“Nicholls! What did I just say?” My Geography teacher had caught me talking to my friend. My mind raced. My subconscious had recorded what he was explaining on the board but I was not confident that I had heard it right so in the end I said, “I don’t know, Sir.” “Stand up!” I stood as he approached me. He began to draw lines on my face with his chalk. “I wonder why you don’t know.” I fought back tears as he continued to decorate on my face….
That was the day I decided that I would get top marks in Geography. I don’t know why I responded to that incident that way but I was determined that that teacher was not going to keep me down. I did not tell my parents about it. I just fought back the only way I knew how. One day I would be more successful than him and nothing could shake my resolve.
I’m currently reading the book Discover Your True North – Becoming an Authentic Leader by Bill George (which I highly recommend by the way) and he talks about the fact that your life story defines your leadership. “The journey to authentic leadership begins with understanding yourself..” he says. He goes on to talk about how we all have varied and unique life experiences which shape us and many of the leaders he interviewed for the book were defined more by their negative experiences than their positive ones.
As I turned the pages of my book, my encounter with my Geography teacher came flooding back to me. I never really considered how much that moment defined me. It would be the template I would use for dealing with unfair circumstances for years to come. Two major character traits solidified:
- Independence – I deal with things on my own. I hate asking for help. I handle my stories as I like to say and if you think that you can hold me to ransom by withholding some form of support or assistance, you are sorely mistaken. This is sometimes a useful trait and sometimes a destructive one. Later on in life other experiences would bring some balance. I would mature from independence to interdependence but my natural bent is still towards independence.
- High Self Worth – I know my value and how you treat me is a reflection of you not me. Discrimination does not phase me. As the Obamas say, “When they go low, we go high.” Some people just don’t know any better. I feel sorry for them. I don’t waste my energy on them. I invest my energy in my success which is in the hands of God alone.
I’ve seen these traits at work over and over throughout my life story. The journey towards your authentic leadership and authentic joy begins with understanding yourself. We can never find joy trying to live other people’s stories or denying who we are. Embrace who you are. Find things to love about yourself and change the things that you don’t. But if you do change, change for you not for anyone else.
By that, I do not mean you never compromise. I mean if you do compromise, you do it because of who you want to be as a person. It cannot be a change forced upon you. It cannot be primarily to keep or get something or someone you want. It has to be because of who you want to be. All authentic and lasting change comes from the inside-out. Do not give authorship of your story to any man. That path will never lead to joy.
Joyfully,
Copyright 2017, Matik Nicholls