentance daily. God loves cold Christians! These meek Christians diligently seek Christ wherein is their treasure, righteousness and healing (gold, white garments, salve)!

So, if you feel a bit cold today, don’t worry, God can handle cold. Don’t be too proud to confess your doubts and fears and failures. Don’t worry about what people will think of you or say about you.  Of what account is man! Cry out to your God! He longs to hear your genuine heart cries! There is NOTHING that is beyond His love if you keep it real with Him. I’ve seen Him take my bereft and broken moments and make them beautiful over and over again!

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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Rebels And Sycophants, Tyrants and Nice Guys

A major part of life on this planet is about how we relate to authority and how we carry authority. Our relationship with authority starts almost the moment we take our first breath. First our parents, then teachers, then bosses. Eventually, we may ourselves be in positions of authority.

To explore how we deal with authority, I have chosen four stereotypes for discussion:

  • The rebel
  • The sycophant
  • The tyrant
  • The nice guy

The rebel’s response to authority is an obstructionist one. The rebel does not like being told what to do. His strategy can range from complete insubordination to subtle undermining. He is the child who does the exact opposite of what he is told to do by his parents who are frequently called into the school on account of his misbehaviour. At work he is that trouble worker that is every boss’ nightmare. The union is his best friend and he takes every opportunity to discredit his supervisor/manager.

The sycophant on the other hand lives to please her parent or teacher or boss. She loves to be the favourite daughter or the favourite student. She fetches coffee for her boss without being asked, is lavish with her compliments and bends over backwards to meet every demand. She uses every means necessary to remain in favour with her upper line including hiding unfavourable facts. Her priority is to stay in the good books.

The tyrant is the boss that uses her authority to reinforce her own authority or the bully in school. She delights in the ability to bend others to her will. For her, authority is a tool for domination and control. The tyrant enjoys making others lives miserable by making unreasonable demands and setting impossible targets. The only consideration in the tyrant decision-making is what is favourable for herself.

The nice guy cannot bear the thought of not being liked by his children or his staff. He avoids uncomfortable discussions about poor performance and can only take disciplinary action behind the curtains of a higher-level order or clear policy infraction that forces his hand. At home, he is the parent that refers the tough decisions to his wife and spoils them behind her back.

Of course, these are caricatures of traits that may exist in smaller measures or varying combinations. For example, a tyrant boss can often be a sycophant with his boss. The question is, “What is a healthy, balanced way of relating to authority and carrying authority?” The rule I find useful in this regard and the standard to which I aspire (I do not always succeed) is to do the most good for the most number of people.

I believe that if we took this attitude when relating to those in authority over us, we would strike a happy balance between seeking our boss’ goodwill while doing all in our power to seek the best for others as well. That could mean at times standing up to our boss or refusing an instruction or bringing information to light that she may not want to hear or that casts ourselves in a bad light.

Likewise, in discharging our responsibilities as those in authority we would not seek to do harm to our staff or to pander to them. Our focus would be to help them to succeed yet not pander to them in ways that could bring harm to others or the company (all employees).

The same philosophy can be applied to parenting. We seek the highest good of our children which can mean praise or discipline as required. We also seek to parent in such a way as to produce adults that contribute to the highest good of society. One can easily see how producing self-centred or undisciplined children contravene that aim.

Let us seek to do the highest good to the most number of people in all that we do.

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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Performance Pressure

Next month my 12-year-old daughter writes the big SEA exam for entrance into secondary school. My 16-year-old son will also write his O’Level exams around the same time. Meanwhile, at work we have been having conversations about setting more challenging goals and cultivating a high-performance culture. These days, it is more evident to me than ever before how deeply this performance culture permeates our society.

There are side-effects to this culture that reminds me of those ads for some new wonder drug that promises to change your life, but possible side effects include drowsiness, depression, nausea, dizziness and erectile dysfunction. You begin to wonder if the drug is worth it right?

Some of the side effects of a performance culture that I have observed are:

  1. Unhealthy comparison/competition
  2. Confusing ability to perform with self-worth
  3. Fear of failure

Unhealthy comparison/competition

I have children with different natural abilities and talents. One may be great at math while another may have great physical agility. One may have a superior command of the English language, while another may be good at arts and craft. I see my role as a father as facilitating the emergence of the best in each of them based on their individual potential (not their performance compared to others).

