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Tag: #transformation

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Inner Work

“What sorrow awaits you teachers of religious law and you Pharisees. Hypocrites! For you are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are filthy—full of greed and self-indulgence! You blind Pharisee! First wash the inside of the cup and the dish, and then the outside will become clean, too.

~ Matthew 23:25-26 (NLT) ~

If you want to grow, you must do the inner work. Inner work is the washing of the inside of our cup. It is facing our dirt and finding the root cause of how it got there and why it keeps coming back. It is getting healing from trauma. It is confronting our shame and facing our fears. It is bringing our selfishness and greed and pride to the cross to be crucified with Christ. This is the most sacred type of work and the most neglected.

I think there are three reasons why inner work is so neglected by Christians. Firstly, it is unseen, especially in the early stages. As you first begin to tackle your inner demons, not many will come up to congratulate you or encourage you on the excellent work you are doing. There will be no acclaim or reward for taking up that broom and mop and getting down in the muck of your inner life. The motivation to do inner work must come entirely from within (ultimately from God)… the militant commitment to give up your fake-life to follow Christ. Your sight of eternal life (not in heaven but here and now) must be larger… more attractive… more valuable… than the Pharisee-life of religious superiority and praise of men.

Which brings me to the second reason that inner work is so neglected. It requires us to be honest about our mess and that type of honesty will not win you many friends in the church. The vast majority of the church is in the business of cleaning the outside of the cup – managing sin – modifying behaviour. Jesus says we have to clean the inside first. Transformation, Jesus’ way, cleans the heart first and then (after some time) the outside becomes clean. This type of transformation is lasting, genuine and Christ glorifying. The problem is that while we are doing the inner work, our mess is visible and that is uncomfortable to our ego. Often, to really sort out the inside of our cup we will have to seek professional help, confide in family and close friends and generally be OK with not being ‘blessed and highly favoured, praise God’. For many, that price is too high.

The final barrier to inner work is the lack of tangible results. We are driven to perform. ‘Only results matter’, says the management adage, and we have bought it wholesale. Inner work is slow, and tangible results are not evident for a long time. You have to be more committed to the process than the results. This was my greatest challenge to my inner work. I saw men and women of God walking in great purpose in their 20s and, “What was I doing in my 40s?” my inner critic said. Nothing much. Decades of just trying to know God better and confront my own depravity without much evidence of the greatness I felt called to. There is this pressure to achieve something… anything… to exit the process prematurely.

This performance culture is a delusion and a distraction. Why are we more inclined to listen to a pastor who has twenty books, leads a mega-church and has hundreds of thousands of followers on twitter than the little faithful old ladies in our church? I’m a big fan of little faithful old ladies. Without these pillars, there would be no successful pastors. Often, they are full of the wisdom of inner work gurus. Our eyes and ears need recalibration. Success defined by numbers of followers and size of empire is not a kingdom definition. I’m not saying that these things are bad, just not a good goal for your life. They are better achieved as a byproduct of more of Christ in us. There are men and women with big outward success that have cleaned the inside of their cups and some that have not. To the uncalibrated eye they may look the same, but the former are such treasures while God takes no pleasure in the latter.

I invite you to recalibrate. At this time many of us are on a break from work. Spend some quiet time with God. Re-focus on the inside of your cup. He is looking for those who will carry His Living Water, undefiled, to a world in drought.

Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

If you haven’t yet, check out our FREE Spiritual Growth Foundation Course in which we cover the four foundational principles for spiritual growth and much more! In addition to on-demand videos which you can watch at your leisure, there are downloadable handouts for those who prefer written content.

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EVENT: Spiritual Formation 201

Spiritual Formation 101 was a resounding success!

Together, we explored:

  • How we practically become more mature.
  • How our upbringing affects our relationship with God.
  • What it means to be an adopted daughter/son of God.
  • Tangibly experiencing God’s love.
  • The role of vulnerability in building intimacy.
  • Practices that build intimacy with God.
  • Barriers to intimacy with God.
  • What is our true identity in Christ.

