Emotional Resilience

“Daddy, I really liked my old school. I miss my friends. I wish I was still going there… They even painted over the motto!” my nine-year-old son whimpered as tears welled up in his eyes. Earlier that day, he had passed by the school he had known for all of his life up to now. They had closed down unexpectedly and the premises were now occupied by a new school. To add insult to injury, they had painted over the wall next to the play area which had been colourfully decorated with his former school’s motto.

It was too much for him. I imagine that that play area held many fond memories. He often fondly recounts his memories of playing football with his friend right next to that wall. He turned his face away so I wouldn’t see his silent tears. I reached across and held his hand, rubbing my thumb across the back of his palm, hoping in that small gesture to say, “It’s ok to cry. I’m here for you.”

I have always been clear about the role I want to play as a parent. I’m not here to shelter them from the storms of life but to coach and support them through the storms. I know that pain is necessary for growth. I am equally clear about the paradigm of manhood I want to instill in my boys. I want them to be comfortable expressing their emotions. I want them to know that real men cry.

So, I chose my words carefully. “It’s great that you have happy memories of those times with your friends. Thank God for them and think of the great memories and friends you are making now and those that you will make in the future in your new school. Things change. That’s how the world is. Everything changes. All we can do is be thankful for the happy times we had and move on to make new happy times.”

As I held his hand in silence for the rest of the drive I pondered my own moments of pain and unrelenting stress, how they made me stronger and how this situation would make him stronger; emotionally resilient.

Emotional resilience is not about becoming cold so that nothing affects you. It is about bending under the force of hurtful or stressful situations, maybe even suffering a fracture, but then bouncing back stronger than before. Emotionally resilient people don’t lose their emotional elasticity.

I believe in every painful situation there is a reason for joy. Not happiness which is based on your current circumstances but deep joy that some greater purpose is at work in the midst of those circumstances. It’s analogous to a ship in a storm. Without an anchor the fate of the ship is determined by the wind and the waves but a securely anchored ship has a hold at a deep place beneath the waves where there is calm and assurance.

The strength of your anchor determines your emotional resilience. My anchor has always been an indomitable belief that EVERYTHING happens for a good purpose in my life. Each storm has tested the strength of my anchor and with its passing I have gained greater confidence to face the next.

Be strong. Allow your storms to wash over you, confidently holding the knowledge that the storm will end but what you learn will serve you for a lifetime.

For some practical resources, here are 10 practices that will help you to develop your emotional resilience:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/design-your-path/201305/10-traits-emotionally-resilient-people

I would love to hear your tales of weathering the storm and if you like this article please share with others.

Joyfully,

Copyright 2017, Matik Nicholls