Unavoidably, that means unequal treatment. To illustrate: If I have one child who is a natural math genius and they get 95% in an exam and another who struggles with math and they get 65% in an exam, I would reward them equally. What the performance culture does is sets up a way of thinking that encourages comparison against others rather than against your own potential. So, the child who gets 95% may feel unfairly treated because he/she did much better than the other one. But that’s ok. Far worse is the child that is always held to the standards of his/her sibling. It can leave awful scars.

In business, the negative behaviours that this type of thinking often breed is unhealthy competition between peers or departments. Unhealthy meaning that individual or departmental success is prioritized above the company’s overall success. Once I meet my targets that’s all that matters!

Confusing ability to perform with self-worth

This is one that I’m particularly watchful for any signs of in my children. Too often failing to pass an exam or win a match is interpreted as a reflection on personal self-worth. It needs to be said that the top students and top athletes are not necessarily better people! So often we write-off people because they don’t have the credentials or track-record that we think is important. There are so many valuable attributes that are not generally measured!

Failing an exam does not make you a failure. Not meeting your goals does not make you a failure. The human being is more than the narrow band that society focuses on. The same culture is also in the church by the way, the indicators are just different. The church measurables are: How long do you pray? How many times do you attend church? How well do you know the bible? How long have you been married? How long have you been serving the Lord? Are your children serving the Lord? Thankfully, God does not measure us that way. We are all The Father’s children and we were all worthy enough that Jesus died for us, every one!

Fear of failure

In a paradoxical way, this high-performance culture ensures mediocrity. If you know that your boss is going to measure you by what you say you are going to achieve, then you are not going to set any outrageous goals. But don’t we want people to go after the unattainable, the outrageous? Sure we do, but we are never going to get that unless it is ok to fail.

The other way we insure against failure is by taking as few risks as possible. We are constantly taking the safest road possible because we know that we will be severally penalized for failure. The culture keeps our focus on the wrong thing; on what could go wrong, instead of what could go right!

This happens at home too. Do we parents support our children when they come with some outrageous pie-in-the-sky dream? Sometimes we stifle our children by making them play it safe. Go to school and become a doctor or a lawyer. Drop out and start a business making earrings? Don’t be crazy! However, some of our most celebrated business leaders today started out as college drop-outs with crazy ideas.

In summary, here’s my philosophy of life in answer to this prevailing culture:

  1. The only person I’m in competition with is myself. I challenge myself to grow continuously and become all that God wants me to become. I don’t want to leave unfulfilled potential on the table.
  2. I don’t have to succeed at the expense of your failure. We can all succeed together. I believe in win-win. I believe we can all be exceptional!
  3. I believe every single person is highly valuable not because of anything they have done or not done but because they were created by God. Every person has something valuable that they can add to my life and if I don’t see it, it just means I’m not looking hard enough.
  4. Failure is an opportunity to learn! I am not defined by my failures. I am not afraid of failure. I am afraid of not living life to the fullest!

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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The Fire Series: The Progression of The Church – Are We Getting Better or Worse?

A distinct characteristic of Christ is His humility and commitment to serve others. We just celebrated Palm Sunday which commemorates the day that Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey and all hailed him as king. It was a pivotal moment when He was recognized as the King of Israel and how He chose to be in that moment was not coincidental. He could have rode in on a stallion or in a chariot but He chose a young donkey. Jesus went to great lengths to communicate that He came to humbly serve.

In Matthew 20 he gives the disciples a lesson in leadership:

25 But Jesus called them to him and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. 26 It shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, 27 and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, 28 even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

As Jesus-followers our mandate is one of service. This is the mark of the true disciples of Jesus. It is in this context that I wish to discuss the church and its progression through history. Many people say that the church has lost its place of influence in society I do not believe that that is a complete picture of the church. I believe that the church has been advancing steadily from the day of Pentecost until now. I believe that Jesus has been building and maturing His church indomitably throughout the ages. I believe the church is getting better and better.

My difference of opinion stems from my view of how the church is called to influence culture. I believe like Christ, we are called to serve. Christ did not come to form a political kingdom or institute laws to force all to bow to His way. It is in this context that I assess the church and I believe that a good way to assess the heart of the church is to look at what Christians do when they are the major influence in society. The true heart of Christians comes to the fore when they have political power and social clout at their disposal. At the end of the age, this is where we are heading; to reign and rule with Christ and the issue will be the same as it was in Matthew 20; will we lord it over others or serve them?