The insights gained as we discussed these topics were invaluable. However, just as valuable (or perhaps more so) was the opportunity these sessions presented for like-minded companionship on our faith journey. For a little while, we shared our lives open-heartedly with our fellow travellers. My heart is still awed when I relive some of the moments we shared. It was an unparalleled honour for me to facilitate this sacred experience.

Therefore, it is with great anticipation that I look forward to Spiritual Formation 201 starting January 10th 2022! Formation 101 focused on the awakening phase of our faith journey. Formation 201 will focus on the processing phase of our faith journey. Front and centre will be topics such as:

  • The purpose of pain.
  • Thriving versus surviving.
  • Working from rest.
  • True identity versus false identity.
  • Emotional resilience.
  • Discovering your calling/vocation.
  • Staying joyful in trials.
  • Confronting shame and facing fear.

Expect to come away from this journey with insights and tools to feed your spiritual growth for years to come. More than that, expect to receive an impartation that will bring you closer to Christ and multiply your fruitfulness for the kingdom!

Once again sessions will be held via Zoom, interactive, experiential, and Spirit-led. We would be honoured for you to join us. And it’s FREE 🙂 Please click here to register: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1p3pe9eCm9_ZZYWNH7rfiutfNcCT_NeUmK4g0bUNH-L0/edit?usp=sharing

Joyfully,

Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.
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An Emotional Christian?

God has been speaking to my wife, Tricia, and me for months now about our emotional wholeness. The picture that I had in my head of a mature Christian is a stoic guy, resolutely following God and not being swayed or distracted by his emotions.  Moreover, he always has his ‘negative’ emotions under control. He never shows anger. He is never fearful, and he’s definitely never depressed. But I’ve been asking myself, “Is this picture an accurate one?”

To begin with, the bible captures God displaying a variety of emotions. Here’s a small sample:

Genesis 6:6 (ESV)

And the Lord regretted that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him to his heart.

Zephaniah 3:17 (ESV)

The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.

Matthew 14:14 (ESV)

When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick.

John 11:35 (ESV)

Jesus wept.

Hmmm God seems so… emotional. Doesn’t that reconfigure your framework for how we, human beings created in His image, are supposed to function? God created our emotions. In fact, on the sixth day, God looked at all that He had made (including mankind, fresh from the dirt, with emotions and all) and said that it was very good!

As I mentioned, Tricia and I seem to be in an emotional masterclass at the moment. My knowledge gap is huge, but I’ve been learning.  After attending emotional intelligence training and a LOT of reading, I thought I would share some of what we’ve learned.

First of all, emotions serve a purpose. Emotions are messages. We can choose to process the messages and act on the information, or we can choose to ignore them at our own peril. It’s analogous to sensory information that goes from our senses to our brain. If we push a pin into our skin, our brain gets a pain message that tells us that if we continue pushing that pin, we will be injured. If we are touched affectionately, our brain gets a pleasure message that tells us that this is good for us. Similarly, fear, for example, protects us from danger even before it gets close enough to harm us. If we ignored our fear emotion, we would soon be dead. The interesting thing is that emotions make no distinction between physical dangers/pleasures and things that threaten or benefit our soul. The pain of loneliness can be as strong as a physical pain. It is a warning that we are too isolated from others and damaging our soul. While the joy of seeing a friend encourages us to socialize and connect with others which increases the well-being of our soul.

Secondly, every emotion is an opportunity for self-discovery or connection (or both). The message contains information about what really matters to us. The messages tell us about our heart and processing those messages with God and those close to us creates intimacy because sharing our heart is one of the most relationship-building things we can do. Here’s an example: Tasha comes home after a really stressful day at work. She is looking forward to spending time with her husband, Rico. However, she gets home to a note that says that Rico has gone golfing. She is disappointed. When Rico does get home, he notices that Tasha is a bit cold and begins to get angry assuming that Tasha is angry because he went golfing. This is the moment of opportunity. Any married couple knows that this could easily lead to a bitter argument and disconnection if both Rico and Tasha ignore ‘the signals’ that their emotions are sending them. Let’s assume they get it right: Rico processes his anger and realizes that he is jumping to conclusions and asks Tasha if anything is wrong. Tasha processes her disappointment and tells Rico how much she needed his love and comfort and her disappointment on realizing that he was not home in such an impersonal way. Rico responds by moving closer to her and empathizing with her pain. He apologizes for not calling instead of leaving a note and suggests a movie in bed. The couple ends the night with their relationship significantly strengthened because Tasha allowed Rico to see how much he means to her and Rico reciprocated his value for her by being tender with her vulnerability and prioritizing her needs. (If only I was as emotionally intelligent as Rico!)

