Mummy And Me

From a young age I was very independent. As a result, my parents and I were not really close in the sense that we did not discuss life issues or have regular ‘check-ups’ like I imagine other families might. My mother would always complain that my dad, my sister and I would eat dinner in front of the television instead of having family interaction. I think she yearned to be more involved in our life. I can hear her now, “You all only in front of that screen every night! No conversation!”

Then we all became born-again (Pentecostal Christians) except mummy and she felt even more alienated. There is this concept when you become a Pentecostal that your real family now becomes your Christian brothers and sisters. This is true up to a point as, of course, you want to relate with people who are as excited about Jesus as you are but sometimes we take it too far which is what I did in my early Christian years.

About three years later, at the tender age of twenty-three, I got married. Another concept that seemed part of my Pentecostal experience is the concept of ‘leave and cleave’ which means when you get married you should leave your parents and cleave to your spouse. Needless to say, the gulf between mummy and I widened. Then things changed. Five years later I was getting divorced and had left the church. Now I was on the other side and I suddenly understood what it was to be out with the out crowd.

The people who I thought were my Christian family became aloof and distant as I was now a sinner. I never knew what scorn felt like until then. It is that feeling when someone has no regard for you whatsoever. When your opinion or viewpoint has no value to the other person. On the other hand, my old friends welcomed me back and my mother was a pillar of support. Funny how life is.

That began a process of recalibration, particularly where my mother is concerned. I began to let her into my life. To treat her like her opinion matters to me because she matters to me. Through my mistakes and experiences, I slowly began to mature.

I began to understand that love is more important than ideology, much much more important. I learned that everybody can add value to your life despite differences in ideologies, arguably, the more divergent their view from yours the more valuable their viewpoint. I learned that when people make mistakes or deliberate decisions that are against the core ideologies of your faith, the job of real Christians is to love and support the person even if you don’t support the decision.

I cannot change my past mistakes but going forward I can try to be a better person. I try to improve how I treat the people in my life (actually, how I treat people in general).  I have also dedicated my life to fighting this rotten attitude in the church that threatens to undermine all that we stand for because, without love, we are nothing.

So, for the first time in my life, at the age of forty-four, I am taking my mother on a trip. Just she and I, spending a week together. A week to bond, to discover a new part of the planet together, to deepen our relationship and for me to say thanks for all that she has been in my life.

Don’t make my mistakes. Don’t wait until you are forty-four like me. I am thankful I still have the chance to do it now but our time with the ones we love is unknown. Life won’t get any less busy. Initially, I thought I did not have the time or the money but in the end, all that was stopping me was the will. Connect meaningfully with your loved ones today. It will bring you and them much joy!

Joyfully,

Copyright 2017, Matik Nicholls