To illustrate why I believe that the church is getting better, let’s take a brief walk through the history of the church. The early church was a persecuted minority under Roman rule. In fact, the word Christian (little-Christ) was not a compliment in those days, it was a put down that entitled you to persecution and even death. Many of the early disciples were executed for preaching the gospel. Then, in 313 AD, Constantine became the first Christian Roman Emperor and Christianity became the official religion in 380 AD. The Roman Catholic Church became a force to be reckoned with and the real heart of Christianity was unveiled.

By 1184 AD the church had taken it upon itself to suppress all who did not agree with its way of thinking. The Medieval inquisitions began. Heresy was a crime against the state and heretics were imprisoned and in the worst cases, burned at the stake. It seems that Christians had quickly forgotten what it was like to be persecuted for your beliefs.

At the same time war was being waged against the Muslims to take the Holy Land. The Crusades as these ‘holy wars’ (Jihad?) were called lasted from 1096-1272. The church used military might to extend its influence. Christians killing in the name of Christ; the ultimate oxymoron. Like a toddler on a throne, the church used its unbridled influence to make the world bow to its will by violence.

Fast forward to the 15th century, the “Age of Discovery”, when European nations began to colonize new territories. These white settlers saw it as their responsibility to bring civilization, commercialisation and Christianity (the three Cs) to the savages living in the new world. At this stage the church has matured from imprisoning or killing people for not believing in Christ. Instead, painting themselves as bearers of the light, missionaries rode the tide of colonisation and systematically indoctrinated the newly invaded territories. The heart of the church was characterised by a spirit of superiority that made them duty bound to deliver the natives of Africa and the Americas from their barbaric living. At the same time, the church if not actively, at least passively, supported the slave trade, the systematic eradication of native cultures and the dehumanization of non-European, non-Christian peoples.

In the 16th century there is a huge split in the church that marks the end of a homogenous Christian church. “The Reformation”, initiated in 1517 by the German Catholic monk, Martin Luther, sets off a splintering of the church that has resulted in an estimated 30,000+ Christian denominations in existence today. This is another marker of an immature church – the inability to hold differences of opinion without breaking relationship.

A huge jump forward is made in the late 17th century when the Catholic Church formally condemns the slave trade. Eventually, due in no small part to the work of evangelical, William Wilberforce, slavery is abolished in England in 1833. In 1863 after a bitter civil war, Abraham Lincoln’s emancipation proclamation ends slavery in America.  However, that is just the beginning of what was a hard fought battle for civil rights and freedoms for the former African slaves. The most notable proponent in this battle is Martin Luther King Jr – a Baptist minister who led non-violent protests in the 20th century to win equality for African American people. It cost him his life in 1968.

Today the church is effectively severed from state affairs and has a much humbler posture. We feed the poor, advocate for the refugee and promote respect for the human dignity of all men. The message of the gospel is preached worldwide (even in places where it is illegal to do so) and converts are completely voluntary. I also see signs that the divisions in the Body of Christ are being bridged. We are bridging our theological divides with a renewed spirit of love and maturity.

We as a corporate body are closer to the Christ-model than ever before in history and those who long for the days when Christianity was forced upon the public are in fact harbouring the vestiges of immaturity that I hope we have permanently left behind. Of course, there is still a way to go. There is a thriving business within the church where Christ is used for self-enrichment and promotion. There are still many who believe that Christian morals should be enshrined in law. And there are many more who try to use fear or social power to shame and condemn people into Christian ideals but that is not the way of Christ. God holds the human will as sacrosanct in that He does not force anyone to follow Him and He is not interested in that kind of kingdom.

The kingdom of God is a voluntary surrender to a worthy King. A King so kind and loving and merciful and pure that all who truly see Him cannot help but bow before Him.  Our job is to unveil THAT King! To unveil the Christ who while having the complete power to bend all space and time to His will, allowed Himself to be mocked, beaten and killed so that we could have eternal life!  When the Church can possess complete power and yet use not one ounce of that power to bend another’s will by even the slightest margin, but only to love and serve and entreat, then we would have arrived at the fullness of Christ!

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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The Fire Series: God Thinks Outside The Box

Recently I have been getting the urge to write on topics that deal more directly with issues of the Christian faith. This week I felt it so strongly. Like the prophet Jeremiah said:

If I say, “I will not mention him, or speak any more in his name,” there is in my heart as it were a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I am weary with holding it in, and I cannot.