Emotions have gotten a bad rep in the modern Christian life. We are so concerned about not being controlled by our emotions that we have completely ignored a necessary aspect of what it means to be a healthy and Godly human. While it is true that emotions should not control us, we are not meant to be left-brained, rational machines. By sheer neglect of our souls, we have become half-hearted creatures trying to love God and people with our minds and a seriously malnourished heart. Not to mention we foolishly think we can love through an act of our will only.

Consider our fictitious couple again. Suppose Rico did everything the same except his face never reflected the pain that Tasha felt. His eyes were cold and his suggestion to watch a movie seemed to be made begrudgingly. He did and said all the right things, but his emotions were not in it. Do you think that would affect the outcome? You bet it would! Love is both will AND emotion. Our love of God and others cannot be decision and duty only. It must also be fully experienced and deeply felt. We have been trying to build relationships with God, marriages, families, and communities of love based on a rational approach that neglects the emotional attributes of our beings. It has not been working.

By neglecting my emotional signals, I have been neglecting my heart. I am dysfunctional (but not uncommon). I am not loving God with my whole heart, my whole mind, and my whole soul and neither am I loving others as God loves me. God pursues me with a jealous love! His love for me is ferocious! Mine is not nearly as hot. I have learned a pattern of behaviour that is not according to design. I have learned to suppress my ‘negative’ emotions and to avoid the vulnerability of intimacy. I have learned to neglect my heart. The process of unlearning is slow and difficult, but Tricia and I are committed to it because we were made to live wholeheartedly! To live passionately! We all are!

Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

If you haven’t yet, check out our FREE Spiritual Growth Foundation Course in which we cover the four foundational principles for spiritual growth and much more! In addition to on-demand videos which you can watch at your leisure, there are downloadable handouts for those who prefer written content.

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How To Achieve Spiritual Growth Part 1

My parents brought me up without religion. Their thinking was that we would choose our own religion when my sister and I grew up. We didn’t go to church. We didn’t say any prayers. When I was 17, many of my Roman Catholic friends began attending Confirmation classes. So, following the crowd, I started attending Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults (RCIA) classes in order to convert to Catholicism. It was in these classes that Jesus first attracted me. The fire was ignited but my life did not change much. I carried on like many teenagers of my time. I was a diligent student and an avid party-goer. But my soul longed for more. I began searching for more.

My search eventually led me to a non-denominational Pentecostal-type church where I made a commitment to serve Jesus more fully. I became a born-again Christian at age 21. My life changed dramatically as I conformed to the values and performance culture of my new tribe. I read the bible from cover to cover. I stopped partying, stopped listening to secular music and initiated a demanding schedule of church activities. Things progressed as expected. I got married. We had a son. I progressed in my career. I taught Sunday School. I looked successful on the outside but on the inside, my soul was screaming, “Is this all there was to life?” And then there was the issue of a growing dichotomy between my external religiosity and my internal depravity. Then one day the water surged over the dam of my artificial life, and I pressed the eject button. I turned my back on church and religion and plowed headlong into hedonism.

Many years later, after the sweetness of sin had long turned sour, I cried out to God for help. He answered with a loving community of believers who loved me in my mess (and what a mess it was). I began the long road to recovery.  By this time, I had wreaked much havoc and there were many repairs and reparations to be made. But, slowly my life became better as Jesus changed me from the inside out.

A critical moment came one morning as I stood praying in my living room. Suddenly, I felt the tangible love of God surround me. I felt wave after wave of unbelievable mercy, life-giving forgiveness and unconditional love, wash over my body and cleanse my soul completely. I stood there weeping. I do not know how long it lasted but that morning changed my life forever. The transformation that took place and is still taking place since that day is real and exponential. As I encountered Jesus daily, I began to experience all the fruits of the Spirit like never before. Authentic joy is found in the face of Jesus Christ my friends!

