Seeing Christ In The Blend

Many years ago, I remember listening to a popular psychologist speaking on a radio programme and she was saying that she never got into a relationship because she had a daughter and she did not like the idea of having a step-parent in her daughter’s life. I also remember thinking at that time that it sounded good, but something wasn’t sitting right in my spirit.

Now, with a lot more of life under my belt, I look back and I know what it was that disturbed me. It was a lack of faith. A lack of a bigger view of Christ and His ability to redeem the human condition. I understand her fears. There are many horror stories involving stepparents but Christ is bigger.

It has been 6 months since my wife and I exchanged vows joining our lives and our families as one, and these 6 months have not been without its challenges. (There were some days I just felt completely overwhelmed.) As soon as we got back from the honeymoon things got real pretty quick. Putting children with completely different backgrounds, experiences and family cultures under one roof is not something I would recommend for the faint of heart. There are issues of different parenting styles, feelings of jealousy toward this new person taking my mother’s/father’s time, issues of annoying new siblings and so on and so on…

Many times, it is easy to see the negatives and what isn’t working but I am determined to see the opportunity for Christ to be glorified in the midst of the chaos. The scriptures say (Mat 5:43-48 ESV):

⁴³ “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ ⁴⁴ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, ⁴⁵ so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. ⁴⁶ For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? ⁴⁷ And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? ⁴⁸ You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

This passage reveals a kingdom secret – Christ is glorified not by how we love the lovable when things are ideal but by how we love the unlovable in the midst of difficult circumstances. The opportunity in my family is for us to demonstrate love in the midst of a situation that is not simple or ideal. And it’s for this reason that I’m undaunted by the challenges of my blended family. In fact, I’m excited and I get more and more so every time I see a glimmer of that redemptive love of Christ at work.

Christ does not write off people. There is not a situation or person so badly wrecked that Christ cannot transform it or him/her into something beautiful and life-giving. We must never forget that. We must hold onto that standard and never let go.

Again, I reminisce… many years ago, as a newbie in Christ, my pastor proclaimed from the pulpit that the men in the church were so messed up that they were beyond help and he had to start from scratch with a new generation. I cringed, but even so, I still did not fully grasp the magnitude of ignorance of Christ revealed in that statement. I pray I never lose sight of who Christ is to such a degree. I pray all who read this would receive a fresh impartation of faith to believe God for the resurrection of dead situations, dead relationships and rotten people. Lazarus was rotting but he wasn’t too far gone for Jesus to turn death into life!

Some Christians may see a blended family as an icon of failure; a second-rate Frankenstein assembled from the broken pieces of ‘real families’ but I see it as a place where the resurrection life of Christ can shine brightly. I see it as a place where second chances are redeemed by the blood of Christ. Second chances to exemplify the true love of husband and wife (Christ and the church) that children may have never seen before. Second chances for children to witness the centrality of Christ in the home as love is manifested in the down-n-dirty of long-suffering, patience, self-control, kindness, gentleness and compassion.

I see the first little green buds of that resurrection life in my family. I see it when the children all invade our bedroom just to sit on our bed while we pretend to protest about the invasion. I see it when the older ones show concern about the younger ones when they are sick or feeling down. I see it when my wife treats my children like they are her own (sometimes better!). Yes, there are big challenges, but Christ is bigger!