So today is the start of “The Fire Series!” which will be interspersed in between my usual posts.

This week one of the things that got me fired up was a message from Kris Vallotton of Bethel Church. I was listening to the podcast on the way from work and he illustrated something from scripture, from an angle that I had never thought of before. It struck a deep chord with what I knew to be true in my heart. So much so, that I felt like shouting “Hallelujah!” and acting like a crazy man in my truck. The scripture is the well-known account in Acts 2 when the disciples are waiting in the upper room for the Holy Spirit that Jesus promised. And He comes! Like the sound of a mighty rushing wind that fills the whole house, He comes! In divided flames of fire, resting on each disciple, He comes! And then they start to speak in tongues (languages) that are not their own. The people in the city hear them and are confused because they know that these guys don’t speak those languages. Unable to comprehend what could possibly be going on, they come up with the most likely explanation in their minds; these guys must be drunk.

But Peter addresses the crowd and says this (Acts 2:14-18):

14 But Peter, standing with the eleven, lifted up his voice and addressed them: “Men of Judea and all who dwell in Jerusalem, let this be known to you, and give ear to my words. 15 For these people are not drunk, as you suppose, since it is only the third hour of the day. 16 But this is what was uttered through the prophet Joel:

17 “‘And in the last days it shall be, God declares, that I will pour out my Spirit on all flesh, and your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, and your young men shall see visions, and your old men shall dream dreams; 18 even on my male servants and female servants in those days I will pour out my Spirit, and they shall prophesy.

Familiar verse right? But imagine if we were there in that verse and we were Jews. What would we think? Well, we would probably call them crazy and we definitely would say that this speaking in tongues business is not of God (as some still say today). Because we would look at our bible (only the OT at that time) and say, “Speaking in tongues is not in the bible, therefore it is not of God!” (In our deepest, most authoritative tone of course.) And this crazy pastor/pope, Peter is leading people astray! I mean, plainly, Joel lists three things as evidence of the outpouring of the Spirit:

  1. Prophecy
  2. Visions
  3. Dreams

What’s not on that list? Speaking in tongues!!! The brightest Christian scholars would examine the Hebrew and the grammar and it would be dissected on pulpits around the world and this crazy, unscriptural, ungodly movement would be soundly rebuked as unbiblical – not of God!

So how did Peter connect this passage in Joel with what was happening in the upper room? What is it the he understood that we don’t? Peter understood God. He had walked with Jesus long enough to know that God is not what we expect. You see, Peter did not speak by intellectual acumen or human reasoning. Peter made a declaration of a truth that was downloaded into his spirit from The Spirit. He had a knowing deep in his gut that THIS IS THAT! And! He was willing to believe God rather than his own intellectual thinking. He understood the profoundly simple truth that God does not conform to the limits of our minds.

Today, the average Christian has been taught to put God in a box. If it’s not in the bible, it’s not God. The problem that is so well illustrated by the scripture above is that we do not have the mental wattage to interpret the mind of God in scripture. God never intended for us to go around looking for a verse that aligns to every situation. What He wants for us is so much more relational, so much more dynamic and so much more powerful!

I’m taking God out my mind-box. I want to see all that He is and all that He wants to do on this earth. I want Him to blow my mind and shatter my limitations! The God I serve is BIG. Bigger than I could ever conceive and I want to experience as much of Him as I possibly can.

In Matthew 12:22-32 Jesus delivers a demon-possessed man. (Again, something that had never been done before. At least not in the bible.) The religious leaders of the time again come to the wrong conclusion; it must be by a demon that Jesus is casting out demons. And it is in this context Jesus makes a deeply sobering statement, “…whoever speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven, either in this age or in the age to come.” I don’t know about you but that gets my attention. Really gets my attention!

When I hear about something new that seems strange I don’t want my first question to be, “Is it in the bible? And if not then it’s not God.” I want my first question to be, “Woah! God is that Your Holy Spirit at work? I trust you completely to lead me into all truth. So, if it is You, I want to know more! I want to experience it myself! Bring it on Holy Spirit!”

I thank You Lord that You are not a God that I can wrap my mind around. Then You wouldn’t be God, I would be god. But I’m not, and You are! You alone are God! Hallelujah!

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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Parenting Is Hard

Parenting is hard enough but single co-parenting (a term I just invented to mean when you are not in a relationship with the other parent) is ten times as hard. As I came down from the euphoria of vacation and the cold water of reality splashed my face, this was one of the harsh realities of my life that met me at the door.

