If you weren’t around in the 90s this title may be completely lost on you. Suffice to say, Baywatch was a tv series about lifeguards in Los Angeles, USA. Amazingly, there is something from that show that made a bigger impact on me than Pamela Anderson in a bathing suit. It is this: Don’t drown with a drowning victim. Save yourself first!
The truth is that the lifeguard is the victim’s only hope for survival, so if the lifeguard puts herself in danger she is really sacrificing two lives. Another analogy is the oxygen mask on an airplane. The safety briefing says to put on your mask first before assisting others. Same principle.
We tend to think of sacrificing our own needs for those that we love or for career pursuits as a noble quality and by and large it is, but there comes a point at which we sacrifice too much. You see, neglecting yourself means that you are reducing the quality of your work and the quality of care for those around you. This is even more pertinent when it comes to people that depend on us. So often we do less and less of what makes us healthy, whole and passionate for the sake of our children’s success but we do not consider that the biggest contributor to our children’s success is us! Are they seeing the model of a passionate, interesting, whole, balanced and alive person? Are we on a slippery slope to burnout?
Now I want to get real practical here and describe what this means for me in detail, so you get an idea of how this works in practice:
- Every weekday I get up early before the children are awake and take time to spend with God. I pray (which could be silent meditation or more energetic or singing depending on how I feel) and/or I read my bible. This quiet time is my spiritual renewal. It’s sacred. This time is protected simply because no one else will get up at that hour and if they do (as has happened a handful of times), I simply say, “Daddy is praying. You can stay if you are quiet or go back to bed.” This habit was very hard to form. I had to get a friend to help me to wake up early and keep me accountable until my body clock was ‘locked in’. This start to my day is the most important ritual that I have. It directly influences the energy that I bring to my interactions and life challenges. If I neglect my mornings with God I can get snappy and easily discouraged.
- Every Wednesday and Saturday morning I go for a run and the other weekdays I do a small morning workout. These are the habits that keep me physically fit and feeling good. I don’t have the time to go to the gym or to invest in looking buff, so this is just to keep me healthy. The morning workout is very simple, basically what I can do consistently:
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- 100 jumping jacks
- 8 pull ups
- 40 sit ups
- 40 dips
- 20 push ups
I know, it’s pitiful, but anything grander takes too long and is too daunting too be consistent. The runs are usually 5km on Wednesday and 8-10km on Saturdays. On Wednesdays I’ve arranged for my parents to drop the kids to school and Friday nights their mom or my parents keep the kids for the night so that I can get out at the crack of dawn the next day for my run. Things will try to encroach on this time. The kids might want to stay home or have a morning activity, but I do not budge. This is my time. Daddies need exercise too. The discipline of running also strengthens my will and mental endurance.
- I don’t work late or on weekends unless it’s an emergency.
- Every Sunday I go to church. The most valuable thing about this ritual for me is the worship. Singing at the top of my lungs in praise to my God with a group of other Jesus enthusiasts lifts my spirit and renews my soul like nothing else.
- At least every other Sunday I play football with my friends. This is my favourite form of exercise. Whereas, I run because I have to do something to stay fit, I would rather play football every day if I could. I feel great after a run but I do not get excited about going for a run.
- Every month or so I have some social time with friends. It could be a date. It could be hanging out with a group. Sometimes I take a whole day off just to go to the beach with a friend and do nothing but laugh and play and sleep.
My current battle is getting enough sleep. The goal is to be asleep by 10pm, to get 7 hours sleep. The problem is getting the children to sleep on time, ironing their school clothes for the next morning and then not getting side-tracked. It’s a challenge.
On a more ad-hoc basis I get in some hiking, surfing or mountain-biking which I’m trying to make a more regular thing as being immersed in nature is very restorative for me on many levels. I also would like to have an annual vacation/retreat by myself. I started this last year after I realized I was crashing and burning and it was fantastic. I also highly recommend a weekly habit of doing something you love. Yoga, dance, an academic pursuit, gardening, reading, art… whatever… keep your passions alive.
So, my friends, sorry for the length of this one but I hope it has been helpful. I encourage you to have a concrete plan to invest in yourself on all levels. It’s not being selfish. A better you is better for everyone!
Joyfully,
Copyright 2017, Matik Nicholls