The point of my story is to illustrate two foundational principles for spiritual growth:

  1. Only Jesus transforms. Not religion. Only a real face to face relationship with Jesus. Sure, anyone can change their behaviour and manage their sin but only Jesus can change our desires – change us from the inside out. John 15:4-6 (ESV) says:  “4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. 5 I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.” It is the abiding connection with Jesus that transforms us.
  2. We change more through relationships than through information. We have been fooled into a left-brained approach to spiritual formation. We have been told that if we study our bibles and attend to our church sermons we will grow. These are helpful, but what really transforms us is loving relationships and strong bonds with people and with God. Paul said in 1 Corinthians 11:1 (ESV) “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.”

Do you know how old I was when I had that encounter with Jesus? Thirty-nine! I spent a heck of a lot of time and energy trying to achieve spiritual growth through methods that just cannot deliver. In this series on spiritual growth, I’m going to share everything that I’ve learned over the years so you don’t have to go down any of the dead-ends that I did. Stay tuned!

Joyfully,

Copyright 2021, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

If you haven’t yet, check out our FREE Spiritual Growth Foundation Course in which we cover the four foundational principles for spiritual growth and much more! In addition to on-demand videos which you can watch at your leisure, there are downloadable handouts for those who prefer written content.

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The Death of Ego Births Love

Two weeks ago, I took two of my sons to the beach. Having checked the swell height online, I felt the conditions might be right for them to tackle waves a bit bigger than they were used to. As soon as we arrived and I saw that beautiful sight of wave after wave breaking left and right over the reef, I was stoked. It had been a long time since I had seen such lovely peeling waves at this spot. I was immediately taken back to my younger years of days spent taking wave after wave until my arms felt like spaghetti and the sun went down. Those were good days.

I think it would be fair to say that while I was excited for the boys to experience the same thrills as I had experienced many times at this spot, I was probably more excited to finally surf some real waves. This was rare for me because our surf sessions were usually planned around the skill level of the boys.

As we paddled out, I took the lead, showing them the best route through the reef. However, they struggled to make it through the white water, and I had to go back for them and coach/assist them until we made it past the breakers. My elder boy quickly came to the conclusion that he was just going to watch us as there was no way that he was going to be taking any waves if it meant battling through those waves every time. There were about seven guys and one gal out, so I let us drift down a bit with the current that ran parallel to the shore until we were out of their way.

By this time, my youngest was looking at the waves reeling in apprehensively, but I kept encouraging him. I knew that he could do it. A smaller wave came, and I pushed him into it. He got it! My hopes for the day increased exponentially. But one hour, a few big sets, and a few wipe-outs later I was far less hopeful.  No matter how much encouragement I gave him, he was not ready mentally. He would paddle for the wave but back down every time. Eventually, I gave up and we went back inside.

He was dejected. He complained and whined as we paddled in and seemed to think that the turn of events was all my fault. I was aggravated and annoyed. The more he complained, the curter and angrier my retorts became. After we made it back to shore and after another hour or so of sulking, he finally asked, “So what are we going to do now?”

“You want to go back out and try again?” I asked.

“Ok,” he said.

As we started wading back out with our boards in hand, both of us upset, he said, “Daddy, you are not very encouraging.”

“What! All I have been doing whole day is encouraging you!” I said, flabbergasted and affronted.

“That’s not what I mean,” he continued. “You don’t encourage me when I’m down.”

As the words landed in my heart, I knew that this was the moment. This was the moment in every disagreement where you can choose love or ego. I could choose to hold on to my right to a different opinion. I could choose to hold on to my offence. I could choose to hold on to my position of parental power. And there have been many times that I have held onto those things. This time, however, I allowed the Spirit to lead and my ego to die. I did not feel particularly moved or compassionate at first. It was just a decision to really hear his point of view.

“OK, I understand what you mean now,” I said.

“So, what now? Are you going to be different?” he pressed further, giving me further opportunities to hold onto offence.