“Daddy, you don’t spend any time with us,” was the latest issue. It was not something that I hadn’t heard before, but the complaint seemed to be getting louder. It’s an issue that I find particularly frustrating because their point of view and mine are so far apart. They take for granted the fact that I changed by working hours and hardly ever work late just so that I can drop them to school in the morning and see them in the evening. They don’t know how much of a social life I forego just to be present in their lives. They have no clue and they probably never will until they have children of their own.

What exacerbates the issue is that their reference point is their mother who is a stay at home mom. She has the advantage of being at their beck and call 24-7 if she chooses. In a ‘normal’ family where the mother is at home, I guess she would help the children to understand that daddy has to work etc. I unfortunately, have to deal with the opposite dynamic.

Thus, when I sat down to have a heart to heart with my kids I tried to discern not only what they were saying but how they really felt. It was clear that they did not feel unloved or neglected but they did want more meaningful time with me doing things that they like. I realized that with my daughter’s preparation for the big SEA exams and their extra-curricular schedule, most of our time was spent being busy. Busy getting ready for school, busy getting ready for bed, busy getting ready for lessons, busy getting to football training, busy, busy, busy…

So, despite how skewed their viewpoint might be, there was inside there some truth that I could not ignore. I weighed my options.  What more I could do to be a better dad? I weighed the wants versus the needs. Children always want. A significant challenge is always to give them what they need not necessarily what they want. What could I do that would answer the need in their lives? What was I willing to give up? That question brought me right up against another significant challenge; finding the balance between sacrificing for your children without sacrificing your health.

In the end, I gave up one football sweat a month and my Saturday morning run would be reduced to every other week. In exchange I would have some more unhurried time with my children. I’m not expecting huge outpourings of gratitude and that doesn’t matter to me. My fulfilment is in their success as Godly, loving, happy, contributing human beings. In their eyes, compared to their mother, I might still be the second-rate parent, but I believe their hearts know better. I can feel it in their hugs.

Parenting is hard but anything worthwhile is hard.

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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Always Play To Your Strengths!

Greetings from beautiful Lake Tahoe. The snow-covered trees look like a fairy tale. Well, my first day skiing was a disaster. I SUCK at skiing. I spent the whole day falling on the beginner run. By the end of the day I knew that if I wanted to enjoy the rest of my days on the slopes I had to switch back to what I was reasonably good at – snowboarding. I went to the rental store and traded in my skiis for a board.

Day 2 was epic! After a couple runs on the beginner slope to refresh my memory, I was off to the intermediate runs. It was a good reminder that you don’t have to be good at everything. You will be more successful and have more fun in life if you play to your strengths.

Sometimes this is counter-cultural. We are trained to focus on our weaknesses. The focus of every appraisal and all professional development seems to be on what we need to improve. But that is not the only way and maybe not even the best way to approach your job or even your life. There is another school of though that says that your strengths (or gifts) are the most valuable assets that you bring to your work and your life and it is usually what gives you the greatest fulfilment. So in every situation look to see how you can best utilize your strengths and where you see a hole that you can’t fill, team up with someone with a strength in that area.

There is an online assessment tool that helps you to find your top strengths; www.gallupstrengthscenter.com. The results are not always what you expect. For instance, my top strength is Connectedness…. I never thought of connectedness as a strength. Then I read the description:

Things happen for a reason. You are sure of it. You are sure of it because in your soul you know that we are all connected. Yes, we are individuals, responsible for our own judgments and in possession of our own free will, but nonetheless we are part of something larger. Some may call it the collective unconscious. Others may label it spirit or life force. But whatever your word of choice, you gain confidence from knowing that we are not isolated from one another or from the earth and the life on it. This feeling of Connectedness implies certain responsibilities. If we are all part of a larger picture, then we must not harm others because we will be harming ourselves. We must not exploit because we will be exploiting ourselves. Your awareness of these responsibilities creates your value system. You are considerate, caring, and accepting. Certain of the unity of humankind, you are a bridge builder for people of different cultures. Sensitive to the invisible hand, you can give others comfort that there is a purpose beyond our humdrum lives. The exact articles of your faith will depend on your upbringing and your culture, but your faith is strong. It sustains you and your close friends in the face of life’s mysteries.

Life becomes a lot more joyful when we know our strengths and play to them! See you soon, I’m heading back up the mountain!

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls