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Tag: #love

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Love Is Invincible

I recently attended a wedding where a Catholic bride was wedded to a non-denominational Evangelical groom 😊. Before the nuptials his pastors had hoped that she would get ‘saved’ and baptized and her priest had impressed upon him that the Catholic Church was the only true church. They each listened politely but were unfazed. Their love for each other and respect that they had for their equally fervent but slightly unique faiths in God had been cemented in Christ by the Holy Spirit beyond the reach of doctrinal dogma.

The wedding started with the Latin song Veni Creator Spiritus, inviting the Holy Spirit. And He came. The church filled with joy, peace and love, mirroring the natural ambience created by the sunlight that filtered through the stained-glass windows and a light breeze that wafted through the sanctuary.

I suppose men will be arguing points of doctrine until Christ returns but you know what you can’t argue with? Love. God IS love.

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known. So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Love is the greatest! There is no higher law. Everything else will fade, everything else will give way under the sheer force of love. In the midst of our dark ignorance, constant failures and stumbling faith, God will still show up… for love.

In the midst of that church, a bridge of love was forged in the Spirit. Pastor and priest joined hands with bride and groom and God smiled. Two families united and the Holy Spirit danced. A multitude of sins were covered over and Jesus was glorified.

Copyright 2019, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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Deeper Is Better Than Broader

 

When it comes to relationships, deeper is better than broader. A meaningful relationship with one person is better than one hundred Facebook friends. Why is that Matik? Well I’m glad you asked! It’s because the real value of a relationship is only experienced when people can be real, and people can only be real when enough trust has been established to allow the vulnerability that being one’s true self entails.

Somewhere I read that disclosure is the currency of intimacy and it has stuck with me because it’s absolutely true. Relationships deepen as we share a little about our true thoughts and true feelings and if we are not rejected or mocked or judged but rather accepted then we share a little more. Then the other person may feel safe to share as well and soon enough a real friendship is established. The ultimate example of this should be a married couple of course. If you cannot be absolutely yourself with your spouse and feel absolutely safe, then something is amiss.

But why do I say that these intimate relationships are better than all the other platonic ones that we have? For two reasons:

1.  In any relationship in which you are not authentic, where you are keeping it professional, or where you are only showing your best side, you are missing opportunities for growth. You are missing opportunities for suggestions and feedback that could make your life dramatically more enriched. For example, when I go on business trips I like to share the challenges that my organization is currently facing with my business contacts because this has always been an amazing generator of partnerships and opportunities for my company. You never know what solutions and mutually beneficial relationships are out there unless you share. This principle has also been true in my personal friendships. People carry around a wealth of wisdom that they have gained through their experiences that you may never benefit from unless you have a real conversation with them. On the most intimate level, everyone needs love and to be known and accepted. Sharing your innermost self is a risk but the rewards are huge. Your soul blossoms in love. Usually but not always we get this kind of unconditional love from our parents, but they need not be the only ones. They should not be the only ones.

2.   Of course, this works both ways. The people in your life also need you. The real you needs to show up because your family and friends need to see your awesomeness. You have something that no one else can give. You are a walking growth opportunity for those around you. This is not giving advice (nobody really takes advice from someone they do not feel connected with anyway). This is more than that; it’s sharing your soul. Your naked soul is beautiful and speaks without you saying a word.

Let me tell you a story. Last Sunday morning I woke up and I did not feel like going to church. I felt like I should just spend some time taking it slow. You know, a lazy family kinda morning. “But I can’t, I have a friend that I promised to take to church and I have to lead worship” I thought. I had good reasons and skipping church can’t be a good thing, right? Then my friend messaged to say that she was not going to church. Hmmm, one excuse down but I still had to lead worship. So, I went to pick up my two youngest children who had spent the night at my parents house. They were in the same mood and I knew I would be late if the tug-of-war to get them out the house ensued. They were about to sit with my parents at the breakfast table where a pile of hot pancakes was waiting. You get the scene. I still ignored my instincts and went to church without them. Guess what? There was some mix-up and we were locked out of the church building that we use.  Eventually, I went back by my parents, but I knew that I had missed it. I had missed a moment to laugh and talk and deepen relationship with my children and parents.

I love my brothers and sisters at my church, but relationships aren’t built in a church service. If we are not intentional about it, we can be the most regular church-service-goers; smiling, shaking hands and giving hugs and it can all be meaningless because it’s all superficial. Choosing one brother or sister to call regularly or hang out with can be that monumental step from going to church toward being the church.

Now don’t get me wrong this is risky, messy business. Our true selves aren’t pretty sometimes and building meaningful relationships takes work. There will be hurts, misunderstandings, rejections…these are the risks but the rewards far far outweigh them! This message is doubly applicable to men whom I have found to be the most superficial creatures. You can have a friendship with a guy for decades and talk about nothing more impactful to his core being than football. We really need to step up men.

Go deep my friends and you will be rewarded with authentic joy!