“Yes I am.” I said with a cathartic exhalation and simultaneous release of my view, my right to continue being angry.

And as I reached across to give him a hug that was when I felt the love and compassion flow from God, through me, to my son. Immediately the atmosphere shifted and even though he eventually concluded that the waves were just too big for him, it was not too big for us – our love made it through.

Letting go of ego is not easy. Perhaps, it is easiest with our children. But what about with our spouse? Or with our co-worker? Or with that person who has a different political persuasion?

Perhaps the fight that God is calling us to in this season is not that ‘righteous’ battle out there that we may be caught up with but the internal war to the death of self?

Luke 9:23-24 (ESV)

23 And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. 24 For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it.

 Perhaps we need less of being right and more of being love?

Copyright 2020, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

To receive more content like this in your inbox and to receive a free e-copy of my book, The Primacy of The Voice of God – Elevating the Word of God to Its Rightful Position, please subscribe to www.authenticjoy.org.

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Christ Became Flesh So That All Flesh Could Become Christ!

John 1:1-4 (ESV) says of Christ:

1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made. 4 In him was life, and the life was the light of men.

Jesus is the creative agent of the Trinity. He is the one who manifests things. He is the one who incarnates. As Jesus unfurled creation from himself it must have been a sight to behold! Then in a stroke of creative genius, He imbued mankind with two God-like qualities – authority and autonomy. We were delegated the responsibility of executing God’s rulership and we were given the freedom to exercise that authority as we saw fit. And then we did the unthinkable… We put ourselves out of congruence with the Word, disconnecting ourselves from the Life Source and thus disconnecting all of creation from the very source that upheld it. We introduced entropy – the continual and progressive decline of all creation into disorder. We introduced corruption. We introduced death.

So, what did Jesus do? He stepped into His disconnected creation to reconnect mankind with Himself. He incarnated Himself! John 1:14 (ESV):

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.

Jesus subjected Himself to the very futility, suffering and corruption that mankind introduced. Then, by His death, He took into Himself all those consequences of disconnection and cancelled its power. Death lost its sting. And then, with a final masterstroke, as He resurrected from the dead, He re-introduced His creative power into the earth by giving us the ability to reconnect to the Source of all Life! But more than that He has given us the responsibility for reconnecting the rest of creation back to this Source. Paul calls it the ministry of reconciliation.

But what does this ministry of reconciliation look like? In one place it is described as all the kingdoms of the world becoming the kingdoms of the Lord and of His Christ. In another place it is described as His glory covering the earth. In yet another description, His Spirit is poured out on all flesh.

In short, we have a mandate to reconnect everything to Jesus. Unfortunately, I do not think we have understood this mandate of reconciliation. Many of us have had an adversarial if not superior relationship with the disconnected world. Having been saved from that mess, we now look back on it with a sense of fear of re-infection. We protect our separation from the world at all costs, not realizing that ‘that mess’ needs us. In fact, that mess is our responsibility! Every place where there is corruption and disaster in this world is damning evidence that we have neglected or abandoned our assignment!

Romans 8: (ESV)

 19 For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now.

Can you see that we are agents of freedom?! Can you see that our ascension to the full authority and effectiveness as sons and daughters of God is what all creation is eagerly longing for?!! Our mission is not to hide ourselves away! Our mission is to be light; to be salt; to be the yeast of the kingdom. We have to be in the midst of the darkness and mess and bring light and redemption to every sphere of life. We cower in fear of being infected by the world, not realizing that we are the ones that are supposed to be doing the infecting!

There are some of us who understand and embrace our redemptive assignment, but our effectiveness has been dismal at best. Why? Because we have been taking Christianity and religious doctrine and feeding programmes to the world instead of Christ. We have been obsessed with educating the world instead of redeeming it or focused on alleviating suffering rather than transforming men. Consider this: Jesus did not open a school, hospital or not-for-profit organization (at least not in the traditional sense). Instead He supernaturally eliminated ignorance, sickness and hunger everywhere He went. Every teaching burned the hearts of men. Every healing was miraculous. Every food distribution demonstrated a divine source of provision. Where is the supernatural demonstrated power of Jesus in our lives?

Christ is the life source. Our #1 priority is bringing people, systems and creation itself into direct contact with Christ. This necessitates His tangible presence in our lives. He has the redemptive power. It flows from Him. Many of us talk about Christ, even preach about Christ, but our words are hollow, and our lives lack any shred of evidence that His power is at work in us. Contrary to popular opinion, our ministry is not proselytizing! Oh no! His power and love must flow through us with such voltage that everywhere we go and everything we touch is reconnected to the source!  

Our mission is to make His kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven. When Jesus interacted with people His life-giving authority was evident. He lived what He spoke. Everywhere He went, love flourished, sickness (corruption) ceased and lack turned to abundance. He is on the same mission today; except He has found it fitting that it takes place through us! Our mission should look like making Jesus evident. We must make Jesus manifest in us. Wherever we go disorder should be transformed to order, lack to abundance, death to life and darkness to light. We are His delegated agents of redemptive transformation!

To receive more content like this in your inbox and to receive a free e-copy of my book, “The Primacy of The Voice of God – Elevating the Word of God to Its Rightful Position”, please subscribe to www.authenticjoy.org.

Copyright 2020, Matik Nicholls. All rights reserved.

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Transformation versus Conformation

It’s carnival Monday and I am in the cold mountains around Lake Tahoe, California, USA. For those who don’t know, carnival in Trinidad and Tobago is a festival where we dress up and dance in the streets for two full days. It is full of vibrancy, music, revelry and wild abandon. I love it! So why am I, a full-blooded Trinbagonian, in Lake Tahoe?

Well to answer that question I first wish to say why I’m not in Lake Tahoe. I’m not here because a pastor said I should not be involved in carnival. I’m not here because the bible speaks against revelry, debauchery, drunkenness and licentiousness (big words that essentially mean abandoning one’s self-restraint in the enjoyment of sensual pleasure). I’m not here because some Christians might judge me and say that I am Christian yet I’m taking part in carnival.

You see, I came to a realization many years ago that I am not interested in conformation and God is not in that business either. I realized that I cannot live a life where I act in a manner that is at odds with my desires and what gives me pleasure. That path never resulted in more joy or a better internal quality of life. It was a tortured existence. All authentic change must be driven by a deep internal desire on the inside (transformation) not pressure to conform from the outside. It must be that we are aiming for something more pleasurable, something better, something of greater value to the quality of our life if we are to really change.

This is exactly what the bible teaches by the way. It is said in many different ways; “Repent for the kingdom of God is here”, “Lose your life to gain eternal life”, “Sell all you have and buy the pearl”, “Do not be conformed to the world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind”. The theme is immutable, there is not virtue in asceticism and self-denial UNLESS there is a greater prize that you are aiming for.

If I am going to change and leave behind something good, it must be for something better. Hence, why I am here at Lake Tahoe. I am on a mission, a retreat and an adventure. I am taking a step back from the noise to regenerate, introspect and draw closer to God. I am going to try skiing for the first time! I am going to dedicate some focused time to my writing. I am going to a Bethel Music conference to soak in the richness of the love of God and fan the flames of my love for Christ.

Each of these things bring me joy. I am excited! It is a transformation of joy to be here! To those back on my beautiful twin-island taking part in the festivities I say, enjoy! I still believe that carnival is beautiful. I chose one of my favourite carnival photos for this post. I took it at Panorama in 2010. The vibrance, creativity and primal beauty that shines at carnival is from the divine. Many of my friends, whom I admire, take part every year without being sexually promiscuous or drinking themselves into a stupor.

I hope to send some photos and updates from my adventures over these next weeks. Do what you love my friends, live your truth without shame! That’s what I am doing in Lake Tahoe!

Joyfully,

Copyright 2018, Matik Nicholls.

 

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Downpour

“CRAAAAACK!” It sounded like the heavens rent as the clouds vomited their payload in a violent deluge. Everyone sitting under the shed seemed to draw their limbs closer to themselves as the landscape suddenly became a waterscape.