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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Sermons and Dresses

Admittedly, I had but a passing interest in The Royal Wedding.  Until I heard a bit of the sermon of Bishop Michael Curry! I promptly searched for the sermon online and I couldn’t stop listening. The power of love captivated my attention! I was so excited about this message of love echoing around the world and touching lives suffering from severe love-deficit that when some colleagues started talking about the wedding I exclaimed, “Wasn’t that a powerful sermon!”.

I was shocked at the responses. Apparently, it was inappropriate, too long and disjointed. I am not usually one to be surprised by differing views but this one caught me off guard. So, what was the main highlight for these (mainly female) colleagues of mine; the dress. It was what they had stayed up late to see. They loved it!

Now, I don’t want to draw any inferences about my colleagues in particular because I am sure they are not alone. In fact, there are probably more than a few church goers for whom the much too short dress of Sister So-and-so seems more important than the message of Jesus Christ. (Just though I’d throw that out there to shake things up a bit. Ha ha!) I do, however, want us to think about our society as a whole and what we value. Do we value messages of love, kindness, compassion and selflessness? We talk about it but do our actions align?

Last night I fell asleep while reading in bed and my daughter came and took off my glasses, put my phone to charge and turned off the light. She had never done anything like that before. I was so proud of her and full of love for her and grateful for such beautiful children, all at the same time. I did make sure to thank her and express my appreciation for her thoughtfulness, but I couldn’t help but compare that with if she had come first in end-of-term exams, for example. For coming first in her class, she would be showered with rewards and recognition. Something is wrong somewhere.

What about at work? Has anyone ever received a positive appraisal because they were kind to their co-workers? But if we achieve all our targets at the expense of other people, are we rewarded? Many times, we are. Sometimes even publicly applauded.

Our values are skewed. And it’s no better in the church. If I were to judge from what most guys talk about and get excited about, the biggest religion in Trinidad is football. Most guys quicker identify as a Man-U fan than a Jesus fan. Keep it nice and superficial. Big man doh deal up with d touchy feely business.

So, I ask you what kind of world do you want to leave for generations to come? Do you want more love in this world? Is it time to re-look our value system? If you haven’t seen Bishop Curry’s sermon, you can watch it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gonlKodrmk and tell me what you think; which was better; the sermon or the dress?

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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Mummy And Me

From a young age I was very independent. As a result, my parents and I were not really close in the sense that we did not discuss life issues or have regular ‘check-ups’ like I imagine other families might. My mother would always complain that my dad, my sister and I would eat dinner in front of the television instead of having family interaction. I think she yearned to be more involved in our life. I can hear her now, “You all only in front of that screen every night! No conversation!”

Then we all became born-again (Pentecostal Christians) except mummy and she felt even more alienated. There is this concept when you become a Pentecostal that your real family now becomes your Christian brothers and sisters. This is true up to a point as, of course, you want to relate with people who are as excited about Jesus as you are but sometimes we take it too far which is what I did in my early Christian years.

About three years later, at the tender age of twenty-three, I got married. Another concept that seemed part of my Pentecostal experience is the concept of ‘leave and cleave’ which means when you get married you should leave your parents and cleave to your spouse. Needless to say, the gulf between mummy and I widened. Then things changed. Five years later I was getting divorced and had left the church. Now I was on the other side and I suddenly understood what it was to be out with the out crowd.

The people who I thought were my Christian family became aloof and distant as I was now a sinner. I never knew what scorn felt like until then. It is that feeling when someone has no regard for you whatsoever. When your opinion or viewpoint has no value to the other person. On the other hand, my old friends welcomed me back and my mother was a pillar of support. Funny how life is.

That began a process of recalibration, particularly where my mother is concerned. I began to let her into my life. To treat her like her opinion matters to me because she matters to me. Through my mistakes and experiences, I slowly began to mature.

I began to understand that love is more important than ideology, much much more important. I learned that everybody can add value to your life despite differences in ideologies, arguably, the more divergent their view from yours the more valuable their viewpoint. I learned that when people make mistakes or deliberate decisions that are against the core ideologies of your faith, the job of real Christians is to love and support the person even if you don’t support the decision.

I cannot change my past mistakes but going forward I can try to be a better person. I try to improve how I treat the people in my life (actually, how I treat people in general).  I have also dedicated my life to fighting this rotten attitude in the church that threatens to undermine all that we stand for because, without love, we are nothing.

So, for the first time in my life, at the age of forty-four, I am taking my mother on a trip. Just she and I, spending a week together. A week to bond, to discover a new part of the planet together, to deepen our relationship and for me to say thanks for all that she has been in my life.

Don’t make my mistakes. Don’t wait until you are forty-four like me. I am thankful I still have the chance to do it now but our time with the ones we love is unknown. Life won’t get any less busy. Initially, I thought I did not have the time or the money but in the end, all that was stopping me was the will. Connect meaningfully with your loved ones today. It will bring you and them much joy!

Joyfully,

Copyright 2017, Matik Nicholls