I closed my eyes, to tune into the sound and the feel of the misty gusts on my skin. I love the sound of rain on galvanized roofing. It reminds me of stormy childhood nights cosy in my double-decker, up close to the roof. My home had no ceiling, so you could hear every drop overhead. Even now I began to snooze while I waited to see my daughter’s teacher.

I awoke from my reverie and surveyed the scene with fresh eyes. In the paved area next door, the gigantic drops formed mini-volcanoes with every splash into the pools forming everywhere. Soon the aqua-armies formed into squadrons racing urgently to drains and runoffs. Meanwhile, in the school-yard where hundreds of feet at play had worn the would-be lawn to a brown patch of bare earth sparsely littered with tufts of grass, the rain quickly saturated the compact earth and began to form brown pools of mud.

Next door there was also a well-manicured piece of lawn and on that piece of real-estate things were quite different. Every drop of rain disappeared into the greenery. The lush grass seemed to have an infinite capacity to soak up the rain like a living carpet of sponge.

Still in my zen-place, I began to think how the contrasting landscapes resemble our lives at different phases. There are times in our lives when there is a downpour. It could be an outpouring of job opportunities or maybe as we say in T&T “Yuh in season,” meaning a number of members of the opposite sex are all-of-a-sudden interested in you. It could be that we are experiencing a run of sequential successes as an athlete or performer. Whatever it is, it’s coming hard and fast and the state of our lives will determine how we handle the deluge.

If we are hard and inflexible. If we cannot see the opportunity in the out of the ordinary project thrown at us at work. If we don’t even see the person smiling at us because they are wrapped in a package that does not fit our criteria. If our hearts are closed to love. If the opportunities don’t come at us exactly the way we expect. Then they run-off of our lives like that paved courtyard. We cannot receive the gifts sent from heaven.

If we have been rundown by life, we are quickly overwhelmed. It’s too much for our barren life. Barren of a support system to pull on or maybe lacking a healthy lifestyle we quickly burn out. Maybe past relationship failures have made us emotionally destitute. Maybe we have abandoned habits of spiritual renewal. Unhealthy lifestyles quickly become a muddy pool where opportunities choke and stall.

But the life that is already thriving capitalizes on the rains of opportunity. The life that is already green with healthy relationships and physical, emotional, mental and spiritual health can soak up the downpour.

Every investment in a healthy life (on all levels) today reaps unknown benefits tomorrow. Prepare for the downpour now. Who knows when it will come but when it does, how glorious it will be if you can soak it all up and grow exponentially into the joyful life that awaits.

Joyfully,

Copyright 2017, Matik Nicholls.

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Mummy And Me

From a young age I was very independent. As a result, my parents and I were not really close in the sense that we did not discuss life issues or have regular ‘check-ups’ like I imagine other families might. My mother would always complain that my dad, my sister and I would eat dinner in front of the television instead of having family interaction. I think she yearned to be more involved in our life. I can hear her now, “You all only in front of that screen every night! No conversation!”

Then we all became born-again (Pentecostal Christians) except mummy and she felt even more alienated. There is this concept when you become a Pentecostal that your real family now becomes your Christian brothers and sisters. This is true up to a point as, of course, you want to relate with people who are as excited about Jesus as you are but sometimes we take it too far which is what I did in my early Christian years.

About three years later, at the tender age of twenty-three, I got married. Another concept that seemed part of my Pentecostal experience is the concept of ‘leave and cleave’ which means when you get married you should leave your parents and cleave to your spouse. Needless to say, the gulf between mummy and I widened. Then things changed. Five years later I was getting divorced and had left the church. Now I was on the other side and I suddenly understood what it was to be out with the out crowd.

The people who I thought were my Christian family became aloof and distant as I was now a sinner. I never knew what scorn felt like until then. It is that feeling when someone has no regard for you whatsoever. When your opinion or viewpoint has no value to the other person. On the other hand, my old friends welcomed me back and my mother was a pillar of support. Funny how life is.

That began a process of recalibration, particularly where my mother is concerned. I began to let her into my life. To treat her like her opinion matters to me because she matters to me. Through my mistakes and experiences, I slowly began to mature.

I began to understand that love is more important than ideology, much much more important. I learned that everybody can add value to your life despite differences in ideologies, arguably, the more divergent their view from yours the more valuable their viewpoint. I learned that when people make mistakes or deliberate decisions that are against the core ideologies of your faith, the job of real Christians is to love and support the person even if you don’t support the decision.

I cannot change my past mistakes but going forward I can try to be a better person. I try to improve how I treat the people in my life (actually, how I treat people in general).  I have also dedicated my life to fighting this rotten attitude in the church that threatens to undermine all that we stand for because, without love, we are nothing.

So, for the first time in my life, at the age of forty-four, I am taking my mother on a trip. Just she and I, spending a week together. A week to bond, to discover a new part of the planet together, to deepen our relationship and for me to say thanks for all that she has been in my life.

Don’t make my mistakes. Don’t wait until you are forty-four like me. I am thankful I still have the chance to do it now but our time with the ones we love is unknown. Life won’t get any less busy. Initially, I thought I did not have the time or the money but in the end, all that was stopping me was the will. Connect meaningfully with your loved ones today. It will bring you and them much joy!

Joyfully,

Copyright 2017, Matik Nicholls

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Leaders Are Not Born Or Taught, They Are Wrought

Incredibly, there are still ‘leaders’ out there who believe that leadership is about position, power and control. Even if they pretend to buy in to a more up-to-date leadership paradigm, their actions tell a different story.

What is even more disheartening for me is that this paradigm of the authoritarian, all-knowing leader is pervasive in the church. This boggles my mind given Jesus taught and exemplified the credo that the greatest is the servant of all.

The modern paradigm of leadership posits that leadership is not about power or personality and therefore anybody, at any level, anywhere can be a leader. I believe that leadership at its core is about three things:

  1. Character
  2. Purpose
  3. Service

Frequently, these qualities are uncovered through trials. The crucible of pain transforms the ordinary man or woman into a great leader if he or she yields to the process.

This is what Nelson Mandela and Malala have in common. Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison for his struggle against the apartheid system of South Africa. Yet, after his release Mandela emphasised reconciliation between the country’s racial groups.

Malala Yousafzai was shot in her head, neck and shoulder for speaking out against the atrocities of the Taliban in Pakistan. After recovery, she continued championing the cause for equal rights and education for girls.

In both of these stories, there is horrible injustice and persecution but amazingly the persecution does not make Mandela or Malala bitter or disillusioned. Instead they rise above and dedicate their lives to helping others who are suffering as they have suffered.

I used these examples because they are well known but this is not at all what makes them great leaders. There are countless others who we will never know about but their stars are no less luminous. In Trinidad and Tobago there is a great leader, Loverne Henry, who was gang raped while four months pregnant and two years later she created a foundation dedicated to providing mental, emotional and spiritual support for the recovery of victims of violent crimes. Truly Loverne Henry, the leader, was wrought in the burning fires of tragedy.

But what about you and me? Can we be leaders even though it is hardly likely that we will face the persecution and suffering of a Loverne or a Malala? The answer is a resounding yes! We all face trials and pain and suffering. The scale of it is not important. It could be a bully at school, an abusive or cruel parent, discrimination on the workplace, a troubled child, a difficult marriage, the loss of a loved one…. There is no shortage of fire for the furnace. What matters is our response to the fire.

To endure it and come out the other side stronger and without hate in your heart, takes character. The furnace can also force us to clarify who we really are at the very core, what is really important to us and why we are here. What is our uniqueness, our gift to the world, our passion, our purpose? And finally, on that twin foundation of character and clarity of purpose, we humbly offer ourselves in the service of others. The last step is crucial. Without service we may be great survivors but not great leaders.

I’ve had my share of hard knocks, nothing catastrophic or even uncommon, but I have paid close attention to the lessons in every trial no matter how small. I believe I am at a point where I am now beginning to have clarity about what my gift is and the humility to offer it up in service. It has taken half a lifetime in the furnace, but better late than never. This blog is certainly a part of that journey and I’m excited to see where it takes me!

My friends, don’t waste your pain in self-pity and complaining. Transform it. Use it. Become the leader you were born to be! Only you can do you! Arise and shine!

Joyfully,

Copyright 2017, Matik Nicholls